Why vacation without the kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I The only person who, as a kid and teen, didn’t want my parents up my butt 24/7? Is this poster serious when they say it’s cruel to leave them for a week? Dang, I LOVED having a week or weekend at my grandparents’ without my parents around. Don’t get me wrong, they were loving and caring but even as a kid I wanted space and time apart too. Don’t kid yourself that your kids want you all over them 24/7 until they marry off.

Nope. I am close to my grandparents and cousins now because of those times I spent with them on vacations. I learned how to cook and bake and crochet and knit and I have a friend from those years who lived states away but would visit her grandma at the same time I visited mine. The people who think their kids will somehow be scarred because they spend some time with other loving caregivers, are nuts.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:We enjoy our kids so we bring them. But it makes it much more expensive. We have 3.

And we typically have to d Airbnb over a luxe hotel.

NEWSFLASH.

Those of us that do trips without our kids ALSO enjoy our kids. Good lord people. Why is it so hard to comprehend that you can adore your children and still value time away from them???

I don’t value my time away from them. It makes me sad to be away from them.

And that statement makes me sad.

Why would this make you sad?

Fwiw, my oldest is 11. I can already see that our remaining time with him living at home is so fleeting. I've really been loving the elementary school aged years: 5-12ish. It's such a fun age: the kids are old enough to be interesting and interactive and funny but still young enough to think we hung the stars and to want to spend time with us. It won't last forever. I'm trying to soak it up as much as I can.

I think I will probably look back at these years as the best in my life.

Well I have 2 under 2. It’s not fleeting. There is no way I could go on a vacation with them. They go to bed at 7. They nap twice a day. They would hate art museums or long dinners. Sure I could wait 16 more years until they’re at college to do anything I want to do but grandparents love them and are excited to stay with them. It’s a win all around.

How did I manage to go to the Caribbean with a three month old? It's not rocket science.

We changed from art museums/ long dinners to something kid friendly! Imagine that. Something that doesn't put YOU first. Yes, we would go to bed early on vacation NBD. We would get wine and sit in the balcony. You seem spoiled, like compromise is foreign to you.

You want to be a mommy martyr so have at that. Let us know when you get down off the cross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Vacations are in way perfect for spending more time and connecting with your family, so why many people vacation without their kids? I am not trying to be judging, I want to understand what the thought process.

This is hard to grasp?

Connecting as an entire family doesn't take a vacation to do so.

Not sure why you are struggling with this concept. We have awesome grandparents who jump at any opportunity to watch the kids and it is great to vacation as a couple...alone. sometimes we go with a big group of friends to an adults all inclusive, which is a blast.

I'm surprised you think this must be such an awful experience

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't really get it either.

We actually love vacations and travel, but we take our kids. Almost always. We want them to have the same experiences that we do, and childhood is so short.

Ours are in their late teens.

We have also taken them to resorts that have programs for children. That's a great compromise. We took them to Hawaii a few times and they loved it.
They have these at other price points to. I think it's a good compromise.

They are in their late teens now. We did go abroad without them - now I wish we took them.
My husband and I will have 30 or 40 years to travel alone.

Parenthood - the really together and close part where kids are always excited about any travel plans that you make lasts about 15 years.

That said, I don't think that a child will be scarred for life if you take one vacation when they are eight or nine.

We never really wanted to leave them with anyone. Aunts uncles and grandparents are not primary care givers. They are people we see on holidays once in a while.
That's it.

We won't. We met at ages 34 and 29, had the kid at 40 and 35, and won't be alone (assuming kid goes away to college) until ages 58 and 53. Unfortunately we have unhelpful grandparents who live many miles away, and leaving the kid with them is not an option.

When the kid was younger, we were all about taking her on family vacations. Now that she's a spoiled rotten a-hole tweener who resists anything you ask or tell her, I can appreciate the need for alone bonding time with the spouse.

[Anonymous]

Much depends on the vacation. I seriously don't get it when DC parents (the merely UMC, not the truly wealthy with money already set aside for each child's college, house down payment, and inheritance) spend money to take multiple children (not teens) on expensive international trips to places like France where the whole point is to do adult things like view art, drink wine from amazing wineries you find while wandering aimlessly (which you cannot do with small children) and eat in great restaurants that don't serve dinner early enough for kids, or enjoy topless beaches and nightlife. Meanwhile, these parents complain or worry about the fact that they aren't sure how they'll pay for college or save enough for retirement. I know many people in the DC area like this and it is so puzzling. I completely understand why you want to go. I just don't understand why you're taking your kids along and doubling your costs as well as making it impossible to do the activities you want to do there.

