Mil wants to be called Mama X

[Anonymous]

For all the people who say they are on OP's team by telling her she should not let this woman be called Mama Barbara, I say you're on team regret. All i see is a MIL who loves her grandchild. Can't have too much of that, sorry.

And if moms are that important, DH will set his wife straight. His mom gets to decide what she wants to be called. By anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For all the people who say they are on OP's team by telling her she should not let this woman be called Mama Barbara, I say you're on team regret. All i see is a MIL who loves her grandchild. Can't have too much of that, sorry.

And if moms are that important, DH will set his wife straight. His mom gets to decide what she wants to be called. By anyone.

If she is so loving, why does she need to insist on being called Mama? She isn't the child's mother. Surely she can have just as good a relationship if she is referred to as Grandma. DCUM seems to have become infested with super pushy grandparents who can't accept their non-primary role in their grandchildren's lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is MomMom. I hate it. I’m not from the east coast so this weird to me but I also have the last of the 11 grandchildren so I don’t really get a choice. I know what you mean OP. It took us 6 years to get our kids so I am very protective of the Mama title. It’s the only thing I ever wanted. I would not share it. I can overlook the other boundary stomps but I wouldn’t be down with this. I think it really depends on a person’s MIL. Mine is so overbearing that it is completely suffocating. Everything feels like a competition with her. I ignore and praise Jesus we don’t live near her.

I wonder if you would feel the same way about your own DIL. Imagine your daughter in law thanking Jesus she lives nowhere near you. So sad.

Probably not because my only son passed away. My MIL video taped the funeral behind my back like it was a kindergarten Christmas pageant. That was the final straw in allowing the stomps. Now they are shit down politely but quickly. I will never have the warm fuzzies for her ever but I will not prevent my children from having a relationship with grandmother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For all the people who say they are on OP's team by telling her she should not let this woman be called Mama Barbara, I say you're on team regret. All i see is a MIL who loves her grandchild. Can't have too much of that, sorry.

And if moms are that important, DH will set his wife straight. His mom gets to decide what she wants to be called. By anyone.

If she is so loving, why does she need to insist on being called Mama? She isn't the child's mother. Surely she can have just as good a relationship if she is referred to as Grandma. DCUM seems to have become infested with super pushy grandparents who can't accept their non-primary role in their grandchildren's lives.

DCUM seems to want to push aside bad controlling behavior and that's exactly what this is. MAMA is used for the MOTHER. Its absurd this MIL is demanding that name and who cares if its a long battle with her...this one is worth the fight IMO and I let a lot of stuff go. No one is challenging her love for a grandchild but clearly she could care less about the feelings of the mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For all the people who say they are on OP's team by telling her she should not let this woman be called Mama Barbara, I say you're on team regret. All i see is a MIL who loves her grandchild. Can't have too much of that, sorry.

And if moms are that important, DH will set his wife straight. His mom gets to decide what she wants to be called. By anyone.

If she is so loving, why does she need to insist on being called Mama? She isn't the child's mother. Surely she can have just as good a relationship if she is referred to as Grandma. DCUM seems to have become infested with super pushy grandparents who can't accept their non-primary role in their grandchildren's lives.

DCUM seems to want to push aside bad controlling behavior and that's exactly what this is. MAMA is used for the MOTHER. Its absurd this MIL is demanding that name and who cares if its a long battle with her...this one is worth the fight IMO and I let a lot of stuff go. No one is challenging her love for a grandchild but clearly she could care less about the feelings of the mother.

+10000 This must have hit a sore spot with several overbearing MILs. MAMA is special and you’ve already had your chance. My heart could burst when I hear my LO call Mama for me.

[Anonymous]

Everyone using the words "demanding" and "insisting"...where was that? I think she asked to be called Mama X. That's all. You guys are all projecting some monstrous behavior on this woman. It's a request. If OP says to her, "Hey, mom, would you mind if they call you Grandma instead?" maybe she would back off. But honestly, you guys are bringing in things that have nothing to do with the information we were given.

And to the person whose MIL filmed her only son's funeral, I understand that would be so upsetting. Hugs to you on your loss, and for this time of year that must be painful.

