I got the stink-eye from a grandmother

[Anonymous]

My 3.5 year old has a lot of energy and spirit. When he’s excited or upset about something he doesn’t know what to do and throws things. We’re working hard on it.

Yesterday we went to an outdoor gym class and they had one of those roller coaster riders (light plastic) and those rubber bouncy horses. DS loved the roller coaster but threw it when his turn was over. A grandmother with another 3.5 year old in the class and a toddler (just watching) sort of smiled at me like she understood. Then DS bounced on the horse and got excited and threw it and it almost hit the toddler. If looks could kill, I would be dead. I apologized and she said nothing. She just picked up the toddler who was startled but not crying.

I’m embarrassed. I don’t know how to get my son to stop. Please don’t tell me the only way is to leave the class since the class is expensive and the exercise really helps him. I know this grandmother dislikes me and my son.

[Anonymous]

Just tell your son not to throw the equipment, and next time anticipate it before it happens. No biggie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just tell your son not to throw the equipment, and next time anticipate it before it happens. No biggie.

We tell him not to throw all the time!! OP here. And I’m the only parent in this class involved and not sitting on the sidelines and I still couldn’t catch the toys before they were thrown.

[Anonymous]

I agree that you need to be proactive and on him and step in and stop him BEFORE he throws since you know he's a thrower and this is a repeat behavior. And if he does throw, there needs to be consequences at 3.5. It sounds like you let him throw not only once but twice with no consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just tell your son not to throw the equipment, and next time anticipate it before it happens. No biggie.

We tell him not to throw all the time!! OP here. And I’m the only parent in this class involved and not sitting on the sidelines and I still couldn’t catch the toys before they were thrown.

You may need to stop the class for a while until you have a handle on things. It’s not fair to other kids to have things thrown at them.
-signed, mother of a former biter who had to avoid certain situations until he stopped

[Anonymous]

Warn him before class that, if his feelings get so big, he can stomp his feet or take a break. If he throws something, say you leave the gym class. And then follow through. If he’s throwing things in close proximity to other kids, I can see how it would be upsetting for the other kid. But yeah, you have to nip this in the bud with warning + consequence + follow through. Best of luck, OP.

[Anonymous]

My advice is you just have to wait it out...my kid is around the same age and omg, the 3.5 year old boundary-testing behaviors are REAL. We're currently working on "OMG stop licking everything on the playground!" but befor it was "no throwing things"

Some caregivers can be so weird and judgmental about kid behavior in play spaces. Like she's 3! It's not intentional, they are figuring things out, it's an accident. It's tough especially when there are a variety of ages, because a 3 year old looks huge next to an 18 month old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just tell your son not to throw the equipment, and next time anticipate it before it happens. No biggie.

We tell him not to throw all the time!! OP here. And I’m the only parent in this class involved and not sitting on the sidelines and I still couldn’t catch the toys before they were thrown.

Telling him is not enough. At 3.5 there needs to be consequences and removal from the situation especially since he's doing this repeatedly.

[Anonymous]

I don't have a magic way to make 3.5yos polite, but I don't think the grandmother hates you. She was probably annoyed at you/your kid because keeping the toddler from getting hit is stressful for her, but that doesn't mean she hates you. I have been known to glare at people riding scooters because they stress me out but that doesn't mean I hate them or think that scooters have no place on the sidewalk (although it would be nice if they slowed down around toddlers who sometimes move in unpredictable ways). I know it sucks when you're doing your best and your kid STILL acts out in public, but that's parenting, I guess. As others say, just keep correcting and reward him when he doesn't throw.

[Anonymous]

Jesus OP, your kid could have seriously injured another kid, and it sounds like you just stood there. And all you got was a look? If I were there you would have gotten a lot more.

[Anonymous]

My son, now 8, was like this. A total wild child when he got excited and he was always excited around other kids. He’s run up to what they were playing with and mess it up. And throw toys all the time. We were asked to leave a Mommy and me playgroup.

DH and I tried everything but finally found a sort of nanny-therapist who specialized in behavioral issues and she was on him like white-on-rice. Always over him and calmly correcting him. She also ran him before any class with other kids. Just got his excess energy out. I adapted her techniques and he grew out of it but now may have ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just tell your son not to throw the equipment, and next time anticipate it before it happens. No biggie.

We tell him not to throw all the time!! OP here. And I’m the only parent in this class involved and not sitting on the sidelines and I still couldn’t catch the toys before they were thrown.

You need to tell him immediately beforehand that if he throws anything, he has to leave the class. And then follow through, even if you need to pick him up and carry him out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just tell your son not to throw the equipment, and next time anticipate it before it happens. No biggie.

We tell him not to throw all the time!! OP here. And I’m the only parent in this class involved and not sitting on the sidelines and I still couldn’t catch the toys before they were thrown. [/quote
You could catch your kid, pick him up and remove him from the situation. You are running around catching toys that your kid is throwing instead of catching the offender? Are you that clueless?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just tell your son not to throw the equipment, and next time anticipate it before it happens. No biggie.

We tell him not to throw all the time!! OP here. And I’m the only parent in this class involved and not sitting on the sidelines and I still couldn’t catch the toys before they were thrown.

BUT WHAT DO YOU TELL HIM HE CAN DO!!!!!?

You need to learn to redirect behaviors from inappropriate to appropriate. Telling him over and over that he cant throw is dumb. He knows he cant throw, he doesnt care because he has no impulse control and the pathway for when he feels frustrated or angry is I feel this= I react by throwing. You MUST be able to connect the emotion to a new appropriate action. You cannot throw, you can stomp your feet. REPEAT REPEAT REPEAT. Show him, read about these emotions and then ask and what do we do if we get upset? stomp our feet/count to 3/etc. Most importantly dialogue when you feel angry or frustrated and what you are doing. Ex. Argh I am so frustrated right now! I need to take a big breath and count to 3.

Physical reactions to emotions are okay at this age. You need to direct the physical manifestation of the emotion to appropriate, non-aggressive towards others behaviors. As they get older you can work on concepts like taking a breath, walking away, needing space, working through the emotion and being able to calm down OR recognize whether it is something you want to address and if not, letting it go.

[Anonymous]

1,2, 3 Magic, op. Buy it and live by it. Your kid is old enough for it.
The book fixes how you behave and discipline and raise your kid. Catching up flying toys instead of stopping your kid, my something.