I need an attitude adjustment after receiving this $$$ gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't get over how unappreciative some of you are! Everything doesn't have to be practical, planned, and requested by you. I love receiving special, surprise gifts that my husband has picked out. We both do that.

So what? You like it, OP specifically said please don't get me this. And he did it anyway. Do you understand how that feels?

For example
Me to husband: Please don't buy me those socks, I really don't like wool socks. They make my ankles itch.
Husband thinks: I'll just get her these wool socks. They don't feel itchy to me.

It IS the thought that counts, right? And her husband completly and blatenly disregarded her stated preferences. He thought HIS ideas were more important and fitting for her. So disrespectful. So, this goes down as an F- in my book.

My husband has done this to me (not with $5000 earrings). And it makes me angry that when I say "please don't buy this" he thinks it is funny to then buy that for me. Not funny. Not respectful. Not thoughtful. He is clearly of the mind that his joy in giving it to me is more important than my joy in receiving it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't get over how unappreciative some of you are! Everything doesn't have to be practical, planned, and requested by you. I love receiving special, surprise gifts that my husband has picked out. We both do that.

She specifically told him, more than once, that she did not want diamond earrings. It's not a special gift if you deliberately ignore the expressed wishes of the recipient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't get over how unappreciative some of you are! Everything doesn't have to be practical, planned, and requested by you. I love receiving special, surprise gifts that my husband has picked out. We both do that.

Oh yes you must be appreciative if even no thought was in the gift. Its like he bought them for someone else entirely. This wasnt a special gift. Its an unwanted, unsuable, stressful gift for OP. Not to mention 5k is a lot of money and she seems particularly concerned about their expenses this year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - I've been in the same situation with my husband. I have a 2 carat diamond rink sitting in my drawer that I can't stand. It was an anniversary gift after I'd said what I would like is a band with 3 small diamonds. It's absolutely not the sort of thing I'd ever choose to wear and we didn't have the money to spare either. And for those of you who think we're being ungrateful - that's not the case at all. With my husband at least, it's because he either doesn't listen to what I'm saying or he hears me, but thinks he knows better than I do what I should want. Most of my gifts would make you think they're from someone who has never met me.

THIS! Oh its mansplaining via gift giving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't get over how unappreciative some of you are! Everything doesn't have to be practical, planned, and requested by you. I love receiving special, surprise gifts that my husband has picked out. We both do that.

Even if it is something you told him you werent interested in?

Can’t control everything in life, including what other people chose to gift you. You can control whether you throw a tantrum if the gift wasn’t what you wanted.

If he had not asked that would be truebut shetold him she didnt want or need it. If your dh like football and hated soccer wouldu expec him to be thrilled if you got him expensive tickets to the world cup not the superbowl? I dont think so!

I don’t think you understand what it means to be gracious. Life isn’t about getting exactly what you want every second.

So, again with the sports analogy because it’s pretty accurate: Would you expect the same of a man? If his wife thought oh yeah my husband loves sports I’ll buy him World Cup tickets! Never mind that the guy likes football and could care less about soccer.

Would you hold the husband to the same standard? Would’ve be allowed to be mad his wife wasted thousands of household money? Would he need to e fake grateful?

Let's make your analogy better: Her husband has told her that he doesn't like soccer, and thinks watching soccer is boring. She buys him expensive World Cup tickets. He's supposed to be grateful that she wasted thousands of dollars on something he has said he does not want?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DW went out and bought me a new Corvette. I’m so unhappy.
Yeah right...

Did you want a Corvette? Do you like Corvettes? Have you ever said, "No, hunny I would never drive a Corvette- I think they are wasteful, useless, ugly, and lets everyone know that my ball sac hangs lower than my d***."

Not a decent comparison there but thanks for trying.

[Anonymous]

This is a perfect example of someone preferring his ego and image over what someone actually likes, prefers, needs, says.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't get over how unappreciative some of you are! Everything doesn't have to be practical, planned, and requested by you. I love receiving special, surprise gifts that my husband has picked out. We both do that.

Even if it is something you told him you werent interested in?

Can’t control everything in life, including what other people chose to gift you. You can control whether you throw a tantrum if the gift wasn’t what you wanted.

If he had not asked that would be truebut shetold him she didnt want or need it. If your dh like football and hated soccer wouldu expec him to be thrilled if you got him expensive tickets to the world cup not the superbowl? I dont think so!

