Reality check please - DH left toddler with 13 yr step daughter (whose foot is in a cast)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know that I would be furious. A few daylight hours with a 13 year old seems reasonable to me. The cast is concerning but it’s hard to say if that would be a dealbreaker for me without knowing how easily the 13yo can get around and how active the toddler is. In any case, he definitely should have checked with you first. I can understand being upset about that aspect of it regardless of who is watching your kid.

What? They're his kids. He doesn't need her permission.


--a mother who isn't insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
She may not FEEL like a stranger, but still BE a relative stranger. e.g. not know where the fire extinguishers are kept, not knowing which neighbors might be safe (or even just home) in the case of emergency, etc.

Since she doesn't know the child well, she probably wouldn't be aware of the complete medical history, allergies, etc, of the child to let the paramedics know in the case of emergency, etc.

Those are the types of reasons it's more like a traditional babysitter.

You can't be serious. A 13 year old is very familiar with how to operate a phone. In the case of any emergency, it will take her 0.5 seconds to call dad and get any information she needs to pass onto the paramedics.

Conflating an older sibling with a random babysitter is insulting to the teenager. If anything, the sister cares MORE about her brother and will go the extra mile in the case of an emergency to protect him, familiarity or not.

+1

And I'm pretty sure that any 13-year-old that not completely estranged from her father & half brother (which this girl obviously isn't since she is currently staying in the same house as them) would know if her brother had some kind of a life threatening allergy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I would be livid, because this was not discussed.

13 is the legal age for babysitting, but with a cast? And without the mother's consent?

If my husband did this, he would be in trouble.

If my wife talked about me like this on social media, she'd be in BIGGER trouble.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry you are frustrated, but I too have left a toddler with my 9 year old for a quick errand. My 9 year old had a phone to call me at any minute and she's mature for her age. Prayers to you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry you are frustrated, but I too have left a toddler with my 9 year old for a quick errand. My 9 year old had a phone to call me at any minute and she's mature for her age. Prayers to you!

Presumably you know how your 9 yo was raised though, you know her values, the types of things you've taught her over the years, the types of things she's likely to be able to handle. Now substitute with a 12 yo who you didn't raise and don't know well. Not sure that even most parents (IRL, not on DCUM) would make that decision, let alone the majority of them.

And no, even the dimmest haters could not possibly argue that a parent who sees his kid once every week or two has "raised" the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I would be livid, because this was not discussed.

13 is the legal age for babysitting, but with a cast? And without the mother's consent?

If my husband did this, he would be in trouble.

I really don't understand why some people think the cast is such a big deal. Is this (poor, sick) kid darting out in traffic?

I also don't think a wife who says her husband would be in trouble (will he be grounded?) for this is thinking of her husband as an equal partner in the parenting. How can we expect fathers to step up and do their share when they are micromanaged in this way? This was not some stranger! This was a family member. You guys who agree with OP have serious control issues and I feel sorry for your poor husbands who can't make a decision. OP chose to have a baby with this guy. Presumably she had some faith in his competence, no?

+1. I am a DH who is equally shares the parenting load with my DW. If my DW ever told me that I needed her "consent" for having MY sick child stay home with his sister (as opposed to running errands with me) for a couple hours, she would be doing all the parenting from that day forward. Women on here always complain that their DH is not an engaged parent, does not do anything etc. Here is a guy who is trying to make it work with 3 kids and he pulled it off fine. The ONLY fault I find is that he should have sent OP a text saying "Going to get Sara, I left Zach with Larla. I should be home by 2." That's it!

The bolded is the point that most of us are making.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry you are frustrated, but I too have left a toddler with my 9 year old for a quick errand. My 9 year old had a phone to call me at any minute and she's mature for her age. Prayers to you!

Presumably you know how your 9 yo was raised though, you know her values, the types of things you've taught her over the years, the types of things she's likely to be able to handle. Now substitute with a 12 yo who you didn't raise and don't know well. Not sure that even most parents (IRL, not on DCUM) would make that decision, let alone the majority of them.

And no, even the dimmest haters could not possibly argue that a parent who sees his kid once every week or two has "raised" the child.

If you have been involved with a guy long enough to have a four year old son and you don't know his 13 year old daughter well (who you have theoretically known since she was at least 7) then you're a shi%%y uninvolved step parent.

And hey here's a dim hater who thinks my dad helped raise me even though we were every other weekend until I was 10 them he moved to a different state and it was a month in the summer and every other major holiday. Weird how I feel like my real life experience of being raised in a divorced home has more weight here.

