Wife spends too much money on stupid crafts

[Anonymous]

OP again. How is going to the gym a hobby? It’s for health and wellness. And yes, she is 20 lbs over than her usual weight and I’m not afraid to call her out on it. She knows I roll my eyes whenever she comes back with the crap and no, the craft room is where she stores the stuff. The completed crap gets put up on display and it’s just cheap and tacky AF. She crafted a little when we were dating but that was when we kept our finances separate and I don’t think she had the money then to go crazy at Hobby Lobby. Now, she does and I’m considering keeping our finances separate again because she has also max out her credit cards (Continual non-payments while racking up at Hobby Lobby and Michaels). She doesn’t think she spends too much money because she will point to so-and-so or another friend and say “But they spend twice as much as me on the same stuff” and I’ll tease her with “Well, I’m not surprised so-and-so and her husband are separating”. Not making this s*** up! She works from home part time now so that is why she has the free time to go and craft. But no, she won’t go and exercise at all, not even walking with me. I think it’s a combination of the crafts being expensive, stupid, waste of time and the opportunity costs of her crafting becoming a strain on our marriage.

Yes, you have a marriage problem. Not a crafting problem.

Also, has this crafting started since the COVID stay at home order?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. How is going to the gym a hobby? It’s for health and wellness. And yes, she is 20 lbs over than her usual weight and I’m not afraid to call her out on it. She knows I roll my eyes whenever she comes back with the crap and no, the craft room is where she stores the stuff. The completed crap gets put up on display and it’s just cheap and tacky AF. She crafted a little when we were dating but that was when we kept our finances separate and I don’t think she had the money then to go crazy at Hobby Lobby. Now, she does and I’m considering keeping our finances separate again because she has also max out her credit cards (Continual non-payments while racking up at Hobby Lobby and Michaels). She doesn’t think she spends too much money because she will point to so-and-so or another friend and say “But they spend twice as much as me on the same stuff” and I’ll tease her with “Well, I’m not surprised so-and-so and her husband are separating”. Not making this s*** up! She works from home part time now so that is why she has the free time to go and craft. But no, she won’t go and exercise at all, not even walking with me. I think it’s a combination of the crafts being expensive, stupid, waste of time and the opportunity costs of her crafting becoming a strain on our marriage.

Going to the gym makes you feel good. Crafting makes her feel good.


She works part time. So separate your finances if the money bothers you so much. I'm more disturbed by your attitude. You sound contemptuous of her hobby and tastes. It has nothing to do with the 20 lbs. That's a separate issue, don't mix it up with her hobby.

I may not appreciate my husband's craft beer or woodworking, but if it's not making us unable to afford other things, I am polite, respectful, and don't get involved.

You don't need to love the stuff she makes. Just say something nice. Maybe try doing some crafting together. You're not superior to her because your interest is gym.

Team OP. The wife sounds quite stupid to begin with and I’m a wife myself. Who spends hundreds of dollars on worthless paper and glitter? Just shows she’s ditzy and has nothing valuable to contribute to society.

That you think OPs description gives you an objective, unbiased account of what she's actually like... and that you then leap from that to form the belief that you have enough evidence to deem her "ditsy" with "nothing valuable to contribute." Whew, the flaws in your judgment chain are astounding.

[Anonymous]

OP--your post makes me sad.

I am reminded of visiting an immigrant cousin of DH. The wife, also an immigrant, offered to show me her hobby room. It was totally immaculate and there were shelves of dolls standing in elaborate and rather garish costumes she made for them.

As I took in all my perceived tackiness of the hobby, her husband came in and went on about how much he admired all her handicraft and all the donations she made to her church of the dolls for auctions etc.

He clearly was proud of something his wife did that was actually not at all a personal interest of his. I will add that his wife is obese, not mildly so, but really so. No matter, he was still proud.

Like most immigrants, he came over with very little. He built a business and was successful enough he could indulge his wife's hobby, which she used to give back to her community, and it was a source of pride to him.

It made me ashamed of my all too quick tacky assessment of her hobby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP--your post makes me sad.

