Why vacation without the kids?

[Anonymous]

General reminder that ALL vacations are a luxury and indulgence.

If you want to take the martyr route, there is always ALWAYS something else that money and time could be better used on. Think harder if nothing comes to mind. Cancer hasn’t been cured yet, so how dare you use your money elsewhere?

On the other hand, I have three young children and we do family trips together but my husband and I also vacation alone once or twice a year, usually for a weekend or three days. Not super extensive but lovely breaks. We both also do one or two weekends away with friends while the other spouse stays with kids.

Works for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Vacations are in way perfect for spending more time and connecting with your family, so why many people vacation without their kids? I am not trying to be judging, I want to understand what the thought process.

OP, let's be honest, your first sentence indicates that you are judging, but I will indulge you. Here is my thought process-- vacations are a perfect way for spending more time and connecting with my family. Vacations are also a perfect way for spending more time and connecting with my husband. Vacations are also a perfect way for spending more time and connecting with my friends. Vacations are also a perfect way for spending time and alone and recharging myself.

I do all types of vacations, and they all make me a better balanced, happier person, which in turn makes me a better parent. I understand that not everyone needs the same things that I need to be a good parent, so it others don't want to travel without their kids, that's fine. To each their own.

Our family loves to travel. Every year I take a few weekend or overnight trips with just my husband. I do one mom/kid one-on-one weekend trip with each kid. My husband and I each take at least trip with our friends. On good years my husband and I do one longer trip together. My husband and I each take the kids for a week to visit our respective families and the other stays home alone. As a family we take at least two bigger trips per year and several weekend trips. We all enjoy spending time together but also love having time with each parent separately, and the kids love having time with their grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Vacations are in way perfect for spending more time and connecting with your family, so why many people vacation without their kids? I am not trying to be judging, I want to understand what the thought process.

Because there are things I enjoy, and want to do, that my kids don't want to do, or aren't appropriate for them. And I see no reason why my spouse and I should have to wait 15 years to go wine tasting in Napa, for example.

Our kids stay with their grandparents, and all parties involved love the arrangements.

So, let me ask you - what is difficult to understand about this? Do you have a hard time interacting with your spouse if your kids aren't present? Do you need the kids as a buffer?

Nope. My kids are 20 and 18 now . We have a very strong marriage. Napa is not a necessity and is selfish. I would save that for when the kids are grown.

Do you know delayed gratification? Do you always put yourself first? You can manage without Napa.

You sound insufferable. Also the message your kids got may not be the one you thought you were sending by never prioritizing your marriage.

I do prioritize my marriage, I have been married 21 years. BUT I don't need to dump my kids off for a week to do that. Date night is good enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s fine for a stay at home parent and spouse to take vacations without the kids, but when both parents are working full time I think it’s a little selfish. I mean, you spend so little time with your kids as it is, and then you go on vacation without them? Kind of makes me wonder why you bothered having kids in the first place.

Wait what!? My kids’ school has the same hours for children with working parents as it does for children with a stay at home parent. Your assumptions are astounding(ly foolish).

Except that is not true. A child of working parents generally has before and after care. Also the whole summer.......duh

Hmmm... working parents here with no before or after care - so much for your assumptions. Sorry you are so jealous you can’t take a trip without your kids that you have to blame others. I’ll think of you in my next kid-free vacation!

Oh, you don't work all summer?

[Anonymous]

My parents used to leave me once a year with my grandparents while they when in vacation. I dreaded it weeks before it was to happen every year. I was a good kid. I don't know why they couldn't take me. I used to wonder that. None of my friends parents did that. I hated it. I just wanted to be with my parents who both already worked FT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents used to leave me once a year with my grandparents while they when in vacation. I dreaded it weeks before it was to happen every year. I was a good kid. I don't know why they couldn't take me. I used to wonder that. None of my friends parents did that. I hated it. I just wanted to be with my parents who both already worked FT.

Meanwhile, I went for 2 weeks to my grandparents every summer and I loved every second of it. I never once wondered why my parents didn't take me with them.

[Anonymous]

Everyone needs a brief break from their kids and kids need a brief break from their parents when a sitter or grandparents spoil them rotten. At least once a year we go away for a few days and it’s like a mini-honeymoon. Sex, fine dining and lounging around then back to reality. I love vacations with our children but there is little if any relaxation for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Vacations are in way perfect for spending more time and connecting with your family, so why many people vacation without their kids? I am not trying to be judging, I want to understand what the thought process.

Because there are things I enjoy, and want to do, that my kids don't want to do, or aren't appropriate for them. And I see no reason why my spouse and I should have to wait 15 years to go wine tasting in Napa, for example.

Our kids stay with their grandparents, and all parties involved love the arrangements.

So, let me ask you - what is difficult to understand about this? Do you have a hard time interacting with your spouse if your kids aren't present? Do you need the kids as a buffer?

Nope. My kids are 20 and 18 now . We have a very strong marriage. Napa is not a necessity and is selfish. I would save that for when the kids are grown.

Do you know delayed gratification? Do you always put yourself first? You can manage without Napa.