I don’t think you understand what it means to be gracious. Life isn’t about getting exactly what you want every second.

So, again with the sports analogy because it’s pretty accurate: Would you expect the same of a man? If his wife thought oh yeah my husband loves sports I’ll buy him World Cup tickets! Never mind that the guy likes football and could care less about soccer.

Would you hold the husband to the same standard? Would’ve be allowed to be mad his wife wasted thousands of household money? Would he need to e fake grateful?

Let's make your analogy better: Her husband has told her that he doesn't like soccer, and thinks watching soccer is boring. She buys him expensive World Cup tickets. He's supposed to be grateful that she wasted thousands of dollars on something he has said he does not want?

Perfect example.

Time to sell it on the aftermarket for a profit and the cash!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't get over how unappreciative some of you are! Everything doesn't have to be practical, planned, and requested by you. I love receiving special, surprise gifts that my husband has picked out. We both do that.

Even if it is something you told him you werent interested in?

Can’t control everything in life, including what other people chose to gift you. You can control whether you throw a tantrum if the gift wasn’t what you wanted.

If he had not asked that would be truebut shetold him she didnt want or need it. If your dh like football and hated soccer wouldu expec him to be thrilled if you got him expensive tickets to the world cup not the superbowl? I dont think so!

I don’t think you understand what it means to be gracious. Life isn’t about getting exactly what you want every second.

So, again with the sports analogy because it’s pretty accurate: Would you expect the same of a man? If his wife thought oh yeah my husband loves sports I’ll buy him World Cup tickets! Never mind that the guy likes football and could care less about soccer.

Would you hold the husband to the same standard? Would’ve be allowed to be mad his wife wasted thousands of household money? Would he need to e fake grateful?

Absolutely yes. Your parents really didn’t do well with teaching you “it’s the thought that count” and you know, basic empathy,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't get over how unappreciative some of you are! Everything doesn't have to be practical, planned, and requested by you. I love receiving special, surprise gifts that my husband has picked out. We both do that.

That's great but not if he's spending thousands that will come out of the family budget, and will mean that you can't do other things on your priority list

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW went out and bought me a new Corvette. I’m so unhappy.
Yeah right...

Did you want a Corvette? Do you like Corvettes? Have you ever said, "No, hunny I would never drive a Corvette- I think they are wasteful, useless, ugly, and lets everyone know that my ball sac hangs lower than my d***."

Not a decent comparison there but thanks for trying.

I mean, it seems to have flown over your head that op owns and wears fake diamond earrings. Her husband knows she is frugal and would never buy for herself. He mistakenly thought she would appreciate if he treated her to real diamonds. Why you continue to attack a stranger for that for pages is beyond bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given that we’ve beat this topic to death, I have to ask: why can’t the earrings be returned? There’s nothing normal about that. If they came from a reputable diamond jeweler in New York City there’s no reason they can’t be returned. Do they have a GIA certificate? Do you know the name of the jeweler? Can you just call and ask?

This sounds shady to me. OP did you call the jeweler or your DH? Are they real? Or did he get them from some shitty storefront dealer?

OP here - they are real. I have the appraisal and certificates. He said if I didn't like them I could exchange them for something else. I think even he was surprised by how large they looked on my (relatively small) ears. Aside from the money being spent, they're just not something I'd want to wear every day. I know the jeweler (we both met with her before we got married, and she has been my grandmother's jeweler for years), and I will call her today.

It's not that this purchase will leave us going hungry. We can technically afford it, I guess. But we are not wealthy people, and my discomfort stems from my upbringing: I was raised not to spend large amounts of money on impractical things. My husband works extremely hard and I don't want to deny him the satisfaction of spending his hard-earned money on things that he perceives to be valuable. I just wish he's put that $5K toward a new car for himself, which he needs. Or given me a $2500 gift card to Apple, so I could replace my computer.

Meanwhile, there's a list of things on which I could easily blow $5,000 that I'll now rethink. Little things and big things - like a cleaning service for our home; supplies for my hobby; a robot vacuum; some personal care stuff for myself; condo renovations... I was looking forward to those things and now I feel like I have to forget about some of them.

