26 year old step son happily receives Christmas gifts but NEVER reciprocates

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is not "selfish" of a grown adult to choose to celebrate Christmas without buying presents for other adults.

The proper etiquette when given a gift is to say thank you and express sincere gratitude. It is NOT proper etiquette to feel that you are owed a gift just because you choose to give a gift.

I told my family years ago that I am no longer buying Christmas gifts for adults. Some adults in my family still choose to give me presents; I say thank you. But I do not feel obligated to celebrate Christmas by buying gifts for well-to-do adults who literally do not need or want for a single thing.

You are seriously, seriously on the wrong side of etiquette to think that someone is obligated to get you a gift just because you chose to give them a gift.

Forgot to mention that I would strongly prefer that they not get me gifts. I would prefer nothing, or if you feel you must, a small donation to a charity in my name would be appreciated. When people do get me a gift, I usually end up donating it or giving it away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So- seriously- are gifts your love language? Because who gives AF!!! would be grateful not to receive something, frankly. I have everything I need.

Now time and experiences I care about- and sounds like SS makes time to enjoy the holiday with his family- great!!

You clearly dislike SS.

I just cannot imagine a grown adult moping because they didn’t get a gift - this has to be a joke??!

DP here. I have a feeling this is just symptom of stepson’s whole attitude toward family. What can they do for HIM.

It just sounds like stepmom is new and on the outside looking in and she feels insecure about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess your DH didn't raise him right.

This. He didn’t get this way all by himself.

Or he was raised right because in their family parents and grandparents don’t get presents.

I have a branch of our family that does not give gift to kids once they graduate from college. No more gifts gifts are for children. All the adults do a service project together. That is how they decided to do xmas. You can’t tell others families how to do xmas.

Some families pick names.

His sister gives gifts. And the other relatives agree with stepmom but are afraid to speak up.

Maybe they asked her not to bring gifts and she did anyway. God I hate that, the one family that gives gifts when everybody agrees not to.

Maybe you should read the Op, because that’s not the case at all.

You don’t know what the case is. All we know is everybody was happy except OP.

From the OP:

“His grandmother and I had a conversation about it and she just sighed and shrugged her shoulders. His dad is upset about it too, but won't say anything to him either. Guess it's easier to just keep cranking out gifts to him than to have a real conversation.”

I’m sure she would have mentioned if he was told not to bring a gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is not "selfish" of a grown adult to choose to celebrate Christmas without buying presents for other adults.

The proper etiquette when given a gift is to say thank you and express sincere gratitude. It is NOT proper etiquette to feel that you are owed a gift just because you choose to give a gift.

I told my family years ago that I am no longer buying Christmas gifts for adults. Some adults in my family still choose to give me presents; I say thank you. But I do not feel obligated to celebrate Christmas by buying gifts for well-to-do adults who literally do not need or want for a single thing.

You are seriously, seriously on the wrong side of etiquette to think that someone is obligated to get you a gift just because you chose to give them a gift.

Not to mention calling him out on it as he's walking into the family gathering, as if that would make any difference. OP did you expect him to say, "You're right, I'll be right back -- I'm going to go get some gifts RIGHT NOW." Your comment was meant only to hurt him, as I'm sure it did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is not "selfish" of a grown adult to choose to celebrate Christmas without buying presents for other adults.

The proper etiquette when given a gift is to say thank you and express sincere gratitude. It is NOT proper etiquette to feel that you are owed a gift just because you choose to give a gift.

I told my family years ago that I am no longer buying Christmas gifts for adults. Some adults in my family still choose to give me presents; I say thank you. But I do not feel obligated to celebrate Christmas by buying gifts for well-to-do adults who literally do not need or want for a single thing.

You are seriously, seriously on the wrong side of etiquette to think that someone is obligated to get you a gift just because you chose to give them a gift.

Forgot to mention that I would strongly prefer that they not get me gifts. I would prefer nothing, or if you feel you must, a small donation to a charity in my name would be appreciated. When people do get me a gift, I usually end up donating it or giving it away.

My in-laws ask for nothing or something “consumable” ... like wine. They have too much and don’t want material things, it just causes clutter and it’s terrible for the environment. My parents never wanted a gift. Family that want to send a gift send it on New Years or wait for Valentines.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess your DH didn't raise him right.

This. He didn’t get this way all by himself.

Or he was raised right because in their family parents and grandparents don’t get presents.

I have a branch of our family that does not give gift to kids once they graduate from college. No more gifts gifts are for children. All the adults do a service project together. That is how they decided to do xmas. You can’t tell others families how to do xmas.

Some families pick names.

His sister gives gifts. And the other relatives agree with stepmom but are afraid to speak up.

Maybe they asked her not to bring gifts and she did anyway. God I hate that, the one family that gives gifts when everybody agrees not to.

Maybe you should read the Op, because that’s not the case at all.

You don’t know what the case is. All we know is everybody was happy except OP.

From the OP:

“His grandmother and I had a conversation about it and she just sighed and shrugged her shoulders. His dad is upset about it too, but won't say anything to him either. Guess it's easier to just keep cranking out gifts to him than to have a real conversation.”

