Teen is all over his sister

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Geez, people. Of course I'm not letting him abuse her. What kind of person do you think I am? I have a child the same age.

I found out the number to call already.

For what it's worth the parents are good, middle class parents who love their kids so I'm surprised they haven't acted on it.

They let this situation develop in to what it is. Abuse happens at every economic level and in households of all types. There is no segment of the population that is immune. Even if nothing beyond what you are seeing is happening, the situation where the younger child constantly is denied body autonomy is abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is 10. If he's raping her every night she would have physical problems that would be evident at home and checkups. Isn't it? So I can't say 100% certainty that he's raping her.

Your focus is misplaced. What do you want people to say, that there's only an 85% chance this little girl is being raped, so you should feel free to keep ignoring the parade of red flags?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is 10. If he's raping her every night she would have physical problems that would be evident at home and checkups. Isn't it? So I can't say 100% certainty that he's raping her.

There are many kids who go for yearly physicals whose sexual abuse is not seen because doctors are not checking for it. An exam for sexual assault is not a typical physical. There are many girls who are raped and no one realizes it for YEARS until they have a baby at 11.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is 10. If he's raping her every night she would have physical problems that would be evident at home and checkups. Isn't it? So I can't say 100% certainty that he's raping her.

Sexual assault can be a lot of things, not just what you are thinking. But anyway, you are really misinformed. An exam for sexual assault is invasive in a way that regular well checks are not.

Do some kids get bladder infections? yes. Do some kids start behaving in a sexually suggestive manner? Yes. Do all kids who are abused? Heck no.

[Anonymous]

I am reading this thread just now. I can not say if he is raping her (e.g., forced penetration). Nor can I say if he is getting gratification. My guess to the first is no, and to the second is yes, though.

What I will say is the behavior is not appropriate. And if not corrected, it could very well lead to rape.

At 13, the boy may be having problems dealing with his hormonal changes, which is not unusual. If it is stopped and addressed now, he could be fine. If not, it could easily lead to a Law and Order SVU type case.

Now I will tell a story. When I was 13, I (Boy) had an 11 yo friend (girl). We would wrestle, etc. It was consensual, and it was sexual. It never went further than wrestling (we moved away), but had we stayed, it would have.

[Anonymous]

Am I the only one who thinks it's a stretch to automatically assume this little girl must be being raped by her brother because of what OP described? Sounds like he is overly touchy/feely, but it's a HUGE LEAP from that to actually putting his penis in her vagina against her will at night. Boys that age are hormonal- YES. But he probably has some freaking self control when it comes to RAPING HIS 10 YEAR OLD SISTER. Like how you get mad at your little brother so you push him down sometimes, that doesn't mean you are beating him unconscious with a baseball bat in your shared room at night because that's such a HUGE LEAP from sometimes pushing him when you're mad. Being hormonal and clearly too touchy with her at the pool is a far cry from actually physically raping her. Everyone on this thread needs to take a deep breath.

[Anonymous]

OP, I know we all probably sounded a bit harsh, but please know it's just because we lack the agency to do anything about it, and we are anxious to have something done.
Thank you for making the call. I understand this is not something done lightly, and I'm glad you are taking this step.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is 10. If he's raping her every night she would have physical problems that would be evident at home and checkups. Isn't it? So I can't say 100% certainty that he's raping her.

There are many kids who go for yearly physicals whose sexual abuse is not seen because doctors are not checking for it. An exam for sexual assault is not a typical physical. There are many girls who are raped and no one realizes it for YEARS until they have a baby at 11.

This exactly. Mom could easily be telling doctors not to do ‘private parts’ check, because daughter isn’t comfortable with it, or whatever.

This situation is outrageous, yet I’m sure it’s more common than any one of us wants to believe. Always look for any ‘odd’ behavior with any child. Have a look at the Safe Shores (DC) website. I learned a lot of important information there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am reading this thread just now. I can not say if he is raping her (e.g., forced penetration). Nor can I say if he is getting gratification. My guess to the first is no, and to the second is yes, though.

What I will say is the behavior is not appropriate. And if not corrected, it could very well lead to rape.

At 13, the boy may be having problems dealing with his hormonal changes, which is not unusual. If it is stopped and addressed now, he could be fine. If not, it could easily lead to a Law and Order SVU type case.

Now I will tell a story. When I was 13, I (Boy) had an 11 yo friend (girl). We would wrestle, etc. It was consensual, and it was sexual. It never went further than wrestling (we moved away), but had we stayed, it would have.

I posted below you and what you say is much more eloquent than what I said, but I agree with you. But- if that 11 year old you were wrestling was your sister, do you really still think it would have gone further? You don't think the taboo of "but this is my SISTER" would have stopped you from having sex with her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks it's a stretch to automatically assume this little girl must be being raped by her brother because of what OP described? Sounds like he is overly touchy/feely, but it's a HUGE LEAP from that to actually putting his penis in her vagina against her will at night. Boys that age are hormonal- YES. But he probably has some freaking self control when it comes to RAPING HIS 10 YEAR OLD SISTER. Like how you get mad at your little brother so you push him down sometimes, that doesn't mean you are beating him unconscious with a baseball bat in your shared room at night because that's such a HUGE LEAP from sometimes pushing him when you're mad. Being hormonal and clearly too touchy with her at the pool is a far cry from actually physically raping her. Everyone on this thread needs to take a deep breath.

