Why are middle school girls so mean?

[Anonymous]

Would those of you with kids in MS or who have go through it recently say that bullying is talked about more? Handled better by the school? When I was growing up, it was brushed under the table by teachers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would those of you with kids in MS or who have go through it recently say that bullying is talked about more? Handled better by the school? When I was growing up, it was brushed under the table by teachers.

This year nothing was noticed by teachers b/c they were all at home. Bullying via phone and social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So how do I help my son to not be the target? He is cute and fit, but not too sporty and a bit nerdy. He is free to choose whatever brands he wants to wear (doesn’t have much interest yet, 5th grade).
He is smart but not an excellent student. He is up to speed with all the memes and videogames lol.
I try to be supportive of him at home but it looks like so many kids just suffer in silence

It's much much easier for boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It's a horrible time for kids generally. I don't know if boys pick on each other as much directly, but have definitely caught my son making excuses to try to avoid hanging out with a kid that lives near us that he views as uncool. I've spoken to him multiple times about kindness, but his response is that he isn't being unkind - he's being polite, but doesn't want to be friends.

That isn't necessarily bullying. Yes, it would be ideal if all kids could just get along and play/hang out with everyone but that isn't realistic. As long as your son is being polite "sorry, something suddenly came up and I can't hang out with you today" and not being mean to the kid "you are so lame! I don't want to hang out with you", that is normal and shouldn't be construed as bullying or even being mean.

Oh, I 100 percent agree that it isn't bullying, but I do think it is being a bit mean.

DP here. I do think the parents on both sides should be aware - and really (since it came up) the kid should be able to take a hint. No, the other kid should not be mean about it - but after ten times of saying "I'm busy today" really, take a hint before it escalates. I wrote on the other thread about a situation where my kid didn't want to hang out with someone, said no thank you seemingly a million times, and then the other kid turned on my kid and assaulted them.

My kid knew the other kid was not so good at listening, but did not know about the other kid's anger and boundary issues. Turns out, the school knew, and had it on record (besides there being witnesses and video of what happened - more than once). Basically, the kid should not have still been in school, as it was not their first incident, and not their last. The parents were overwhelmed at home, and the school gave them no resources. Which certainly did not justify the assaults (plural), the kid was basically a loose cannon, and so were the parents.

Boundaries (and of course, having a handle on one's anger, and not assaulting people, starts at home) are an important subject for kids to know about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would those of you with kids in MS or who have go through it recently say that bullying is talked about more? Handled better by the school? When I was growing up, it was brushed under the table by teachers.

In MCPS no it isn’t handled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would those of you with kids in MS or who have go through it recently say that bullying is talked about more? Handled better by the school? When I was growing up, it was brushed under the table by teachers.

Kids are ANGELS compared to the kids of 70s, 80s. Bullying, hazing, fighting was so much more common and completely tolerated by administrators. Maybe it’s just where I live (not in DMV), but kids are overall much nicer and inclusive now. They get trained on bullying & inclusiveness starting in K. I know there are jerk kids, but overall middle school girls today (from what I’ve seen) are nothing compared to the nastiness that used to exist. Although this could vary from district to district.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not a rhetorical question. Sometimes I just get so exhausted by the seventh grade drama I need a good dose of the psychology behind the poor behavior to get perspective. Thank you!!

I know some middle aged women and men that can be mean too! Have you done any reading on mental development for teens? Do you remember being a teen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would those of you with kids in MS or who have go through it recently say that bullying is talked about more? Handled better by the school? When I was growing up, it was brushed under the table by teachers.

Kids are ANGELS compared to the kids of 70s, 80s. Bullying, hazing, fighting was so much more common and completely tolerated by administrators. Maybe it’s just where I live (not in DMV), but kids are overall much nicer and inclusive now. They get trained on bullying & inclusiveness starting in K. I know there are jerk kids, but overall middle school girls today (from what I’ve seen) are nothing compared to the nastiness that used to exist. Although this could vary from district to district.

Passive aggression is aggression too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So how do I help my son to not be the target? He is cute and fit, but not too sporty and a bit nerdy. He is free to choose whatever brands he wants to wear (doesn’t have much interest yet, 5th grade).
He is smart but not an excellent student. He is up to speed with all the memes and videogames lol.
I try to be supportive of him at home but it looks like so many kids just suffer in silence

It's much much easier for boys.

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They usually have catty mothers.

This is what I see in my kid's peer group (mixed b/g)

Yes to catty moms and sisters and typically no brothers.

Beware the mom of all girls. These moms are social engineers and hyper competitive among their own mom friends.

Ouch! What a way to generalize. Glad my friends don't agree and I have raised kind daughters

[Anonymous]

Look how mean people are on this board! If middle school girls are mean, they're probably just mimicking their mothers.

[Anonymous]

My DD has ASD and so far we have been lucky that she isn't targeted because of it YET. I know she will be because as girls age, communication becomes more required to maintain friendships as opposed to physical action/play. She's 13 and has 2 BFFS. But I am scared for her next year in 8th grade. The one saving grace is I don't think she's not self-aware enough to know when she's being bullied if it's not physical. I could see her viewing girls laughing at her or making fun of her as girls laughing with her. It sounds awful but it will spare her heart.

[Anonymous]

I had an easy time in middle school and I was and am nerdy, but nice to everyone. One boy picked on me, but I felt sorry for him because he was abnormally short. We ended up becoming friends. I had a really hard time in elementary by say 4th grade-major mean girls. By 7th those girls calmed down or maybe the just left me alone. My sister and mom are covert mean girls who can be pretty nasty. I learned a lot of skills dealing with them being jerks to me that probably helped me shut down mean girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would those of you with kids in MS or who have go through it recently say that bullying is talked about more? Handled better by the school? When I was growing up, it was brushed under the table by teachers.

Kids are ANGELS compared to the kids of 70s, 80s. Bullying, hazing, fighting was so much more common and completely tolerated by administrators. Maybe it’s just where I live (not in DMV), but kids are overall much nicer and inclusive now. They get trained on bullying & inclusiveness starting in K. I know there are jerk kids, but overall middle school girls today (from what I’ve seen) are nothing compared to the nastiness that used to exist. Although this could vary from district to district.

It’s just different now. They’re not angels. If anything it’s more insidious. Nobody’s hanging Ned the nerd on a fencepost by his underwear anymore or making fun of Sarah to her face because her skirt is ugly. It’s less overt and goes unnoticed by teachers and parents because it happens within social groups and on social media/texting etc. It’s still extremely cruel and damaging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They usually have catty mothers.

This is what I see in my kid's peer group (mixed b/g)

Yes to catty moms and sisters and typically no brothers.

Beware the mom of all girls. These moms are social engineers and hyper competitive among their own mom friends.

Can you explain to me how having brothers prevents girls from being mean? And how hyper competitive social engineering moms have only girls? I thought the sex of a child was determined by genetics, not personality.