Reality check please - DH left toddler with 13 yr step daughter (whose foot is in a cast)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t like her, OP. We get it.

It may not be about not liking her but the child doesn't live there and is a visitor. Child is there to spend time with Dad, not babysit and depending on her mother, OP may get an earful. I didn't let my husband's kids babysit. They are there to spend time with Dad, not be our child care. Same for friends teenage kids who visit now. Those kids offer but they are there to spend time with all of us, not be babysitters.

[Anonymous]

A four-year-old is not a toddler.

[Anonymous]

Is it even really babysitting? I remember being left alone with my brother and sister who are five years younger than me. They would play in their rooms or watch TV (before it was bad to have screens ?). I would do my thing and they would do theirs. I have a four year old so I understand they want to play more (although an episode of Daniel Tiger and I could leave the country and she would not know.) and will need more supervision, but the 13 year old could sit in the den / playroom / living room with the kid and “play” or get a sandwich or watch TV. I would not expect full on babysitting from a sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it. He didn't discuss with you first and you're freaking out about what else will he not partner with you on in the future. I understand why you'd feel panic-y. I would, too. I would try not to be reactive, given nothing bad happened, then try to strategize to get the outcome you want. Work in your self-interest. I don't mean to be manipulative about it, but in a way, it's what you're doing to get your needs met.

If it were me, my strategy would be to say, "Hey baby, thanks for running all of those errands. I wouldn't have made the same choice to let Larla babysit, given she's in a cast and Larlo is sick, but I understand you need the help and you did the best you can. Thanks for taking the reigns on this because I was really busy. Let's talk first next time so we're both comfy with the babysitting set up, and let's talk about paying Larla next time when she babysits, too, so she can pocket a little cash. Love you!"

Please tell me you don't actually condescend to your husband like this. What. The. F*ck.

If my dh was stupid enough not to consult me before making that decision, then f**k yeah, I would. And he'd be too stupid to know I was doing it. But, I wouldn't care, because I'd get my way, and he'd be happy that I didn't nag him.

Why would the kid's dad need to consult the other parent? You guys are insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t like her, OP. We get it.

It may not be about not liking her but the child doesn't live there and is a visitor. Child is there to spend time with Dad, not babysit and depending on her mother, OP may get an earful. I didn't let my husband's kids babysit. They are there to spend time with Dad, not be our child care. Same for friends teenage kids who visit now. Those kids offer but they are there to spend time with all of us, not be babysitters.

Children are not visitors. This is such poisonous language. And equating your children (which is what you should think about your husband's children from any marriage) to friends' teenage kids is appalling. They are there to spend time with their FAMILY which is not just dad and CERTAINLY includes SIBLINGS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t like her, OP. We get it.

It may not be about not liking her but the child doesn't live there and is a visitor. Child is there to spend time with Dad, not babysit and depending on her mother, OP may get an earful. I didn't let my husband's kids babysit. They are there to spend time with Dad, not be our child care. Same for friends teenage kids who visit now. Those kids offer but they are there to spend time with all of us, not be babysitters.

A child shouldn't be made to feel like a visitor in their family home, even if they also have another family home. When there's a non-routine situation, like a preschooler home sick with a mild illness, then it's totally reasonable to expect a teenager to step up while their parent runs and errand and picks up another sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t like her, OP. We get it.

It may not be about not liking her but the child doesn't live there and is a visitor. Child is there to spend time with Dad, not babysit and depending on her mother, OP may get an earful. I didn't let my husband's kids babysit. They are there to spend time with Dad, not be our child care. Same for friends teenage kids who visit now. Those kids offer but they are there to spend time with all of us, not be babysitters.

It's her brother. Siblings are expected to babysit once in awhile and it's good for them to bond 1 on 1. It wasn't even the whole day. Part of the problem is that OP is treating the step DD as if she is a guest/stranger and not family - and I get your point about the DD being a visitor, but it's still her brother and her dad. OP really changed her tone after her initial post - this is about her not liking the step DD and her own control issues with how she wants "HER" family to operate.

