If you are married to a big law partner, how involved are they in your family's home life?

[Anonymous]

Because mine makes the coffee in the morning and that's about it. I'm starting to get resentful but curious if any big law spouses out there have the time/energy to do more.

[Anonymous]

Barely at all. He does manage to unplug during specific hours of the day when we are on vacation. For example, 7 AM-1 PM he'll be 100% unplugged, then he'll work during naptime.

[Anonymous]

Very. Frequently makes kids breakfast, sometimes takes them to activities, takes them on outings every weekend, just hangs out with us a lot. He does half the nighttime routine (I have one kid, he has the other), he helps the kids with their laundry, does the dishes a good amount, etc. He does this even when things are really busy but a lot when things aren't as hectic at work.

Family is his absolutely most important value, so I think it has more to do with that than how much time and energy he has.

[Anonymous]

My husband was a big law partner who always put our family first - did his best to avoid work on weekends and vacations, always attended school plays and class parties, coached our sons' teams, took days off to take the boys fishing, etc. He was an equity partner at one of the top 10 PPP firms in the country, but a few years ago he was made a non-equity partner (a pretty major demotion in the world of law) for not billing enough hours and generating sufficient new business. So he opened his own firm where he now works basically 9-5 guilt free, and makes more money. His rate at the big firm was 1,200 per hour, and at his new firm is "only" 800, and the clients love it - he turns work away on a regular basis to back into his 40 hour work week. The point is this - you always have choices.

[Anonymous]

In his sassociate-to-partner years, I basically planned everything as if he would not be able to help. Literally everything. Then when partnership came, I was not surprised — it was more of the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very. Frequently makes kids breakfast, sometimes takes them to activities, takes them on outings every weekend, just hangs out with us a lot. He does half the nighttime routine (I have one kid, he has the other), he helps the kids with their laundry, does the dishes a good amount, etc. He does this even when things are really busy but a lot when things aren't as hectic at work.

Family is his absolutely most important value, so I think it has more to do with that than how much time and energy he has.

And I'm betting he's not much of a biglaw partner.

[Anonymous]

I would expect to SAH and use the money for my interests and help around the house if this were my set up. I'm assuming you work, OP? I have no idea how anyone with a career and family can be married to a big law employee.

[Anonymous]

OP checking back in. These are all very useful data points for me. I've never actually discussed this in person with anyone so these are great insights.

[Anonymous]

Not enough for him as the main parent, so he left.

[Anonymous]

He's pretty involved, considering the amount he works. He takes the kids to sports tournaments on the weekends, and to practices in the evenings, mostly because we need to divide and conquer . He loves doing stuff with the kids. I take care of pretty much everything around the house, paying the bills, quarterly taxes, etc. He does go to the grocery store sometimes

But he's always working- conference calls on the car rides to games, on his computer all the time, calls with clients at all hours, etc. Alllllways working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very. Frequently makes kids breakfast, sometimes takes them to activities, takes them on outings every weekend, just hangs out with us a lot. He does half the nighttime routine (I have one kid, he has the other), he helps the kids with their laundry, does the dishes a good amount, etc. He does this even when things are really busy but a lot when things aren't as hectic at work.

Family is his absolutely most important value, so I think it has more to do with that than how much time and energy he has.

And I'm betting he's not much of a biglaw partner.

He’s actually a really good one, but I think we’d all agree it’s better to be “not much” of a big law partner who is involved at home than a great one who isn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not enough for him as the main parent, so he left.

NP and I'm confused. He left the family or the firm?

[Anonymous]

Big law partner wife for many years - I do everything but morning coffee and trash. Good news is I have a lot of help with house and yard - cleaning lady every week because I love a super clean house etc.. Our kids are college age now, but when they were growing up I did most everything related to the kids and he came to events and games when he could. He worked at least a little on most vacations. Yes - we divide work in a very traditional way, but honestly its a good life and would not trade it - I also work as a P/T consultant btw. He is early fifties, college is paid for, and after many years of slogging DH is starting a cushy in-house job for a client in a few weeks - can't wait.

[Anonymous]

Mine is only 5'10" so not "big" really

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very. Frequently makes kids breakfast, sometimes takes them to activities, takes them on outings every weekend, just hangs out with us a lot. He does half the nighttime routine (I have one kid, he has the other), he helps the kids with their laundry, does the dishes a good amount, etc. He does this even when things are really busy but a lot when things aren't as hectic at work.

Family is his absolutely most important value, so I think it has more to do with that than how much time and energy he has.

And I'm betting he's not much of a biglaw partner.

He’s actually a really good one, but I think we’d all agree it’s better to be “not much” of a big law partner who is involved at home than a great one who isn’t.

How much does he make? And be honest. Don't give the inflated DCUM number. There's no need for that.