How do I handle this? Teacher gave kid F for questionable reasons. (Long)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait! Can you get at IEP b/c your kid doesn't pay attention and distracts others? As a parent of one goody two shoes (who get seated next to the trouble makers) and one kid who needs constant reinforcement, I'm uber-suprised you can get accommodations b/c your kids won't behave in class. My youngest needs constant reinforcement, but I won't accept that him being a jerk is OK b/c he has "needs". That actually pisses me off. Teach manners!

Yes you can and this is what happens in public schools today. Instead of teaching your child manners and respect it is always the teachers' fault and due to circumstances beyond a child's control. Notice how OP is doing nothing to address the fact that her child has constantly been disruptive and disrespectful n this class.. A few years ago if a parent posted their child was disruptive by telling funny stories during class, most people would say the kid deserved to get a B and should be disciplined by the parent. If it were my kid he would be writing a letter of apology to the teacher for disrupting the class. I would tell my kid it is a great life lesson about how behaving respectfully is important. Instead it is a post about how her poor kid is getting picked on for getting a B in the class. I feel sorry for this kid's lab partners. I feel for this teacher who is trying to teach home ec. Now this PIA parent is going to go to school and suck up the time of an administrator and teacher because her special snowflake who never ever tells a lie or downplays his behavior got a B in the class.

[Anonymous]

I take back everything I wrote. I thought the kid failed the marking period, not just the lab...

Poor baby got a B. Suck it up. Don't annoy the teacher. End of story.

[Anonymous]

I have 2 ADHD kids OP. One is a super distractible boy.

I do think that a cooking class is like a science lab. Kids screwing around are a safety hazard. I also think that ADHD kids often do not realize how distracting they are. From his perspective he might really believe he was just telling funny stories and was doing nothing wrong. And from the teacher’s perspective, he was not paying attention around ovens and knives, and keeping other kids from paying attention as well. And did not kistenterbeing warned several times. I doubt he is being manipulative or lying. But he may not have realized the extent of the problems he created. And he needs understand the rationale behind the grade. Because of lab science in high school. This situation will happen again unlessyou address it.

I would email the teacher. Cc the counselor. Cc special ed. And say”hey, I as concerned because the F is unusual, and Larlo wasn’t able to explain why he failed. I see the lab behavior notation. And I know he would not have failed unless something serious happened. Can you explain what happened to me, so I can work on this with Larlo?

Be open to the idea that your kid may not be accurately reporting the whole story before you go in guns blazing. Either you will get a reasonable explanation from the teacher in which case, you need to talk to Larlo about what happened and why he got an F. Take the B as a quarter grade in a throwaway class in MS, and let him learn from it. And if the explanation is not reasonable, pursue it further with the counselor, special ed, and administration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Grade was for the lab only. Class grade before the lab was an A. Grade after the lab was a B.

I know my kid. I know when he isn't telling the whole story. He's being honest with me here. He knows I check the other side of the story and he knows I hold him responsible for his behavior.

The other teachers aren't giving him a "pass" on behavior. We heard NOTHING about him being disruptive or poorly behaved - but did hear about distraction and attention. Those teachers seem to look at him a bit differently: kid needs redirection to focus on task at hand sometimes but is a good kid and well within their limits of normal middle school experience. This FACS teacher is a whole different ballgame.

I plan to follow up with her and ask for specifics from the final lab so I can understand the grade.

I wish you the best of luck in helicoptering your child through life, because you’re going to need it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 ADHD kids OP. One is a super distractible boy.

I do think that a cooking class is like a science lab. Kids screwing around are a safety hazard. I also think that ADHD kids often do not realize how distracting they are. From his perspective he might really believe he was just telling funny stories and was doing nothing wrong. And from the teacher’s perspective, he was not paying attention around ovens and knives, and keeping other kids from paying attention as well. And did not kistenterbeing warned several times. I doubt he is being manipulative or lying. But he may not have realized the extent of the problems he created. And he needs understand the rationale behind the grade. Because of lab science in high school. This situation will happen again unlessyou address it.

I would email the teacher. Cc the counselor. Cc special ed. And say”hey, I as concerned because the F is unusual, and Larlo wasn’t able to explain why he failed. I see the lab behavior notation. And I know he would not have failed unless something serious happened. Can you explain what happened to me, so I can work on this with Larlo?

Be open to the idea that your kid may not be accurately reporting the whole story before you go in guns blazing. Either you will get a reasonable explanation from the teacher in which case, you need to talk to Larlo about what happened and why he got an F. Take the B as a quarter grade in a throwaway class in MS, and let him learn from it. And if the explanation is not reasonable, pursue it further with the counselor, special ed, and administration.

