s/o what is the solution to lack of desire?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Name one other important thing (which your partner has expressed is a relationship dealbreaker) that was frequent while dating/early marriage but now "no longer happens"?

Imagine you are a normal drive male wanting sex 2 or 3 times per week. You find a girl who checks all your boxes AND shares your passion for sex, and you have a mutually satisfying sex life (2 or 3 times per week) for a year while dating, another year post-engagement until wedding day, then another few years until the babies start coming. Maybe there's a slowdown (but NOT a dead stop!) with an infant, but that is a very brief period in a long marriage with an established history of a regular sex life.

So at this point, why would a wife now decide our sexual frequency should drop from every 3 days to every 3 weeks (a 7 fold reduction), despite my honest expression that this is an important need and I feel unloved when she rejects me? I have a difficult time coming up with any good "reasons" for such a drastic change, other than my wife does not actually love or care about me any more, that I am no longer important to her, that our marriage is not a priority for her.

Imagine you are a normal single girl. You spend your time working, partying, dating, going out, sleeping in, traveling on a moment's notice. You spend your money on clothes, grooming, and things that are important only to you. Your stress level is non-existent. Your responsibilities to anyone who isn't you are zero.

Now imagine ten years later you are a mother of three small children who also works and owns and house. Your entire life is devoted to people other than you who need you because they can't do shit for themselves. The entire responsibility for how these people turn out is on your shoulders. You HAVE to hold down your job to pay for your house. You HAVE to put dinner on the table every day because the version of you ten years ago could have been happy with chips and margarita, three young kids who look at you expectingly every evening will decidedly not be. You have to juggle a million thoughts and responsibilities in your mind. The last time you slept in was under general anesthesia for your last C-section. Your body is OK for your age but three pregnancies and births have written their own stories all over it. You buy stuff for yourself occasionally with what's left after serving all other needs. You love your life. But it has nothing in common with how you lived ten years ago.

Then you read an indignant account from a DCUM poster who says, why aren't you exactly like you were ten years ago???

And you say, because my life is no longer what it was, and I wonder how it is that you don't know it.

Now imagine the exact same you, with the exact same responsibilities, and you meet [your favorite actor] at the mall. He suggests you go to his hotel room for sex. You'd instantly forget all that exhaustion and responsibility crap, and be wet and DTF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You've got to throw hormones into that equation. Men will look at all of this stuff and say, "yeah, my life is a lot more work too, but I still want to have sex." (We can get into a food fight about which gender has it worse -- but I think it's fair to say both genders have increased responsibility as they age). The reason men mostly still want to have sex and women often find their desire flat-lining is that men, relative to women, have shit loads of testosterone in their systems -- making their sex drives much more resistant to stress.

What does hormones have to do with anything? Not one of the special things I do for my wife involves my hormonal state. I do these things an act of love, just because it's important to her, without regard to my hormones or even my "desire" to do those things.

You are basically saying that, unless your HORMONES drive you to do something, you really do not care about the important needs of you spouse. How utterly selfish is that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imagine you are a normal single girl. You spend your time working, partying, dating, going out, sleeping in, traveling on a moment's notice. You spend your money on clothes, grooming, and things that are important only to you. Your stress level is non-existent. Your responsibilities to anyone who isn't you are zero.

Now imagine ten years later you are a mother of three small children who also works and owns and house. Your entire life is devoted to people other than you who need you because they can't do shit for themselves. The entire responsibility for how these people turn out is on your shoulders. You HAVE to hold down your job to pay for your house. You HAVE to put dinner on the table every day because the version of you ten years ago could have been happy with chips and margarita, three young kids who look at you expectingly every evening will decidedly not be. You have to juggle a million thoughts and responsibilities in your mind. The last time you slept in was under general anesthesia for your last C-section. Your body is OK for your age but three pregnancies and births have written their own stories all over it. You buy stuff for yourself occasionally with what's left after serving all other needs. You love your life. But it has nothing in common with how you lived ten years ago.

Then you read an indignant account from a DCUM poster who says, why aren't you exactly like you were ten years ago???

And you say, because my life is no longer what it was, and I wonder how it is that you don't know it.

You sound like an incredible martyr without any help at all from your pathetic spouse! We at DCUM are proud to have such an incredible story of strength among us. How can you possibly keep going under those conditions? No wonder you don't want sex!

But..... why are you still married to such a worthless lump of flesh? Divorce him now! Single motherhood will be much easier for you. Or, find a new man who is an equal partner, one who you actually want sex with.

What? Did I say I do this alone? My husband is an equal partner and more. Half of a heavy load is still more than a light load.

PP asked why sex doesn't happen as much as it did pre-marriage and pre-kids. I explained why. I didn't complain about my husband or intimate that he leaves it all to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Name one other important thing (which your partner has expressed is a relationship dealbreaker) that was frequent while dating/early marriage but now "no longer happens"?

