Reality check please - DH left toddler with 13 yr step daughter (whose foot is in a cast)

[Anonymous]

Yes you are overreacting. It’s fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t like her, OP. We get it.

It may not be about not liking her but the child doesn't live there and is a visitor. Child is there to spend time with Dad, not babysit and depending on her mother, OP may get an earful. I didn't let my husband's kids babysit. They are there to spend time with Dad, not be our child care. Same for friends teenage kids who visit now. Those kids offer but they are there to spend time with all of us, not be babysitters.

Children are not visitors. This is such poisonous language. And equating your children (which is what you should think about your husband's children from any marriage) to friends' teenage kids is appalling. They are there to spend time with their FAMILY which is not just dad and CERTAINLY includes SIBLINGS.

Yes, they are if they are not there 50/50. You can try as hard as you want but they are visitors if they are there just a few days a month. My husband's kids were visitors in our home when mom would actually allow them to come. We'd spend a fortune in court and on plane tickets, she'd refuse and judge would just tell her to send them next time with no consequences. They were absolutely visitors. I wouldn't expect them to do anything in our home, including care for our kids. Its not their job. They are our kids and our responsibility. No 13 year old wants to spend a snow day with a sick 4 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t like her, OP. We get it.

It may not be about not liking her but the child doesn't live there and is a visitor. Child is there to spend time with Dad, not babysit and depending on her mother, OP may get an earful. I didn't let my husband's kids babysit. They are there to spend time with Dad, not be our child care. Same for friends teenage kids who visit now. Those kids offer but they are there to spend time with all of us, not be babysitters.

Children are not visitors. This is such poisonous language. And equating your children (which is what you should think about your husband's children from any marriage) to friends' teenage kids is appalling. They are there to spend time with their FAMILY which is not just dad and CERTAINLY includes SIBLINGS.

Yes, they are if they are not there 50/50. You can try as hard as you want but they are visitors if they are there just a few days a month. My husband's kids were visitors in our home when mom would actually allow them to come. We'd spend a fortune in court and on plane tickets, she'd refuse and judge would just tell her to send them next time with no consequences. They were absolutely visitors. I wouldn't expect them to do anything in our home, including care for our kids. Its not their job. They are our kids and our responsibility. No 13 year old wants to spend a snow day with a sick 4 year old.

I was that child and my stepmother didn't treat me like a visitor. You're a piece of crap. You should have done that, you should have made them feel like they were a part of the family, because that is what they were.

[Anonymous]

I think you are overreacting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t like her, OP. We get it.

It may not be about not liking her but the child doesn't live there and is a visitor. Child is there to spend time with Dad, not babysit and depending on her mother, OP may get an earful. I didn't let my husband's kids babysit. They are there to spend time with Dad, not be our child care. Same for friends teenage kids who visit now. Those kids offer but they are there to spend time with all of us, not be babysitters.

It's her brother. Siblings are expected to babysit once in awhile and it's good for them to bond 1 on 1. It wasn't even the whole day. Part of the problem is that OP is treating the step DD as if she is a guest/stranger and not family - and I get your point about the DD being a visitor, but it's still her brother and her dad. OP really changed her tone after her initial post - this is about her not liking the step DD and her own control issues with how she wants "HER" family to operate.

Would she flip out if it was her own daughter babysitting her younger brother? Or is it that much different because the hypothetical bio DD would live there?

Its her half brother and I meant the biological mother, not stepmom may have an issue with it. Yes, it is different if she were living there full-time but she isn't and yes, she is a visitor. Don't want kids to be visitors in Dad's home then give them 50/50.

Half brother still equals brother in my book. I feel sad for your step children that they're still this "us v. them" mentality going on in your home. Sure their mother may be a nightmare and has her own control issues, but you should treat them like your own (and that comes with babysitting a half-sib sometimes).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t like her, OP. We get it.

It may not be about not liking her but the child doesn't live there and is a visitor. Child is there to spend time with Dad, not babysit and depending on her mother, OP may get an earful. I didn't let my husband's kids babysit. They are there to spend time with Dad, not be our child care. Same for friends teenage kids who visit now. Those kids offer but they are there to spend time with all of us, not be babysitters.

Children are not visitors. This is such poisonous language. And equating your children (which is what you should think about your husband's children from any marriage) to friends' teenage kids is appalling. They are there to spend time with their FAMILY which is not just dad and CERTAINLY includes SIBLINGS.