Yes, this. OP, I have ADHD and I have a child with ADHD, so I've been in both your shoes and your son's shoes. Please believe me, if you go in guns blazing blaming the teacher and refusing to even contemplate that your child might have earned this F through his own lack of awareness of his behavior, you are not just failing to help him but are actively impeding him developing the understanding of his own behavior that he needs to be successful in the long run. Sure, go get him the A this quarter, but know that in doing so, you may be setting him up for worse struggles later.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I emailed the teacher and asked her to clarify the grading rubric as well as detail the behavior that resulted in him not earning 18 of 25 points. teacher responded with: "oops, I made a mistake in the grade entry and recorded points lost instead of earned, and meant to email you but we had technology issues, so sorry".

She also explained the lost points: three points lost for teamwork for making a comment to a kid about smacking him if he cut the pancake wrong (no evidence that anyone took this seriously with the exception of the teacher). Okay, makes sense, stupid comment, dock him for teamwork, he ends up with 7/10 points for that. The other 5 points were lost on clean up (5 of 5 possible points) because of the following circumstances: one kid burped; teacher corrects him. My kid burped moments later; she tells him to sit out for final 5 minutes of class if he can't behave. So he has to sit our for clean up, meaning there is no way he can earn those points, so he gets 0/5 points for clean up. She says neither of these is a "big deal".

So here's what I take from it: one, she can't do math. Not sure how she arrived at 7 points in the grading system if she meant 8 points lost and got the "lost" versus "earned" confused. Two, she applies different consequences for different kids. Burping kid #1 gets a verbal correction; burping kid #2 gets told to set out and automatically loses 20% of his potential grade.

She's already updated the grade in the system to 17/25 points. He has now earned a D+.

[Anonymous]

No, he burped seconds after the teacher already told another kid to stop. That makes it worse than the first kid, because he knew the teacher didn’t like it and did it anyway. It comes
off as deliberately pushing her buttons and is really obnoxious. So he didn’t listen and was defiant. Hence the stronger punishment.

You sound like a nightmare constantly making excuses for your kid and blaming others for being reasonably annoyed by his behaviors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I emailed the teacher and asked her to clarify the grading rubric as well as detail the behavior that resulted in him not earning 18 of 25 points. teacher responded with: "oops, I made a mistake in the grade entry and recorded points lost instead of earned, and meant to email you but we had technology issues, so sorry".

She also explained the lost points: three points lost for teamwork for making a comment to a kid about smacking him if he cut the pancake wrong (no evidence that anyone took this seriously with the exception of the teacher). Okay, makes sense, stupid comment, dock him for teamwork, he ends up with 7/10 points for that. The other 5 points were lost on clean up (5 of 5 possible points) because of the following circumstances: one kid burped; teacher corrects him. My kid burped moments later; she tells him to sit out for final 5 minutes of class if he can't behave. So he has to sit our for clean up, meaning there is no way he can earn those points, so he gets 0/5 points for clean up. She says neither of these is a "big deal".

So here's what I take from it: one, she can't do math. Not sure how she arrived at 7 points in the grading system if she meant 8 points lost and got the "lost" versus "earned" confused. Two, she applies different consequences for different kids. Burping kid #1 gets a verbal correction; burping kid #2 gets told to set out and automatically loses 20% of his potential grade.

She's already updated the grade in the system to 17/25 points. He has now earned a D+.

He got a different punishment because she'd already given the class a verbal warning about burping and he went ahead and did it anyway. Your kids was defiant and disrespectful. and he didn't tell you about that despite your claims that he's always very self-aware and honest about his behavior.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Okay, I see the point about being the second to burp. I'll be sure to work with my child so I can ensure he never again engages in Defiant & Disrespectful Burping (which was surely his goal).

I would bet, though, that if Sarah Sweetpea burped immediately after her lab mate did the same, she wouldn't have been told to sit for the last five minutes and lost 20% of the grade. This is a good lesson for my kid, though, in that he is annoying and therefore will be punished more aggressively.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Okay, I see the point about being the second to burp. I'll be sure to work with my child so I can ensure he never again engages in Defiant & Disrespectful Burping (which was surely his goal).

I would bet, though, that if Sarah Sweetpea burped immediately after her lab mate did the same, she wouldn't have been told to sit for the last five minutes and lost 20% of the grade. This is a good lesson for my kid, though, in that he is annoying and therefore will be punished more aggressively.

OP, your goal is not to get your kid through childhood with the fewest possible consequences for his ADHD, because his ADHD isn't going to disappear when he graduates. Your job right now is to help him develop the skills he will need to manage his ADHD as an adult so that he's not getting fired from jobs for cracking jokes inappropriate during a client meeting and getting divorced because his spouse can't tolerate his unwillingness to take responsibility for himself. Man up and be a better parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Okay, I see the point about being the second to burp. I'll be sure to work with my child so I can ensure he never again engages in Defiant & Disrespectful Burping (which was surely his goal).

