Cannot do COVID anymore

[Anonymous]

Think of all the money you're saving!!!

[Anonymous]

our housekeeper comes in once every two weeks and stays masked and we stay out of her way. Your husband can go to the grocery at night solo when both the kids are asleep (I would encourage taking the kids to the grocery store - that seems risky.) He could also be in charge of home delivery of groceries. How long will the doctor's appointments continue? That seems excessive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Where do you work that billing 2,100 hours is considered working all the time?

Pre-pandemic I was billing 1700 or so, so it is a lot for me! And it sure feels like a lot on top of everything else. I mean, that doesn't count non-billables, so I'm working 60+ hours a week on top of childcare.

OP, don't feed that troll. I don't work in law and I got the gist of what you were saying. And you are doing a lot.

I agree with PPs that a lot of this would feel insanely hard even without COVID. You are not getting enough sleep. You are producing food for your baby. You are doing everything.

My DH is a generally great guy, but he will not jump in and say "let me take care of XYZ!" When our first kid was a baby, I made a list of everything I was doing--and I mean, everything, even if it was something that took me 30 seconds like paying a bill online. I showed this to my DH and told him to pick half of the stuff. This has not held--our kids are much older now and the needs are different--but he still makes dinners on weekends, does all of our laundry, handles yardwork, and does some other kid-related stuff. It's not half of what I was doing, and that's why we have had a nanny when our kids were little and more recently have hired house cleaners.

The risk of having a nanny coming in and out of your home every day isn't zero, but if you can find someone you trust, it is reasonably low IMO. However, it is also okay, as PPs have said, to share with your husband what he needs to do. He should be taking the baby out for long walks, handling nap time, etc etc. If he can't do it, outsource it.

Also, our house cleaners came back in June. It really is okay and I think you need all the help you can get. They stay out of the office; kids leave the house and hang out in the yard while they work. There was a piece in the Post a couple months back where they asked all the "experts" (Fauci, etc) and I will tell you that every single one of them had their house cleaners coming in at least every 2 weeks.

[Anonymous]

We have started having our housekeeper come back once a month. She stays masked and gloved the entire time and we go outside on the deck while she's there. It helps a lot with just feeling like the house isn't a disaster.

For groceries, I would do delivery.

Hang in there....sorry you are struggling.

[Anonymous]

Sorry you are having a hard time. You can also be a lot more creative. Wean. Tell your husband to use instacart between looking for jobs and the laundry. Bring back the housekeeper. Start living your life -- unless you or your husband are immunocompromised, you're being overly cautious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Where do you work that billing 2,100 hours is considered working all the time?

Pre-pandemic I was billing 1700 or so, so it is a lot for me! And it sure feels like a lot on top of everything else. I mean, that doesn't count non-billables, so I'm working 60+ hours a week on top of childcare.

OP, don't feed that troll. I don't work in law and I got the gist of what you were saying. And you are doing a lot.

I agree with PPs that a lot of this would feel insanely hard even without COVID. You are not getting enough sleep. You are producing food for your baby. You are doing everything.

My DH is a generally great guy, but he will not jump in and say "let me take care of XYZ!" When our first kid was a baby, I made a list of everything I was doing--and I mean, everything, even if it was something that took me 30 seconds like paying a bill online. I showed this to my DH and told him to pick half of the stuff. This has not held--our kids are much older now and the needs are different--but he still makes dinners on weekends, does all of our laundry, handles yardwork, and does some other kid-related stuff. It's not half of what I was doing, and that's why we have had a nanny when our kids were little and more recently have hired house cleaners.

The risk of having a nanny coming in and out of your home every day isn't zero, but if you can find someone you trust, it is reasonably low IMO. However, it is also okay, as PPs have said, to share with your husband what he needs to do. He should be taking the baby out for long walks, handling nap time, etc etc. If he can't do it, outsource it.

Also, our house cleaners came back in June. It really is okay and I think you need all the help you can get. They stay out of the office; kids leave the house and hang out in the yard while they work. There was a piece in the Post a couple months back where they asked all the "experts" (Fauci, etc) and I will tell you that every single one of them had their house cleaners coming in at least every 2 weeks.

Especially because you don't work in law, you shouldn't be so quick to call troll when you don't really know what you are talking about. And that's not what a troll means, regardless.

