I need an attitude adjustment after receiving this $$$ gift.

[Anonymous]

DH and I are very honest about everything and so in our relationship I'd tell him 'thanks for the thought but I don't want to spend the $$ on this' and we'd return them. I've done that with a watch and jewelry several times- they just felt 'too much' (and that's saying a lot because I like nice things).

If he forced his will and got you this despite your input there are bigger issues to discuss though, and it clearly wouldn't go well for you to take my approach as he will pout.

[Anonymous]

DW went out and bought me a new Corvette. I’m so unhappy.
Yeah right...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't get over how unappreciative some of you are! Everything doesn't have to be practical, planned, and requested by you. I love receiving special, surprise gifts that my husband has picked out. We both do that.

That would be true if this was a $100 bouquet of flowers.

Dropping 5K on something your spouse doesn’t want that drastically limits the family’s budget is asinine. It’s stupid and idiotic. I would be pissed and I would let hm know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't get over how unappreciative some of you are! Everything doesn't have to be practical, planned, and requested by you. I love receiving special, surprise gifts that my husband has picked out. We both do that.

Even if it is something you told him you werent interested in?

Can’t control everything in life, including what other people chose to gift you. You can control whether you throw a tantrum if the gift wasn’t what you wanted.

If he had not asked that would be truebut shetold him she didnt want or need it. If your dh like football and hated soccer wouldu expec him to be thrilled if you got him expensive tickets to the world cup not the superbowl? I dont think so!

I don’t think you understand what it means to be gracious. Life isn’t about getting exactly what you want every second.

So, again with the sports analogy because it’s pretty accurate: Would you expect the same of a man? If his wife thought oh yeah my husband loves sports I’ll buy him World Cup tickets! Never mind that the guy likes football and could care less about soccer.

Would you hold the husband to the same standard? Would’ve be allowed to be mad his wife wasted thousands of household money? Would he need to e fake grateful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Yes, my mother had the exact same problem. My father would run out the day before and get her jewelry.

Feel free to be painfully direct, OP. He’s not going to get it otherwise. Suggest returning the diamonds and getting something you want that’s more reasonable, and remind him of the big ticket items.

OP here - the posts happen to hurt my ears so I have a reason to inquire about an exchange anyway, but he can't get any money refunded. If I get a $2,000 ring he'll have a $3,000 credit at the store (which is in New York; he ordered this remotely from the jeweler who made my engagement ring).

You should do this.

Keep the credit for later. Get the ring you want. That’s better than earrings you definitely do not want — even if you’re left with a big credit.

It’s also good that this is going to be inconvenient and annoying for him to deal with. He won’t stop doing stuff like this until it stops being the easy out.

[Anonymous]

Given that we’ve beat this topic to death, I have to ask: why can’t the earrings be returned? There’s nothing normal about that. If they came from a reputable diamond jeweler in New York City there’s no reason they can’t be returned. Do they have a GIA certificate? Do you know the name of the jeweler? Can you just call and ask?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DW went out and bought me a new Corvette. I’m so unhappy.
Yeah right...

If you couldnt afford your mortgage or things for your family because of the new corvette would you still be happy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DW went out and bought me a new Corvette. I’m so unhappy.
Yeah right...

She financed it using your credit card. You'll be paying it off for years. You're welcome!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is her money too, and he just wasted a ton of it.

The worst part is that she told him she did not want this present.

Were the earrings supposed to impress others?

I would return them and get the ring you want or save the credit for future jewelry for your children’s wedding or graduation.

Returning a gift like this is incredibly tacky and ungracious.

He spent FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS of their SHARED money for something he asked repeatedly, and was told repeatedly, she didn't want.

No, it is not tacky and ungracious. Next time instead of blowing that much on a gift for his own ego, he should actually try listening to his life partner and thinking about what SHE wants.

It seems pretty clear he thought she would like them because she has fake diamond earring that she wears. Clearly he was mistaken, but you seems to have issues with men generally. Your theory that he gave them to her for “his ego” is just flat out wacky,

Dp. Not every man but this one! What if wife kept asking him if he wanted a beautiful tux with diamonds and he said no I like my tux and she bought it anyway? You would be on here supporting the dh and calling the wife irresponsible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - I've been in the same situation with my husband. I have a 2 carat diamond rink sitting in my drawer that I can't stand. It was an anniversary gift after I'd said what I would like is a band with 3 small diamonds. It's absolutely not the sort of thing I'd ever choose to wear and we didn't have the money to spare either. And for those of you who think we're being ungrateful - that's not the case at all. With my husband at least, it's because he either doesn't listen to what I'm saying or he hears me, but thinks he knows better than I do what I should want. Most of my gifts would make you think they're from someone who has never met me.

+1

My ex was like this. I have $3K bags I've never used and jewelry (luckily all the pieces are under $2K) that I've never worn. It takes no thought at all. Go to website, add to cart, pay, done.

It takes him longer to pick out his dinner on Uber Eats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't get over how unappreciative some of you are! Everything doesn't have to be practical, planned, and requested by you. I love receiving special, surprise gifts that my husband has picked out. We both do that.

