Mil wants to be called Mama X

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

DH brought it up with sil and she also agrees that it's weird her and her fiance are also against it.

I think I'm going to try asking nicely once more. I plan on asking mil if she called her grandmothers mama (insert first name) or if DH and sil called their grandparents that. Well knowing the answer will be no, I will then state well if it isn't a family tradition then I'd still prefer you choose any other name. We have spoken about this many times. I'm hoping pointing out it's a name she pulled from no where will help her come to her senses.

Very slim chance this will work. If not, I told DH he needs to handle his mother or I will be forced to not be so nice about it.

\

OP, I would not go with the nuclear option here. The best way to handle this is to talk to the child a lot about her grandmother, but always call her Grandma Sally instead of Mama Sally. I guarantee you that if the child is used to talking with Daddy and Mommy about Grandma Sally, that she'll always call her Grandma Sally. You can win without having to confront your MIL or even deal with MIL over this at all. If the child always calls her Grandma Sally even when prompted to call her Mama Sally, she'll eventually give up.

Actually, I don't think you should be doing anything about this. Your husband needs to be having this conversation with his mother, not you. It will not end well with you telling her any of this. Even if she changes the name, she will always look at you as the b**** who caused the problems.

[Anonymous]

OP, a story that might offer you a solution.

When we had our first baby, my parents were already grandparents to my sister's three children. My parents go by Grandma and Grandfather.

So when we were expecting, my husband asked his parents to start thinking about grandparent names, but keep in mind that my parents went by Grandma and Grandfather. We did not say "don't pick one of these 'taken' names," we just asked them to consider it.

Well, my MIL picked Nana. Then after my baby was born, she wanted to be Grandma. We were fine with that, but ended up calling her Grandma Jane and my mom Grandma Elsa to differentiate, and MIL didn't like being Grandma Jane. So then she switched to Nanny 3 months later.

Then six months later, she wanted to be something ELSE. Then she went back to Grandma, but again didn't like it that we said Grandma Jane: but we stuck with it; if you want the name already taken, we will be using it this way.

Seriously 2.5 YEARS later, she has asked to be called Grandmom. But by now, we're so used to calling her Grandma Jane, that we just stick with that. If we remember, we call her Grandmom, but we generally, and genuinely, forget. So she kinda gets what she gets.

My point? You call her whatever YOU want, within reason. Don't call her Mama. Do go with Mama Jane if that is OK with you. But she kinda gets what she gets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, a story that might offer you a solution.

When we had our first baby, my parents were already grandparents to my sister's three children. My parents go by Grandma and Grandfather.

So when we were expecting, my husband asked his parents to start thinking about grandparent names, but keep in mind that my parents went by Grandma and Grandfather. We did not say "don't pick one of these 'taken' names," we just asked them to consider it.

Well, my MIL picked Nana. Then after my baby was born, she wanted to be Grandma. We were fine with that, but ended up calling her Grandma Jane and my mom Grandma Elsa to differentiate, and MIL didn't like being Grandma Jane. So then she switched to Nanny 3 months later.

Then six months later, she wanted to be something ELSE. Then she went back to Grandma, but again didn't like it that we said Grandma Jane: but we stuck with it; if you want the name already taken, we will be using it this way.

Seriously 2.5 YEARS later, she has asked to be called Grandmom. But by now, we're so used to calling her Grandma Jane, that we just stick with that. If we remember, we call her Grandmom, but we generally, and genuinely, forget. So she kinda gets what she gets.

My point? You call her whatever YOU want, within reason. Don't call her Mama. Do go with Mama Jane if that is OK with you. But she kinda gets what she gets.

OMG this makes my head hurt to read it.

So. Much. Drama.

[Anonymous]

Can she do Nana instead of Mama?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, a story that might offer you a solution.

When we had our first baby, my parents were already grandparents to my sister's three children. My parents go by Grandma and Grandfather.

So when we were expecting, my husband asked his parents to start thinking about grandparent names, but keep in mind that my parents went by Grandma and Grandfather. We did not say "don't pick one of these 'taken' names," we just asked them to consider it.

Well, my MIL picked Nana. Then after my baby was born, she wanted to be Grandma. We were fine with that, but ended up calling her Grandma Jane and my mom Grandma Elsa to differentiate, and MIL didn't like being Grandma Jane. So then she switched to Nanny 3 months later.

Then six months later, she wanted to be something ELSE. Then she went back to Grandma, but again didn't like it that we said Grandma Jane: but we stuck with it; if you want the name already taken, we will be using it this way.

