Why are other girls repelled by my daughter?
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Anonymous
+1000. Op, I was there. In the end, the pressure you apply will hurt more than the exclusion. |
Anonymous
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OP this is impossible as we don’t know your DS.
But you said since age 3. My DD was involved with a group of girls for many years. They LOVED being mean to her. It made them feel special and exclusive. I asked one mom she said “ your DD to eager to please ...” ouch. We changed schools and she made real friends. But those girls (we see them now and then are the same but now older just b***ches). Sometimes a change (and an honest appraisal by teacher or someone) is the answer. |
Anonymous
| OP I see your DD is basically an only child. And you think she’s wonderful. Maybe she’s too much like an adult and not enough like a teen ? |
Anonymous
This wouldn’t surprise me. I’m a teacher, and I can generally tell which kids have spent a LOT of time around adults and not as much around kids (either older or younger). It’s not necessarily the worst thing, but those kids have some different mannerisms, interests, etc. that don’t always lend themselves to friend making. |
Anonymous
| We changed schools from public to private. It made all the difference. |
Anonymous
| OP, is she the youngest, or near-to-youngest in her grade. If so, has this been the case since preschool? (this is my first question) |
Anonymous
PP here. I was legitimately trying to give advice to OP. The way I perceived her comment above is that she is trying to fix her daughter’s problem and one of the ways to do it is to go online and start enrolling her in a bunch of activities. It didn’t sound like she was going to talk to her daughter and see whether she wants to do all these activities. |
Anonymous
| OP, what does your daughter say about her lack of friends? Is she willing to talk about it with you? Does it bother her that this is a big deal for you? |
Anonymous
You have had her tested multiple times for autism? A neuropsych evaluation costs 5k or 2 years on the waiting list under insurance. It is also ONLY performed by a neuropsychologist. Not by a psychologist or a psychiatrist. I have a DC who was "tested" multiple times by psychologists and pediatricians for other things. I always asked about Aspergers and they always said no. What they should be required by law to say is "I am not qualified to form an opinion " because they are not. However, they did and said no. They were wrong and their ineptitude cost DC years of proper, targeted help. You mention social problems and clumsiness. These are two red flags. Contact a neuropsychologist. Preferably one who specializes in girls and autism. |
Anonymous
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That's rough. I moved to this country at 11 and had barely any friends until 13/14. I didn't get the culture, wasn't aware of the popular stuff (books, music, clothes). I did go to a weekend school from my country and made a couple friends there but only saw them at the school and not outside. Every year I made one semi ok friend and hung out with that person at lunch. No play dates, parties etc. it was lonely but we did a lot of stuff as a family (only child) and with my parents friends so it was kind of ok. Your kid needs one friend or two. She doesn't need to be popular just not feel lonely. An activity that she likes and picks is a good idea.
The good thing that came from my friendlessness is that I was close with my mother and father in the teen years and didn't rebel or party or drink or skip school. It's boring to Ben a rebel by yourself. |
Anonymous
Except that OP already responded to this and said she’d asked her DD what she wanted to do, and OP was just noting that she thought her DD would like them (the classes DD picked). Read the thread. |
Anonymous
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I am the one who asked if the OP has other children. And two posts since then have alluded to why I asked. First, other children could provide a good assessment of the problem. You said you have one stepchild, who is in college. If you have a good relationship with him or her, they might have good insight. Also, an only child (which in this case is your DD, since she is being raised as the only child in the house, I assume) is often more at ease with adults than children. She may not have learned how to adapt behavior. This can range from being more fluent in adult conversations to being used to having all the attention. Siblings are right, but they help children navigate the kid word/ecosystem.
If your stepchild is close, or close enough, with your child, consider ways they can help. Again, this might be giving you advice. It may also be having them develop a friendship with her, taking her out, etc. If your daughter is more adept at being with adults than kids, this person could be a very helpful "bridge" of sorts. |
Anonymous
| Meant "siblings are TOUGH" not "right." Don't know why that happened. |
Anonymous
| I'm the PP - I realize now you said you have a stepdaughter, which is even better. Consider talking to her about this situation and getting her take. It might really be helpful. If you do not have that type of relationship with her, perhaps her father can. She is not so far from the experience. |
Anonymous
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When I was her age I had few, or sometimes none, friends. Sometimes it bothered me but most of the time it didn't. I didn't relate well to other girls my age and I enjoyed being alone. But not all the time. Sometimes I was unhappy because I didn't have anyone to sleep over or go to a movie with. It drove my mom nuts but she couldn't "fix" me.
In high school I was able to find one girl to be friends with, and that was enough for me. As an adult I made friends doing things I enjoyed and also parents of my kid's friends. But mostly I spent time with my husband and kids. She'll be okay. She's just not typical, at this age. Also, OP--your attempt to control what the commenters say on this thread is indicative of your style. Think about that. DCUM is what it is, you can't change it just by saying please. |