Imagine you are a normal drive male wanting sex 2 or 3 times per week. You find a girl who checks all your boxes AND shares your passion for sex, and you have a mutually satisfying sex life (2 or 3 times per week) for a year while dating, another year post-engagement until wedding day, then another few years until the babies start coming. Maybe there's a slowdown (but NOT a dead stop!) with an infant, but that is a very brief period in a long marriage with an established history of a regular sex life.

So at this point, why would a wife now decide our sexual frequency should drop from every 3 days to every 3 weeks (a 7 fold reduction), despite my honest expression that this is an important need and I feel unloved when she rejects me? I have a difficult time coming up with any good "reasons" for such a drastic change, other than my wife does not actually love or care about me any more, that I am no longer important to her, that our marriage is not a priority for her.

Imagine you are a normal single girl. You spend your time working, partying, dating, going out, sleeping in, traveling on a moment's notice. You spend your money on clothes, grooming, and things that are important only to you. Your stress level is non-existent. Your responsibilities to anyone who isn't you are zero.

Now imagine ten years later you are a mother of three small children who also works and owns and house. Your entire life is devoted to people other than you who need you because they can't do shit for themselves. The entire responsibility for how these people turn out is on your shoulders. You HAVE to hold down your job to pay for your house. You HAVE to put dinner on the table every day because the version of you ten years ago could have been happy with chips and margarita, three young kids who look at you expectingly every evening will decidedly not be. You have to juggle a million thoughts and responsibilities in your mind. The last time you slept in was under general anesthesia for your last C-section. Your body is OK for your age but three pregnancies and births have written their own stories all over it. You buy stuff for yourself occasionally with what's left after serving all other needs. You love your life. But it has nothing in common with how you lived ten years ago.

Then you read an indignant account from a DCUM poster who says, why aren't you exactly like you were ten years ago???

And you say, because my life is no longer what it was, and I wonder how it is that you don't know it.

Now imagine the exact same you, with the exact same responsibilities, and you meet [your favorite actor] at the mall. He suggests you go to his hotel room for sex. You'd instantly forget all that exhaustion and responsibility crap, and be wet and DTF.

I only go to malls with my children so no, I won't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:any women tried testorone cream? I know some drs will prescribe it off label. Hard to get the dosing right so it doesn't masculinize you but some women swear it was life changing for them.

Guy here. My wife was on testo creme for a few months. It certainly seemed to work for her. Our frequency didn’t go up dramatically - we were already at 1-2x per week but she definitely quit turning me down while she was on it. Also, I could tell she got much more lubricated than usual and her O’s were much more intense and shakey.

I tried that testosterone cream but I had to stop because I was growing a dick (for real) and I was wondering what is was doing to my insides. Testosterone cream is not the answer. And it has side affects. My DH would get laid more if I wasn't as exhausted and if he didn't act like he is my 4th child who I have to pick up after.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:any women tried testorone cream? I know some drs will prescribe it off label. Hard to get the dosing right so it doesn't masculinize you but some women swear it was life changing for them.

Guy here. My wife was on testo creme for a few months. It certainly seemed to work for her. Our frequency didn’t go up dramatically - we were already at 1-2x per week but she definitely quit turning me down while she was on it. Also, I could tell she got much more lubricated than usual and her O’s were much more intense and shakey.

I tried that testosterone cream but I had to stop because I was growing a dick (for real) and I was wondering what is was doing to my insides. Testosterone cream is not the answer. And it has side affects. My DH would get laid more if I wasn't as exhausted and if he didn't act like he is my 4th child who I have to pick up after.

Interesting how men would like wives to take meds for the problems they caused. Take a pill wives, while the men continue to not do their part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:any women tried testorone cream? I know some drs will prescribe it off label. Hard to get the dosing right so it doesn't masculinize you but some women swear it was life changing for them.

Guy here. My wife was on testo creme for a few months. It certainly seemed to work for her. Our frequency didn’t go up dramatically - we were already at 1-2x per week but she definitely quit turning me down while she was on it. Also, I could tell she got much more lubricated than usual and her O’s were much more intense and shakey.

I tried that testosterone cream but I had to stop because I was growing a dick (for real) and I was wondering what is was doing to my insides. Testosterone cream is not the answer. And it has side affects. My DH would get laid more if I wasn't as exhausted and if he didn't act like he is my 4th child who I have to pick up after.

Interesting how men would like wives to take meds for the problems they caused. Take a pill wives, while the men continue to not do their part.