I’m sure she would have mentioned if he was told not to bring a gift.

The grandparents shrugged because the OP is rude and they said nothing instead of telling her to learn her place and some manners.

His dad will pretend to take her side and tell the boy to just ignore her since she is a shit stirrer. His gift to his dad is dealing with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess your DH didn't raise him right.

This. He didn’t get this way all by himself.

Or he was raised right because in their family parents and grandparents don’t get presents.

I have a branch of our family that does not give gift to kids once they graduate from college. No more gifts gifts are for children. All the adults do a service project together. That is how they decided to do xmas. You can’t tell others families how to do xmas.

Some families pick names.

His sister gives gifts. And the other relatives agree with stepmom but are afraid to speak up.

Maybe they asked her not to bring gifts and she did anyway. God I hate that, the one family that gives gifts when everybody agrees not to.

Maybe you should read the Op, because that’s not the case at all.

You don’t know what the case is. All we know is everybody was happy except OP.

From the OP:

“His grandmother and I had a conversation about it and she just sighed and shrugged her shoulders. His dad is upset about it too, but won't say anything to him either. Guess it's easier to just keep cranking out gifts to him than to have a real conversation.”

I’m sure she would have mentioned if he was told not to bring a gift.

The grandparents shrugged because the OP is rude and they said nothing instead of telling her to learn her place and some manners.

His dad will pretend to take her side and tell the boy to just ignore her since she is a shit stirrer. His gift to his dad is dealing with her.

Exactly. They didn't want to make things more awkward and more rude by telling the OP to mind her own business and read up on etiquette when it comes to gifts.

[Anonymous]

My uncles wife who is younger than me complains about her step sons all the time. They hate her and would never give her a gift. But when she complains I just nod my head. They are so kind and polite and caring but they are not going to give into her crazy whims.

Also they live their mom with all their heart and the step has no place in their life.

[Anonymous]

He reverts to the childhood he never left behind at Christmas. OP you need to stay out of it. The damage was done long ago

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He reverts to the childhood he never left behind at Christmas. OP you need to stay out of it. The damage was done long ago

+ 1

[Anonymous]

You're awful, OP. Just awful.

Apparently, you only invited stepson and his girlfriend over if they came bearing gifts. Wow.

I hope he spends future holidays with his mother's family instead of your stifling presence.

[Anonymous]

There have been lots of threads by those who learned the joy of making/giving a gift as children who later dealt with others (in most cases inlaw families) who haven't taught those things.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/773844.page

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/847385.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:32 YO here.

We have a family Christmas with long time family friends. I don’t buy any of the adults presents, but they buy for me. I kind of wish they would stop because I usually end up throwing or donating many of the gifts. They have a ton and frankly don’t need anything material.

I do buy for the kiddos generously.

As my family and extended family - I only buy for my parents, niece, grandma and sister.

Everyone else - sorry, but not sorry. Feel free not to give me a gift.

np Have you told them no gifts? Because you should if this is how you feel. People can't read minds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess your DH didn't raise him right.

This. He didn’t get this way all by himself.

Or he was raised right because in their family parents and grandparents don’t get presents.

I have a branch of our family that does not give gift to kids once they graduate from college. No more gifts gifts are for children. All the adults do a service project together. That is how they decided to do xmas. You can’t tell others families how to do xmas.

Some families pick names.

His sister gives gifts. And the other relatives agree with stepmom but are afraid to speak up.

Maybe they asked her not to bring gifts and she did anyway. God I hate that, the one family that gives gifts when everybody agrees not to.

Maybe you should read the Op, because that’s not the case at all.

You don’t know what the case is. All we know is everybody was happy except OP.

From the OP:

“His grandmother and I had a conversation about it and she just sighed and shrugged her shoulders. His dad is upset about it too, but won't say anything to him either. Guess it's easier to just keep cranking out gifts to him than to have a real conversation.”

I’m sure she would have mentioned if he was told not to bring a gift.

The grandparents shrugged because the OP is rude and they said nothing instead of telling her to learn her place and some manners.

His dad will pretend to take her side and tell the boy to just ignore her since she is a shit stirrer. His gift to his dad is dealing with her.

Exactly. They didn't want to make things more awkward and more rude by telling the OP to mind her own business and read up on etiquette when it comes to gifts.

Well hopefully this isn’t actually what you are teaching your own kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do a secret santa gift with a hard limit on what the gift should cost.

We did this in our family for the second time this year. 7 people draw one name each. $50 dollar limit. My brother has never ever gotten anyone a gift. He bowed out both years after receiving a gift himself. He's 34.

OP, in my brother's case, he views present shopping as "women's work" since my SAHM always bought all of the presents at Christmas. She even did the ones for my Dad's family. I'm assuming he'll start sending gifts once he has a wife to do it for him.

Yes, he's an entitled jerk. My parents raised him that way.

I'm late to the thread, but I want details. Did he open his gift and then physically leave? I'm stunned.