11 Year old knocked over shelf, Destroyed belongings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When other people’s children are in your home you are responsible for them. The 11yos were poorly behaved but this accident is still on you, op.

What if one of those pieces of glass lodged in one of those boys’ arm or leg? My dad knew a kid who died pushing his arm through a plate glass window. If one of those boys were seriously hurt you saying “I told them not to go in that room” would not relieve you of liability.

You should not allow the boys over again if they are uncontrollable.

Also, I remember being 11 and having no impulse control and breaking other people’s property. I was devastated but I’m not sure I looked it or said the right things. I just wanted to get away from the situation.

And finally, once my 7yo had a sleepover at her cousin’s house. The next day was New Year’s Eve and we get a call from SIL that my dd had taken the 10yo’s needles from her sewing kit and put holes in the wall.

1. I wasn’t happy my 7yo had been given access to needles.
2. It wasn’t clear to me how much my dd was to blame and how much of SIL’s story was coming from her 3 kids not wanting to get into trouble.
3. Why? Just why call us about this on New Year’s Eve? It seemed so petty.

I told SIL sorry and that I was upset dd was playing with needles in the first place, and it may have come off as bitchy. But after I hung up we did punish dd for destroying property. But SIL doesn’t know that. So she probably thought I was a terrible parent.

That's not really typical, sorry

11 year old absolutely make impulsive mistakes, and break things, but the vast majority of 11 year olds are able to understand and respect a closed but unlocked door. It's a pretty clear boundary.

In addition, by age 11, you can absolutely hold an 11 year old responsible for developmentally appropriate behavior. That's how they learn. For example, it is developmentally appropriate for an 11 year old to move carelessly when clearing the table and drop something. It's also developmentally appropriate for them to be asked to get a dust pan, and clean up their mess. It's developmentally appropriate for an 11 year old to lose their jacket. It's also developmentally appropriate for them to earn money to buy a new one at the thrift store. Part of becoming an adult is learning that you fix your mistakes, even if they're honest mistakes.

Finally, I am mystified by the idea that 7 year olds need to be protected from sewing needles.

[Anonymous]

I am truly baffled by the people blaming OP here. I have a 10-year-old and I would be mortified if he broke something at a friends house. Not only would I help clean up and make him apologize but also offered to pay for damages.

op, I would never invite those kids back and I would never send your kid to their house.

[Anonymous]

This thread is nuts. I have two boys with ADHD and the youngest is 10. Yes, they have poor impulse control. No, we do not have to lock doors to keep kids out of rooms that are off limits! I can't believe this mom but maybe she really thinks it is normal to lock doors in her house because her kids are out of control. I don't know.

I hope this has been a wake up call for her and her kids that they need to behave better. I would be mortified if my two boys got in to a fight at someone else's house too!!! That is terrible behavior. 11 yr olds should know how to share a controller.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think when you have glass shelves, it’s just kind of risky, anyone could trip and fall and things would shatter and hurt people. Just doesn’t seem sensible. I feel bad for those boys for being blamed for an innocent childhood mistake. I bet they wish they’d never set foot in your house. I agree that your concern is mostly for your objects, not with the safety of the children or whether they might be feeling traumatized p. I’m sure that was very loud!

New poster here, not OP.

These kids are ELEVEN, not four or five. Eleven is middle school aged in many places. Old enough to know better and far too old for their precious little selves to be "traumatized" by the "loud" sound. "Innocent childhood mistake"? Try thoughtless tween disobedience. PP, do you have kids and if so-- how old? You sound like a parent of young kids, not a parent of kids this age. And OP already said she tried to check if they were hurt so yes, she did have a thought for the safety of these poor, traumatized innocents.

As for objects, when a kid destroys something irreplaceable of yours because the child was behaving like a brainless entitled little jerk, I hope you'll be as worried about that child's trauma as you are about these kids'.

How old are your boys?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When other people’s children are in your home you are responsible for them. The 11yos were poorly behaved but this accident is still on you, op.

What if one of those pieces of glass lodged in one of those boys’ arm or leg? My dad knew a kid who died pushing his arm through a plate glass window. If one of those boys were seriously hurt you saying “I told them not to go in that room” would not relieve you of liability.

You should not allow the boys over again if they are uncontrollable.

Also, I remember being 11 and having no impulse control and breaking other people’s property. I was devastated but I’m not sure I looked it or said the right things. I just wanted to get away from the situation.

And finally, once my 7yo had a sleepover at her cousin’s house. The next day was New Year’s Eve and we get a call from SIL that my dd had taken the 10yo’s needles from her sewing kit and put holes in the wall.

