Complicated Grief and my late friend’s husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not all men, but many are back stabbers. His wife didn't care if he re-married I'm sure, but at 50 he had no business having anymore kids. What a slap in the face to his current one. A man having kids with various partners is beyond low class and vile.

Seek therapy. You have a problem.

You know it's true. I feel sorry for his son who is still in HS.

I was going to suggest the same thing to you. And raise the bar while you're at it.

“ A man having kids with various partners is beyond low class and vile.”

A man remarrying and continuing to have a life, including fathering children, is pretty damn normal. Calling that vile is truly bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh. This is what men do - they remarry ASAP and start new families. It sucks, but it's what they do.

I have no doubt that my dad would have wasted all my mom's assets on my stepmother and her kids, if it wasn't all legally in a trust for her children only. Thank god for that!

This is what my dad did. Re-married at 50 which we didn't have a problem with. However, he put all assets as joint with the new wife who was much younger. Assets from my mom and dad going way back. When he was ill his lawyer called my brother telling him of his concerns. My dad depended on his wife to take care of him, so there was that pressure. He left us a small life insurance policy he hid from her which I could tell she was somewhat miffed about. We ended up splitting it with her because frankly we all have a good relationship with her. I still visit her every year, but it was crappy she ended up with everything. Today we're all well off, but it's mostly the principal. It did teach me though. I have an expensive home I've always kept separate in trust to our kids.

Yep. It’s the principal of the thing. Lesson is that wives should ensure through official legal means 50% of joint assets go to kids if that is your goal for your wealth. Don’t assume your husband will do so in the future even if that is their intent.

Have you heard of autocorrect? Seriously get a life and post something that is relevant to the topic.

Hope you also teach your kids the difference between “principal” and “principle” along with leaving them all that wealth!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not all men, but many are back stabbers. His wife didn't care if he re-married I'm sure, but at 50 he had no business having anymore kids. What a slap in the face to his current one. A man having kids with various partners is beyond low class and vile.

Seek therapy. You have a problem.

You know it's true. I feel sorry for his son who is still in HS.

I was going to suggest the same thing to you. And raise the bar while you're at it.

“ A man having kids with various partners is beyond low class and vile.”

A man remarrying and continuing to have a life, including fathering children, is pretty damn normal. Calling that vile is truly bizarre.

In most situations it is. It's a big problem and family court reflects this. People going from partner to partner isn't conductive for the kids growth and development. Especially if they're not raised in the same home together with stable parents. Another factoid, the so called "blended family" hasn't worked. Pretty bad when second marriages end at approximately a 70% divorce rate. The kids being shuffled all over isn't working for the kids themselves. I guess you don't talk to many teachers?

Yes especially men because I seldom see them taking 100% care of their kids. Often they pass that job on to the new gf or spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grief can be a dark, endless, lonely tunnel. You do what you can to pull yourself out. For this man, it was finding a new love and bringing a new life into the world.

Having a pact with your spouse that they aren't allowed to expand the family upon your death is cruel and selfish.

I didn’t take it as a pact. I took it as though they had discussed her assets, she had raised questions and concerns, he had assured her that all of her money would go to their (her) son and so there was no need for official wills to legally ensure it. In doing so, he also promised her wouldn’t get married or have additional children. That’s a totally different issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not all men, but many are back stabbers. His wife didn't care if he re-married I'm sure, but at 50 he had no business having anymore kids. What a slap in the face to his current one. A man having kids with various partners is beyond low class and vile.

Seek therapy. You have a problem.

You know it's true. I feel sorry for his son who is still in HS.

I was going to suggest the same thing to you. And raise the bar while you're at it.

“ A man having kids with various partners is beyond low class and vile.”

A man remarrying and continuing to have a life, including fathering children, is pretty damn normal. Calling that vile is truly bizarre.

Not at 50 with a different partner. Especially after promising his wife, and possibly his child that he wouldn't do that. It is vile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not all men, but many are back stabbers. His wife didn't care if he re-married I'm sure, but at 50 he had no business having anymore kids. What a slap in the face to his current one. A man having kids with various partners is beyond low class and vile.

Seek therapy. You have a problem.

You know it's true. I feel sorry for his son who is still in HS.

I was going to suggest the same thing to you. And raise the bar while you're at it.

“ A man having kids with various partners is beyond low class and vile.”

A man remarrying and continuing to have a life, including fathering children, is pretty damn normal. Calling that vile is truly bizarre.

