Working women are getting the shaft

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:well, I'm a SAHM and my DH works full time. He does quite a bit around the house (he's the cook, meal planner, shopper) and takes care of most stuff outside the house too.

I'm happy to stay on top of the kids' school work, manage the social stuff (even with the pandemic i organize video get-togethers and socially distanced visits with friends). it all works out as we have a nice balance.

and I love to get my DH's shaft 3-4 times a week.

He is the sole breadwinner AND does the majority on the home front. You do very little in comparison--social planner and watch kids do work (which by late elementary school they should be solely working on their own). Sounds like he's getting the shaft 7 days a week

[Anonymous]

When you fight Mother Nature.... Mother Nature always wins

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:well, I'm a SAHM and my DH works full time. He does quite a bit around the house (he's the cook, meal planner, shopper) and takes care of most stuff outside the house too.

I'm happy to stay on top of the kids' school work, manage the social stuff (even with the pandemic i organize video get-togethers and socially distanced visits with friends). it all works out as we have a nice balance.

and I love to get my DH's shaft 3-4 times a week.

He is the sole breadwinner AND does the majority on the home front. You do very little in comparison--social planner and watch kids do work (which by late elementary school they should be solely working on their own). Sounds like he's getting the shaft 7 days a week

NP here. I don't think so. I feel the SAHM poster must be making her DH feel very valued and loved so that he is ready to do all of this for her. Obviously, she is high libido and it seems so is he. But, in the end, I am sure he is pretty happy about how the house is being run, how the kids are doing and how all the social obligations are met that he finds her contribution worthwhile. I am sure he is looking how hard other families have it and feeling thankful for what he has. The fact that he wants to be intimate with his wife 3-4 times a week tells me that he is happy to be her DH and that she is very physically attractive to him.

Yes, men will be the sole breadwinner and do a lot on the home front if they feel that the woman is worth it. Otherwise, men want the below average women to pay their half for the pleasure of being married and having a family. And these guys are not even thankful for what their wife earns and do nothing to help them on the home front. How many times we hear of men not finding their wives attractive and having APs, hmmm?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Always been like this.

Seriously - its like women who rush to marry and have kids don't realize what's on the other side of that door. Are you blind?

I had a friend who within a month of her wedding was complaining about her husband's refusal to do dishes or clean the bathroom. Well...surprise.

DH and I lived together before marriage. He cooked, cleaned, even did my laundry. So yes, I was surprised as he slowly retreated into being more and more helpless.

Same. It's kid stuff that threw the balance off.

[Anonymous]

I quit working after my first baby and became a SAHM. It was almost immediately evident that I had way more “kid-space” in my mind than my very helpful, very involved DH. I remember EVERYTHING about our children: the significant things (their birthdays, their social security numbers, medical issues), and the insignificant (their clothing size, this one’s favorite flavor popsicle, that one’s best friend du jour, this one’s project due tomorrow, etc.). The problem is that parenting is like 95% insignificant things that someone has to remember, and that person was always me. I’m very happy being a SAHM but I guess it would have been a harder choice if I had loved my job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:well, I'm a SAHM and my DH works full time. He does quite a bit around the house (he's the cook, meal planner, shopper) and takes care of most stuff outside the house too.

I'm happy to stay on top of the kids' school work, manage the social stuff (even with the pandemic i organize video get-togethers and socially distanced visits with friends). it all works out as we have a nice balance.

and I love to get my DH's shaft 3-4 times a week.

He is the sole breadwinner AND does the majority on the home front. You do very little in comparison--social planner and watch kids do work (which by late elementary school they should be solely working on their own). Sounds like he's getting the shaft 7 days a week

NP here. I don't think so. I feel the SAHM poster must be making her DH feel very valued and loved so that he is ready to do all of this for her. Obviously, she is high libido and it seems so is he. But, in the end, I am sure he is pretty happy about how the house is being run, how the kids are doing and how all the social obligations are met that he finds her contribution worthwhile. I am sure he is looking how hard other families have it and feeling thankful for what he has. The fact that he wants to be intimate with his wife 3-4 times a week tells me that he is happy to be her DH and that she is very physically attractive to him.

Yes, men will be the sole breadwinner and do a lot on the home front if they feel that the woman is worth it. Otherwise, men want the below average women to pay their half for the pleasure of being married and having a family. And these guys are not even thankful for what their wife earns and do nothing to help them on the home front. How many times we hear of men not finding their wives attractive and having APs, hmmm?

Lady, my husband had sex with me 3-4 times per week and had a constant hard on—always telling me how hot I was and how good I looked in yoga pants...and he had an AP at the same time.

Just stop.

[Anonymous]

A fantastic looking woman with a great paycheck is much higher value than a fantastic looking woman with no paycheck. All other things being equal.

I love the assumptions working women are dogs. Some of them are even banging your husbands at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I are sharing childcare duties while both WFH. We have a very equitable schedule.

Here is what I do when I am watching our 3 year old and my husband works:
-Playing with her in her room (like actively playing and talking to her)
-Taking her for walks and to the playground
-Fixing and saving her snacks and meals
-Making sure she goes to the bathroom
-Dealing with any meltdowns as they arise
-Cleaning/laundry as possible and necessary

Here is what he does when he is watching our child and I work:
-Playing games on his phone
-Looking at Twitter on his phone
-Making himself snacks, then getting annoyed when our child asks if she can have some
-Getting frustrated with any meltdown or even very brief instance of whining (which happens constantly because she is bored and knows he's not paying attention to her)
-Letting our daughter come into my workspace and climb into my lap/yell at me/try to play with me while I work (and he will only come get her if I ask him too, as he is in the other room playing a game on his phone)

Technically, we spend the same amount of time "providing childcare" every day. But I am actually parenting whereas he is like the world's shittiest nanny. And, because I am constantly interrupted during my work hours, I'm also constantly working until 2am to finish projects, which means I'm doing all this on 4 hours of sleep, while he's getting 8 hours every night and then complaining about how tired he is.

