Cheated on husband, now regretting and suffering

[Anonymous]

WW poster here. I agree that the husband should know in order to make the proper decisions for his life. It's not selfish of the cheater...it's allowing the BS to decide his/her future with the truth in hand. My H made a big career decision while I was in the A. He told me that had he known I was in an A, he would've made a different decision. I took his truth away from him without his consent. Yes, I hurt my husband immeasurably when I told him about my A. But I started hurting him when I decided to have the A...not at the point when I told him. After d-day, my H had all the information and the power to decide what he wanted to do moving forward. He could've swept everything under the rug, he could've kicked me to the curb. He had the power to choose his life. And that is what is so scary about confession...the WS cannot predict what the BS will do. But, that is the consequences of one's actions.

[Anonymous]

OP unless you are seriously considering leaving your husband pay no mind to the silly posters urging you to "come clean." I suspect that most of them are simply projecting onto you what they hope their spouses would do. But why would anyway really want to know? What's to be gained? People make mistakes, no reason to compound them and hurt innocent people for no reason.

[Anonymous]

I mean why why anyone

[Anonymous]

Don't tell him. It will destroy him.

[Anonymous]

You should at least tell him so he can get an STD check. Cuz vex are you didn’t use protection.

Beyond that, he should know but you won’t tell him u til years later when you’re comfortable and the likelihood of him leaving is next to zero.

You’re truly a horrible person

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't tell him. It will destroy him.

r

Then he can leave.

[Anonymous]

My wife and I have had the discussion before hand that if either of us cheat we are NOT to tell the other. It's pointless except to unload your guilt. It's a double betrayal, first to cheat and second to needlessly burden your spouse.

Just leave him if you are going to tell him and make up a reason. Don't create more drama it's just cruel.

[Anonymous]

You do not deserve to heal. I hope your husband finds out and divorces you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WW poster here. I agree that the husband should know in order to make the proper decisions for his life. It's not selfish of the cheater...it's allowing the BS to decide his/her future with the truth in hand. My H made a big career decision while I was in the A. He told me that had he known I was in an A, he would've made a different decision. I took his truth away from him without his consent. Yes, I hurt my husband immeasurably when I told him about my A. But I started hurting him when I decided to have the A...not at the point when I told him. After d-day, my H had all the information and the power to decide what he wanted to do moving forward. He could've swept everything under the rug, he could've kicked me to the curb. He had the power to choose his life. And that is what is so scary about confession...the WS cannot predict what the BS will do. But, that is the consequences of one's actions.

Are you still married? Do you still love your husband? How long did your affair last?

[Anonymous]

Would you leave him please?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP unless you are seriously considering leaving your husband pay no mind to the silly posters urging you to "come clean." I suspect that most of them are simply projecting onto you what they hope their spouses would do. But why would anyway really want to know? What's to be gained? People make mistakes, no reason to compound them and hurt innocent people for no reason.

So selfish and controlling. If someone truly cares about not hurting their spouse, they wouldn't have an affair to begin with. Cheaters make a choice to cheat, the other party should also have the choice to leave or stay after the fact.

[Anonymous]

OP, Since you cheated, you should regret and suffer. There is nothing else to do to make it better. No point in letting your DH know. You can make amends by giving him BJs with no reciprocity. Treat him like a king.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, Since you cheated, you should regret and suffer. There is nothing else to do to make it better. No point in letting your DH know. You can make amends by giving him BJs with no reciprocity. Treat him like a king.

OP, are you still attracted to your DH? What made you cheat in the first place? Could you even make amends as PP suggests, or are you just not into DH at all any more since the affair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I have had the discussion before hand that if either of us cheat we are NOT to tell the other. It's pointless except to unload your guilt. It's a double betrayal, first to cheat and second to needlessly burden your spouse.

Just leave him if you are going to tell him and make up a reason. Don't create more drama it's just cruel.

I'm curious about this agreement you and your wife have. If she has been having an affair with someone for the past year, you just don't want to know anything about it? You've agreed that if she's having an affair, she has no obligation to say anything?

Isn't that just an open marriage? Or are you really only thinking of a one-night-stand type of affair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP unless you are seriously considering leaving your husband pay no mind to the silly posters urging you to "come clean." I suspect that most of them are simply projecting onto you what they hope their spouses would do. But why would anyway really want to know? What's to be gained? People make mistakes, no reason to compound them and hurt innocent people for no reason.

This. Don’t tell him.