You sound insufferable. Also the message your kids got may not be the one you thought you were sending by never prioritizing your marriage.

I do prioritize my marriage, I have been married 21 years. BUT I don't need to dump my kids off for a week to do that. Date night is good enough.

Since when did dropping kid off with their grandparents becoming dumping them off? Or kids away at sleep-a-way camp during the summer? Some of y'all really are crazy martyrs. You don't get extra credit for spending 24/7 with your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone needs a brief break from their kids and kids need a brief break from their parents when a sitter or grandparents spoil them rotten. At least once a year we go away for a few days and it’s like a mini-honeymoon. Sex, fine dining and lounging around then back to reality. I love vacations with our children but there is little if any relaxation for me.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents used to leave me once a year with my grandparents while they when in vacation. I dreaded it weeks before it was to happen every year. I was a good kid. I don't know why they couldn't take me. I used to wonder that. None of my friends parents did that. I hated it. I just wanted to be with my parents who both already worked FT.

This is exactly why I think it is important for parents to take time away. Kids should understand that it is normal and healthy for parents to to enjoy spending time together without kids. I grew up seeing my parents giddily talk about their travels without us and I saw how happy it made them, and it made me feel good to see them that way. It helped me understand that they were real people, not just my parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Vacations are in way perfect for spending more time and connecting with your family, so why many people vacation without their kids? I am not trying to be judging, I want to understand what the thought process.

Because there are things I enjoy, and want to do, that my kids don't want to do, or aren't appropriate for them. And I see no reason why my spouse and I should have to wait 15 years to go wine tasting in Napa, for example.

Our kids stay with their grandparents, and all parties involved love the arrangements.

So, let me ask you - what is difficult to understand about this? Do you have a hard time interacting with your spouse if your kids aren't present? Do you need the kids as a buffer?

Nope. My kids are 20 and 18 now . We have a very strong marriage. Napa is not a necessity and is selfish. I would save that for when the kids are grown.

Do you know delayed gratification? Do you always put yourself first? You can manage without Napa.

You sound insufferable. Also the message your kids got may not be the one you thought you were sending by never prioritizing your marriage.

I do prioritize my marriage, I have been married 21 years. BUT I don't need to dump my kids off for a week to do that. Date night is good enough.

Since when did dropping kid off with their grandparents becoming dumping them off? Or kids away at sleep-a-way camp during the summer? Some of y'all really are crazy martyrs. You don't get extra credit for spending 24/7 with your kids.

Yep. I'm so glad I was raised with a healthy perspective on parenting, modeled by my parents who traveled on their own without an ounce of guilt.

[Anonymous]

I overheard my daughter's friend (they're seniors in HS) talking about how her parents are taking their first trip alone in a few weeks..and she was going on about "what are they even going to talk about? It's going to be so awkward!"...that made me kinda sad.

[Anonymous]

We only ever vacation with our children, but if I had the opportunity to take a trip alone with my husband I'd be on it in a second! lol I do love giving my children the experience of seeing the world, in my opinion travel is an important part of their childhoods, so I wouldn't do any international trips without them, but a week at a B&B or a cabin just the two of us would be awesome!

[Anonymous]

I am not opposed to people who want to go away on one-on-one vacations - works great for them. I don’t think they are selfish, don’t love their children, have weak marriages (!) or any of the other things we have heard on this thread.

For us, family vacations are a big part of our life and the kids really enjoy it. I know it was hard when they were under 5, but I do think it’s the practice that has made them great traveling companions. They are early teens now and plan with us where we want to go - Africa this summer. Machu Pichu is calling our name. Now that we are past that all consuming early stage, I know that childhood is short and I would at this point not give up any vacation time with my kids. I also believe that in the early years, we needed to take them (child friendly) places so they learned how we wanted to operate as a family. My husband was around before kids and we’ll be together when the kids flown the coop. Maybe it’s the wrong choice but it feels good to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not opposed to people who want to go away on one-on-one vacations - works great for them. I don’t think they are selfish, don’t love their children, have weak marriages (!) or any of the other things we have heard on this thread.

For us, family vacations are a big part of our life and the kids really enjoy it. I know it was hard when they were under 5, but I do think it’s the practice that has made them great traveling companions. They are early teens now and plan with us where we want to go - Africa this summer. Machu Pichu is calling our name. Now that we are past that all consuming early stage, I know that childhood is short and I would at this point not give up any vacation time with my kids. I also believe that in the early years, we needed to take them (child friendly) places so they learned how we wanted to operate as a family. My husband was around before kids and we’ll be together when the kids flown the coop. Maybe it’s the wrong choice but it feels good to me.

But here's the thing-- it doesn't have to be a "choice," you can do both. You can travel with your family and also do separate vacations. We have traveled extensively, both domestically and internationally, with our kids. But we've also traveled without them. And while yes, vacation time with family is precious, so is time with grandparents. My kids spent 2 weeks with my mom every summer and she died unexpectedly this year. I am SO glad my kids had that special time with her. I realize not everyone has a grandparent option, but for those who do, it is a wonderful gift to children and gives parents the opportunity to do more adult-focused travel (Sonoma, NYC, etc.)