Where would that self-control come from, exactly? He's behaving incredibly inappropriately in public already, and basically getting the reaction from his parents that if she can't fight him off then he gets to do what he wants. And their parents have them sharing a room. This is how he acts during the day with non-family members watching. It's crazy to act like it's a HUGE LEAP to think that he's not pushing it further away from any supervision whatsoever.

I agree with the PP above you that it might not have progressed to penetration yet, but what we see here is that he's been given the all clear to do what he wants to her, and she's had it reinforced that no one will help her when she says no, so I feel pretty confident saying if OP does not intervene this will lead to rape.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is 10. If he's raping her every night she would have physical problems that would be evident at home and checkups. Isn't it? So I can't say 100% certainty that he's raping her.

There are many kids who go for yearly physicals whose sexual abuse is not seen because doctors are not checking for it. An exam for sexual assault is not a typical physical. There are many girls who are raped and no one realizes it for YEARS until they have a baby at 11.

This exactly. Mom could easily be telling doctors not to do ‘private parts’ check, because daughter isn’t comfortable with it, or whatever.

This situation is outrageous, yet I’m sure it’s more common than any one of us wants to believe. Always look for any ‘odd’ behavior with any child. Have a look at the Safe Shores (DC) website. I learned a lot of important information there.

I'm a pediatrician and we do "private part checks" as part of a yearly physical to check for onset of puberty and appropriate development. You cannot tell from an external physical exam if tween year old girl has been raped unless there is obvious trauma which there probably wouldn't be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I know we all probably sounded a bit harsh, but please know it's just because we lack the agency to do anything about it, and we are anxious to have something done.
Thank you for making the call. I understand this is not something done lightly, and I'm glad you are taking this step.

Agreed. You have to be strong to step out of your comfort zone, and do whatever it takes for this girl to be safe from her brother’s sexual abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks it's a stretch to automatically assume this little girl must be being raped by her brother because of what OP described? Sounds like he is overly touchy/feely, but it's a HUGE LEAP from that to actually putting his penis in her vagina against her will at night. Boys that age are hormonal- YES. But he probably has some freaking self control when it comes to RAPING HIS 10 YEAR OLD SISTER. Like how you get mad at your little brother so you push him down sometimes, that doesn't mean you are beating him unconscious with a baseball bat in your shared room at night because that's such a HUGE LEAP from sometimes pushing him when you're mad. Being hormonal and clearly too touchy with her at the pool is a far cry from actually physically raping her. Everyone on this thread needs to take a deep breath.

Where would that self-control come from, exactly? He's behaving incredibly inappropriately in public already, and basically getting the reaction from his parents that if she can't fight him off then he gets to do what he wants. And their parents have them sharing a room. This is how he acts during the day with non-family members watching. It's crazy to act like it's a HUGE LEAP to think that he's not pushing it further away from any supervision whatsoever.

I agree with the PP above you that it might not have progressed to penetration yet, but what we see here is that he's been given the all clear to do what he wants to her, and she's had it reinforced that no one will help her when she says no, so I feel pretty confident saying if OP does not intervene this will lead to rape.

Look, most 13 year old boys are raging full of hormones and probably most of them have - or have tried to- "wrestle" similarly aged girls or younger girls for some sort of gratification. But most 13 year old boys will never go on to rape those girls. Truly. Do you think all 13 year old boys are rapists?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is 10. If he's raping her every night she would have physical problems that would be evident at home and checkups. Isn't it? So I can't say 100% certainty that he's raping her.

There are many kids who go for yearly physicals whose sexual abuse is not seen because doctors are not checking for it. An exam for sexual assault is not a typical physical. There are many girls who are raped and no one realizes it for YEARS until they have a baby at 11.

This exactly. Mom could easily be telling doctors not to do ‘private parts’ check, because daughter isn’t comfortable with it, or whatever.

This situation is outrageous, yet I’m sure it’s more common than any one of us wants to believe. Always look for any ‘odd’ behavior with any child. Have a look at the Safe Shores (DC) website. I learned a lot of important information there.

I'm a pediatrician and we do "private part checks" as part of a yearly physical to check for onset of puberty and appropriate development. You cannot tell from an external physical exam if tween year old girl has been raped unless there is obvious trauma which there probably wouldn't be.

I imagine you think this situation is extremely concerning, as OP is describing it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks it's a stretch to automatically assume this little girl must be being raped by her brother because of what OP described? Sounds like he is overly touchy/feely, but it's a HUGE LEAP from that to actually putting his penis in her vagina against her will at night. Boys that age are hormonal- YES. But he probably has some freaking self control when it comes to RAPING HIS 10 YEAR OLD SISTER. Like how you get mad at your little brother so you push him down sometimes, that doesn't mean you are beating him unconscious with a baseball bat in your shared room at night because that's such a HUGE LEAP from sometimes pushing him when you're mad. Being hormonal and clearly too touchy with her at the pool is a far cry from actually physically raping her. Everyone on this thread needs to take a deep breath.

His behavior that is seen in public is inappropriate. It is extremely disturbing. These kids are still sharing a room (and I have nothing against sharing a room - my kids shared a room) and the behavior is over the line disturbing. What is happening in public should not be happening, and who knows what is happening in private. None of us know.

But the behavior in public is disturbing enough that OP is right to call. These kids need professional help no matter if nothing else is happening in private, because what is happening in public is enough and the parents are clueless or in denial.