Cannot do COVID anymore

[Anonymous]

OP, I haven’t read all the posts but I read the first two pages. First, you have all my sympathies. What you are doing is very very hard. I am a law firm partner. I understand the bills Lea and working all the time. I also have a full time nanny and DH that works. You need to get your DH to do more. Agree he should be ordering groceries and not going out. You probably also need a nanny. Your risk assessment is off if you think it’s ok to send kid to preschool but not have a nanny. You can find someone, even part time that you can trust.

[Anonymous]

For now get a sitter one day a week. DH needs to make ALL of his dr. apts and groceries on that day. One day a week after work get your nails done, or hair done, or sit in your car and read or go for a run. He needs to be looking for some kind of work as well. You will also want to have an appointment to see a therapist virtually for yourself. Good luck mom.

[Anonymous]

1) grocery delivery. It’s so amazing and easy.

2) toss stuff. Just get rid of a lot of crap and house won’t be messy. Kids this age don’t need much.

3)?jarred sauces with pasta, frozen pizza, cook like 80s and make mealtime a snap. Paper plates even

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, you need some alone time every day. can you get off at 5 or 5:30? Here’s our evening schedule:

4:45 SAH spouse and kids clean the living room.
5:00 WAH spouse comes downstairs. Older child goes potty. Both parents help kids with shoes and coats.
5:10 One parent starts cooking. ( glass of wine optional.) Other parent takes both kids for a bike ride or to play in the back yard. Chef inside gets to listen to the news, while cooking.
5:45 Dinner
6:30 One year old goes upstairs for bath. Older child gets special time with a parent. Older child cleans up play area for the last time, if applicable.
7:00 Older child goes upstairs for bath and bed.
Parent who is more stressed that day gets easier child.

Start formula to make this schedule more flxible.

After bedtime, DH cleans kitchen while watching TV. You continue to work.

This was me. I was out grocery shopping when I realized you said 60 BILLABLE hours, not 60 hours. ( My DH’s schedule). I want to apologize. This post was probably wildly unhelpful. So sorry. I’ve been thinking about you all day.

Once you are both done, relax together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, you need some alone time every day. can you get off at 5 or 5:30? Here’s our evening schedule:

4:45 SAH spouse and kids clean the living room.
5:00 WAH spouse comes downstairs. Older child goes potty. Both parents help kids with shoes and coats.
5:10 One parent starts cooking. ( glass of wine optional.) Other parent takes both kids for a bike ride or to play in the back yard. Chef inside gets to listen to the news, while cooking.
5:45 Dinner
6:30 One year old goes upstairs for bath. Older child gets special time with a parent. Older child cleans up play area for the last time, if applicable.
7:00 Older child goes upstairs for bath and bed.
Parent who is more stressed that day gets easier child.

Start formula to make this schedule more flxible.

After bedtime, DH cleans kitchen while watching TV. You continue to work.

Once you are both done, relax together.

s was me. I was out grocery shopping when I realized you said 60 BILLABLE hours, not 60 hours. ( My DH’s schedule). I want to apologize. This post was probably wildly unhelpful. So sorry. I’ve been thinking about you all day.

[Anonymous]

Why did your husband quit his job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, you need some alone time every day. can you get off at 5 or 5:30? Here’s our evening schedule:

4:45 SAH spouse and kids clean the living room.
5:00 WAH spouse comes downstairs. Older child goes potty. Both parents help kids with shoes and coats.
5:10 One parent starts cooking. ( glass of wine optional.) Other parent takes both kids for a bike ride or to play in the back yard. Chef inside gets to listen to the news, while cooking.
5:45 Dinner
6:30 One year old goes upstairs for bath. Older child gets special time with a parent. Older child cleans up play area for the last time, if applicable.
7:00 Older child goes upstairs for bath and bed.
Parent who is more stressed that day gets easier child.

Start formula to make this schedule more flxible.

After bedtime, DH cleans kitchen while watching TV. You continue to work.

Once you are both done, relax together.

s was me. I was out grocery shopping when I realized you said 60 BILLABLE hours, not 60 hours. ( My DH’s schedule). I want to apologize. This post was probably wildly unhelpful. So sorry. I’ve been thinking about you all day.

She can work 5am-5pm 7 days a week, and also work after kids are asleep. It’s totally reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did your husband quit his job?

Yeah OP did bury the lede there. What man who is not retirement age quits without another job lined up??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you have to change how you deal with the pandemic if you are going to survive this chaos until we are back to normal life.

Yes, you should avoid gatherings, eating inside restaurants (even outside with the flu season looming), holidays parties, sports events, etc.

However, some stuff has to be back to normal. This is not the plague and if you are not immunocompromised (and your family of course), hire a nanny and have your housecleaner back at least every other week. If your husband finds a job now, have the housecleaner every week.

If it would make you feel more comfortable, schedule them for a time during the day when you can take a break (maybe lunch time or end of the day) and leave the house with everyone to go for a walk or just drive around, etc. I don't even do that to be honest.