Would she flip out if it was her own daughter babysitting her younger brother? Or is it that much different because the hypothetical bio DD would live there?

[Anonymous]

New poster here, and I've read the entire thread. Cosign everyone on the following:

1) A four year-old is a preschooler, not a toddler

2) Your husband did NOTHING wrong

3) You sound like someone who treats their step-child like a guest, which if super effed up

4) You probably would have complained if he put a sick kid in the car, which demonstrates that your real issue is with your step-daughter

5) If this was unfair to anyone, it was unfair to your step-daughter but if she isn't complaining, you need to STFU

6) You should apologize

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the bigger issue is why you feel you have to “approve” his decisions for one kid equally his and one all his. This “men have to be managed” crap spewed above is sick.[/quote]

Look at all the posts about all the shit women have to deal with in their marriage. It's because men are clueless. I'm really happy you found one that doesn't need to be managed. If he's got a big d*ck, then bonus!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it. He didn't discuss with you first and you're freaking out about what else will he not partner with you on in the future. I understand why you'd feel panic-y. I would, too. I would try not to be reactive, given nothing bad happened, then try to strategize to get the outcome you want. Work in your self-interest. I don't mean to be manipulative about it, but in a way, it's what you're doing to get your needs met.

If it were me, my strategy would be to say, "Hey baby, thanks for running all of those errands. I wouldn't have made the same choice to let Larla babysit, given she's in a cast and Larlo is sick, but I understand you need the help and you did the best you can. Thanks for taking the reigns on this because I was really busy. Let's talk first next time so we're both comfy with the babysitting set up, and let's talk about paying Larla next time when she babysits, too, so she can pocket a little cash. Love you!"

This is why men have affairs.

15 years and going strong. Anyway, read the research about nagging, affairs, and divorce, then post back when you know a little something.

[Anonymous]

4 year old is definitely not a toddler. Do you tell people he is 48 months old! I babysat for babies at 11. I definitely think you are overreacting. Do you not like your stepdaughter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t like her, OP. We get it.

It may not be about not liking her but the child doesn't live there and is a visitor. Child is there to spend time with Dad, not babysit and depending on her mother, OP may get an earful. I didn't let my husband's kids babysit. They are there to spend time with Dad, not be our child care. Same for friends teenage kids who visit now. Those kids offer but they are there to spend time with all of us, not be babysitters.

A child shouldn't be made to feel like a visitor in their family home, even if they also have another family home. When there's a non-routine situation, like a preschooler home sick with a mild illness, then it's totally reasonable to expect a teenager to step up while their parent runs and errand and picks up another sibling.

Be real, 50/50 then a child is a part of that family home but if a child is there a few days a month and maybe a few weeks in the summer, they are a visitor. A 13 year old should not be caring for a sick child for errands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A 4yo is not a toddler.

No, but her Dh is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t like her, OP. We get it.

It may not be about not liking her but the child doesn't live there and is a visitor. Child is there to spend time with Dad, not babysit and depending on her mother, OP may get an earful. I didn't let my husband's kids babysit. They are there to spend time with Dad, not be our child care. Same for friends teenage kids who visit now. Those kids offer but they are there to spend time with all of us, not be babysitters.

It's her brother. Siblings are expected to babysit once in awhile and it's good for them to bond 1 on 1. It wasn't even the whole day. Part of the problem is that OP is treating the step DD as if she is a guest/stranger and not family - and I get your point about the DD being a visitor, but it's still her brother and her dad. OP really changed her tone after her initial post - this is about her not liking the step DD and her own control issues with how she wants "HER" family to operate.

Would she flip out if it was her own daughter babysitting her younger brother? Or is it that much different because the hypothetical bio DD would live there?

Its her half brother and I meant the biological mother, not stepmom may have an issue with it. Yes, it is different if she were living there full-time but she isn't and yes, she is a visitor. Don't want kids to be visitors in Dad's home then give them 50/50.

[Anonymous]

Did the 13 year old complain or was she excited to do try babysitting and get some experience under her belt (for future jobs)?