Are husbands generally disappointing?

[Anonymous]

You know, OP, raising a family with your spouse is kind of like opening a small business with your best friend. Whenever it goes well, it is really amazing. You are with your best friend all of the time! You get each other, and you know they have your back.
But most of the time, it doesn’t go that well, and you end up sort of wanting to murder each other, not really, but sort of.

[Anonymous]

Maybe declining testosterone levels have something to do with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was talking with coworkers the other day and each of us was complaining about having a husband who was an extra child to look after. Ailments such as anxiety, depression, malaise and impulse control were thrown about.

Is this the norm? Are most husbands... dysfunctional man children?

I’ve come to the conclusion that complaining about husbands is how women bond. It’s rare to hear a woman compliment their husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men quickly learn that women are going to be “disappointed “ not matter what you do. Fix one problem, women will just find something else to moan about. The natural male response is to just stop caring at some point.

Very true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, just to be clear, is the problem that women have expectations that are too low and end up enabling behavior that they don’t like, or is the problem that women’s expectations are too high, and they don’t love and appreciate all of the good things about their husbands despite flaws?
I mean, I am clear that the reason most men can’t just be nice and consider other people is all the fault of their wives. I am just wondering where exactly the wives are going wrong.

This is a great point. I have noticed that friends whose husbands don’t help definitely enable the behavior (or lack of). In the early years they never left their husband alone with the newborn, never handed over certain responsibilities to the husband, continued to have kids with the man child. I don’t get the impression they were ever direct and told their husband what he could do to make things better. Instead they do it all and are the default parent without giving up a fight.

yeah if you don't actually TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND the only person to blame is you

so who is the kid non adult in these situations again lol

don’t think it’s just talking. It’s leaving your husband alone with your kids at a young age. Not when they are napping. Here are other things you can do

1. Don’t automatically cook dinner. When he asks you what is for dinner ask him back. Eventually he will learn that he has to take responsibility for having dinner. This means planning ,groceries etc

2. Don’t leave the house with diapers. When your child needs a new one then ask him if he brought them. When he didn’t say you have to go home. Repeat until he helps. Don’t have a feminine diaper bag. Have one you can share and both use

3. Don’t clean up unless he helps. If he doesn’t do dishes let them pile up. If he goes and buys paper plates get divorced

4. Don’t buy gifts. Little kids don’t know anyway. Ask your husband on your two year old’s birthday if he remembered to buy presents because you didn’t.

I could go on. I have a husband who coparents fwiw.

This sounds a little passive aggressive and something that would build resentment and frustration over time. I can't imagine how annoying this would be.

As a PP said, just talk. If you want dinner cooked more then say it, tell him, can you cook half the week on Mon, Wed, Fri. Men are not mind readers and I am capable of forgetting things. I prefer it if my husband just simply reminds me if I have forgotten something.

If you are cleaning up and want help simply ask.

Women are known for this. They are scared to leave the newborn with the father (why I have no idea, he isn't going to kill his own child), they take on all the chores because no one does it better (apparently) and then they complain when a precedence is set and they are doing everything. Then the mind games come, some of this disappointment is set up by the women.

Not to say that some men out there are disappointing but some women out there are just as disappointing. So no husbands are not generally disappointing but some surely would be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, just to be clear, is the problem that women have expectations that are too low and end up enabling behavior that they don’t like, or is the problem that women’s expectations are too high, and they don’t love and appreciate all of the good things about their husbands despite flaws?
I mean, I am clear that the reason most men can’t just be nice and consider other people is all the fault of their wives. I am just wondering where exactly the wives are going wrong.

This is a great point. I have noticed that friends whose husbands don’t help definitely enable the behavior (or lack of). In the early years they never left their husband alone with the newborn, never handed over certain responsibilities to the husband, continued to have kids with the man child. I don’t get the impression they were ever direct and told their husband what he could do to make things better. Instead they do it all and are the default parent without giving up a fight.

yeah if you don't actually TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND the only person to blame is you

so who is the kid non adult in these situations again lol

don’t think it’s just talking. It’s leaving your husband alone with your kids at a young age. Not when they are napping. Here are other things you can do

1. Don’t automatically cook dinner. When he asks you what is for dinner ask him back. Eventually he will learn that he has to take responsibility for having dinner. This means planning ,groceries etc

2. Don’t leave the house with diapers. When your child needs a new one then ask him if he brought them. When he didn’t say you have to go home. Repeat until he helps. Don’t have a feminine diaper bag. Have one you can share and both use

3. Don’t clean up unless he helps. If he doesn’t do dishes let them pile up. If he goes and buys paper plates get divorced

4. Don’t buy gifts. Little kids don’t know anyway. Ask your husband on your two year old’s birthday if he remembered to buy presents because you didn’t.

