DH walked away from lunch date with me and the kids--am I overreacting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Am I crazy in assuming this was a neighborhood restaurant since you were walking? I also assume it was a nice day and the neighborhood was safe. Some of these abandonment comments make it sound like they were stranded in a strange town or a ghetto with no coats and it was snowing. Im guessing everyone could have just turned around and went home.

OMG why am I picturing Fievel from "An American Tail" getting separated from his family. This shouldn't be funny, but sorry.

I meant it to be funny in the absurd fashion, so thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Only on DCUM will someone criticize a man for being level headed and walking away during a fight that the OP was trying to escalate. Most of understand why he walked away and I applaud him for it.

If he stayed and snapped and called OP a choice name or two, some of you same folks would be coming after him for that.

OP wanted to fight and she wanted to fight on her own terms. But I would NEVER fault anyone from removing themselves from a situation where they are about to lose control. People can phrase it as unfair to the OP or whatever. The man went back home because he did not want to snap at each other the whole "family outing." And if this family date was so important to the OP, why would she potentially ruin it by insisting they fight right then and there. Mature people table things when no resolution is imminent.

What about him leaving her with their two kids? Isn't that sexist? He walked away, not just from her, but from the kids' at that point. That part is too much. Whom ever started the fight in the restaurant should not have done so. Was it you OP who started the fight? That was wrong of you. You don't start fights in public places, right in front of your kids and strangers. And your DH was wrong to leave, he should have asked you to drop it. If he did ask you and you still pursued the arguments, he should he left with the kids. Him leaving without the kids, and leaving you with the kids is wrong. If he did tell you that he will leave if you persist and you still persisted... well, both sides were wrong. But, OP, who started the fight? You or him?

OP here. I felt like he started it and he felt like I started it. I sort of wish we had it on video so we could review it and see how it actually developed--it's very hard to reconstruct objectively after the fact when both people are feeling wronged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Am I crazy in assuming this was a neighborhood restaurant since you were walking? I also assume it was a nice day and the neighborhood was safe. Some of these abandonment comments make it sound like they were stranded in a strange town or a ghetto with no coats and it was snowing. Im guessing everyone could have just turned around and went home.

OMG why am I picturing Fievel from "An American Tail" getting separated from his family. This shouldn't be funny, but sorry.

I meant it to be funny in the absurd fashion, so thank you.

OP here yes I forgot to mention that he left us stranded in the snow in a strange and dangerous town. Ha. No, it was a safe neighborhood restaurant, the walk was not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Only on DCUM will someone criticize a man for being level headed and walking away during a fight that the OP was trying to escalate. Most of understand why he walked away and I applaud him for it.

If he stayed and snapped and called OP a choice name or two, some of you same folks would be coming after him for that.

OP wanted to fight and she wanted to fight on her own terms. But I would NEVER fault anyone from removing themselves from a situation where they are about to lose control. People can phrase it as unfair to the OP or whatever. The man went back home because he did not want to snap at each other the whole "family outing." And if this family date was so important to the OP, why would she potentially ruin it by insisting they fight right then and there. Mature people table things when no resolution is imminent.

What about him leaving her with their two kids? Isn't that sexist? He walked away, not just from her, but from the kids' at that point. That part is too much. Whom ever started the fight in the restaurant should not have done so. Was it you OP who started the fight? That was wrong of you. You don't start fights in public places, right in front of your kids and strangers. And your DH was wrong to leave, he should have asked you to drop it. If he did ask you and you still pursued the arguments, he should he left with the kids. Him leaving without the kids, and leaving you with the kids is wrong. If he did tell you that he will leave if you persist and you still persisted... well, both sides were wrong. But, OP, who started the fight? You or him?

OP here. I felt like he started it and he felt like I started it. I sort of wish we had it on video so we could review it and see how it actually developed--it's very hard to reconstruct objectively after the fact when both people are feeling wronged.

I know you are answering PP's question, but you do know who started it is irrelevant now. Your best course of action is to try to calmly discuss how to resolve the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH, the kids (3 and 5) and I were walking to a nearby restaurant for lunch this weekend when we got into a fight. It was a dumb recurrent fight and we both got very frustrated with each other very fast. I was expecting that we would snap at each other for a few minutes and then calm down, in large part b/c the kids were there and because everything had been fine otherwise. I think it's important to show kids that couples can have disagreements/fight but remain civil to each other and get past it.

