Are husbands generally disappointing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it's pretty typical. I disagree with the prior poster thats its all about wives enabling it. Things change in life over the years...people get more demanding jobs, kids come into the picture, etc. You might date a guy who came off as having it together. 10 years down the road with more life responsibilities thrown it, you become surprised at how disappointing he's become. There is a place for boundaries to curb certain behaviors, but it's not the whole story.

I am sure this happens, with some regularity.

Are you honest enough to admit that it happens with equal frequency the other way around?

[Anonymous]

Mine is not a disappointment at all. We’ve been married 34 years and I can’t imagine that I could have done better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine is not a disappointment at all. We’ve been married 34 years and I can’t imagine that I could have done better.

Same here. Very happy with DH throughout our 22 years together.

[Anonymous]

Mine was great all up until we found out our second child is a girl (first was a boy). My husband couldn't be more uninvolved and uncaring about this pregnancy- clearly he wanted another boy.

This has spilled over because we do need to still prepare the spare room for this baby (paint amd new flooring). I had looked forward to this and he has taken all the joy out of it- demanding to do it himself, refusing any of my help when he is clearly struggling to get the cuts of the flooring right around the perimeter of the room (so many curse words and wasted planks) and just generally super moody and short with me. It's just super disappointing to me because I never saw it coming.

[Anonymous]

My husband is not a man child. He annoys me sometimes. He is not perfect and neither am I but he is a functional adult. OP, when I hear people talk about a family member as if what is wrong with them is something that is wrong with an entire demographic group, I suspect that they're trying to avoid the grief around the fact that they didn't get the family member they deserve so they're trying to spread the blame out to a whole group of people. I don't know if that's the case with you but that is something I would wonder about.

[Anonymous]

Yes at least half are net negative to have around.

[Anonymous]

So, just to be clear, is the problem that women have expectations that are too low and end up enabling behavior that they don’t like, or is the problem that women’s expectations are too high, and they don’t love and appreciate all of the good things about their husbands despite flaws?
I mean, I am clear that the reason most men can’t just be nice and consider other people is all the fault of their wives. I am just wondering where exactly the wives are going wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was talking with coworkers the other day and each of us was complaining about having a husband who was an extra child to look after. Ailments such as anxiety, depression, malaise and impulse control were thrown about.

Is this the norm? Are most husbands... dysfunctional man children?

So, he was perfect when you married him, but now he has anxiety, depression, malaise and impulse control.

Um, sounds like the variable is you.

I’d say it is unwarranted expectations of life with kids, a house and a wife. If his parents never modeled talking, making decisions, cleaning stuff up, taking care of each other, then he has no clue how to be a father, husband or homeowner. This is a real struggle to raise kids and keep a home with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, just to be clear, is the problem that women have expectations that are too low and end up enabling behavior that they don’t like, or is the problem that women’s expectations are too high, and they don’t love and appreciate all of the good things about their husbands despite flaws?
I mean, I am clear that the reason most men can’t just be nice and consider other people is all the fault of their wives. I am just wondering where exactly the wives are going wrong.

What good things?

What are some “good things” that husbands do? And having a paycheck isn’t one of them— that’s zero points, and negative if No job/lazy.

[Anonymous]

If we look at what men contribute financially to households and to the economy, most are far from children. In many homes, women and children are quite dependent on the financial contributions of the man to both their social status, quality of life and keeping the basics of roof /food.

Women don't like to acknowledge what men contribute or the stress / pressure they face. Men die earlier, are killed more often, commit suicide more often, due on the job more often, and are far more negatively impacted by unemployment or underemployment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, just to be clear, is the problem that women have expectations that are too low and end up enabling behavior that they don’t like, or is the problem that women’s expectations are too high, and they don’t love and appreciate all of the good things about their husbands despite flaws?
I mean, I am clear that the reason most men can’t just be nice and consider other people is all the fault of their wives. I am just wondering where exactly the wives are going wrong.

Normal or high expectations?? If a husband cannot and will not:

Put your trash in the trash can.
Listen to your child when she asks you a question
Get your tax paperwork in
Put your dirty clothes in the hamper
Get car oil changed in your vehicle 1x a year
Respond to people when spoken to.
Mow the lawn when too long, without being asked
Get presents for loved ones, not amazon gift cards each time late.
Help manage the household or take over tasks - dental appts, dr appts, grocery shop, plan vacations, read/respond to school emails, basic home maintenance, notice issues in house/yard and fix it, etc.

[Anonymous]

Too many one trick ponies (office work) who cannot multitask.

Imagine what would happen to the house, kids, schedule if the wife was incapacitated in the hospital for three months. Total disarray and cluelessness or OK?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If we look at what men contribute financially to households and to the economy, most are far from children. In many homes, women and children are quite dependent on the financial contributions of the man to both their social status, quality of life and keeping the basics of roof /food.

Women don't like to acknowledge what men contribute or the stress / pressure they face. Men die earlier, are killed more often, commit suicide more often, due on the job more often, and are far more negatively impacted by unemployment or underemployment.

So, your second paragraph is true, but it is more true for single men than married men.

And actually, wives of men in high pressure jobs commit suicide almost twice as often as the men do.

[Anonymous]

It's amazing that all of these awful husbands were wonderful men on your wedding day. Maybe some of the disappointment has to do with who the men married. To those of you who find your husbands to be disappointing I'm sure 100% feel the same way about you. Why don't you ask them?

[Anonymous]

I can't really comment on husbands in general, because I've only had the one. But mine isn't like having another child. He's responsible and cleans up after himself and is reliable.