11 Year old knocked over shelf, Destroyed belongings.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry OP, I would be mortified if my child stepped into a room that was off limits per the host's instructions and then caused so much property damage. I would be fine if the kids were running around in an allowed space and one bumped into something by accident. It happened once in our family room, our 14 year old had his two best friends over and they were goofing around when one bumped the TV and it fell and broke. That is an accident, it sucked, but it was just an accident in an allowed space. The boy was super apologetic. I didn't even tell his parents, but he did and they offered to pay for the TV, but of course we said no. Your case was different because this area was off limits. We have a few areas that are off limits to our kids friends and they all know about them and respect them. BTW I have an 11, 12 and 14 year olds. If my child had dared go into such area at someone's home I would have expected my child to apologize profusely and to tell me. I would have payed for the damage. I don't know why these parents were so rude. I would not invite these kids any more and I would not allow my son to go over their home any more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry OP, I would be mortified if my child stepped into a room that was off limits per the host's instructions and then caused so much property damage. I would be fine if the kids were running around in an allowed space and one bumped into something by accident. It happened once in our family room, our 14 year old had his two best friends over and they were goofing around when one bumped the TV and it fell and broke. That is an accident, it sucked, but it was just an accident in an allowed space. The boy was super apologetic. I didn't even tell his parents, but he did and they offered to pay for the TV, but of course we said no. Your case was different because this area was off limits. We have a few areas that are off limits to our kids friends and they all know about them and respect them. BTW I have an 11, 12 and 14 year olds. If my child had dared go into such area at someone's home I would have expected my child to apologize profusely and to tell me. I would have payed for the damage. I don't know why these parents were so rude. I would not invite these kids any more and I would not allow my son to go over their home any more.

This is the PP, also, who supervises their 11 year olds all the time? I check on them periodically and bring snacks, etc. But we are all pretty hands off at this age and beyond.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry OP, I would be mortified if my child stepped into a room that was off limits per the host's instructions and then caused so much property damage. I would be fine if the kids were running around in an allowed space and one bumped into something by accident. It happened once in our family room, our 14 year old had his two best friends over and they were goofing around when one bumped the TV and it fell and broke. That is an accident, it sucked, but it was just an accident in an allowed space. The boy was super apologetic. I didn't even tell his parents, but he did and they offered to pay for the TV, but of course we said no. Your case was different because this area was off limits. We have a few areas that are off limits to our kids friends and they all know about them and respect them. BTW I have an 11, 12 and 14 year olds. If my child had dared go into such area at someone's home I would have expected my child to apologize profusely and to tell me. I would have payed for the damage. I don't know why these parents were so rude. I would not invite these kids any more and I would not allow my son to go over their home any more.

This is the PP, also, who supervises their 11 year olds all the time? I check on them periodically and bring snacks, etc. But we are all pretty hands off at this age and beyond.

I'm so glad there are reasonable people here.

[Anonymous]

Oh OP that is awful. I cannot get over how rude the parent was too! I would be livid, but cannot imagine asking people to pay.

Re:locking doors. I do it. My 12 year old has friends who will open any door and go hang in the room so I learned it's easier to lock them. I hear the kid struggle and I quickly run up-busted! Some kids are impulsive or just have poor boundaries still at this age. It's easy peasy to pick the lock, but sually the fact it is locked makes the kid think twice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh OP that is awful. I cannot get over how rude the parent was too! I would be livid, but cannot imagine asking people to pay.

Re:locking doors. I do it. My 12 year old has friends who will open any door and go hang in the room so I learned it's easier to lock them. I hear the kid struggle and I quickly run up-busted! Some kids are impulsive or just have poor boundaries still at this age. It's easy peasy to pick the lock, but sually the fact it is locked makes the kid think twice.

The interior doors in my house don't even lock from the outside, only when you are inside the room. It's insane that there are people on here saying that this is the OP's fault because she didn't lock the door. 11-year-olds know perfectly well not to go into rooms with the door closed, that they have been told not to go in. Having to turn the doorknob should make the kid think twice.

And if you feel the need to have your eyes on your kids that age the entire time they are playing, you have done a crap job raising your kids. My six-year-old can play with friends without me hovering over them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mom to a 12 y.o. boy, what happened seems completely predictable. One 11 can control himself and make good judgments. A bunch of 11 year olds screwing around with gaming on a weekend night? They are going to get silly and make poor judgments. If you're a parent who can't accept that accidents will happen, then you should have either not allowed the get together or you should have kept a much better eye on what was happening.

I can get on board with this assessment of the situation, but honestly- the complete abdication of responsibility after the accident by the boys is not acceptable. Yes, 11 year olds will get rowdy and screw around and make mistakes. But they should be expected to then CORRECT THEM or at the very bare minimum, APOLOGIZE FOR THEM. To not do either is age inappropriate and a sign of poor upbringing and overall rudeness.

THIS! Yes, they made a mistake. But they didn't even apologize! And their parents blamed the OP, which tells you where they got it from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh OP that is awful. I cannot get over how rude the parent was too! I would be livid, but cannot imagine asking people to pay.

Re:locking doors. I do it. My 12 year old has friends who will open any door and go hang in the room so I learned it's easier to lock them. I hear the kid struggle and I quickly run up-busted! Some kids are impulsive or just have poor boundaries still at this age. It's easy peasy to pick the lock, but sually the fact it is locked makes the kid think twice.

So, you CANNOT teach your own child to stay out of rooms and expect them to teach their friends the house rules? So, even after LOCKING the rooms, they still try yo get in and you have to rush upstairs to thwart them.