Interesting how women want to believe that men, and not a woman's chemical make up, cause all the problems. If hormones weren't part of the problem, then the testosterone wouldn't make women more interested in sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ “Putting it inside” is the last step of turning someone on, at least a woman you’ve been with for a while. I know for me, I need plenty of foreplay/playfulness/other touching before I’m in the mood enough for actual PIV insertion. But yes, when we’ve done all that, it feels good. It’s a mind issue, and the body follows.

if you know this, then why don;t you just make it happen? i dont get it. let me tell you , a person goes insane living with someone that denies them sex. I know. I went insane living with a DW that was happy to never have sex again. left that wet fish and life is good again. normal. as nature meant it. someone is wrong with many women in the modern era.

Fish are supposed to be wet. You're not very bright, are you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:any women tried testorone cream? I know some drs will prescribe it off label. Hard to get the dosing right so it doesn't masculinize you but some women swear it was life changing for them.

Guy here. My wife was on testo creme for a few months. It certainly seemed to work for her. Our frequency didn’t go up dramatically - we were already at 1-2x per week but she definitely quit turning me down while she was on it. Also, I could tell she got much more lubricated than usual and her O’s were much more intense and shakey.

I tried that testosterone cream but I had to stop because I was growing a dick (for real) and I was wondering what is was doing to my insides. Testosterone cream is not the answer. And it has side affects. My DH would get laid more if I wasn't as exhausted and if he didn't act like he is my 4th child who I have to pick up after.

Your husband acts like a 4th child? No wonder you have lost interest in sex. Divorce him! There is no reason to stay married to such a useless lazy slouch whom you don't even want sex with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:any women tried testorone cream? I know some drs will prescribe it off label. Hard to get the dosing right so it doesn't masculinize you but some women swear it was life changing for them.

Guy here. My wife was on testo creme for a few months. It certainly seemed to work for her. Our frequency didn’t go up dramatically - we were already at 1-2x per week but she definitely quit turning me down while she was on it. Also, I could tell she got much more lubricated than usual and her O’s were much more intense and shakey.

I tried that testosterone cream but I had to stop because I was growing a dick (for real) and I was wondering what is was doing to my insides. Testosterone cream is not the answer. And it has side affects. My DH would get laid more if I wasn't as exhausted and if he didn't act like he is my 4th child who I have to pick up after.

Interesting how men would like wives to take meds for the problems they caused. Take a pill wives, while the men continue to not do their part.

If you don't want sex due to a lazy husband, simply divorce him. Please do not stay married to a lazy husband that you do not desire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:any women tried testorone cream? I know some drs will prescribe it off label. Hard to get the dosing right so it doesn't masculinize you but some women swear it was life changing for them.

Guy here. My wife was on testo creme for a few months. It certainly seemed to work for her. Our frequency didn’t go up dramatically - we were already at 1-2x per week but she definitely quit turning me down while she was on it. Also, I could tell she got much more lubricated than usual and her O’s were much more intense and shakey.

I tried that testosterone cream but I had to stop because I was growing a dick (for real) and I was wondering what is was doing to my insides. Testosterone cream is not the answer. And it has side affects. My DH would get laid more if I wasn't as exhausted and if he didn't act like he is my 4th child who I have to pick up after.

Interesting how men would like wives to take meds for the problems they caused. Take a pill wives, while the men continue to not do their part.

Interesting how women want to believe that men, and not a woman's chemical make up, cause all the problems. If hormones weren't part of the problem, then the testosterone wouldn't make women more interested in sex.

Sure. They are. But why is a woman's chemical makeup that's the problem? Who died and appointed your chemical makeup a paragon of humanity? Take some bromide. That should bring your sex drive to the point where it would tolerable to your wife. Problem solved. What? You don't want to be sluggish and uninterested in life? Women don't want to grow dicks either!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:any women tried testorone cream? I know some drs will prescribe it off label. Hard to get the dosing right so it doesn't masculinize you but some women swear it was life changing for them.

Guy here. My wife was on testo creme for a few months. It certainly seemed to work for her. Our frequency didn’t go up dramatically - we were already at 1-2x per week but she definitely quit turning me down while she was on it. Also, I could tell she got much more lubricated than usual and her O’s were much more intense and shakey.

I tried that testosterone cream but I had to stop because I was growing a dick (for real) and I was wondering what is was doing to my insides. Testosterone cream is not the answer. And it has side affects. My DH would get laid more if I wasn't as exhausted and if he didn't act like he is my 4th child who I have to pick up after.

Interesting how men would like wives to take meds for the problems they caused. Take a pill wives, while the men continue to not do their part.

Interesting how women want to believe that men, and not a woman's chemical make up, cause all the problems. If hormones weren't part of the problem, then the testosterone wouldn't make women more interested in sex.

Ok, I'll use the testosterone dream, but if I grow a dick, I get to f#$k you with it.

[Anonymous]

*cream, but dream works, too.

[Anonymous]

Someone needs to invent a pill, like viagra for the female libido.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone needs to invent a pill, like viagra for the female libido.

Why not a pill to calm a man's libido?