[Anonymous]

OP again

1. I don't know if I'd call her a monster, but she has been nothing but horrible to me. Besides always joking to take our kids away, and they will like her better bullshit, she has told me that my husband will die and leave me widowed then she will take them from me. Cold stone face and dead serious. She is also the same woman who wore a white dress to my wedding, refused to contribute anything because we didn't run the color scheme by her. She offered to help us paint our apt, she came over while we were at work. Laid out colors for certain rooms and a guideline. Came back and she ignored everything and painted everything an off white. We also made it super clear that she should wait until we got home-made we never wanted her to paint but she offered and showed up to do so unexpectedly. Mil will go back and re iron clothes that I've already ironed, she shows up to my house with her own sheets and towels and will put a sheet on our couch before sitting...then throws a fit when I remove it when other come over. I paid a lot for our couch and I like it I don't exactly want a printed butterfly sheet covering it. There is so much crap she pulls that I'm just tired. I could go on and on about how crazy she is but at the end of the day I just don't want her to be called Mama. I'm fine with my kids calling everyone mama or dada for a while. And I even suggested let's wait and see what the kids come up with...but no.

Oh and calling her by her initials isn't meant to be mean or hostile pp. Both grandma's to my nephews are initial Nick names and it's adorable. Think cc pronunced cee cee, and bb, pronunced well, bee bee. I think Gigi or gg or whatever would be cute. Also open to any other name she wants or likes except mom, mama, mommy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone using the words "demanding" and "insisting"...where was that? I think she asked to be called Mama X. That's all. You guys are all projecting some monstrous behavior on this woman. It's a request. If OP says to her, "Hey, mom, would you mind if they call you Grandma instead?" maybe she would back off. But honestly, you guys are bringing in things that have nothing to do with the information we were given.

And to the person whose MIL filmed her only son's funeral, I understand that would be so upsetting. Hugs to you on your loss, and for this time of year that must be painful.

It's a completely bizarre request, and the OP has made it clear that her MIL is overbearing/pushy in other ways. And who calls her MIL mom? That's weird too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For all the people who say they are on OP's team by telling her she should not let this woman be called Mama Barbara, I say you're on team regret. All i see is a MIL who loves her grandchild. Can't have too much of that, sorry.

And if moms are that important, DH will set his wife straight. His mom gets to decide what she wants to be called. By anyone.

If she is so loving, why does she need to insist on being called Mama? She isn't the child's mother. Surely she can have just as good a relationship if she is referred to as Grandma. DCUM seems to have become infested with super pushy grandparents who can't accept their non-primary role in their grandchildren's lives.

DCUM seems to want to push aside bad controlling behavior and that's exactly what this is. MAMA is used for the MOTHER. Its absurd this MIL is demanding that name and who cares if its a long battle with her...this one is worth the fight IMO and I let a lot of stuff go. No one is challenging her love for a grandchild but clearly she could care less about the feelings of the mother.

+10000 This must have hit a sore spot with several overbearing MILs. MAMA is special and you’ve already had your chance. My heart could burst when I hear my LO call Mama for me.

Well all I can say is that MAMA is special here, but elsewhere it's a term that is used for moms and grandmoms. So if this MIL was raised to call her OWN grandmother Mama X, you can't say she taking a name reserved for moms. As I mentioned, my kids called the grandmother on their dad's side Mamamama. That's what they are called in Latin America, and I'm not about to take away a name SHE wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again

1. I don't know if I'd call her a monster, but she has been nothing but horrible to me. Besides always joking to take our kids away, and they will like her better bullshit, she has told me that my husband will die and leave me widowed then she will take them from me. Cold stone face and dead serious. She is also the same woman who wore a white dress to my wedding, refused to contribute anything because we didn't run the color scheme by her. She offered to help us paint our apt, she came over while we were at work. Laid out colors for certain rooms and a guideline. Came back and she ignored everything and painted everything an off white. We also made it super clear that she should wait until we got home-made we never wanted her to paint but she offered and showed up to do so unexpectedly. Mil will go back and re iron clothes that I've already ironed, she shows up to my house with her own sheets and towels and will put a sheet on our couch before sitting...then throws a fit when I remove it when other come over. I paid a lot for our couch and I like it I don't exactly want a printed butterfly sheet covering it. There is so much crap she pulls that I'm just tired. I could go on and on about how crazy she is but at the end of the day I just don't want her to be called Mama. I'm fine with my kids calling everyone mama or dada for a while. And I even suggested let's wait and see what the kids come up with...but no.

Oh and calling her by her initials isn't meant to be mean or hostile pp. Both grandma's to my nephews are initial Nick names and it's adorable. Think cc pronunced cee cee, and bb, pronunced well, bee bee. I think Gigi or gg or whatever would be cute. Also open to any other name she wants or likes except mom, mama, mommy.

Stand your ground.

[Anonymous]

You sound like an absolute drama queen nightmare, OP. I mean, she might be one too, but let’s call a spade a spade here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP:

Just to chime in, you will find life is long. I've finished raising my brood, and if I had to go back in time, I would be less reactive to things like this. As long as you don't feel your MIL is deliberately trying to undermine you, let her be called Mama X (I didn't read the whole thread, but was her grandma called Mama X too? That makes a difference).