This wasn’t special. Her husband just defaulted to jewelry even though his wife doesn’t want it and spent too much and now it can’t be returned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Given that we’ve beat this topic to death, I have to ask: why can’t the earrings be returned? There’s nothing normal about that. If they came from a reputable diamond jeweler in New York City there’s no reason they can’t be returned. Do they have a GIA certificate? Do you know the name of the jeweler? Can you just call and ask?

This sounds shady to me. OP did you call the jeweler or your DH? Are they real? Or did he get them from some shitty storefront dealer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given that we’ve beat this topic to death, I have to ask: why can’t the earrings be returned? There’s nothing normal about that. If they came from a reputable diamond jeweler in New York City there’s no reason they can’t be returned. Do they have a GIA certificate? Do you know the name of the jeweler? Can you just call and ask?

This sounds shady to me. OP did you call the jeweler or your DH? Are they real? Or did he get them from some shitty storefront dealer?

OP here - they are real. I have the appraisal and certificates. He said if I didn't like them I could exchange them for something else. I think even he was surprised by how large they looked on my (relatively small) ears. Aside from the money being spent, they're just not something I'd want to wear every day. I know the jeweler (we both met with her before we got married, and she has been my grandmother's jeweler for years), and I will call her today.

It's not that this purchase will leave us going hungry. We can technically afford it, I guess. But we are not wealthy people, and my discomfort stems from my upbringing: I was raised not to spend large amounts of money on impractical things. My husband works extremely hard and I don't want to deny him the satisfaction of spending his hard-earned money on things that he perceives to be valuable. I just wish he's put that $5K toward a new car for himself, which he needs. Or given me a $2500 gift card to Apple, so I could replace my computer.

Meanwhile, there's a list of things on which I could easily blow $5,000 that I'll now rethink. Little things and big things - like a cleaning service for our home; supplies for my hobby; a robot vacuum; some personal care stuff for myself; condo renovations... I was looking forward to those things and now I feel like I have to forget about some of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given that we’ve beat this topic to death, I have to ask: why can’t the earrings be returned? There’s nothing normal about that. If they came from a reputable diamond jeweler in New York City there’s no reason they can’t be returned. Do they have a GIA certificate? Do you know the name of the jeweler? Can you just call and ask?

This sounds shady to me. OP did you call the jeweler or your DH? Are they real? Or did he get them from some shitty storefront dealer?

OP here - they are real. I have the appraisal and certificates. He said if I didn't like them I could exchange them for something else. I think even he was surprised by how large they looked on my (relatively small) ears. Aside from the money being spent, they're just not something I'd want to wear every day. I know the jeweler (we both met with her before we got married, and she has been my grandmother's jeweler for years), and I will call her today.

It's not that this purchase will leave us going hungry. We can technically afford it, I guess. But we are not wealthy people, and my discomfort stems from my upbringing: I was raised not to spend large amounts of money on impractical things. My husband works extremely hard and I don't want to deny him the satisfaction of spending his hard-earned money on things that he perceives to be valuable. I just wish he's put that $5K toward a new car for himself, which he needs. Or given me a $2500 gift card to Apple, so I could replace my computer.

Meanwhile, there's a list of things on which I could easily blow $5,000 that I'll now rethink. Little things and big things - like a cleaning service for our home; supplies for my hobby; a robot vacuum; some personal care stuff for myself; condo renovations... I was looking forward to those things and now I feel like I have to forget about some of them.

Umm, $2,500 for a computer is a waste, too. I'd actually rather have the earrings, essentially small sparkling rocks, than a $2,500 computer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given that we’ve beat this topic to death, I have to ask: why can’t the earrings be returned? There’s nothing normal about that. If they came from a reputable diamond jeweler in New York City there’s no reason they can’t be returned. Do they have a GIA certificate? Do you know the name of the jeweler? Can you just call and ask?

This sounds shady to me. OP did you call the jeweler or your DH? Are they real? Or did he get them from some shitty storefront dealer?

OP here - they are real. I have the appraisal and certificates. He said if I didn't like them I could exchange them for something else. I think even he was surprised by how large they looked on my (relatively small) ears. Aside from the money being spent, they're just not something I'd want to wear every day. I know the jeweler (we both met with her before we got married, and she has been my grandmother's jeweler for years), and I will call her today.

It's not that this purchase will leave us going hungry. We can technically afford it, I guess. But we are not wealthy people, and my discomfort stems from my upbringing: I was raised not to spend large amounts of money on impractical things. My husband works extremely hard and I don't want to deny him the satisfaction of spending his hard-earned money on things that he perceives to be valuable. I just wish he's put that $5K toward a new car for himself, which he needs. Or given me a $2500 gift card to Apple, so I could replace my computer.

Meanwhile, there's a list of things on which I could easily blow $5,000 that I'll now rethink. Little things and big things - like a cleaning service for our home; supplies for my hobby; a robot vacuum; some personal care stuff for myself; condo renovations... I was looking forward to those things and now I feel like I have to forget about some of them.

Just keep the diamonds and say thank you. I think you (and he) will feel worse if you make a big deal of it and return them. He didn't take out a loan for them, right? As long as you aren't paying interest on them of something, just try to enjoy them. Wear them at home. Diamond studs are lovely and classic and you can give to your daughters when they are older. It is a very nice gift, even if you are having a hard time coming to terms with cutting corners other places. Let him feel good about giving you something beautiful.