I need an attitude adjustment after receiving this $$$ gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, newly married and really struggling my husband bought me an $80 white blouse. This was 30 yrs ago ~ $80. Plain. White. Blouse.

Because I had said I needed a white blouse

Op, you could have far bigger problems. Do not be mean to him about this. Maybe he has some anxiety about selecting gifts. Maybe he can't relate to your wants or understand your mindset. Sounds like you are expecting too much, him being in sync -too much-

Btw, he probably doesn't value the renovations, not like you do.

OP here - I am being very very kind and appreciative. Definitely not mean.

He's the one who wants the renovations and talks about them all the time; I feel like they can wait.

Op, the behavior you’ve described is far from very kind and appreciative.

I am expressing my private thoughts and feelings in this anonymous forum. I have not shared any of them with my husband.

According to what you’ve told us here, you told him the earrings are uncomfortable and you would like to return, learned how much he paid and the store’s return policy.

He told me where he got them, showed me the pictures of other options that the jeweler had sent him, and gave me the appraisal so I could add it to our jewelry insurance policy. And as soon as I opened the box he said, "If you don't like these you can always exchange them."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gifts between couples are different. They just are. I agree that up to a certain cash amount you should just suck it up and be grateful your spouse was thinking about you. So, smile say thank you for the ugly sweater or roses you’re indifferent about. But this is not a $50 gift or even a $500 gift — I think that would be my limit for showing appreciation for something unwanted.

This is a $5,000 “gift”!!!!!

This means that this gift is actively taking away from things she wants AND needs!!! At this amount it’s redirecting family HHI away from things you need to fulfill the man’s emotional needs. I would not be okay with that.

This is why my wife asked that I stop getting gifts and it didn't hurt my feelings. Any small stuff she wants, she's going to buy for herself immediately. The bigger stuff is going to require some discussion making it unsuitable as a gift. And gifts really aren't things she gets excited about anyway. Me randomly bringing her home some Peanut M&Ms makes her happy and it's not going to get much better with any gift that's more elaborate.

As for me, on the other hand, I'm not one to buy myself the little things. I'll just do without because I don't really *need* very much. But I really enjoy getting small ticket crap of various kinds: hooded sweatshirt, bottle opener, books, poster for the basement, video game? All of that is fantastic! Makes me happy.

So, she gets me gifts, and I don't get her anything except stuff like random candy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why DH and I don’t exchange gifts anymore for any occasion. The most is if I go to the grocery store and get him a treat and Vice verse. Then it’s genuinely a nice little surprise. This rule was instituted after we bought each other expensive gifts that the other didn’t want. We have realized that the great joy of adulthood is buying yourself things you want when you want them and can afford them. We love doing it this way and save so much money.

It's a Gift of the Magi for 2020!

[Anonymous]

OP call the jeweler yourself and ask about a refund

[Anonymous]

My husband got me a very fancy watch when I happily wear my apple watch every day. For us, it was not financially burdensome, but it was still a shocker to me. If it had impacted our ability to save or pay for other things, I would have been LIVID. I feel you, OP.

In my case, I just said thanks and put it in the safe. In your case, I'd have a real heart to heart about what our dreams and ambitions are for our children vis a vis money . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why DH and I don’t exchange gifts anymore for any occasion. The most is if I go to the grocery store and get him a treat and Vice verse. Then it’s genuinely a nice little surprise. This rule was instituted after we bought each other expensive gifts that the other didn’t want. We have realized that the great joy of adulthood is buying yourself things you want when you want them and can afford them. We love doing it this way and save so much money.

It's a Gift of the Magi for 2020!

I love this. I wish all adults could just stop with the gifts. We all have so much, we all are so particular. My circle of friends gives birthday presents and it just seems absurd for adult women . . . I think adult gifts should be reserved for if you just run across something you KNOW the person will love and surprise them with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP call the jeweler yourself and ask about a refund

Apparently OP has a personal relationship with the jeweler, so that may be awkward. The jeweler did their wedding rings and is the grandmother's jeweler. If OP really can't get a refund and doesn't really want any other jewelry instead of the earrings, I guess the only option is to keep the earrings and wear them occasionally or gift them to a charity to auction.

[Anonymous]

op, it is hard to tell what you care about from your own writings, it isn't surprising to me that your husband is confused. First you wrote that you were upset about the cost of the present because it took money away from needed renovations. Then you say you don't even want the renovations, dh wants them. What does come across is that you worry about money way more than dh. You should seek the help of a neutral party with your financial differences, this is the type of issue that breaks up marriages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't get over how unappreciative some of you are! Everything doesn't have to be practical, planned, and requested by you. I love receiving special, surprise gifts that my husband has picked out. We both do that.

Even if it is something you told him you werent interested in?