Do you not realize how serious this is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry OP, I would be mortified if my child stepped into a room that was off limits per the host's instructions and then caused so much property damage. I would be fine if the kids were running around in an allowed space and one bumped into something by accident. It happened once in our family room, our 14 year old had his two best friends over and they were goofing around when one bumped the TV and it fell and broke. That is an accident, it sucked, but it was just an accident in an allowed space. The boy was super apologetic. I didn't even tell his parents, but he did and they offered to pay for the TV, but of course we said no. Your case was different because this area was off limits. We have a few areas that are off limits to our kids friends and they all know about them and respect them. BTW I have an 11, 12 and 14 year olds. If my child had dared go into such area at someone's home I would have expected my child to apologize profusely and to tell me. I would have payed for the damage. I don't know why these parents were so rude. I would not invite these kids any more and I would not allow my son to go over their home any more.

This is the PP, also, who supervises their 11 year olds all the time? I check on them periodically and bring snacks, etc. But we are all pretty hands off at this age and beyond.

I'm so glad there are reasonable people here.

Yes, accidents happen. Everyone was appropriate before, during, and after. This isn't the same as the scenario OP is describing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When other people’s children are in your home you are responsible for them. The 11yos were poorly behaved but this accident is still on you, op.

What if one of those pieces of glass lodged in one of those boys’ arm or leg? My dad knew a kid who died pushing his arm through a plate glass window. If one of those boys were seriously hurt you saying “I told them not to go in that room” would not relieve you of liability.

You should not allow the boys over again if they are uncontrollable.

Also, I remember being 11 and having no impulse control and breaking other people’s property. I was devastated but I’m not sure I looked it or said the right things. I just wanted to get away from the situation.

And finally, once my 7yo had a sleepover at her cousin’s house. The next day was New Year’s Eve and we get a call from SIL that my dd had taken the 10yo’s needles from her sewing kit and put holes in the wall.

1. I wasn’t happy my 7yo had been given access to needles.
2. It wasn’t clear to me how much my dd was to blame and how much of SIL’s story was coming from her 3 kids not wanting to get into trouble.
3. Why? Just why call us about this on New Year’s Eve? It seemed so petty.

I told SIL sorry and that I was upset dd was playing with needles in the first place, and it may have come off as bitchy. But after I hung up we did punish dd for destroying property. But SIL doesn’t know that. So she probably thought I was a terrible parent.

Am I the only one who read this? This PP is nuts, too. I bet her SIL can't stand her, and yes, you do look and sound like a shitty parent. Just like the mom of the twins.

[Anonymous]

OP, did the twins know ahead of time that your study is off limits to them? Or did you assume they would figure it out because the door was closed, or that your DS would tell them?

[Anonymous]

Wtf is going on with some of these whack posters? OP did nothing wrong. 11 year old boys should know better than to be going into a room not allowed. Entitled parents should have offered to clean and pay something. Jfc.

[Anonymous]

I'm frightened to get old and having to be cared for by this lot. This isn't about glass, or locked doors, or impulse control, or repayment.

Figure out what reasonable societal expectations are of children and parent toward that end. Someday these kids will leave you...in about 10 years or less, in fact, and if you cannot teach them basic citizenship and relationship skills, the psychiatric and or justice system will take care of it for you later.

There are only three posters here who have some idea of appropriate parenting. This is one of the most frightening threads on this entire forum, although I haven't read them all- sewing needles notwithstanding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm frightened to get old and having to be cared for by this lot. This isn't about glass, or locked doors, or impulse control, or repayment.

Figure out what reasonable societal expectations are of children and parent toward that end. Someday these kids will leave you...in about 10 years or less, in fact, and if you cannot teach them basic citizenship and relationship skills, the psychiatric and or justice system will take care of it for you later.

There are only three posters here who have some idea of appropriate parenting. This is one of the most frightening threads on this entire forum, although I haven't read them all- sewing needles notwithstanding.

If you haven't read them all, you don't really know that there are only three posters who have some idea of appropriate parenting.

[Anonymous]

A bit of confusion (spellcheck errors for example) but I get the impression the controller the twins were fighting over was in the study already? If so, and they are weekly visitors who "know" the study is off limits, how did they know it was in there? That makes it sound like they have been in there before and only this time got wild enough for the shelf to come down.

I imagine their parents' homeowners would cover the damage (kids being negligent, parents being responsible for their negligence) if you can determine who their coverage is through. Your insurance could possibly go after them (although maybe not for a small claim, esp after deductible) and if the mom got mad you could shrug and say, "oh, well, the insurance company did that".

I'd kinda agree to doing that since the parents and the kids apparently wanted to just blow the whole thing off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm frightened to get old and having to be cared for by this lot. This isn't about glass, or locked doors, or impulse control, or repayment.

Figure out what reasonable societal expectations are of children and parent toward that end. Someday these kids will leave you...in about 10 years or less, in fact, and if you cannot teach them basic citizenship and relationship skills, the psychiatric and or justice system will take care of it for you later.

There are only three posters here who have some idea of appropriate parenting. This is one of the most frightening threads on this entire forum, although I haven't read them all- sewing needles notwithstanding.

If you haven't read them all, you don't really know that there are only three posters who have some idea of appropriate parenting.

The entire DCUM Forum, not THREAD. This is a THREAD in FORUM. It would be impossible to read an entire FORUM.I will assume by your eyeroll that you are one of the special millennial parents here who hasn't got a clue . Back atcha