Reality check please - DH left toddler with 13 yr step daughter (whose foot is in a cast)
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Anonymous
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I would be livid, because this was not discussed. 13 is the legal age for babysitting, but with a cast? And without the mother's consent? If my husband did this, he would be in trouble. |
Anonymous
Did I miss where the husband was not the father of the child? |
Anonymous
I really don't understand why some people think the cast is such a big deal. Is this (poor, sick) kid darting out in traffic? I also don't think a wife who says her husband would be in trouble (will he be grounded?) for this is thinking of her husband as an equal partner in the parenting. How can we expect fathers to step up and do their share when they are micromanaged in this way? This was not some stranger! This was a family member. You guys who agree with OP have serious control issues and I feel sorry for your poor husbands who can't make a decision. OP chose to have a baby with this guy. Presumably she had some faith in his competence, no? |
Anonymous
| Reality check: You are overreacting. |
Anonymous
She may not FEEL like a stranger, but still BE a relative stranger. e.g. not know where the fire extinguishers are kept, not knowing which neighbors might be safe (or even just home) in the case of emergency, etc. Since she doesn't know the child well, she probably wouldn't be aware of the complete medical history, allergies, etc, of the child to let the paramedics know in the case of emergency, etc. Those are the types of reasons it's more like a traditional babysitter. And I've already explained that BOTH parents have the right to know where their child is at all times, and with whom. Unless they're divorced, in which case some of those rights go away. Most DHs aren't that interested to hear whether little Larlo has a birthday party from 2 until 4 and will be minded by Jack's parents, but if he was (and mine would be one of them) then the mom should discuss it with him. Certainly the very first time a young child was to be minded by someone other than a parent should be agreed by both parents. |
Anonymous
A parent should be empowered to make decisions in the moment about their kid. Acting like a family conference is needed for this level of decision making is ridiculous and micromanaging. Everything you say is framed with the assumption that the mom cares and the DH might. You're putting moms on a pedestal and stop it. Guys should be empowered to be fully functioning able bodied decision making adults. If your DH flipped out on you because you arranged a neighborhood babysitter without his input would you be offended? If he assumed that you wouldn't have passed on information about allergies would you be offended? No temp babysitter is aware of all that. I have a nanny and I'm not sure if she knows where the fire extinguisher is. You need to get off your helicopter lady. In the amazon villages 3 year olds are fileting fish. I'm not saying we start handing out knives to the toddlers but they (and certainly 13 year olds, the age at wish you used to start procreating) can handle more than you think they can. 911 is the same if you're in Fargo or Reston. |
Anonymous
Now you're turning the discussion back into "should a 4yo have a babysitter at a random time of the day when the other parent thought he was under the parent's care?" where it belongs. The question actually has nothing to do with a step daughter. It's about a "temp babysitter", to use your words. And to answer your question, both my DH and I talk about who we want to mind our child. Neither one of us would get a neighborhood babysitter at a random time and think it's fine with the other. P.S. You have no idea how we parent. Let's just say that the DCUM consensus was that we're insane because we DON'T helicopter our preschoolers. |
Anonymous
| Of course OP is overreacting. Absurd, completely absurd. |
Anonymous
You can't be serious. A 13 year old is very familiar with how to operate a phone. In the case of any emergency, it will take her 0.5 seconds to call dad and get any information she needs to pass onto the paramedics. Conflating an older sibling with a random babysitter is insulting to the teenager. If anything, the sister cares MORE about her brother and will go the extra mile in the case of an emergency to protect him, familiarity or not. |
Anonymous
I strongly disagree with you, but you do you. |
Anonymous
Not PP but yes I will go on trusting my DH's judgement on care for his children and expect him to trust mine. |
Anonymous
+1. I am a DH who is equally shares the parenting load with my DW. If my DW ever told me that I needed her "consent" for having MY sick child stay home with his sister (as opposed to running errands with me) for a couple hours, she would be doing all the parenting from that day forward. Women on here always complain that their DH is not an engaged parent, does not do anything etc. Here is a guy who is trying to make it work with 3 kids and he pulled it off fine. The ONLY fault I find is that he should have sent OP a text saying "Going to get Sara, I left Zach with Larla. I should be home by 2." That's it! |
Anonymous
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OP, I think enough people have jumped on you for the overreaction to the situation, so I won't pile on to that.
I would like to point out another issue that I think you need to address. The issue is one of respect. While I understand that you may be the default parent and used to making decisions about your child, your reactions show a distinct lack of respect for your family. While I believe that you don't intend to do this, you are putting all of them in a secondary position in the family where you are the decision maker and put them in the place of being inferior and of less importance than yourself. Your husband is your partner and should be an equal in parenting matters. While there are many issues that need to be discussed and mutually agreed upon, you also have to have the ability to just trust him when you cannot be there. He made a decision on how to handle a situation when you were not there. You should not be going and undermining him by second-guessing what his decision was and how he handled it. This attitude creates the sense that you don't trust him. It will make him less interested in taking parental responsibility later and and then you'll be complaining that he doesn't take an interest or won't take responsibility for the kids. You have to be able to let go and let others made decisions even if they are sometimes wrong. Are you always right? No, none of us are. And we don't need someone hovering over our shoulders every time telling us that we did this wrong and that wrong and that we should have made better decisions. You are showing a distinct lack of trust and respect for your husband. It may seem small, but his lack of respect can creep into a lot of situations and will hurt your relationship. It's one more straw in the pile on the camel's back. You need to let go and let him parent when you aren't around and let him do it his way. He'll find his way. You can't and shouldn't be controlling how he parents when you aren't there. You also show a lack of respect for your daughter (yes, she's your stepdaughter, but that shouldn't matter in this context). She's 13 which is plenty old enough for most people to babysit or care for a child. I'm a guy and I was babysitting regularly for a 2 year old when I was 13. Unless you had evidence otherwise, you need to trust your husband's judgement off his daughter that she was capable of taking care of her brother. It was for a couple of hours in the afternoon and there were no special circumstances that she had to take care of. I presume that she had access to a phone to call either your husband or you if there was any significant emergency that was outside of her ability to handle. Otherwise, it's pretty straightforward, play with the kid or make sure he's occupied and not getting into trouble for a few hours until a parent comes home. I think you are a little egocentric in your thinking. You place yourself in the position that your judgment is superior to others and that they don't have ability to judge a situation to determine if it is safe. You need to find a way to extend more respect to your family in the future and let go of the apron strings for all of them. All of the overcontrolling mothers like you that I've known have had poor relationships with their families and children after those children achieve adulthood. |
Anonymous
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A sick child should be with an adult, not young teen. It has nothing to do with step or not at that point.
Likewise, child's mom may not approve and be livid that Dad did that and could make things very difficult for Dad. My husband had his kids during the summers (before me) and asked his daughter to start a simple meal she knew to make. Mom flipped out over Dad asking her to do anything. |
Anonymous
Well said! |