Can’t control everything in life, including what other people chose to gift you. You can control whether you throw a tantrum if the gift wasn’t what you wanted.

If he had not asked that would be truebut shetold him she didnt want or need it. If your dh like football and hated soccer wouldu expec him to be thrilled if you got him expensive tickets to the world cup not the superbowl? I dont think so!

I don’t think you understand what it means to be gracious. Life isn’t about getting exactly what you want every second.

So, again with the sports analogy because it’s pretty accurate: Would you expect the same of a man? If his wife thought oh yeah my husband loves sports I’ll buy him World Cup tickets! Never mind that the guy likes football and could care less about soccer.

Would you hold the husband to the same standard? Would’ve be allowed to be mad his wife wasted thousands of household money? Would he need to e fake grateful?

Absolutely yes. Your parents really didn’t do well with teaching you “it’s the thought that count” and you know, basic empathy,

-- but the giver put absolutely ZERO thought into it if they expressly bought something the receiver said they DID.NOT.WANT. So "it's the thought that counts" means ... basically nothing here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, newly married and really struggling my husband bought me an $80 white blouse. This was 30 yrs ago ~ $80. Plain. White. Blouse.

Because I had said I needed a white blouse

Op, you could have far bigger problems. Do not be mean to him about this. Maybe he has some anxiety about selecting gifts. Maybe he can't relate to your wants or understand your mindset. Sounds like you are expecting too much, him being in sync -too much-

Btw, he probably doesn't value the renovations, not like you do.

You expressly said you wanted a white blouse. So he put some thought into it. OP expressly said "no earrings, thank you" ... so he actively thought he knew better than she did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't get over how unappreciative some of you are! Everything doesn't have to be practical, planned, and requested by you. I love receiving special, surprise gifts that my husband has picked out. We both do that.

Even if it is something you told him you werent interested in?

Can’t control everything in life, including what other people chose to gift you. You can control whether you throw a tantrum if the gift wasn’t what you wanted.

If he had not asked that would be truebut shetold him she didnt want or need it. If your dh like football and hated soccer wouldu expec him to be thrilled if you got him expensive tickets to the world cup not the superbowl? I dont think so!

I don’t think you understand what it means to be gracious. Life isn’t about getting exactly what you want every second.

So, again with the sports analogy because it’s pretty accurate: Would you expect the same of a man? If his wife thought oh yeah my husband loves sports I’ll buy him World Cup tickets! Never mind that the guy likes football and could care less about soccer.

Would you hold the husband to the same standard? Would’ve be allowed to be mad his wife wasted thousands of household money? Would he need to e fake grateful?

Absolutely yes. Your parents really didn’t do well with teaching you “it’s the thought that count” and you know, basic empathy,

-- but the giver put absolutely ZERO thought into it if they expressly bought something the receiver said they DID.NOT.WANT. So "it's the thought that counts" means ... basically nothing here.

Oh god, you again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't get over how unappreciative some of you are! Everything doesn't have to be practical, planned, and requested by you. I love receiving special, surprise gifts that my husband has picked out. We both do that.

Even if it is something you told him you werent interested in?

Can’t control everything in life, including what other people chose to gift you. You can control whether you throw a tantrum if the gift wasn’t what you wanted.

If he had not asked that would be truebut shetold him she didnt want or need it. If your dh like football and hated soccer wouldu expec him to be thrilled if you got him expensive tickets to the world cup not the superbowl? I dont think so!

I don’t think you understand what it means to be gracious. Life isn’t about getting exactly what you want every second.

So, again with the sports analogy because it’s pretty accurate: Would you expect the same of a man? If his wife thought oh yeah my husband loves sports I’ll buy him World Cup tickets! Never mind that the guy likes football and could care less about soccer.

Would you hold the husband to the same standard? Would’ve be allowed to be mad his wife wasted thousands of household money? Would he need to e fake grateful?

Absolutely yes. Your parents really didn’t do well with teaching you “it’s the thought that count” and you know, basic empathy,

-- but the giver put absolutely ZERO thought into it if they expressly bought something the receiver said they DID.NOT.WANT. So "it's the thought that counts" means ... basically nothing here.

Agree. As with everything in life, those who can layer in Good judgement and common sense will go far. And vice versa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t wear jewelry but get only jewelry as gifts from DH. I gave up.

I only want jewelry and perfume. I get household implements or non gendered items. I give up too and buy myself jewelry and perfume.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t wear jewelry but get only jewelry as gifts from DH. I gave up.

I only want jewelry and perfume. I get household implements or non gendered items. I give up too and buy myself jewelry and perfume.

Need a swap meet (but COVID appropriate)

[Anonymous]

Your post reminds me of the Lexus car commercial skit that was recently on SNL.

But seriously, I would be upset.

You have told your husband that you do not like jewelry 💍 yet he didn’t listen.
Such is a man.