But my DH said he felt like it would be better for him to go home or else he would say something that he would regret. So he just walked away. I was totally shocked and for about 20 minutes I was looking up the street expecting he would come back. I went ahead and had lunch with the kids at the restaurant we had been planning to go to, feeling totally bowled over but trying to act normal.

When we got home he put the kids down for a nap. Then we had a huge fight while they were sleeping in which I told him that his walking away had made me see him differently--as someone who would, literally, walk away from our family if he was mad at me. I felt it showed he was willing to put his anger at me above the kids.

He said he felt he had made the right decision by leaving because he thought "it was going in a bad direction" and we would have ended up having a serious fight in front of the kids, and that I was being melodramatic in my reaction.

We worked through the original fight (didn't resolve it but agreed to both try to work on the issues). But I am still feeling very unsettled by the walking away part. I believe him that he thought he was making the mature decision, but I think that is completely wrong and not how you should conduct yourself if you are a member of a family. I felt he was basically blaming me for his decision, too, by talking about the fight in the passive voice and acting like would have had no choice but to say something terrible to me if he had stayed, as opposed to regulating his own behavior.

So what do you think, DCUM? Was I overreacting or was this a really big deal? (Ducking.)

Men process things differently and walking away to reevaluate the situation is what most men do. Read about it. Men are solvers and like to solve problems and come to conclusions. You're overreacting and it's obvious you don't understand male behavior. Walking away to come up with a different strategy and to approach the issue a different way is what men do.

Get over yourself

OP here. This is the kind of idiocy that makes DCUM less useful than it would otherwise be. I have gotten some helpful feedback on this thread. Most of it was not complimentary to me, but I can deal with that. But the background chorus of sexism and vitriol makes it harder to sort out whether the rest of the comments are making good points or are just reflexively blaming women for everything.

I'm a woman and think your response here is annoying. Some random mra crap has made an appearance but not the comment you're responding to. Makes me wonder what else you think is sexist.

Do your kids a favor and don't interpret the "don't fight in front of your kids advice as sexist. Another person here who's parents fighting in front of them caused anxiety and pain. I am pretty good at conflict management but I'd say that I learned it the hard way. No fight that caused bad enough feelings for constant sniping and one person having to walk away is appropriate.

Op here, confused. The post I called sexist didn't say anything about not fighting in front of the kids. There have been several posts saying that and they have made me think about my views about that and read a couple of articles about it. It seems like there is a consensus that bad fights should not be held in front of kids, but it is important for kids to see their parents have disagreements and become frustrated at each other and then deal with that in a constructive way. That way they know that it's OK to have negative emotions but have good models for how to handle them. I agree we obviously need to work on our "fighting style," which is why we have made an appointment for couples therapy. (Well, I made the appointment, which goes to my underlying issue about our division of labor, but that would be a topic for a different post.)

I do think it's sexist to say "men do X, you obviously don't understand male behavior, get over yourself." People in a relationship should deal with each other as individuals, not archetypes of their gender. I'm sure it's true that some men and some women tend to need to walk away to calm down in an argument. But my DH has not generally been like that in the 10+ years we've been together.

You said there was a background chorus of vitriol and sexism leading me to think that this immediate pp wasn't the only advice you thought was sexist. I said that I hoped the 'stop fighting in front of the kids' advice wasn't being interpreted as sexist or full of vitriol.

My parents hate each other and I feel powerful anxiety whenever I know they're even speaking to each other. Hallmarks from my childhood before they divorced include escalating sniping arguments in public, worse fights that we could hear at home and yes, one of them occasionally storming off.

Take this for whatever it's worth, but your tone sets off my childhood anxiety. That dig you took at the end of your post, the way you not once in this thread mentioned something nice about him, the way you did not at all mention how your five year old reacted to this (they noticed for sure), the fact that you put fighting style in quotes kind of implying you think it's dumb to talk like that and more than anything the fact that you have a regular habit of unresolved sniping all says that you guys are starting to care more about being right and being the good one than solving the problem.

I think you are using one thing, that it is good to show your children good conflict management by example, and conflating it with fighting in front of your kids in order to not have to examine your contribution very closely.

I'm happy you're going to therapy. I'd recommend going into it thinking that your marriage is on the line, because contempt is the number one killer of marriages and you sound like you're drifting that. Multiple posters with histories similar to mine seem to be hearing the same thing, so maybe take that into consideration.

As for the sexism of men needing to walk it off more I would say sure it's a stereotype but hardly one the results in endemic sexism and one that has some resemblance to real life because it is a common (though not universal) difference between men and women. To respond to that saying there is a chorus of sexism and vitriol is extreme.

