Brat or typical tween behavior?
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Anonymous
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OP- you are so judgemental! Yes, you planned an AMAZING weekend! It sounds perfect and my own children would have probably loved it. But the thing with tweens is that I can't promise that. Maybe she would have loved it or maybe she is PMSing and everything is drama, drama, drama. Have you truly never heard that that age is challenging? Then throw in a hard home life, traveling to a new location, and being with an aunt who seems like she completely hates you.
My kids have been taught at an early age how to act around other people and TBH most of the children of DCUM parents have grown up that way. However, it sounds like that is not true of your nieces. Be straightforward and explain that the phone is not for them. If they ask again, LAUGH with them and joke about how they are not getting the hint. Try sarcasm- it is the language of tweens. Ask them why they want a phone and maybe talk about jubs they might get in the next year or two so they can get a phone. If you are at the store, LAUGH at them trying to con you out of money. Be gracious, but firm. Be the aunt that you wanted growing up- the one you can talk to when things are tough at home. Can you find ONE thing that you appreciate/like about each of your neices? Or do you just find them to be horrible people with no redeeming qualities? They don't have a great home life. You have made that clear. They did not act great (or even good), but instead of focusing on that and deciding your own child cannot have TV or any toys EVER, why don't you think about finding something positive about each child and making sure that the child can tell that you truly like that part of her. build up her confidence- don't tear her down. |
Anonymous
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Kids are different. Mine wants absolutely nothing, not even money unless he doesn't have any. His interest are youtube. the internet. He might complain walking with me but never with his aunt and uncle. In fact, they are getting in him shape right now after covid stay-at-home-orders.
OP, I think the kids will apologize to you one day. These kids live in the world of plenty and they have less. Not being shy asking you thing comes from parenting. |
Anonymous
It sounds like they come from an extremely different and underprivileged background compared to the life you live. Cut them a little slack and understanding. I grew up knowing that I would go to college, have a career and vote in every election. It wasn’t until I was an adult and working with people in under-resourced neighborhoods that I realized that trajectory isn’t even in many many people’s realm of possibility. You’re trying to ram your own experience and preferences down their throats and they don’t even understand what you’re talking about. |
Anonymous
Wow. I find it weird that a 12-year-old doesn't know what a university is. In middle school? I'm also wondering what state these girls live in. Granted, if you're from a rural area and are used to driving to your mailbox, walking can seem like a chore, but give me a break, kids shouldn't be sitting on their butts staring into their phones! |
Anonymous
I think it sounds like you could bw a very important figure in their lives and open them up to possibilities beyond what they might consider without your input. There is nothing wrong with expalining to a kid what college is and why a person would go to college and how they go about making that happen. |
Anonymous
The college tour was downright patronizing and offensive. The fact that you felt the need to take a 12 yr old on a college tour basically sends a message to the kid that her parents are too negligent to ever do it themselves. This isn’t The Help. |
Anonymous
I agree, but op has already formed her negative opinions about her nieces and her attitude isn’t going to help them. Sure, it’s good to explain that women can be pilots too, but for a working class kid from a broken home who has very little support or prospects, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be a flight attendant either! There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be a nanny, yet op said they “discussed other possibilities” and looked at the different colleges, as if their own current goals are not good enough. |
Anonymous
Can you read? OP works at the college and it a beautiful campus. |
Anonymous
| OP, if you really want them to go to college you’ll have to offer specific dollar amounts you’re willing to pay. If her parents say “We’ll figure it out,” that’s code for parent plus loans and debt hell. Plenty of people feel the need to delay college because it’s not affordable at that time. 529s are also not common knowledge in most of the country. |
Anonymous
Being a flight attendant if you want to be a flight attendant is fine. Being a flight attendant because you falsely believe that females are not capable or approved to pursue a commercial pilot's license is false thinking. Give the persoon the correct information an then have them make their decision. |
Anonymous
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Parenting a teen/tween is rather like parenting a 3yo who’s had debate training and a career in upper management. They want desperately to crack the code on adult things, but they also sleep with stuffed animals. At any given moment, they act 6 or 26.
1) Give choices: “Do you girls want to go to Michaels and look around for a craft kit you might like to do? Or do you want to spend the afternoon helping me make dessert for our dinner tonight?” If they choose Michaels, set some parameters for budget and turn them loose. If they choose dessert, encourage them to get experimental and praise the process and result. 2) Carrots work better than sticks: “There’s supposed to be an amazing sunset tonight. We’ll take a walk up the trail to the top of the hill — it’s only about a 15-minute walk and not very steep. I’ll bring some La Croix and we can toast the sunset, then you can each use my phone to take some selfies, and we’ll send them to your parents.” 3) Give the why along with the what: “I need to send my old phone back to Verizon because that way I get a rebate which helps me pay for my new phone. That keeps the cost within my budget.” “Starbucks’ advertising strategy is to blanket an area in stores — constantly seeing the signs keeps them fresh in your brain. Obviously we can’t go in every one or we’d never get where we’re going — plus we wouldn’t have any money for anything else. But when we’re done with our tour, I’ll treat you to Starbucks or ice cream — your choice.” 4) Listen more than you talk: “I hear that some schools have a problem with cliques as girls get older. Do you think that happens in your school?” “What’s a good movie I should watch?” “Little Larlo and Larla need some new books for Christmas. Do you remember any of your favorites from when you were a little kid?” You are not going to create transformative ah-hah moments in these girls’ lives in one weekend. But you can plant some seeds, |
Anonymous
| FYI one of the top listed colleges in terms of increased earning potential of entering students vs. graduates is a n small commuter aviation college in Queens NY. |
Anonymous
| I feel like op is a self-satisfied #boymom who just wants to dump on tween girls’ behavior. |
Anonymous
She is dumping on poor behavior. Lots of tween girls do not behave as described. |
Anonymous
| When I read your headline I was like wait aren’t those synonyms? It’s totally classic. |