Dreading visit from smelly ILs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. These aren't food spices -- not even close. It's not mold or mildew. It's like a bad breath, rotting teeth smell -- I'm still not getting the description completely right. It's overpowering though. The last time MIL was in town I picked her up from the airport and the minute she got in my car, the smell hit me like a ton of bricks. I immediately thought how terrible it must have been for the passenger sitting next to her on her flight.

I wish there was an easy way to tell the ILs, but there isn't. DH isn't going to do it because he won't want to hurt them (he has no siblings), and me doing it just doesn't feel like the right answer. Oh well. I will just have to keep sucking it up like I've been doing for the past several years.

Buy some essential oils -- peppermint works well, but lavender, clove, eucalyptus, or rosemary might work, too -- and dab them under your nose. I used to do that when I was pregnant and super-sensitive to smells on the Metro or at work.

[Anonymous]

Periodontal disease.

[Anonymous]

Anyone else paranoid that they stink now?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:You had better all be from the same ethnic and cultural background for you to be writing this, OP. If not, have the sense to have Jeff delete this thread.

+ 1

Huh?

Yeah, i don't get it either.

You really are so dense that you don't get how deeply offensive it would be if OP were a white woman commenting on "the smell" of her black, or Indian, or Mexican American ILs? Or if OP were an Indian woman commenting on "the smell" of her white or Japanese ILs?

I'm black and if I had a white friend/relative/spouse tell me I smell,I would not be offended , I WOULD WASH MY ASS

Bravo! Not everything is racial. Geez!

I think it is far more racist of those posters who automatically assumed OPs in laws were a minority and called OP racist.

+1 There was nothing in OP's post that would suggest she was a racist. It really bothers me how quickly some people jump to the conclusion that a person must be racist.

Another black person here. If I was unwashed or had rotting teeth, it would not bother me if a non-AA person said something. If I bought certain soul food dishes to work and a coworker commented, I would not be offended. But I someone said all black people have a smell, I’d be furious.

[Anonymous]

Today's Dr Phil show is about hoarders. The homeowner cannot smell the difference between being outside and inside her horrible, disgusting home. What is their home like?

I understand the Op is scent sensitive. Can you ask a good friend to stop by and get her opinion? Seems unlikely that they both have gum disease. Do you know a dentist or dental hygienist who could stop by your house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH's parents will be in town for the holidays, and also for the birth of our second child, due next month. My ILs are wonderful people. Fun, funny, generous, warm, accepting. And they are great with our first DS, helpful and just have a wonderful relationship with him. I know they will be great this second baby too. Here's the problem: my ILs smell. A strong, unpleasant smell that permeates every space in our tiny condo. They will stay at a nearby hotel, but will want to spend hours with us at our condo since we only see them 2-3 times a year. MIL will often volunteer to cook (in an attempt to be helpful), but I somehow find a way to not eat her cooking. Not because the food isn't good, but because I can smell the awful stench all over everything, the dishes, kitchen counter, etc. and I lose my appetite.

I am not a troll, and I am not a mean-spirited person. I love my ILs and in many ways, they treat my DS and me better than my birth family. However, I've dealt with their smelliness for years, and grin and bear it for the sake of DH and DS, and I actually enjoy their company. However, when the visits are over, I spend hours disinfecting every surface, washing all pillows, sheets, wiping down furniture, because of the stench.

I finally broke down and told DH a few weeks ago why I've elected to stay home while he and DS visits his parents in GA over the last year or so -- their home carries the same stench and after a few hours I can't take it anymore --it's that bad. He was shocked and said that he never knew his parents smelled. But he's not of course going to say anything to them, nor do I expect him to.

I guess this is something I will just have to deal with as long as we're married, right? ILs are not filthy people. Their home is not something off an episode of hoarders, but it could use a very good cleaning, and they just have a lot of stuff. I don't know much about their grooming/personal hygiene, although times MIL has stayed with us, she will bathe at night and get up the next morning and go. I know lots of people do this and don't have body odor. I just can't pinpoint the stench.

I don't know what I'm looking for here. Can I send an anonymous letter to their home explaining the issue and hoping that helps?

What would you do if you were me?

I'd claim to have some strange air-pollution sensitivity and buy an industrial-quality face mask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:You had better all be from the same ethnic and cultural background for you to be writing this, OP. If not, have the sense to have Jeff delete this thread.

+ 1

Huh?

Yeah, i don't get it either.

You really are so dense that you don't get how deeply offensive it would be if OP were a white woman commenting on "the smell" of her black, or Indian, or Mexican American ILs? Or if OP were an Indian woman commenting on "the smell" of her white or Japanese ILs?

I'm black and if I had a white friend/relative/spouse tell me I smell,I would not be offended , I WOULD WASH MY ASS

Bravo! Not everything is racial. Geez!

I think it is far more racist of those posters who automatically assumed OPs in laws were a minority and called OP racist.

+1 There was nothing in OP's post that would suggest she was a racist. It really bothers me how quickly some people jump to the conclusion that a person must be racist.

Another black person here. If I was unwashed or had rotting teeth, it would not bother me if a non-AA person said something. If I bought certain soul food dishes to work and a coworker commented, I would not be offended. But I someone said all black people have a smell, I’d be furious.

Perfect summary

Now, why do we think OP was talking about AA in-laws? I frankly assumed they were Indian or similar (yes, sorry for the overgeneralization...but that was the only explanation I could find, very different diets)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, are they quite heavy people? I'm not asking that in an unkind way at all. My job at one point involved working with overweight people (not just a couple of pleasingly plump pounds, obese people ) and with some people the folds in their skin often carried an odor if they couldn't wash them properly. The same might go for their private regions. How awful for all of you, in any case.

Oh Lord...

[Anonymous]

Someone in this thread is really obsessed with the smell of ass and genitals. I mean, beyond the pale.

[Anonymous]

EWW, they will get the smellies on new baby!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone in this thread is really obsessed with the smell of ass and genitals. I mean, beyond the pale.

Well, neither ass nor genitals stink after you wash them.

Do you?

[Anonymous]

OP, I would tell them that you have developed a sensitivity/allergy to certain smells. Say you haven't figured out the specific cause, but the sensitivity causes you to feel ill if people who you are around for extended periods use laundry detergent that isn't fragrance free and hyperallergic. Ask if they would mind terribly if they washed their clothes with (insert name of detergent like draft) before the came or you'd be happy to do it for them when they get to your house. I have a strong sensitivity to smells and I'm clear with family members not to wear perfume when they visit me. This way you are saying you are the problem and asking them to help. Say you're asking all overnight visitors to do this an apologize profusely for the inconvenience. I think it's their clothes. Also mention that you only have fragrance free body washes in the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Periodontal disease.

That's what comes to mind for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Periodontal disease.

That's what comes to mind for me.

Sounds like it, but how would their house smell, too?

[Anonymous]

My kid’s school smells gross. I don’t want to step foot inside. But the worst part is I smell it on my kid when she comes home from school everyday. She smells fine in the morning, ad she comes home smelling like school. So I get it. I’m also a supersmeller.