And to all the posters aghast that were assuming OP was at fault you are being silly. It takes two to tango when you fight and OP openly admitted she was participating in the sniping. We aren't advising her dh were advising her. If her dh was here I'd be saying similar things to him.

I'm sorry you had a terrible childhood and that your parents hate each other but I think your own experience is coloring the way you read my post. Obviously I am concerned about the health of my marriage, hence my question here and the counseling, but we are not constantly at each others' throats, we do not hate each other, and we have a generally good relationship.

I didn't mentioned how my kids reacted to this because I came here to ask a specific question, which was whether I overreacted to his walking away, not to discuss my kids' reactions. As it happens one of the kids asked why Dad was leaving and I said because he was frustrated with me, but that it was OK and we would talk about it later.

I have a really good marriage, im not hung up on my childhood (which was not terrible) and dont read disaster into every post i read here or every argument I have or witness. I gave specific reasons why your posts make me recall my personal experience. Certainly my history influences how I read posts but to be fair you framed this as your DH did something that you felt symbolized how easy it would be to leave your family behind entirely. If there is hyperbole here you introduced it.

I don't know you or your marriage. You could be right. But when numerous posters read this into your tone then I dunno, maybe you need to work on your tone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH, the kids (3 and 5) and I were walking to a nearby restaurant for lunch this weekend when we got into a fight. It was a dumb recurrent fight and we both got very frustrated with each other very fast. I was expecting that we would snap at each other for a few minutes and then calm down, in large part b/c the kids were there and because everything had been fine otherwise. I think it's important to show kids that couples can have disagreements/fight but remain civil to each other and get past it.

But my DH said he felt like it would be better for him to go home or else he would say something that he would regret. So he just walked away. I was totally shocked and for about 20 minutes I was looking up the street expecting he would come back. I went ahead and had lunch with the kids at the restaurant we had been planning to go to, feeling totally bowled over but trying to act normal.

When we got home he put the kids down for a nap. Then we had a huge fight while they were sleeping in which I told him that his walking away had made me see him differently--as someone who would, literally, walk away from our family if he was mad at me. I felt it showed he was willing to put his anger at me above the kids.

He said he felt he had made the right decision by leaving because he thought "it was going in a bad direction" and we would have ended up having a serious fight in front of the kids, and that I was being melodramatic in my reaction.

We worked through the original fight (didn't resolve it but agreed to both try to work on the issues). But I am still feeling very unsettled by the walking away part. I believe him that he thought he was making the mature decision, but I think that is completely wrong and not how you should conduct yourself if you are a member of a family. I felt he was basically blaming me for his decision, too, by talking about the fight in the passive voice and acting like would have had no choice but to say something terrible to me if he had stayed, as opposed to regulating his own behavior.

So what do you think, DCUM? Was I overreacting or was this a really big deal? (Ducking.)

Men process things differently and walking away to reevaluate the situation is what most men do. Read about it. Men are solvers and like to solve problems and come to conclusions. You're overreacting and it's obvious you don't understand male behavior. Walking away to come up with a different strategy and to approach the issue a different way is what men do.

Get over yourself

OP here. This is the kind of idiocy that makes DCUM less useful than it would otherwise be. I have gotten some helpful feedback on this thread. Most of it was not complimentary to me, but I can deal with that. But the background chorus of sexism and vitriol makes it harder to sort out whether the rest of the comments are making good points or are just reflexively blaming women for everything.

I'm a woman and think your response here is annoying. Some random mra crap has made an appearance but not the comment you're responding to. Makes me wonder what else you think is sexist.

Do your kids a favor and don't interpret the "don't fight in front of your kids advice as sexist. Another person here who's parents fighting in front of them caused anxiety and pain. I am pretty good at conflict management but I'd say that I learned it the hard way. No fight that caused bad enough feelings for constant sniping and one person having to walk away is appropriate.

Op here, confused. The post I called sexist didn't say anything about not fighting in front of the kids. There have been several posts saying that and they have made me think about my views about that and read a couple of articles about it. It seems like there is a consensus that bad fights should not be held in front of kids, but it is important for kids to see their parents have disagreements and become frustrated at each other and then deal with that in a constructive way. That way they know that it's OK to have negative emotions but have good models for how to handle them. I agree we obviously need to work on our "fighting style," which is why we have made an appointment for couples therapy. (Well, I made the appointment, which goes to my underlying issue about our division of labor, but that would be a topic for a different post.)