If you are going to take your kids on vacation with you, why can't you make the vacation about a family friendly activity like visiting an amusement park or a national park that has activities accessible to people of all ages? Make it about the kids while they're still kids. So many people refuse to do the Disney thing and sneer at waterparks or whatever, but that's why kids love. Save Ibiza for your couples vacay. And believe me, all the other adults at that Caribbean resort will thank you for leaving your children at home.

As for the "international travel broadens their horizons" the only examples I've seen people give thus far involve the same things they'd get out of visiting Delaware or Miami. You don't need to travel from DC to Lima for your kid to be exposed to people who don't look like them or hear other people speaking different languages. And all the talk about taking them to a great park in London? Seriously? Are the park bench and flower bed you explore with your toddlers in Amsterdam any different from the ones in Philly or Savannah?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I The only person who, as a kid and teen, didn’t want my parents up my butt 24/7? Is this poster serious when they say it’s cruel to leave them for a week? Dang, I LOVED having a week or weekend at my grandparents’ without my parents around. Don’t get me wrong, they were loving and caring but even as a kid I wanted space and time apart too. Don’t kid yourself that your kids want you all over them 24/7 until they marry off.

Nope. I am close to my grandparents and cousins now because of those times I spent with them on vacations. I learned how to cook and bake and crochet and knit and I have a friend from those years who lived states away but would visit her grandma at the same time I visited mine. The people who think their kids will somehow be scarred because they spend some time with other loving caregivers, are nuts.

I loved making friends when I stayed with my grandparents out of town. We would have so much fun together.

[Anonymous]

Do the people who claim that their kids are being exposed to different cultures and ways of life while on international travel actually take trips where that happens, or are they just visiting tourist sites and interacting with the "natives" who work in the hospitality industry? If you're a Baptist from Iowa flying to Guatemala on a church mission to build a new schoolhouse in a small village and will be staying with members of their local church group in their homes and eating their food, then I see what you mean and I fully support that. But if you're touring Tulum on an excursion that was arranged by a concierge at the Dreams resort, then stop kidding yourself.

[Anonymous]

This thread is making me realize how unusual my life is. I don't have family in the area since I moved here for my work. And neither does DH. But we have at least 4 local homes here I would gladly leave my child while on travel. And I'd enjoy watching the children of other friends while they took a trip. In fact, this has already happened over the years. In addition, my family would gladly fly out here to watch the child or host at their home. My parents are retired and so long as we're paying they will hop on a plane.

Is the issue that people who say they don't have people to watch their children truly don't, or that they just don't trust anybody? Or maybe they feel that it would be an imposition?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dh and I are happily married and take a vacation without the kids every few years. The op and others judging this thread are either insecure or jealous.

I’m about to have my young grandkids for 8 days, while their parents go out of the country to vacation. We are all excited.

Between work trips and adult vacations, I started keeping my grandkids for a week when they were 3 months old. We all have a blast. My grandkids still do plenty of traveling with their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my experience these couples end up divorced. I always view it as a sign of weakness. I don't need to go far away to reconnect with DH.

My EX DH and I never traveled WITHOUT our kids.....notice I said EX.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is making me realize how unusual my life is. I don't have family in the area since I moved here for my work. And neither does DH. But we have at least 4 local homes here I would gladly leave my child while on travel. And I'd enjoy watching the children of other friends while they took a trip. In fact, this has already happened over the years. In addition, my family would gladly fly out here to watch the child or host at their home. My parents are retired and so long as we're paying they will hop on a plane.

Is the issue that people who say they don't have people to watch their children truly don't, or that they just don't trust anybody? Or maybe they feel that it would be an imposition?

I don't know anybody who would want to watch my kid. She's not exactly a bundle of joy. I wouldn't trust anybody either. Leave my kid with someone who is not a relative? Are you f'ing kidding me?

As far as parents go, the in-laws haven't visited in eight years. My dad is dead, and my mom is half senile. Not really options, are they?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:We enjoy our kids so we bring them. But it makes it much more expensive. We have 3.