I can relate to this. My husband just watches golf and shoos then kids off the couch. He might make some nachos for them all to share. And of course it’s me that has to clean up the huge mess from his afternoon “watching the kids”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It has been this way for generations.

No, it has not. Maybe for working class women, yes. But for middle to upper middle to upper class women, no. My mother's generation was not expected to hold a professional full-time job outside the home and be a mother. Now it is expected that women do both. It completely sucks. Men do not do their share of domestic work and in many families both men and women work outside the home. The result is that the mom has two full-time jobs. This did not happen in previous generations. Women were not expected to be equal or close to equal providers and raise children at the same time.

I come from many generations of working class people and no, women were not expected to be equal providers. Did they work, sure, but not 40+ hours a week. Both my grandmothers were day-shift waitresses while their kids were in class. My aunts cleaned houses, or babysat, or other kinds of family-friendly, flexible part time work.

I’m AA. When women in my family worked, they tended to earn more than the men because of how racism shaped educational opportunities and the labor market. Many wives were teachers and nurses, many husbands were laborers. I’m the first working woman in my family or DH’s family to NOT outearn her DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I are sharing childcare duties while both WFH. We have a very equitable schedule.

Here is what I do when I am watching our 3 year old and my husband works:
-Playing with her in her room (like actively playing and talking to her)
-Taking her for walks and to the playground
-Fixing and saving her snacks and meals
-Making sure she goes to the bathroom
-Dealing with any meltdowns as they arise
-Cleaning/laundry as possible and necessary

Here is what he does when he is watching our child and I work:
-Playing games on his phone
-Looking at Twitter on his phone
-Making himself snacks, then getting annoyed when our child asks if she can have some
-Getting frustrated with any meltdown or even very brief instance of whining (which happens constantly because she is bored and knows he's not paying attention to her)
-Letting our daughter come into my workspace and climb into my lap/yell at me/try to play with me while I work (and he will only come get her if I ask him too, as he is in the other room playing a game on his phone)

Technically, we spend the same amount of time "providing childcare" every day. But I am actually parenting whereas he is like the world's shittiest nanny. And, because I am constantly interrupted during my work hours, I'm also constantly working until 2am to finish projects, which means I'm doing all this on 4 hours of sleep, while he's getting 8 hours every night and then complaining about how tired he is.

I can relate to this. My husband just watches golf and shoos then kids off the couch. He might make some nachos for them all to share. And of course it’s me that has to clean up the huge mess from his afternoon “watching the kids”.

This sounds like a nightmare! Why don’t you divorce him PP? He’s clearly useless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I became a single mother by choice. I never met anyone who would have been a true equal partner.

Yes, I do all of the work (with the help of a really great nanny), but I spend zero hours on resentment, which frankly is just another burden for women to carry.

A lot of women are afraid of being single. Seems they're OK with having an unfair balance of labor as long as they can say they're married.

There is an in between area between being single by choice and staying with someone you hate. There are still benefits to having a father or another parent around, you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A fantastic looking woman with a great paycheck is much higher value than a fantastic looking woman with no paycheck. All other things being equal.

I love the assumptions working women are dogs. Some of them are even banging your husbands at work.

No, the one with no paycheck is higher value-she doesn’t even have to work to keep her man. Btw banging other women’s husbands at work is definitely dog-like behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A fantastic looking woman with a great paycheck is much higher value than a fantastic looking woman with no paycheck. All other things being equal.

I love the assumptions working women are dogs. Some of them are even banging your husbands at work.

No, the one with no paycheck is higher value-she doesn’t even have to work to keep her man. Btw banging other women’s husbands at work is definitely dog-like behavior.

And when her husband dumps her she’s extremely low value with kids and no job.

[Anonymous]

“ I've got one of those rare marriages where my husband actually does half, it's amazing, and I feel awful for everyone else. You truly have my sympathies. Especially those who had husbands who seemed to be doing their half before marriage/kids and then it all fell apart. Totally sucks.

That said:

1) I would not put up with it. Do your half or I'm out. It's not something I would learn to live with.

2) I also knew when dating that this is a big issue, so I was looking for someone who would do this, and we had LOTS of conversations about it while dating, engaged, newlywed, and pregnant.

3) There is an element of giving up control that you need to accept to have this marriage. My husband is in charge of all baby food. He does NOT do it the way I would - not as many veggies. Everything is store bought Gerber. He's introduced foods a bit willy-nilly, without following a plan or anything. But I don't say a damn word. Because it's done, it's great, and I literally just feed my kid what my husband puts on the counter for me. I never even think about it. That's a wi”


I agree with pp.

I know to do number 1 is difficult ( I am the child of divorce, single mom dead beat dada etc.. you name it— maybe that’s why I am afraid because I know the longer you are in with selfish person , the more damage your life can become), but I did it. It works.

You must be willing to be heard or leave. If you don’t then you allow your partner to behave the way he does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A fantastic looking woman with a great paycheck is much higher value than a fantastic looking woman with no paycheck. All other things being equal.

I love the assumptions working women are dogs. Some of them are even banging your husbands at work.

No, the one with no paycheck is higher value-she doesn’t even have to work to keep her man. Btw banging other women’s husbands at work is definitely dog-like behavior.

And when her husband dumps her she’s extremely low value with kids and no job.

Lol how many SAHM’s do you know of who have been so unceremoniously dumped? It’s just a silly DCUM working mom’s fantasy.