Seriously 2.5 YEARS later, she has asked to be called Grandmom. But by now, we're so used to calling her Grandma Jane, that we just stick with that. If we remember, we call her Grandmom, but we generally, and genuinely, forget. So she kinda gets what she gets.

My point? You call her whatever YOU want, within reason. Don't call her Mama. Do go with Mama Jane if that is OK with you. But she kinda gets what she gets.

OMG this makes my head hurt to read it.

So. Much. Drama.

LOL! You must not read very much, or very complex material, if these few paragraphs make your precious little head hurt.

And your life must be truly boring and uneventful if you consider this "So. Much. Drama."

LOL. Cheers!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not just call her Big Mama instead

Or Old Mama. Or Big Old Mama.

And then she can call OP, Whiney Insecure Brat.

Where does it stop??? This is not a big deal. Let it go. Jeez. There are worse things that could happen then a MIL who has expressed a preference for a name that is pretty commonplace outside of the small, entitled world of DCUM.

If this is getting OP's fire going now, just wait until she gets into Labor & Delivery and experiences there the host of indignities childbirth brings on. The bottom line is that it is more important for the child to have a lot of warm, loving people around him/her. Sounds like the MIL wants to be involved. Let her be called what she wants.

Chances are the kid will call her something different anyway. Just ask my Dad who was dying to be called "Granddad" and he is called "Pop". My mom won't let that one down. She calls him "Soda", which confused the heck out of the kids for the longest time. Just a little mid-west humor, folks!

Get over your fine self, OP, and build a thicker skin. Your kid is counting on you to be more concerned about his/her best interests than yours.

No, it's really not commonplace at all. It may be in your culture, but I've never heard of it where I'm from, and I'm not from the "small, entitled world of DCUM." Also I note that you steadfastly refuse to address any of the other boundary-crossing done by the MIL, nor the fact that it's perfectly OK to say to someone, "You know, I really don't like that name. Could you please pick another?" In NORMAL HEALTHY relationships, that's ok. The fact that you think she's going to somehow destroy the relationship by not wanting another woman to be called "mama" says more about your passivity and lack of agency than it does about love and family.

Nope. I just don't have to have all things my way all the time. I have enough self esteem that I don't worry about someone else getting what they want regardless of my opinion of it. Notice that I have not once said WHAT on earth I think about the name. But I'm steadfast in saying it just isn't worth the fight because I get my self worth from me and not from the power that I try to wield over other people.

The kid will know the difference between the two people just as someone else pointed out that the child of a lesbian couple knows the difference between Mommy and Momma.

Oh, and, Ms. Reading Comprehension, obviously I'm from the mid-west.

I'm the poster who made the point about the lesbian and bisexual couples in my circle usually ending up with Mommy and Mama.

I agree with you that the baby knows the difference between the two individuals who are Mommy and Mama. BUT that is different from the point you are trying to make with my example. Mommy and Mama are the same "level" of parent with the same relationship to the child: mother.

Mama and "Big Mama" are NOT the same relationship, and are not the same "level" of person to the child. I think what upsets the OP is that she thinks her MIL is trying to make it seem like the relationship/level of Mama and Grandma are the same by using "Mama" instead of "Grandma" or any of the standard grandmother names.

--Also a Midwesterne

And we are saying that personal preference aside Mama Grace is a standard Gramma name even if it is new to you. You may not like it, may not want it used, but it is not something new she pulled out of her ass.

I'm the poster your directly referring to. This isn't the 1950s, nor is it Possum Junction, nor is it a Tennessee Williams play. "Mama Grace" is not a standard grandma name. It's not that it's "new" or not new to me or to anyone else. It's that it really is such an outlier that very few people here would find "Mama Anything" to be acceptable.

You are making a big assumption that very few people would find it acceptable. And I hate to tell you that it is not a name only found int he 50's or in the South.
I suggest you get out more and off the internet. The world is not DCUM.

The problem is, where does it end? Does "Mama X" get to put the baby to sleep on her stomach because "that's how we did it back then"? Does she get to dress the girl in frilly bows and castigate the boy for liking pink because "that's just what we always did"? Does she get to demand to be able to feed the baby a bottle instead of letting mom breastfeed because "I never breastfed"? The fact that calling Grandma "Mama" is a tradition in some cultures or families has zero to do with OP's right to be heard and respected about important parenting decisions.

