Are husbands generally disappointing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think all husbands are disappointing but mine is.

- Almost always no shows to kids events. I stopped making excuses but it makes no sad for them.
- No sex in years, even when I try to initiate.
- Drinks to the point of passing out every night. (This may explain the no sex.)
- Goes silent randomly - not contactable by phone or text. Usually when he sneaks off to a bar with his buddies.
- Lectures me. All. The. Time. About stupid stuff like what I made the kids for breakfast.
- Hyper critical and judgmental of others.
- Under-employed after quitting a perfectly good job without having another job lined up.
- Worries about money privately but tries to act like he is a high roller to friends and acquaintances.
- Is a total snob.
- Rude to my family.
- Angry with the world - blames others for his misfortune. Never considers what part he may have in life situations.

We tried therapy - he thought it was stupid. I have suggested marriage retreats. I read a great marriage book and bought him a copy. I think he will actually be surprised when I ask for a divorce this summer. In retrospect, there were warning signs, but he was a lot of fun when we dated. He has spiraled down quickly with age.

Oh man, my (recently married) DH sounds a lot like this, right down to being a lot of fun when we dated. You have me worried now!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think all husbands are disappointing but mine is.

- Almost always no shows to kids events. I stopped making excuses but it makes no sad for them.
- No sex in years, even when I try to initiate.
- Drinks to the point of passing out every night. (This may explain the no sex.)
- Goes silent randomly - not contactable by phone or text. Usually when he sneaks off to a bar with his buddies.
- Lectures me. All. The. Time. About stupid stuff like what I made the kids for breakfast.
- Hyper critical and judgmental of others.
- Under-employed after quitting a perfectly good job without having another job lined up.
- Worries about money privately but tries to act like he is a high roller to friends and acquaintances.
- Is a total snob.
- Rude to my family.
- Angry with the world - blames others for his misfortune. Never considers what part he may have in life situations.

We tried therapy - he thought it was stupid. I have suggested marriage retreats. I read a great marriage book and bought him a copy. I think he will actually be surprised when I ask for a divorce this summer. In retrospect, there were warning signs, but he was a lot of fun when we dated. He has spiraled down quickly with age.

How do you know he's sneaking off to bars with "guys"? Almost sounds like he's cheating and has purposely distanced himself from you. I would probably confirm that, but you guys have so many problems not sure it's worth it. I'd probably just divorce him. Much easier to find a better partner....I mean you can only go up from what you have...

Thank you! I know because he eventually admits it or his friends tell me (because they don't realize he is trying to be sneaky.

Honestly - I appreciate you validating where I am. I kept feeling like a failure and was banging my head against the wall trying to make our marriage succeed. I finally realized he just doesn’t care about me - except my wallet and benefits. It sucks, but I am hopeful I can be a happier mama after we finally separate/divorce. I have no illusion about how hard divorced life will be, but it has to be better than arguing in front of the kids and then asking us to stop

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think all husbands are disappointing but mine is.

- Almost always no shows to kids events. I stopped making excuses but it makes no sad for them.
- No sex in years, even when I try to initiate.
- Drinks to the point of passing out every night. (This may explain the no sex.)
- Goes silent randomly - not contactable by phone or text. Usually when he sneaks off to a bar with his buddies.
- Lectures me. All. The. Time. About stupid stuff like what I made the kids for breakfast.
- Hyper critical and judgmental of others.
- Under-employed after quitting a perfectly good job without having another job lined up.
- Worries about money privately but tries to act like he is a high roller to friends and acquaintances.
- Is a total snob.
- Rude to my family.
- Angry with the world - blames others for his misfortune. Never considers what part he may have in life situations.

We tried therapy - he thought it was stupid. I have suggested marriage retreats. I read a great marriage book and bought him a copy. I think he will actually be surprised when I ask for a divorce this summer. In retrospect, there were warning signs, but he was a lot of fun when we dated. He has spiraled down quickly with age.

You are either a troll or you are incredibly stupid for marrying such a loser. Which is it? No one suddenly becomes this after getting married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think all husbands are disappointing but mine is.

- Almost always no shows to kids events. I stopped making excuses but it makes no sad for them.
- No sex in years, even when I try to initiate.
- Drinks to the point of passing out every night. (This may explain the no sex.)
- Goes silent randomly - not contactable by phone or text. Usually when he sneaks off to a bar with his buddies.
- Lectures me. All. The. Time. About stupid stuff like what I made the kids for breakfast.
- Hyper critical and judgmental of others.
- Under-employed after quitting a perfectly good job without having another job lined up.
- Worries about money privately but tries to act like he is a high roller to friends and acquaintances.
- Is a total snob.
- Rude to my family.
- Angry with the world - blames others for his misfortune. Never considers what part he may have in life situations.

We tried therapy - he thought it was stupid. I have suggested marriage retreats. I read a great marriage book and bought him a copy. I think he will actually be surprised when I ask for a divorce this summer. In retrospect, there were warning signs, but he was a lot of fun when we dated. He has spiraled down quickly with age.

You are either a troll or you are incredibly stupid for marrying such a loser. Which is it? No one suddenly becomes this after getting married.

They have kids that clearly aren't babies so I doubt this was sudden. It probably started with just a few things and as the years went on the list grew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was talking with coworkers the other day and each of us was complaining about having a husband who was an extra child to look after. Ailments such as anxiety, depression, malaise and impulse control were thrown about.

Is this the norm? Are most husbands... dysfunctional man children?

Misery loves company.

[Anonymous]

my husband at 29 vs 41 has matured and grown into an amazing partner. I do have to say most of the qualities that make us happy are habits he has picked up later on in life ie/ being a 50% partner in everything domestic!

In his 20's and 30's he was still unaware of the demands of parenthood on young kids and the domestic stuff that had to get done. Never understood why I was too tired, or needed to nap and frustrated with telling him when I needed help. Over the years, he has matured and grown up from a boy into a man. I think we both have negatives and positives and now with the years we have invested in our marriage and family we are in the best years of our marriage. And so, no, men are no generally disappointing.
I do think, from my experience, most have really big hearts, but truly need a few more years to grow up.