I am reminded of visiting an immigrant cousin of DH. The wife, also an immigrant, offered to show me her hobby room. It was totally immaculate and there were shelves of dolls standing in elaborate and rather garish costumes she made for them.

As I took in all my perceived tackiness of the hobby, her husband came in and went on about how much he admired all her handicraft and all the donations she made to her church of the dolls for auctions etc.

He clearly was proud of something his wife did that was actually not at all a personal interest of his. I will add that his wife is obese, not mildly so, but really so. No matter, he was still proud.

Like most immigrants, he came over with very little. He built a business and was successful enough he could indulge his wife's hobby, which she used to give back to her community, and it was a source of pride to him.

It made me ashamed of my all too quick tacky assessment of her hobby.

This is a more beautiful and human sentiment than 99% of Internet content. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

OP sounds like my dad 40 odd years ago and his DW like my mom then. They had a marriage problem. OP, you do too. Could your wife be taking refuge in crafting because it is the one thing that she can control and make nice in her view in a marriage that it appears that neither of you are happy in? Maybe, like them you'll stay married and maybe there are reasons for that. Maybe you should each have your own budget for entertainment -- and yes, I would include the gym in that budget for you. You could walk or run and that's free. Exercise may help you stay sane and healthy, but crafting seems to keep her happy and more mentally healthy.

[Anonymous]

Going to the gym during a pandemic may cost you mare than a few mason jars.

[Anonymous]

This is all about the extra 20 pounds and zero about crafting. It's so blatant and gross.

I've put on some weight since I was married, and so has my husband. what I do when he complains about his little bulge, is hug him and say he looks great. bonus points for some flirty ass grabbing.

We, unlike OP and his poor wife, are happily married and celebrating 15 years this week.

IMO, "calling someone out" on a little extra weight has motivated zero people ever to lose weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP--your post makes me sad.

I am reminded of visiting an immigrant cousin of DH. The wife, also an immigrant, offered to show me her hobby room. It was totally immaculate and there were shelves of dolls standing in elaborate and rather garish costumes she made for them.

As I took in all my perceived tackiness of the hobby, her husband came in and went on about how much he admired all her handicraft and all the donations she made to her church of the dolls for auctions etc.

He clearly was proud of something his wife did that was actually not at all a personal interest of his. I will add that his wife is obese, not mildly so, but really so. No matter, he was still proud.

Like most immigrants, he came over with very little. He built a business and was successful enough he could indulge his wife's hobby, which she used to give back to her community, and it was a source of pride to him.

It made me ashamed of my all too quick tacky assessment of her hobby.

This thread was worth it for this post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP--your post makes me sad.

I am reminded of visiting an immigrant cousin of DH. The wife, also an immigrant, offered to show me her hobby room. It was totally immaculate and there were shelves of dolls standing in elaborate and rather garish costumes she made for them.

As I took in all my perceived tackiness of the hobby, her husband came in and went on about how much he admired all her handicraft and all the donations she made to her church of the dolls for auctions etc.

He clearly was proud of something his wife did that was actually not at all a personal interest of his. I will add that his wife is obese, not mildly so, but really so. No matter, he was still proud.

Like most immigrants, he came over with very little. He built a business and was successful enough he could indulge his wife's hobby, which she used to give back to her community, and it was a source of pride to him.

It made me ashamed of my all too quick tacky assessment of her hobby.

This thread was worth it for this post.

+1. Also brought back memories of an elderly second cousin who used to crochet those dolls dresses for upper body dolls to cover toilet paper rolls (imagine scarlet ohara with a toilet paper roll under her skirt) or to cover old coolwhip tubs. I had one of the latter as a child to store hair clips in. I remember thinking the toilet paper covers were so weird, but she was such a sweet lady and she really enjoyed making them and donating to various places. May she rest in peace. I feel sorry for OP’s wife, given his evident contempt for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that she buys from Hobby Lobby would be the most concerning part.

Before being married I would intentionally take girlfriends to shopping centers with a Michaels to see if they would take the bait.