[Anonymous]

The Father did not leave “her child” with a stranger, he left his 2 children at home. If my wife had an issue we me leaving my 2 children at home at that age, she wouldn’t be my wife for long.

[Anonymous]

OP is long gone I think. I doubt she would like for her DH to know what she posted at all. I hope she’s gone off to think about how’s she treated their 13 year old and how’s she come across so she can make amends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry you are frustrated, but I too have left a toddler with my 9 year old for a quick errand. My 9 year old had a phone to call me at any minute and she's mature for her age. Prayers to you!

Presumably you know how your 9 yo was raised though, you know her values, the types of things you've taught her over the years, the types of things she's likely to be able to handle. Now substitute with a 12 yo who you didn't raise and don't know well. Not sure that even most parents (IRL, not on DCUM) would make that decision, let alone the majority of them.

And no, even the dimmest haters could not possibly argue that a parent who sees his kid once every week or two has "raised" the child.

Or he might be a better father to his DD than so many who work so much and never see their kids at all. Plus he might be making a huge effort to be a good dad as he failed he with the divorce and the step mom from hell. Regardless, many 13 year old that you found on list serve have watched even younger kids. OP is nasty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I would be livid, because this was not discussed.

13 is the legal age for babysitting, but with a cast? And without the mother's consent?

If my husband did this, he would be in trouble.

I really don't understand why some people think the cast is such a big deal. Is this (poor, sick) kid darting out in traffic?

I also don't think a wife who says her husband would be in trouble (will he be grounded?) for this is thinking of her husband as an equal partner in the parenting. How can we expect fathers to step up and do their share when they are micromanaged in this way? This was not some stranger! This was a family member. You guys who agree with OP have serious control issues and I feel sorry for your poor husbands who can't make a decision. OP chose to have a baby with this guy. Presumably she had some faith in his competence, no?

+1. I am a DH who is equally shares the parenting load with my DW. If my DW ever told me that I needed her "consent" for having MY sick child stay home with his sister (as opposed to running errands with me) for a couple hours, she would be doing all the parenting from that day forward. Women on here always complain that their DH is not an engaged parent, does not do anything etc. Here is a guy who is trying to make it work with 3 kids and he pulled it off fine. The ONLY fault I find is that he should have sent OP a text saying "Going to get Sara, I left Zach with Larla. I should be home by 2." That's it!

The bolded is the point that most of us are making.

I find that to be hypocrisy, because no way any mom/wife would ever be asked to text her DH about which sibling is watching a younger sibling while she runs errands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is the post OP would have made if ex took kids with him:
"My ex dragged my sick toddler(4 year old) around for 3 hours while running errands!"
or,
"My ex fed my sick kid pizza that he ordered, and they watched TV all day long!"
To me, her ex sounds like quite a capable dad, who navigated well with three kids, did the errands, and all was good.
Resentment clouds OP's judgement.

This isn't her ex.

Yes, I got that after I posted. I guess I just assumed that this must be an ex, as OP comes off insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I would be livid, because this was not discussed.

13 is the legal age for babysitting, but with a cast? And without the mother's consent?

If my husband did this, he would be in trouble.

I really don't understand why some people think the cast is such a big deal. Is this (poor, sick) kid darting out in traffic?

I also don't think a wife who says her husband would be in trouble (will he be grounded?) for this is thinking of her husband as an equal partner in the parenting. How can we expect fathers to step up and do their share when they are micromanaged in this way?

Oh, I assure you this is very much the norm. If you want to know why women are the "default" parent look no further than this. Women (most, not all) go ballistic when men make a decision they disagree with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I would be livid, because this was not discussed.

13 is the legal age for babysitting, but with a cast? And without the mother's consent?

If my husband did this, he would be in trouble.

I really don't understand why some people think the cast is such a big deal. Is this (poor, sick) kid darting out in traffic?

I also don't think a wife who says her husband would be in trouble (will he be grounded?) for this is thinking of her husband as an equal partner in the parenting. How can we expect fathers to step up and do their share when they are micromanaged in this way?

Oh, I assure you this is very much the norm. If you want to know why women are the "default" parent look no further than this. Women (most, not all) go ballistic when men make a decision they disagree with.

Except the vast majority of posters here, male and female, told op to get am attitude adjustment.

Take your red pill somewhere else

[Anonymous]

She may not be his ex now, but she will be soon.