I could go on. I have a husband who coparents fwiw.

This sounds a little passive aggressive and something that would build resentment and frustration over time. I can't imagine how annoying this would be.

As a PP said, just talk. If you want dinner cooked more then say it, tell him, can you cook half the week on Mon, Wed, Fri. Men are not mind readers and I am capable of forgetting things. I prefer it if my husband just simply reminds me if I have forgotten something.

If you are cleaning up and want help simply ask.

Women are known for this. They are scared to leave the newborn with the father (why I have no idea, he isn't going to kill his own child), they take on all the chores because no one does it better (apparently) and then they complain when a precedence is set and they are doing everything. Then the mind games come, some of this disappointment is set up by the women.

Not to say that some men out there are disappointing but some women out there are just as disappointing. So no husbands are not generally disappointing but some surely would be.

I don’t think it’s passive aggressive. Sometimes talking doesn’t work. A man needs to be taught what happens if he doesn’t consider dinner (no dinner), prepare for his child’s bday (no presents) etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was talking with coworkers the other day and each of us was complaining about having a husband who was an extra child to look after. Ailments such as anxiety, depression, malaise and impulse control were thrown about.

Is this the norm? Are most husbands... dysfunctional man children?

No, it's not because husbands are disappointing... It's because women complain non-stop. "I do all the work" attitude can really kill the marriage.

[Anonymous]

"Aren't we past anxiety and depression being character weaknesses?


Right? I suffer from anxiety as do my children. I wonder if he disappoint my husband"


It is 100% a character flaw when someone refuses to acknowledge and properly manage his mood disorder. Which is what we're talking about when we're talking about husbands being disappointing and not holding their own in a marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was talking with coworkers the other day and each of us was complaining about having a husband who was an extra child to look after. Ailments such as anxiety, depression, malaise and impulse control were thrown about.

Is this the norm? Are most husbands... dysfunctional man children?

No, it's not because husbands are disappointing... It's because women complain non-stop. "I do all the work" attitude can really kill the marriage.

Is male violence also an issue of women just complaining nonstop about men killing other people?

[Anonymous]

I know I am. But DW is as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was talking with coworkers the other day and each of us was complaining about having a husband who was an extra child to look after. Ailments such as anxiety, depression, malaise and impulse control were thrown about.

Is this the norm? Are most husbands... dysfunctional man children?

No, it's not because husbands are disappointing... It's because women complain non-stop. "I do all the work" attitude can really kill the marriage.

Is male violence also an issue of women just complaining nonstop about men killing other people?

If you worry about your DH killing you, you didn't win the husband lotto.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was talking with coworkers the other day and each of us was complaining about having a husband who was an extra child to look after. Ailments such as anxiety, depression, malaise and impulse control were thrown about.

Is this the norm? Are most husbands... dysfunctional man children?

No, it's not because husbands are disappointing... It's because women complain non-stop. "I do all the work" attitude can really kill the marriage.

Is male violence also an issue of women just complaining nonstop about men killing other people?

this game is fun. It's female stupidity to select and procreate with moronic individuals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was talking with coworkers the other day and each of us was complaining about having a husband who was an extra child to look after. Ailments such as anxiety, depression, malaise and impulse control were thrown about.

Is this the norm? Are most husbands... dysfunctional man children?

No, it's not because husbands are disappointing... It's because women complain non-stop. "I do all the work" attitude can really kill the marriage.

Is male violence also an issue of women just complaining nonstop about men killing other people?

this game is fun. It's female stupidity to select and procreate with moronic individuals.

So it’s also a woman’s fault if a man is violent?

[Anonymous]

This is only a complaint of women who chose to marry useless man-children.

I chose to marry a grown adult who has a lot of good qualities, and a few flaws. He did the same.

Do I complain a bit here and there to friends? No. Do I participate in bitch-fests on the reg, not really.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY! LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know, OP, raising a family with your spouse is kind of like opening a small business with your best friend. Whenever it goes well, it is really amazing. You are with your best friend all of the time! You get each other, and you know they have your back.
But most of the time, it doesn’t go that well, and you end up sort of wanting to murder each other, not really, but sort of.

Raising children and running a household of more than two adults is the Ultimate Test of one’s character, skills, and abilities.
One either rises to the challenge and brings one’s best to discussions, child-rearing, problem solving, and taking care of everything, the home and people other than oneself.
OR, one shrinks back into a realm of self-centeredness and focuses on what they were conditioned to focus on when single: studies or office work. That looks good externally and gains “rewards.”