I would love to hear more about your dating techniques

It started when I found out someone I really liked and had recently started dating had a crazy scrap booking setup. The long drawn out WTF rolled through my head for 10 minutes when I first saw it. Never again.

This is fair. I’m a snob about music tastes. I have dumped guys simply because they liked certain bands or movies. I’m not living the rest of my life with someone who has crappy taste listening to him prattle on about the latest dumb drivel at the theater or going to see a sh*tty band.

PP: I always let prospective boyfriends mingle around parties and clubs while I chatted with other people. Gave them enough rope to see how they act around other attractive women when they thought I wasn’t paying attention.

[Anonymous]

It does not matter if you don’t “get” her hobby. You should each have an equal budget for enjoyment: be it golf, going to athletic events, buying music, etc. She does not have to justify to you how she spends her share.

It is likely her only escape. (Could be much much worse, or expensive)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It does not matter if you don’t “get” her hobby. You should each have an equal budget for enjoyment: be it golf, going to athletic events, buying music, etc. She does not have to justify to you how she spends her share.

It is likely her only escape. (Could be much much worse, or expensive)

PP, don't you think dropping $600-$800 a month on crafting supplies is expensive? Think how much they can save plus, the wife racks up her credit card and is late on paying her bills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It does not matter if you don’t “get” her hobby. You should each have an equal budget for enjoyment: be it golf, going to athletic events, buying music, etc. She does not have to justify to you how she spends her share.

It is likely her only escape. (Could be much much worse, or expensive)


PP, don't you think dropping $600-$800 a month on crafting supplies is expensive? Think how much they can save plus, the wife racks up her credit card and is late on paying her bills.

The OP did not mention credit cards in his original post (as a problem). It's hard to tell what is expensive if we don't know their income and budget.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. How is going to the gym a hobby? It’s for health and wellness. And yes, she is 20 lbs over than her usual weight and I’m not afraid to call her out on it. She knows I roll my eyes whenever she comes back with the crap and no, the craft room is where she stores the stuff. The completed crap gets put up on display and it’s just cheap and tacky AF. She crafted a little when we were dating but that was when we kept our finances separate and I don’t think she had the money then to go crazy at Hobby Lobby. Now, she does and I’m considering keeping our finances separate again because she has also max out her credit cards (Continual non-payments while racking up at Hobby Lobby and Michaels). She doesn’t think she spends too much money because she will point to so-and-so or another friend and say “But they spend twice as much as me on the same stuff” and I’ll tease her with “Well, I’m not surprised so-and-so and her husband are separating”. Not making this s*** up! She works from home part time now so that is why she has the free time to go and craft. But no, she won’t go and exercise at all, not even walking with me. I think it’s a combination of the crafts being expensive, stupid, waste of time and the opportunity costs of her crafting becoming a strain on our marriage.

OP, I'm begging you, please, what IS the completed crap that's put on display? Some weird dioramas? Painted mason jars? Paper vases? What?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP--your post makes me sad.

I am reminded of visiting an immigrant cousin of DH. The wife, also an immigrant, offered to show me her hobby room. It was totally immaculate and there were shelves of dolls standing in elaborate and rather garish costumes she made for them.

As I took in all my perceived tackiness of the hobby, her husband came in and went on about how much he admired all her handicraft and all the donations she made to her church of the dolls for auctions etc.

He clearly was proud of something his wife did that was actually not at all a personal interest of his. I will add that his wife is obese, not mildly so, but really so. No matter, he was still proud.

Like most immigrants, he came over with very little. He built a business and was successful enough he could indulge his wife's hobby, which she used to give back to her community, and it was a source of pride to him.

It made me ashamed of my all too quick tacky assessment of her hobby.

This is a more beautiful and human sentiment than 99% of Internet content. Thank you.

As a die-hard cynic, I'm going to rain on your beautiful sentimental parades a little. Even if the wife were an atheist who didn't donate anything whatsoever to any church, even if the husband came over here with a trust fund and a bunch of offshore accounts, even if the wife were hot as a supermodel, she still had the right to indulge in any activity she enjoys, as long as it isn't illegal. Even if OP finds is 'garish and tacky'.