See, this is what lot of posters do not get. Girl, you have gone from zero to 6 damn hundred. I honestly do not have a problem with OP saying she does not like the name.
I think a lot of posters, myself included are questioning the deep burning intensity and utter indignation the issue seems to have spurned. Yes, say hey MIL , I don't like that , can you please pick something else. But to approach it like it is a personal affront and not just a personal preference is making a mountain out of a molehill. Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint, and if you run out the gate making everything a life or death issue, you are going to be in for a long bumpy road. And please shut up, yea SHUT UP about it being a cultural thing. It is a common phraseology for naming a grandmother. Like or not, personally not my favorite, but lots of people do. You do you but stop trying to act like someone is single white female-ing the mother for suggesting it.

Why are you so worked up about calling it "cultural"? Do you object to having a distinct culture? Because it's absolutely NOT a standard thing everywhere for Grandma to be called Mama.

For the rest, did you read the posts? This isn't the only issue going on with this MIL. OP is well within her rights to stand her ground on this issue.

[Anonymous]

Another vote for this not being a common naming convention. Of all the friends I've made at every school, job, professional event, kid event, etc., I've never met anyone who called his or her grandmother "Mama X." OP: either your husband needs to just tell her no, or you can just pick another name and teach your kid(s) to call her that. There's no reason to acquiesce to this demand.

[Anonymous]

SHe can call herself Mama or Mama Whatever until she is blue in the face. You just call her whatever you want, as long as it is appropriate. If she fights you on it, simply say, "I'm Mama." And move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SHe can call herself Mama or Mama Whatever until she is blue in the face. You just call her whatever you want, as long as it is appropriate. If she fights you on it, simply say, "I'm Mama." And move on.

Seriously? Some of you are that insecure? Scary

--a non-paranoid mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, a story that might offer you a solution.

When we had our first baby, my parents were already grandparents to my sister's three children. My parents go by Grandma and Grandfather.

So when we were expecting, my husband asked his parents to start thinking about grandparent names, but keep in mind that my parents went by Grandma and Grandfather. We did not say "don't pick one of these 'taken' names," we just asked them to consider it.

Well, my MIL picked Nana. Then after my baby was born, she wanted to be Grandma. We were fine with that, but ended up calling her Grandma Jane and my mom Grandma Elsa to differentiate, and MIL didn't like being Grandma Jane. So then she switched to Nanny 3 months later.

Then six months later, she wanted to be something ELSE. Then she went back to Grandma, but again didn't like it that we said Grandma Jane: but we stuck with it; if you want the name already taken, we will be using it this way.

Seriously 2.5 YEARS later, she has asked to be called Grandmom. But by now, we're so used to calling her Grandma Jane, that we just stick with that. If we remember, we call her Grandmom, but we generally, and genuinely, forget. So she kinda gets what she gets.

My point? You call her whatever YOU want, within reason. Don't call her Mama. Do go with Mama Jane if that is OK with you. But she kinda gets what she gets.

OMG this makes my head hurt to read it.

So. Much. Drama.

LOL! You must not read very much, or very complex material, if these few paragraphs make your precious little head hurt.

And your life must be truly boring and uneventful if you consider this "So. Much. Drama."

LOL. Cheers!

DP. My God, it must be exhausting being true to your bitchy self! Obviously, if the only events in your life are fights with relatives, there's not much to be said. It's the quality, my friend. The quality of your life sounds abysmal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, a story that might offer you a solution.

When we had our first baby, my parents were already grandparents to my sister's three children. My parents go by Grandma and Grandfather.

So when we were expecting, my husband asked his parents to start thinking about grandparent names, but keep in mind that my parents went by Grandma and Grandfather. We did not say "don't pick one of these 'taken' names," we just asked them to consider it.

Well, my MIL picked Nana. Then after my baby was born, she wanted to be Grandma. We were fine with that, but ended up calling her Grandma Jane and my mom Grandma Elsa to differentiate, and MIL didn't like being Grandma Jane. So then she switched to Nanny 3 months later.

Then six months later, she wanted to be something ELSE. Then she went back to Grandma, but again didn't like it that we said Grandma Jane: but we stuck with it; if you want the name already taken, we will be using it this way.

Seriously 2.5 YEARS later, she has asked to be called Grandmom. But by now, we're so used to calling her Grandma Jane, that we just stick with that. If we remember, we call her Grandmom, but we generally, and genuinely, forget. So she kinda gets what she gets.

My point? You call her whatever YOU want, within reason. Don't call her Mama. Do go with Mama Jane if that is OK with you. But she kinda gets what she gets.

