Any Indian-American SAHMs out there?

[Anonymous]

Sahm here who is married to a physician. We have two young kids and the daily grind was getting to be too much so I have decided to stay home-at least for a few years. I’m still trying to find my community but it seems like every desi couple we know are dual high powered couples (both doctors/ bankers/ attorneys combos) And on top of that my in-laws are making me feel like a failure because I opted out of the rat race.
Are there any liked minded Indian Americans out there and where can I find them?

[Anonymous]

Where do you live? I know of many in Loudoun.

[Anonymous]

I should add that I’m highly educated myself (PhD).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where do you live? I know of many in Loudoun.

Montgomery county but farther out. Not Potomac

[Anonymous]

Hi! I used to be you. I stayed home with my kids for 10 years. There are not many stay at home Indian American moms, nor Indian immigrant moms. I met a couple of the latter but they were in the process of getting work visas.

I made other mom friends and it was fine but I missed being able to have conversations connected to desi culture and doing desi kid stuff with a group. It was lonely when the kids were really young. Once they were in school it got better. You have more breathing room. The working Indian moms I made friends with and I would go out for dinners, movies, hikes, and planned some girls trips.

But, yeah, I hear you.

[Anonymous]

Interesting - Indian American woman here (not dual desi couple), but the only Indian American SAHM of my generation I can think of is my SIL - and she went back to work once the youngest was 10.

SAHM was something my brother insisted on, and when he was doing the arranged marriage thing, that was one of the a no go for a lot of prospective brides.

[Anonymous]

PP - no judgment meant - just wanted to say that while my parents were supportive of my SIL being a SAHM, I don’t think they would have been thrilled had I made the same decision.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the responses. At least I feel validated for feeling like a pariah the the community! There’s just lots a lot of us out there.

[Anonymous]

Not a lot of us

[Anonymous]

I’m a White sahm and curious why it’s so rare in the Indian community. If your DH makes enough as a ‘physician/banker/attorney’ why not sahm for a few years at least? I don’t get the shame in it.

[Anonymous]

My bff ; she’s in Urbana

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a White sahm and curious why it’s so rare in the Indian community. If your DH makes enough as a ‘physician/banker/attorney’ why not sahm for a few years at least? I don’t get the shame in it.

I also don’t think it’s shameful in the least, however Indian woman who are older had very little choice in their lives and often had to make great sacrifices. They want THEIR daughters to shoot for the stars. My MIL is Indian and is still bitter about all she had to give up.

[Anonymous]

Curious how do most Indian Americans dual high power couples do it? I’m in medicine and know tons of dual physicians Indian Americans in tough subspecialties with multiple kids and always wondered how it works. How would your in laws ideally want you to set up your life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Curious how do most Indian Americans dual high power couples do it? I’m in medicine and know tons of dual physicians Indian Americans in tough subspecialties with multiple kids and always wondered how it works. How would your in laws ideally want you to set up your life?

I dont even have kids but I think it may be possible with the kind of joint living with in-laws or parents???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious how do most Indian Americans dual high power couples do it? I’m in medicine and know tons of dual physicians Indian Americans in tough subspecialties with multiple kids and always wondered how it works. How would your in laws ideally want you to set up your life?

I dont even have kids but I think it may be possible with the kind of joint living with in-laws or parents???

The Indian American dual physicians that I know don’t do joint living. They do get babysitting help from their parents but mostly they just outsource everything. Nannies/au pairs, house keepers, grocery delivery/ dinner out/ home made food ordered by aunties, etc.