Reply to 11 Year old knocked over shelf, Destroyed belongings.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]When other people’s children are in your home you are responsible for them. The 11yos were poorly behaved but this accident is still on you, op.

What if one of those pieces of glass lodged in one of those boys’ arm or leg? My dad knew a kid who died pushing his arm through a plate glass window. If one of those boys were seriously hurt you saying “I told them not to go in that room” would not relieve you of liability.

You should not allow the boys over again if they are uncontrollable.

[b]Also, I remember being 11 and having no impulse control and breaking other people’s property.[/b] I was devastated but I’m not sure I looked it or said the right things. I just wanted to get away from the situation.

And finally, once my 7yo had a sleepover at her cousin’s house. The next day was New Year’s Eve and we get a call from SIL that my dd had taken the 10yo’s needles from her sewing kit and put holes in the wall.

1. I wasn’t happy my 7yo had been given access to needles. 
2. It wasn’t clear to me how much my dd was to blame and how much of SIL’s story was coming from her 3 kids not wanting to get into trouble. 
3. Why? Just why call us about this on New Year’s Eve? It seemed so petty.

I told SIL sorry and that I was upset dd was playing with needles in the first place, and it may have come off as bitchy. But after I hung up we did punish dd for destroying property. But SIL doesn’t know that. So she probably thought I was a terrible parent. [/quote]

:shock:   That's not really typical, sorry [/quote]

11 year old absolutely make impulsive mistakes, and break things, but the vast majority of 11 year olds are able to understand and respect a closed but unlocked door.  It's a pretty clear boundary.

In addition, by age 11, you can absolutely hold an 11 year old responsible for developmentally appropriate behavior.  That's how they learn.  For example, it is developmentally appropriate for an 11 year old to move carelessly when clearing the table and drop something.  It's also developmentally appropriate for them to be asked to get a dust pan, and clean up their mess.  It's developmentally appropriate for an 11 year old to lose their jacket.  It's also developmentally appropriate for them to earn money to buy a new one at the thrift store.  Part of becoming an adult is learning that you fix your mistakes, even if they're honest mistakes.

Finally, I am mystified by the idea that 7 year olds need to be protected from sewing needles.  [/quote]

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