1. I wasn’t happy my 7yo had been given access to needles.
2. It wasn’t clear to me how much my dd was to blame and how much of SIL’s story was coming from her 3 kids not wanting to get into trouble.
3. Why? Just why call us about this on New Year’s Eve? It seemed so petty.

I told SIL sorry and that I was upset dd was playing with needles in the first place, and it may have come off as bitchy. But after I hung up we did punish dd for destroying property. But SIL doesn’t know that. So she probably thought I was a terrible parent.

That's not really typical, sorry

11 year old absolutely make impulsive mistakes, and break things, but the vast majority of 11 year olds are able to understand and respect a closed but unlocked door. It's a pretty clear boundary.

In addition, by age 11, you can absolutely hold an 11 year old responsible for developmentally appropriate behavior. That's how they learn. For example, it is developmentally appropriate for an 11 year old to move carelessly when clearing the table and drop something. It's also developmentally appropriate for them to be asked to get a dust pan, and clean up their mess. It's developmentally appropriate for an 11 year old to lose their jacket. It's also developmentally appropriate for them to earn money to buy a new one at the thrift store. Part of becoming an adult is learning that you fix your mistakes, even if they're honest mistakes.

Finally, I am mystified by the idea that 7 year olds need to be protected from sewing needles.

yeah, the sewing needle thing is weird.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like op’s son was chasing the boys into the room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please, it's not OP's fault that these kids didn't abide by the rules. She shouldn't have to lock the door. Our house is old and doesn't even have locking doors, and most interior doors only lock from the inside. This is craziness.

So sorry about the glass birds, OP. I don't think you can do anything to get them to pay you back, but they should at least apologize. It is NOT your fault for not locking the door. You told them. They are 11, not 3. They know better. You should bar them from your house unless they want to apologize and at least work part of it off or pay part of it back.

So sorry.

+1. 11 year olds should know better. Parents should apologize and offer to pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like op’s son was chasing the boys into the room.

Her son was going to her to tell her they were in the office.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like op’s son was chasing the boys into the room.

Where did you get that from the OP's posts??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am always amazed at how DCUM can find ways to blame and turn on the Ops.

It's an inadvertent admission that their own kids are ill-behaved hellions and they are shitty parents. Like, I expect that my kid will not go into rooms he's been told not to go into. I think him capable of behaving himself in other people's homes. Listing all the reasons that this is the OP's fault is just saying "I don't think my kids can behave and I don't think they should be expected to. I treat my middle-schooler like a preschooler, because he is incapable of following basic rules." I want to know who these parents are, so I can never invite their kids to my house, since obviously they are brats who can't control themselves. If my kid did this, I would be all over him--because I expect him to behave and know he is capable of it.

[Anonymous]

As a mom to a 12 y.o. boy, what happened seems completely predictable. One 11 can control himself and make good judgments. A bunch of 11 year olds screwing around with gaming on a weekend night? They are going to get silly and make poor judgments. If you're a parent who can't accept that accidents will happen, then you should have either not allowed the get together or you should have kept a much better eye on what was happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a mom to a 12 y.o. boy, what happened seems completely predictable. One 11 can control himself and make good judgments. A bunch of 11 year olds screwing around with gaming on a weekend night? They are going to get silly and make poor judgments. If you're a parent who can't accept that accidents will happen, then you should have either not allowed the get together or you should have kept a much better eye on what was happening.

I can get on board with this assessment of the situation, but honestly- the complete abdication of responsibility after the accident by the boys is not acceptable. Yes, 11 year olds will get rowdy and screw around and make mistakes. But they should be expected to then CORRECT THEM or at the very bare minimum, APOLOGIZE FOR THEM. To not do either is age inappropriate and a sign of poor upbringing and overall rudeness.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP. I would never have thought of supervising 11 year olds, since my kids and their friends are quiet and not destructive.

It's really unfair, and I would be very angry. I would try one more time. Take photos of the destruction, detail the cost of repair and replacement, and request a contribution from this family. Never let them in your house again.

[Anonymous]

You were in the wrong to have called the other parent. This is crazy. I would have asked all the kids to help clean up and explain the consequences, then not invite the kids back and make sure DS understood why. Wanting the other parents to help you pay for this is insane. It's not like you lent them your camera and they broke it. It was your house. If the items in the study were so valuable, yes, you should have locked it.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, OP. I’d be so upset about the broken glass bird sculptures. I once was able to superglue a similar-sounding family heirloom back together after it fell. There is a special kind made for glass. I was shocked by how well it worked. Might be worth trying for your birds.