+1. Real talk, unless you or your husband are very high risk (and seriously look up what makes someone high risk, it’s not just “mild asthma” like some people think) you need to loosen up. You don’t have to live by March/April standards anymore. Cleaning service + nanny or day care for the kids ASAP. Even though you have essentially a SAH spouse at this point, it sounds like with his health issues and just not being good at the child care thing, that you need the professionals and that’s 100% ok. Literally everyone I know apart from a few people who are high risk (immunocompromised due to an organ transplant, former cancer patient, type 1 diabetic, that level of high risk) has sent their kids back to day care or has a nanny coming. Even if parents are still WAH. Please do this for yourself. Since you make all the income right now, you can make these decisions IMO. Good luck and I’ll be thinking of you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, you need some alone time every day. can you get off at 5 or 5:30? Here’s our evening schedule:

4:45 SAH spouse and kids clean the living room.
5:00 WAH spouse comes downstairs. Older child goes potty. Both parents help kids with shoes and coats.
5:10 One parent starts cooking. ( glass of wine optional.) Other parent takes both kids for a bike ride or to play in the back yard. Chef inside gets to listen to the news, while cooking.
5:45 Dinner
6:30 One year old goes upstairs for bath. Older child gets special time with a parent. Older child cleans up play area for the last time, if applicable.
7:00 Older child goes upstairs for bath and bed.
Parent who is more stressed that day gets easier child.

Start formula to make this schedule more flxible.

After bedtime, DH cleans kitchen while watching TV. You continue to work.

Once you are both done, relax together.

s was me. I was out grocery shopping when I realized you said 60 BILLABLE hours, not 60 hours. ( My DH’s schedule). I want to apologize. This post was probably wildly unhelpful. So sorry. I’ve been thinking about you all day.

She can work 5am-5pm 7 days a week, and also work after kids are asleep. It’s totally reasonable.

You mean possible. It’s definitely possible. Just not reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, you need some alone time every day. can you get off at 5 or 5:30? Here’s our evening schedule:

4:45 SAH spouse and kids clean the living room.
5:00 WAH spouse comes downstairs. Older child goes potty. Both parents help kids with shoes and coats.
5:10 One parent starts cooking. ( glass of wine optional.) Other parent takes both kids for a bike ride or to play in the back yard. Chef inside gets to listen to the news, while cooking.
5:45 Dinner
6:30 One year old goes upstairs for bath. Older child gets special time with a parent. Older child cleans up play area for the last time, if applicable.
7:00 Older child goes upstairs for bath and bed.
Parent who is more stressed that day gets easier child.

Start formula to make this schedule more flxible.

After bedtime, DH cleans kitchen while watching TV. You continue to work.

Once you are both done, relax together.

s was me. I was out grocery shopping when I realized you said 60 BILLABLE hours, not 60 hours. ( My DH’s schedule). I want to apologize. This post was probably wildly unhelpful. So sorry. I’ve been thinking about you all day.

She can work 5am-5pm 7 days a week, and also work after kids are asleep. It’s totally reasonable.

You mean possible. It’s definitely possible. Just not reasonable.

She has to bill 2100 hrs; I assume she wants to see her kids. This is what all the BigLaw DHs do in our neighborhood. Clearly if she can work less hours, take weekend off. But dinner at time with family at 5? What is wrong with that?

[Anonymous]

Nothing. I was just commenting on working seven days a week. That sounds horrible. I worked 70 hours a week before and was so stressed all the time, and I didn’t even have kids. It’s obviously great that OP wants to see her kids, but I imagine with COVID, politics, the necessity of BLM, etc., OP must be superhuman to still be functioning under big law stress. I was deploring the system, not the solution.

[Anonymous]

Your child is in in-person preschool every other week. If you are able to handle that kind of risk, then you can allow a cleaning person with mask into the home every other week, and a sitter at least once day a week. Have your husband book his appointments at the time the sitter works.

And as valuable as nursing is, I suggest stopping, as it is very time consuming, can only done by you and can be physically draining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, you need some alone time every day. can you get off at 5 or 5:30? Here’s our evening schedule:

4:45 SAH spouse and kids clean the living room.
5:00 WAH spouse comes downstairs. Older child goes potty. Both parents help kids with shoes and coats.
5:10 One parent starts cooking. ( glass of wine optional.) Other parent takes both kids for a bike ride or to play in the back yard. Chef inside gets to listen to the news, while cooking.
5:45 Dinner
6:30 One year old goes upstairs for bath. Older child gets special time with a parent. Older child cleans up play area for the last time, if applicable.
7:00 Older child goes upstairs for bath and bed.
Parent who is more stressed that day gets easier child.

Start formula to make this schedule more flxible.

After bedtime, DH cleans kitchen while watching TV. You continue to work.

Once you are both done, relax together.

s was me. I was out grocery shopping when I realized you said 60 BILLABLE hours, not 60 hours. ( My DH’s schedule). I want to apologize. This post was probably wildly unhelpful. So sorry. I’ve been thinking about you all day.

She can work 5am-5pm 7 days a week, and also work after kids are asleep. It’s totally reasonable.

You mean possible. It’s definitely possible. Just not reasonable.

She has to bill 2100 hrs; I assume she wants to see her kids. This is what all the BigLaw DHs do in our neighborhood. Clearly if she can work less hours, take weekend off. But dinner at time with family at 5? What is wrong with that?

Assuming these lawyers have stay at home spouses, do they never get a break from watching the kids, even on the weekend? That's insane for everyone involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did your husband quit his job?

Yeah OP did bury the lede there. What man who is not retirement age quits without another job lined up??

I'm not the OP, but I also questioned OP about this earlier in the thread.

I'm going to guess it's because he was about to be fired, but they (his employer) allowed him to "quit" to save face. Based on how OP has described him, would YOU want this man working for you?