Yes, they are if they are not there 50/50. You can try as hard as you want but they are visitors if they are there just a few days a month. My husband's kids were visitors in our home when mom would actually allow them to come. We'd spend a fortune in court and on plane tickets, she'd refuse and judge would just tell her to send them next time with no consequences. They were absolutely visitors. I wouldn't expect them to do anything in our home, including care for our kids. Its not their job. They are our kids and our responsibility. No 13 year old wants to spend a snow day with a sick 4 year old.

I was that child and my stepmother didn't treat me like a visitor. You're a piece of crap. You should have done that, you should have made them feel like they were a part of the family, because that is what they were.

+1. They probably acted like visitors because that's how you treated them. I have family member I only visit once or twice a year and they still make it feel like home every time.

[Anonymous]

I think you're overreacting.

[Anonymous]

Land the helicopter OP. Your 13 year old stepdaughter can look after her 4 year old brother.

You need to apologize to your husband and to reassess your view of your step daughter and your son. Really you owe them all apologies. For not trusting your husband, for seeing your step daughter as useless, for seeing your son as a toddler. Both your kids are far more capable than you are giving them credit for.

It is good your kids have your husband as a parent - someone who sees their abilities and strengths and capabilities and lets them have responsibility and independence in age appropriate ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She is in a cast and my son is sick. How could she even properly care for him? She has never babysat a kid before, doesn't live here full time and is not used to him.

He's FOUR. He's not a toddler. And is he continuously bleeding? No. She can care for him by bringing him a drink and reading him stories, putting a wet washcloth on his head, drawing with him in bed, etc. All the same things I did when I was 13 and babysitting. You can put a sippy cup (which I'm POSITIVE you have since you refer to a preschooler as a toddler) in your pocket and use crutches if your broken foot isn't in a walking cast.

You are crazy, OP. Totally 100% crazy. Is your son dead? No? Then they worked it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks to those who gave constructive advice. To the others..I posted for a reality check and I guess I'm getting one.

I love my step daughter very much and the fact that she has never baby sat before (yes I know she hasn't we have discussed it), is in a cast, and visits infrequently doesn't change that. I don't think she should have been put in this situation either and I highly doubt she wanted to.

I suppose my thinking is that a minimum, my husband should have discussed this with me as I would have done with him. I still don't think someone in a cast, especially one who is a kid herself, is fully able to care for a sick but highly active child.

Since she just turned 13 last week, and my son just turned 4 the week before, yes I guess I consider them both pretty young.

Even if she were 12 I would still say she is capable. If you are in a foot cast that ends below the knee you are mobile with either crutches or a walking boot. Your 4 yr old is capable of laying around and pitifully asking "Can I have an ice pop/apple juice/whatever?"

[Anonymous]

You are acting like he left an 8 year old with a 2 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks to those who gave constructive advice. To the others..I posted for a reality check and I guess I'm getting one.

I love my step daughter very much and the fact that she has never baby sat before (yes I know she hasn't we have discussed it), is in a cast, and visits infrequently doesn't change that. I don't think she should have been put in this situation either and I highly doubt she wanted to.

I suppose my thinking is that a minimum, my husband should have discussed this with me as I would have done with him. I still don't think someone in a cast, especially one who is a kid herself, is fully able to care for a sick but highly active child.

Since she just turned 13 last week, and my son just turned 4 the week before, yes I guess I consider them both pretty young.

The way the initial post came off was that this is more of a trust and control thing than really being empathetic to your step-daughter. You didn’t trust your husband’s judgement on whether his 13 year old daughter could watch her 4 year old brother for a limited amount of time during the day or if it would be better to haul a sick pre-schooler in the car for 2.5 hours to drop/pick up a sibling. You were upset your husband didn’t discuss his plans with you ahead of time though presumably you knew there was 13 year old in a cast, a sick toddler, and another child that needed to be someplace or picked up and one parent responsible for figuring out how to get those logistics to worK.

[Anonymous]

You people are nuts. I'd be mad as hell if my husband left my kid with ANYONE without telling me first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is DS?

Just turned 4. And he is home sick today.

That is not a toddler.

That is a preK almost kindergartner who is at a super helpful age.

And she is not step daughter.

She is his daughter and the big sister of her preK brother.

Poor girl and poor husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She is in a cast and my son is sick. How could she even properly care for him? She has never babysat a kid before, doesn't live here full time and is not used to him.

Okay.

We get it..

You don't like her or consider her part of the family.

The interloper. How dare she.