How do you handle being mediocre?

[Anonymous]

A few years ago, a NYT best-selling friend introduced me to her agent, who actually liked what he saw, signed me, and sold my book to a well-known publisher. It was a flop, sold 1500 copies, they did not take my second book, and my agent and I are likely to part ways soon. I feel like such a failure. No, scratch that. I am a failure.

State school for undergrad. Online masters degree (though from a not-for-profit university, not a diploma mill). Have a job making $80k as a corporate drone. Trailing spouse, so no real career prospects, and in my late 40’s, my time is over. Even outside of DC (I moved away a few years ago), I am the failure of my friend circle and family.

I know some are ok with this, but I’m not, and now it’s basically too late to make anything of myself. A close family member recently pinned on a star, and it’s made all this surface. How do you accept that you’re not going to be successful or respected? Especially when on paper, you look "decent"?

[Anonymous]

IT IS NEVER TOO LATE! Repeat, Repeat, Repeat

[Anonymous]

Wait, you wrote a book and ate a failure? What does that make me?

[Anonymous]

Yikes op. Just find some hobbies you enjoy. Cooking? Running? Yoga? Biking? Guitar? Whatever.

[Anonymous]

I would see a therapist. I’ve accomplished much less and I would never talk about myself like that.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think “first book didn’t do as well as I wanted” + 40-something = the end of your life, but that’s just me

[Anonymous]

I admire you for writing two books and getting one published.
I got both my degrees (the second a JD) at Ivy League schools. I was an athlete and then a fitness model. I never got a career going and have never made more than 60K per year. I also never got married.
My former classmates are wildly successful. So is everyone in my family.
I feel like a colossal failure.

I’m finally mentally healthy for the first time since adolescence and am so happy about that, but I feel like it’s too late to make anything of my life. It’s hard.

[Anonymous]

You’re not a failure. You have low self esteem. There is a difference. Trust me. I know of what I speak.

[Anonymous]

Most of the people in the world are pretty mediocre. Your problem is that you expected to be special. Most of the rest of us have no such illusion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of the people in the world are pretty mediocre. Your problem is that you expected to be special. Most of the rest of us have no such illusion.

Actually, others expected it of me.

[Anonymous]

What does it mean your relative “pinned on a star?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does it mean your relative “pinned on a star?”

Made rank of general/admiral in military.

[Anonymous]

OP you are enough

[Anonymous]

There's this concept in psychology, I'm sleepy so I forget the details, but basically...

When you succeed, you write it off as a one-off, undeserved, a lucky chance, not going to happen again.

When you fail, you assume it's your fault, representative of who you are, and will always keep happening.

I see you employing this thinking - obviously it is flawed and makes no sense.

Your book didn't do as well as you hoped. You can try again, right? With another book, another agent, or another type of project entirely. This one specific "failure" does not say anything about you as a person.

By the way, having spoken to a couple of authors in similar situations, what I understand is that authors are supposed to heavily promote their own books now. Publishers aren't going to do it for you. The books that do well have a built-in audience (usually from your blog, newsletter, or social media). Otherwise, how would people know about them to buy them? So, maybe work on building up an audience before trying again.

Also, the fact that you finished and for-real published a book is HUGE. I wrote a book that I self-published on Amazon and sold 58 copies (and a few hundred pirated ones), and I was pretty proud of myself. Because it still puts me ahead of the vast majority of people who say they want to write a book and never do.

I went to a top university so some of my classmates are "successful", but I feel like they all made tradeoffs. With personal life, family, health, etc. No one gets to have it all. I was just reading today the Google founder's wife cheated on him with Elon Musk. Success and billions can't buy happiness.

[Anonymous]

I am extremely way below mediocre.

77 GPA HS, 2.75 GPA college, part time MBA Medicare school 3.0. Yet I had a successful career. Just move forward you can do it