Not at 50 with a different partner. Especially after promising his wife, and possibly his child that he wouldn't do that. It is vile.

What planet are you on? No one is obligated to cease reproducing past your personal cutoff age.

[Anonymous]

8 pages are unnecessary.

You're right, it's none of your business OP.

[Anonymous]

If they raised the child well, why should he need someone else's money? Trust fund baby's suck. Let him go earn his place in the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they raised the child well, why should he need someone else's money? Trust fund baby's suck. Let him go earn his place in the world.

This is the stupidest post.

Why don’t his new kids earn their own place in this world . Why give a dead woman’s money to kids without her DNA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they raised the child well, why should he need someone else's money? Trust fund baby's suck. Let him go earn his place in the world.

This is the stupidest post.

Why don’t his new kids earn their own place in this world . Why give a dead woman’s money to kids without her DNA.

Who claimed it’s the dead woman’s money? That’s not in the original post. OP mentioned “their family’s wealth”, meaning now the man’s wealth.

[Anonymous]

OP have you talked to the son? Has he expressed his feelings about his dad remarrying, and getting the woman pregnant?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not all men, but many are back stabbers. His wife didn't care if he re-married I'm sure, but at 50 he had no business having anymore kids. What a slap in the face to his current one. A man having kids with various partners is beyond low class and vile.

Seek therapy. You have a problem.

You know it's true. I feel sorry for his son who is still in HS.

I was going to suggest the same thing to you. And raise the bar while you're at it.

“ A man having kids with various partners is beyond low class and vile.”

A man remarrying and continuing to have a life, including fathering children, is pretty damn normal. Calling that vile is truly bizarre.

In most situations it is. It's a big problem and family court reflects this. People going from partner to partner isn't conductive for the kids growth and development. Especially if they're not raised in the same home together with stable parents. Another factoid, the so called "blended family" hasn't worked. Pretty bad when second marriages end at approximately a 70% divorce rate. The kids being shuffled all over isn't working for the kids themselves. I guess you don't talk to many teachers?

Yes especially men because I seldom see them taking 100% care of their kids. Often they pass that job on to the new gf or spouse.

This man's wife DIED. He didn't willingly go "from partner to partner". Is he supposed to spend the next 40 years alone because blended families are hard?

[Anonymous]

After my mother passed when I was 16, my dad remarried fairly quickly and they had a baby. I'm pretty sure she married him because she was nearing 40 and running out of time, and he had raised 3 pretty normal kids and was a good father.

I'll be honest, I would have preferred that he focus on us and not start a new family. Their marriage didn't survive after the baby, and things were contentious for a long time. It probably would have been easier on everyone if he'd married someone who already had their own kids and didn't want one with him. (he was 50 at the time.)

That said, having a younger child has definitely kept my dad young at heart. When we were growing up, my dad was so busy working and supporting a wife and family that he didn't get to spend a lot of time with us. He had some guilt about that, and he was able to spend more time with my half-brother and do more stuff with him, like Eagle Scout projects and camping trips. So that made his life richer.

I don't mind my half-brother getting 1/4 of my dad's estate, as he deserves. My dad remarried after that divorce and has been happily married for many years to a woman who has two kids of her own. I would be annoyed if they got his money - they're not his kids. They were grown by the time our parents married. At the same time, I wouldn't want my stepmom's money. So my dad and my stepmom have wills that separate the assets for their own kids, which seems fair. (either parent can stay in the house after the other passes.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP have you talked to the son? Has he expressed his feelings about his dad remarrying, and getting the woman pregnant?

WTF? you and the others in your weird sisterhood do not understand boundaries. Seriously, what the hell gives anyone the right to meddle in the business of someone else's family? Get a f'ing clue and stay the f*** away from this man, his kid, and that entire family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just because it’s come up,

She was a smart woman, turned a little bit of money into wealth. I don’t think it’s okay that two kids who aren’t biologically related to her now adult child, are going to receive half of that wealth. She didn’t go the route of a trust specifically because he had no intentions of starting a second family. She was my friend, I know details because when you prepare for end of life people like to talk through things. We talked through how our children will continue on without us and the money gave her a huge relief for her son.
Marrying someone with kids is one thing, but fully taking on two young kids plus a baby is different, and I don’t think it’s right that he’s taking an “all is equal” approach because she would have protected her son if this was something she thought would happen.

So it's her money that will now be spread out to another's. Different story then in My opinion.

She trusted her spouse. I feel for their son.