1,700 billable hours a year is considered pretty light at a lot of firms, light enough that you wouldn't be in good standing at some. 2,100 is hardly notable at plenty of firm, and of course people factor in that you also have to do non-billable work. That's not to say that OP isn't busy and doing a lot, both at work and on the home front. But still, if she is at a decent size firm, it isn't a noteworthy amount.

And, lest you think the question is just mean, it makes a difference in terms of what I would advise. If she is at a firm where 1,700 is normal and 2,100 is considered a lot, then she has more ability to try to dial it back at work some. But, if she is at a true Biglaw firm where 1,700 is borderline unacceptable and 2,100 is pretty normal, it would be a lot harder for her to go to the firm to try to get a little bit of relief.

[Anonymous]

You need a housekeeper and a nanny, and our husband needs to find a job. Your DH is not going to magically morph into Mr. Mom because you nag him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need a housekeeper and a nanny, and our husband needs to find a job. Your DH is not going to magically morph into Mr. Mom because you nag him.

+1. It’s been almost a year since your husband left his job, right? If he hasn’t figured out how to do household chores and manage childcare yet, he’s probably not going to.

[Anonymous]

I feel for you and I have adult kids (who are home off and on) so nowhere near what you are dealing with. I had this conversation with my DH yesterday - told him I had had it and couldn't do this for another 6-9 months. I am the primary breadwinner and feeling real pressure to work as much as possible when the work is available. He seems to be relaxed about the fact that he is making much less money this year but he doesn't pay the bills. He talks about buying a luxury car. He's also had a series of medical events in the last 6 months and each one requires 2-3 weeks of "convalescing". So I feel like I am doing the majority of the money earning work, managing the house, bill paying, cooking and cleaning, and he's relaxing. In the meantime I can't see friends easily or do much that's fun because of COVID. And because he's always convalescing if I do fun fall activities I am doing them alone. He's also hypervigilant about the virus so that limits our options even further.

We did bring our cleaners back in June, which made a big difference. Make your DH take the kids out for a couple of hours while someone cleans and you can isolate in your home office. Agree with grocery delivery - I started doing that a couple of months ago, not for virus reasons but just because it was time consuming and unpleasant. I can at least order bulky stuff and basics for delivery from the Giant and then supplement with a quick trip to whole foods or trader joes.

[Anonymous]

I hear you, but I do think your analysis is not logical re: risk. Your kid is already doing in-person preschool. Despite how familiar you feel with the people and the center, it is exponentially -- literally -- riskier than a single nanny in your home. Even if you have a 2 bedroom apartment.

It sounds like you need a nanny (in which case your husband can work) or he needs to step up. If someone is a stay at home parent, they should absolutely be able to take a baby and preschooler to the grocery store 3 out of 4 times.

[Anonymous]

Tough talk. You have the tools to solve this problem: money. Hire a house cleaner. They all wear masks now and even my most cautious neighbors who won’t even go to Butlers Orchard with a reso have their cleaners back. Why is your preschooler only in preschool every other week? Change to every week. You aren’t being “safer” by doing every other week. Now the baby. Your husband should be caring for the baby full time if he isn’t working. And he should be in charge of securing back up childcare for regular appointments. Have the sitter wear a mask in your house. The alternative is tell your work you need to cut back to 70-80%. If you are working full time you need to accept some Covid risk for your household to function and for your mental and physical health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is your preschooler only in preschool every other week? Change to every week. You aren’t being “safer” by doing every other week.

They're doing school in "cohorts" so they're only open for him every other week. We can't increase that.

[Anonymous]

Wean. Hire house cleaner. Put the older into full time care. Everybody who truly hunkered down has groceries delivered. Why does your husband need to go to the store in person? What kind of medical appts he goes to twice a week every week? Physical therapy can be done at home. You're already exposed to risk via daycare and DH, might as well have cleaners. Also, look into nanny for the baby - looking for a job is a full time job, if you want DH to find work.

[Anonymous]

So weird. Many tired SAHM have been advised that after DHis done working he has to pitch in, just like you do.

And doctorappts is hardly him going to get golf. Take sick leave on those days to care for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So weird. Many tired SAHM have been advised that after DHis done working he has to pitch in, just like you do.

And doctorappts is hardly him going to get golf. Take sick leave on those days to care for your kids.

I'm not saying his doctor's appointments are golf - but I don't get to just take "sick leave." Every 2 hours I take "off" to watch the kids just means two hours of sleep I lose later making up those billable hours after literally everyone else in my house is asleep. He needs to go to the doctor, but I can't keep this up either.