And we typically have to d Airbnb over a luxe hotel.

NEWSFLASH.

Those of us that do trips without our kids ALSO enjoy our kids. Good lord people. Why is it so hard to comprehend that you can adore your children and still value time away from them???

I don’t want time away from them. I get plenty of it as it is. We like to bring them along to experience new things together.

Many of our happiest family memories are of vacations.

We have a great marriage, regular sex at home and on vacation (this is partly why we do Airbnb over hotel suites) and don’t feel the need to leave our kids at home. We could if we wanted to, both sets of grandparents have offered, but we just don’t want to.

We travel 4 times a year plus a few long weekends and ski trips.

+1

Our kids are like our little buddies. We would be sad without them. We just really like being with them, I don’t know how else to explain it (I mean, we did raise them so it makes sense that we e turned them into people we enjoy spending time with).

Great. Congrats on being superior people to the rest of us, I guess. So happy for you!

I don’t think we are superior but you or pp kept pressing like, how can this be??? Like it’s unheard of for parents to genuinely enjoy their own children.

People who vacation without their kids do not NOT enjoy their kids. They just also like adult time. I'm a wholly formed person outside of my children. Thanks! I do girl trips without my husband too. GASP! I must not like him!! (eye roll)

See you're pressing the point even now! I'll tell you how the conversation always goes in our home. My in laws offer to watch our kids. Dh and I start talking about where we'd want to go. Then one of us always says, "but wouldn't it be nice for the kids to see London, Croatia, Positano, Santorini, Costa Rica, Machu Picchu too" and then we end up bringing them along.

Fwiw, no one was offering to watch our kids when they were really little and we would have left them (babies and toddlers). Now that they're older, they're honestly fun to bring along. They add to the overall enjoyment rather than detract. We have limited vacation time and I want them to see as much of the world as they can before college.

My kids are now 7 and 10 and more fun to bring along on trips, but I still would not want to bring them to Croatia, positano, Santorini, etc. They wouldn't care about the restaurants or the gorgeous views or the art or the architecture for longer than 5 minutes. Totally not worth the money or the hassle to bring them on trips like that. If there were any way for us to leave our kids with family and then travel internationally on those more sophisticated trips, I would totally do it. (Since we don't, we travel with the kids to visit family or to kid-friendly places like beach resorts or L.A./Disneyland).

I would kill for a no-kids vacation just to have an uninterrupted conversation with my DH! It's impossible to finish a sentence these days in my house because my kids always have something they want to interject or a story they want to tell (and yes, we make them wait!). And yes I like my children and yes, I enjoy spending time with them but it's a totally different dynamic (that I like!) when it's just us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do the people who claim that their kids are being exposed to different cultures and ways of life while on international travel actually take trips where that happens, or are they just visiting tourist sites and interacting with the "natives" who work in the hospitality industry? If you're a Baptist from Iowa flying to Guatemala on a church mission to build a new schoolhouse in a small village and will be staying with members of their local church group in their homes and eating their food, then I see what you mean and I fully support that. But if you're touring Tulum on an excursion that was arranged by a concierge at the Dreams resort, then stop kidding yourself.

I don't support it. Stop proselytizing, and for goodness' sake, don't drag your kids into this ethically dubious venture, either.

[Anonymous]

My Ex didn't even want to spend an evening out past 11 pm without the kids much less take a trip with them. If you don't maintain your relationship as a couple, it's really bad for the marriage and thus for the kids. You don't have to travel as a couple to do this, but anybody who thinks that focusing on the kids all the time or including them in everything is a good idea is setting themselves up for trouble.

I'd love to rub it in his face that the consequence of all those times he wouldn't spend a few hours away from the kids is that he now misses out on 50% of his time with them every single week. But I hold my tongue in an attempt at keeping the peace.

[Anonymous]

What is it about kids going to college that makes people here say that they have to travel with them before that point? If anything, the best time to travel with your offspring is when they're on break from college. They're old enough to understand how lucky they are to be traveling on your dime, and they are more likely to be sophisticated enough to appreciate the people and things that they're experiencing. And they can stay in the hotel on their own or else hit the town with or without you. And usually, by that time they're over their teen rebellion and bad attitude years so they're actually fun companions. Maybe they'd even invite a friend along. That sounds like a blast.