The other thing is -- it is hard to think of this right now -- this baby really is not just yours. It is a person who will have his/her own relationships. And you will be thankful for all the people who love your child and are part of his/her loving community. So let your MIL love your child and be called what she wants to be called.

Just my two cents,

Older and wiser

Would you also give the same advice to the MIL who presumably is also older and wiser? I'm just wondering why only the DIL gets the advice to let things go and let the MIL get what she wants.

The critical difference is that the DIL has written in for opinions. You can't advise someone who is not part of the conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again

1. I don't know if I'd call her a monster, but she has been nothing but horrible to me. Besides always joking to take our kids away, and they will like her better bullshit, she has told me that my husband will die and leave me widowed then she will take them from me. Cold stone face and dead serious. She is also the same woman who wore a white dress to my wedding, refused to contribute anything because we didn't run the color scheme by her. She offered to help us paint our apt, she came over while we were at work. Laid out colors for certain rooms and a guideline. Came back and she ignored everything and painted everything an off white. We also made it super clear that she should wait until we got home-made we never wanted her to paint but she offered and showed up to do so unexpectedly. Mil will go back and re iron clothes that I've already ironed, she shows up to my house with her own sheets and towels and will put a sheet on our couch before sitting...then throws a fit when I remove it when other come over. I paid a lot for our couch and I like it I don't exactly want a printed butterfly sheet covering it. There is so much crap she pulls that I'm just tired. I could go on and on about how crazy she is but at the end of the day I just don't want her to be called Mama. I'm fine with my kids calling everyone mama or dada for a while. And I even suggested let's wait and see what the kids come up with...but no.

Oh and calling her by her initials isn't meant to be mean or hostile pp. Both grandma's to my nephews are initial Nick names and it's adorable. Think cc pronunced cee cee, and bb, pronunced well, bee bee. I think Gigi or gg or whatever would be cute. Also open to any other name she wants or likes except mom, mama, mommy.

She sounds horrid. I would not facilitate my children's having a relationship with her at all, frankly. And I would instruct them to call her Grandma when they do see her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mil wants to be called Mama (insert first name). This pisses me off, and I'm afraid I'm being irrational. DH isn't bothered by it and says to let it go. My moms nickname is her similar to GG. First initial twice. My nephews started calling her that and it stuck and they call my brothers mil the first initial of her name. I thought we could do the same with my mil or wait and see what develops naturally. I get if she wants to pick her own name but I don't want her to be mama anything to my kids. Or my dog- she uses it for her too. Am I being difficult here? So many other names to choose from!

Maybe she also wants to fly, but can't.

Don't do it. She's not your mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again

1. I don't know if I'd call her a monster, but she has been nothing but horrible to me. Besides always joking to take our kids away, and they will like her better bullshit, she has told me that my husband will die and leave me widowed then she will take them from me. Cold stone face and dead serious. She is also the same woman who wore a white dress to my wedding, refused to contribute anything because we didn't run the color scheme by her. She offered to help us paint our apt, she came over while we were at work. Laid out colors for certain rooms and a guideline. Came back and she ignored everything and painted everything an off white. We also made it super clear that she should wait until we got home-made we never wanted her to paint but she offered and showed up to do so unexpectedly. Mil will go back and re iron clothes that I've already ironed, she shows up to my house with her own sheets and towels and will put a sheet on our couch before sitting...then throws a fit when I remove it when other come over. I paid a lot for our couch and I like it I don't exactly want a printed butterfly sheet covering it. There is so much crap she pulls that I'm just tired. I could go on and on about how crazy she is but at the end of the day I just don't want her to be called Mama. I'm fine with my kids calling everyone mama or dada for a while. And I even suggested let's wait and see what the kids come up with...but no.

Oh and calling her by her initials isn't meant to be mean or hostile pp. Both grandma's to my nephews are initial Nick names and it's adorable. Think cc pronunced cee cee, and bb, pronunced well, bee bee. I think Gigi or gg or whatever would be cute. Also open to any other name she wants or likes except mom, mama, mommy.

She sounds horrid. I would not facilitate my children's having a relationship with her at all, frankly. And I would instruct them to call her Grandma when they do see her.

+1. Threatening to take away my kids from me would be the last thing that woman would ever say to me. Then again, my DH would have his mother's head on a pike if she ever said jack sh*t about him dying and her taking our child away from me when he did. Your MIL is a beast, OP, but your DH sucks if he allows this crap to go on.