I would bet, though, that if Sarah Sweetpea burped immediately after her lab mate did the same, she wouldn't have been told to sit for the last five minutes and lost 20% of the grade. This is a good lesson for my kid, though, in that he is annoying and therefore will be punished more aggressively.

As my dad used to say, "If the dog hadn't stopped to shit, he would have caught the rabbit."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Okay, I see the point about being the second to burp. I'll be sure to work with my child so I can ensure he never again engages in Defiant & Disrespectful Burping (which was surely his goal).

I would bet, though, that if Sarah Sweetpea burped immediately after her lab mate did the same, she wouldn't have been told to sit for the last five minutes and lost 20% of the grade. This is a good lesson for my kid, though, in that he is annoying and therefore will be punished more aggressively.

OP, your goal is not to get your kid through childhood with the fewest possible consequences for his ADHD, because his ADHD isn't going to disappear when he graduates. Your job right now is to help him develop the skills he will need to manage his ADHD as an adult so that he's not getting fired from jobs for cracking jokes inappropriate during a client meeting and getting divorced because his spouse can't tolerate his unwillingness to take responsibility for himself. Man up and be a better parent.

I agree with you that my goal is not to get him through with fewest consequences. I work extensively with him on developing skills to manage his ADHD (including educating him that judgments stick), and believe it or not, he is very much held accountable for his behavior. While "man up and be a better parent" is not that helpful (in that I'm not a man, and I think we all strive to be better parents), I appreciate your thoughts.

[Anonymous]

OP, you still made excuses for the first points lost, as well. It is not appropriate to tell another classmate that you are going to smack them. I don't know why you think that is OK, but you sound like a nightmare. When your kid doesn't bring home his materials to study for a test, do you blame the teacher, too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Okay, I see the point about being the second to burp. I'll be sure to work with my child so I can ensure he never again engages in Defiant & Disrespectful Burping (which was surely his goal).

I would bet, though, that if Sarah Sweetpea burped immediately after her lab mate did the same, she wouldn't have been told to sit for the last five minutes and lost 20% of the grade. This is a good lesson for my kid, though, in that he is annoying and therefore will be punished more aggressively.

Because Sarah Sweetpea has earned the benefit of the doubt. The kid who engages in persistently obnoxious, disruptive behavior has already used up all his rope and then some. Do you really not understand this? It may not seem fair, but this is how normal humans react and this is what he will be facing in life and employment.

And don’t be so sarcastic about the defiance and disrespect. Doesn’t matter if he meant it or not (he probably did mean to push limits), that’s how a normal human will perceive it when they ask you do to something and you do the exact opposite. Though if your tone and attitude in this thread to any hint of a challenge or contradiction is any indication, I guess I see where he’s getting it from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I emailed the teacher and asked her to clarify the grading rubric as well as detail the behavior that resulted in him not earning 18 of 25 points. teacher responded with: "oops, I made a mistake in the grade entry and recorded points lost instead of earned, and meant to email you but we had technology issues, so sorry".

She also explained the lost points: three points lost for teamwork for making a comment to a kid about smacking him if he cut the pancake wrong (no evidence that anyone took this seriously with the exception of the teacher). Okay, makes sense, stupid comment, dock him for teamwork, he ends up with 7/10 points for that. The other 5 points were lost on clean up (5 of 5 possible points) because of the following circumstances: one kid burped; teacher corrects him. My kid burped moments later; she tells him to sit out for final 5 minutes of class if he can't behave. So he has to sit our for clean up, meaning there is no way he can earn those points, so he gets 0/5 points for clean up. She says neither of these is a "big deal".

So here's what I take from it: one, she can't do math. Not sure how she arrived at 7 points in the grading system if she meant 8 points lost and got the "lost" versus "earned" confused. Two, she applies different consequences for different kids. Burping kid #1 gets a verbal correction; burping kid #2 gets told to set out and automatically loses 20% of his potential grade.

She's already updated the grade in the system to 17/25 points. He has now earned a D+.

He got a different punishment because she'd already given the class a verbal warning about burping and he went ahead and did it anyway. Your kids was defiant and disrespectful. and he didn't tell you about that despite your claims that he's always very self-aware and honest about his behavior.

THIS THIS THIS!!!!!!!

Your kid is a jerk. You should be seriously questioning your parenting failures and not the teacher. Like, why does he thinks it’s perfextly fine to comment on another kid’s action and threaten to hit him? Why does he think it’s okay to burp after there has been one warning already? I can tell you precisely why. It’s because Mommy Dearest has led him through life 1) making excuses for him and cleaning up his messes, and 2) she has told him that his diagnosis is an excuse to do whatever he likes and everyone else just has to deal with it.

You really suck, OP. You really do.