OMG this makes my head hurt to read it.

So. Much. Drama.

LOL! You must not read very much, or very complex material, if these few paragraphs make your precious little head hurt.

And your life must be truly boring and uneventful if you consider this "So. Much. Drama."

LOL. Cheers!

DP. My God, it must be exhausting being true to your bitchy self! Obviously, if the only events in your life are fights with relatives, there's not much to be said. It's the quality, my friend. The quality of your life sounds abysmal

Oh, it is. Oh, it totally is. I have some real changes to make. Thank you, anonymous DCUM poster who uses emoticons in 2017, for teaching me the error of my ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, a story that might offer you a solution.

When we had our first baby, my parents were already grandparents to my sister's three children. My parents go by Grandma and Grandfather.

So when we were expecting, my husband asked his parents to start thinking about grandparent names, but keep in mind that my parents went by Grandma and Grandfather. We did not say "don't pick one of these 'taken' names," we just asked them to consider it.

Well, my MIL picked Nana. Then after my baby was born, she wanted to be Grandma. We were fine with that, but ended up calling her Grandma Jane and my mom Grandma Elsa to differentiate, and MIL didn't like being Grandma Jane. So then she switched to Nanny 3 months later.

Then six months later, she wanted to be something ELSE. Then she went back to Grandma, but again didn't like it that we said Grandma Jane: but we stuck with it; if you want the name already taken, we will be using it this way.

Seriously 2.5 YEARS later, she has asked to be called Grandmom. But by now, we're so used to calling her Grandma Jane, that we just stick with that. If we remember, we call her Grandmom, but we generally, and genuinely, forget. So she kinda gets what she gets.

My point? You call her whatever YOU want, within reason. Don't call her Mama. Do go with Mama Jane if that is OK with you. But she kinda gets what she gets.

OMG this makes my head hurt to read it.

So. Much. Drama.

LOL! You must not read very much, or very complex material, if these few paragraphs make your precious little head hurt.

And your life must be truly boring and uneventful if you consider this "So. Much. Drama."

LOL. Cheers!

DP. My God, it must be exhausting being true to your bitchy self! Obviously, if the only events in your life are fights with relatives, there's not much to be said. It's the quality, my friend. The quality of your life sounds abysmal

Oh, it is. Oh, it totally is. I have some real changes to make. Thank you, anonymous DCUM poster who uses emoticons in 2017, for teaching me the error of my ways.

I missed the memo on emoticons. No LOLs, no emojis... I know you're an American white middle-class automaton without sense of family or ability to love, but still. Goddamn!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, a story that might offer you a solution.

When we had our first baby, my parents were already grandparents to my sister's three children. My parents go by Grandma and Grandfather.

So when we were expecting, my husband asked his parents to start thinking about grandparent names, but keep in mind that my parents went by Grandma and Grandfather. We did not say "don't pick one of these 'taken' names," we just asked them to consider it.

Well, my MIL picked Nana. Then after my baby was born, she wanted to be Grandma. We were fine with that, but ended up calling her Grandma Jane and my mom Grandma Elsa to differentiate, and MIL didn't like being Grandma Jane. So then she switched to Nanny 3 months later.

Then six months later, she wanted to be something ELSE. Then she went back to Grandma, but again didn't like it that we said Grandma Jane: but we stuck with it; if you want the name already taken, we will be using it this way.

Seriously 2.5 YEARS later, she has asked to be called Grandmom. But by now, we're so used to calling her Grandma Jane, that we just stick with that. If we remember, we call her Grandmom, but we generally, and genuinely, forget. So she kinda gets what she gets.

My point? You call her whatever YOU want, within reason. Don't call her Mama. Do go with Mama Jane if that is OK with you. But she kinda gets what she gets.

OMG this makes my head hurt to read it.

So. Much. Drama.

LOL! You must not read very much, or very complex material, if these few paragraphs make your precious little head hurt.

And your life must be truly boring and uneventful if you consider this "So. Much. Drama."

LOL. Cheers!

DP. My God, it must be exhausting being true to your bitchy self! Obviously, if the only events in your life are fights with relatives, there's not much to be said. It's the quality, my friend. The quality of your life sounds abysmal

Oh, it is. Oh, it totally is. I have some real changes to make. Thank you, anonymous DCUM poster who uses emoticons in 2017, for teaching me the error of my ways.

I missed the memo on emoticons. No LOLs, no emojis... I know you're an American white middle-class automaton without sense of family or ability to love, but still. Goddamn!