Just keep the diamonds and say thank you. I think you (and he) will feel worse if you make a big deal of it and return them. He didn't take out a loan for them, right? As long as you aren't paying interest on them of something, just try to enjoy them. Wear them at home. Diamond studs are lovely and classic and you can give to your daughters when they are older. It is a very nice gift, even if you are having a hard time coming to terms with cutting corners other places. Let him feel good about giving you something beautiful.

Perfectly said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't get over how unappreciative some of you are! Everything doesn't have to be practical, planned, and requested by you. I love receiving special, surprise gifts that my husband has picked out. We both do that.

Even if it is something you told him you werent interested in?

Can’t control everything in life, including what other people chose to gift you. You can control whether you throw a tantrum if the gift wasn’t what you wanted.

If he had not asked that would be truebut shetold him she didnt want or need it. If your dh like football and hated soccer wouldu expec him to be thrilled if you got him expensive tickets to the world cup not the superbowl? I dont think so!

I don’t think you understand what it means to be gracious. Life isn’t about getting exactly what you want every second.

So, again with the sports analogy because it’s pretty accurate: Would you expect the same of a man? If his wife thought oh yeah my husband loves sports I’ll buy him World Cup tickets! Never mind that the guy likes football and could care less about soccer.

Would you hold the husband to the same standard? Would’ve be allowed to be mad his wife wasted thousands of household money? Would he need to e fake grateful?

Absolutely yes. Your parents really didn’t do well with teaching you “it’s the thought that count” and you know, basic empathy,

But the thought sucked. Buying someone something that they have repeatedly, and for years, said that they do not want, is not thoughtful. That's the point. It's not like he guessed wrong. He asked her if she wanted them and she said no. He bought them anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW went out and bought me a new Corvette. I’m so unhappy.
Yeah right...

Did you want a Corvette? Do you like Corvettes? Have you ever said, "No, hunny I would never drive a Corvette- I think they are wasteful, useless, ugly, and lets everyone know that my ball sac hangs lower than my d***."

Not a decent comparison there but thanks for trying.

I mean, it seems to have flown over your head that op owns and wears fake diamond earrings. Her husband knows she is frugal and would never buy for herself. He mistakenly thought she would appreciate if he treated her to real diamonds. Why you continue to attack a stranger for that for pages is beyond bizarre.

It seems to have flown over your head that her husband ALSO knows she does not want diamond earrings, because he has asked her more than once if she wanted diamond earrings and she always said no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given that we’ve beat this topic to death, I have to ask: why can’t the earrings be returned? There’s nothing normal about that. If they came from a reputable diamond jeweler in New York City there’s no reason they can’t be returned. Do they have a GIA certificate? Do you know the name of the jeweler? Can you just call and ask?

This sounds shady to me. OP did you call the jeweler or your DH? Are they real? Or did he get them from some shitty storefront dealer?

OP here - they are real. I have the appraisal and certificates. He said if I didn't like them I could exchange them for something else. I think even he was surprised by how large they looked on my (relatively small) ears. Aside from the money being spent, they're just not something I'd want to wear every day. I know the jeweler (we both met with her before we got married, and she has been my grandmother's jeweler for years), and I will call her today.

It's not that this purchase will leave us going hungry. We can technically afford it, I guess. But we are not wealthy people, and my discomfort stems from my upbringing: I was raised not to spend large amounts of money on impractical things. My husband works extremely hard and I don't want to deny him the satisfaction of spending his hard-earned money on things that he perceives to be valuable. I just wish he's put that $5K toward a new car for himself, which he needs. Or given me a $2500 gift card to Apple, so I could replace my computer.

Meanwhile, there's a list of things on which I could easily blow $5,000 that I'll now rethink. Little things and big things - like a cleaning service for our home; supplies for my hobby; a robot vacuum; some personal care stuff for myself; condo renovations... I was looking forward to those things and now I feel like I have to forget about some of them.

Just keep the diamonds and say thank you. I think you (and he) will feel worse if you make a big deal of it and return them. He didn't take out a loan for them, right? As long as you aren't paying interest on them of something, just try to enjoy them. Wear them at home. Diamond studs are lovely and classic and you can give to your daughters when they are older. It is a very nice gift, even if you are having a hard time coming to terms with cutting corners other places. Let him feel good about giving you something beautiful.

Perfectly said.

Eh. Keep them, I guess. But don't wear them if you don't want to. It's clear that, for a lot of posters, his feelings are the only ones that matter, but you only have to manage his feelings so much.