NP. You honestly do seem like a teenager, with your multiple postings, multiple emoticons, and hyperactivity. How many times have you posted in this thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, a story that might offer you a solution.

When we had our first baby, my parents were already grandparents to my sister's three children. My parents go by Grandma and Grandfather.

So when we were expecting, my husband asked his parents to start thinking about grandparent names, but keep in mind that my parents went by Grandma and Grandfather. We did not say "don't pick one of these 'taken' names," we just asked them to consider it.

Well, my MIL picked Nana. Then after my baby was born, she wanted to be Grandma. We were fine with that, but ended up calling her Grandma Jane and my mom Grandma Elsa to differentiate, and MIL didn't like being Grandma Jane. So then she switched to Nanny 3 months later.

Then six months later, she wanted to be something ELSE. Then she went back to Grandma, but again didn't like it that we said Grandma Jane: but we stuck with it; if you want the name already taken, we will be using it this way.

Seriously 2.5 YEARS later, she has asked to be called Grandmom. But by now, we're so used to calling her Grandma Jane, that we just stick with that. If we remember, we call her Grandmom, but we generally, and genuinely, forget. So she kinda gets what she gets.

My point? You call her whatever YOU want, within reason. Don't call her Mama. Do go with Mama Jane if that is OK with you. But she kinda gets what she gets.

OMG this makes my head hurt to read it.

So. Much. Drama.

LOL! You must not read very much, or very complex material, if these few paragraphs make your precious little head hurt.

And your life must be truly boring and uneventful if you consider this "So. Much. Drama."

LOL. Cheers!

DP. My God, it must be exhausting being true to your bitchy self! Obviously, if the only events in your life are fights with relatives, there's not much to be said. It's the quality, my friend. The quality of your life sounds abysmal

Oh, it is. Oh, it totally is. I have some real changes to make. Thank you, anonymous DCUM poster who uses emoticons in 2017, for teaching me the error of my ways.

I missed the memo on emoticons. No LOLs, no emojis... I know you're an American white middle-class automaton without sense of family or ability to love, but still. Goddamn!

NP. You honestly do seem like a teenager, with your multiple postings, multiple emoticons, and hyperactivity. How many times have you posted in this thread?

More than one emoticon user genius

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, a story that might offer you a solution.

When we had our first baby, my parents were already grandparents to my sister's three children. My parents go by Grandma and Grandfather.

So when we were expecting, my husband asked his parents to start thinking about grandparent names, but keep in mind that my parents went by Grandma and Grandfather. We did not say "don't pick one of these 'taken' names," we just asked them to consider it.

Well, my MIL picked Nana. Then after my baby was born, she wanted to be Grandma. We were fine with that, but ended up calling her Grandma Jane and my mom Grandma Elsa to differentiate, and MIL didn't like being Grandma Jane. So then she switched to Nanny 3 months later.

Then six months later, she wanted to be something ELSE. Then she went back to Grandma, but again didn't like it that we said Grandma Jane: but we stuck with it; if you want the name already taken, we will be using it this way.

Seriously 2.5 YEARS later, she has asked to be called Grandmom. But by now, we're so used to calling her Grandma Jane, that we just stick with that. If we remember, we call her Grandmom, but we generally, and genuinely, forget. So she kinda gets what she gets.

My point? You call her whatever YOU want, within reason. Don't call her Mama. Do go with Mama Jane if that is OK with you. But she kinda gets what she gets.

OMG this makes my head hurt to read it.

So. Much. Drama.

LOL! You must not read very much, or very complex material, if these few paragraphs make your precious little head hurt.

And your life must be truly boring and uneventful if you consider this "So. Much. Drama."

LOL. Cheers!

DP. My God, it must be exhausting being true to your bitchy self! Obviously, if the only events in your life are fights with relatives, there's not much to be said. It's the quality, my friend. The quality of your life sounds abysmal

Oh, it is. Oh, it totally is. I have some real changes to make. Thank you, anonymous DCUM poster who uses emoticons in 2017, for teaching me the error of my ways.

I missed the memo on emoticons. No LOLs, no emojis... I know you're an American white middle-class automaton without sense of family or ability to love, but still. Goddamn!

NP. You honestly do seem like a teenager, with your multiple postings, multiple emoticons, and hyperactivity. How many times have you posted in this thread?

More than one emoticon user genius

Eh, you're all the same type: LuLa Roe; "But First, Coffee"; duck-face selfies; inverted, stacked bob; French mani AND pedi.