I do think it's sexist to say "men do X, you obviously don't understand male behavior, get over yourself." People in a relationship should deal with each other as individuals, not archetypes of their gender. I'm sure it's true that some men and some women tend to need to walk away to calm down in an argument. But my DH has not generally been like that in the 10+ years we've been together.

You said there was a background chorus of vitriol and sexism leading me to think that this immediate pp wasn't the only advice you thought was sexist. I said that I hoped the 'stop fighting in front of the kids' advice wasn't being interpreted as sexist or full of vitriol.

My parents hate each other and I feel powerful anxiety whenever I know they're even speaking to each other. Hallmarks from my childhood before they divorced include escalating sniping arguments in public, worse fights that we could hear at home and yes, one of them occasionally storming off.

Take this for whatever it's worth, but your tone sets off my childhood anxiety. That dig you took at the end of your post, the way you not once in this thread mentioned something nice about him, the way you did not at all mention how your five year old reacted to this (they noticed for sure), the fact that you put fighting style in quotes kind of implying you think it's dumb to talk like that and more than anything the fact that you have a regular habit of unresolved sniping all says that you guys are starting to care more about being right and being the good one than solving the problem.

I think you are using one thing, that it is good to show your children good conflict management by example, and conflating it with fighting in front of your kids in order to not have to examine your contribution very closely.

I'm happy you're going to therapy. I'd recommend going into it thinking that your marriage is on the line, because contempt is the number one killer of marriages and you sound like you're drifting that. Multiple posters with histories similar to mine seem to be hearing the same thing, so maybe take that into consideration.

As for the sexism of men needing to walk it off more I would say sure it's a stereotype but hardly one the results in endemic sexism and one that has some resemblance to real life because it is a common (though not universal) difference between men and women. To respond to that saying there is a chorus of sexism and vitriol is extreme.

And to all the posters aghast that were assuming OP was at fault you are being silly. It takes two to tango when you fight and OP openly admitted she was participating in the sniping. We aren't advising her dh were advising her. If her dh was here I'd be saying similar things to him.

I'm sorry you had a terrible childhood and that your parents hate each other but I think your own experience is coloring the way you read my post. Obviously I am concerned about the health of my marriage, hence my question here and the counseling, but we are not constantly at each others' throats, we do not hate each other, and we have a generally good relationship.

I didn't mentioned how my kids reacted to this because I came here to ask a specific question, which was whether I overreacted to his walking away, not to discuss my kids' reactions. As it happens one of the kids asked why Dad was leaving and I said because he was frustrated with me, but that it was OK and we would talk about it later.

I have a really good marriage, im not hung up on my childhood (which was not terrible) and dont read disaster into every post i read here or every argument I have or witness. I gave specific reasons why your posts make me recall my personal experience. Certainly my history influences how I read posts but to be fair you framed this as your DH did something that you felt symbolized how easy it would be to leave your family behind entirely. If there is hyperbole here you introduced it.

I don't know you or your marriage. You could be right. But when numerous posters read this into your tone then I dunno, maybe you need to work on your tone.

OP again. I do appreciate the point that we need to work on how we interact in front of the kids, and have definitely taken that to heart. So I am not dismissing your point about that. I'm just saying that my DH and I don't hate each other.

I do think it's a little inconsistent that you and others are both saying that I'm being hyperbolic and overreacting to my DH walking away, and also that it's clear my marriage is in trouble because otherwise he wouldn't have walked away. That is exactly what I was concerned about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH, the kids (3 and 5) and I were walking to a nearby restaurant for lunch this weekend when we got into a fight. It was a dumb recurrent fight and we both got very frustrated with each other very fast. I was expecting that we would snap at each other for a few minutes and then calm down, in large part b/c the kids were there and because everything had been fine otherwise. I think it's important to show kids that couples can have disagreements/fight but remain civil to each other and get past it.

But my DH said he felt like it would be better for him to go home or else he would say something that he would regret. So he just walked away. I was totally shocked and for about 20 minutes I was looking up the street expecting he would come back. I went ahead and had lunch with the kids at the restaurant we had been planning to go to, feeling totally bowled over but trying to act normal.

When we got home he put the kids down for a nap. Then we had a huge fight while they were sleeping in which I told him that his walking away had made me see him differently--as someone who would, literally, walk away from our family if he was mad at me. I felt it showed he was willing to put his anger at me above the kids.

He said he felt he had made the right decision by leaving because he thought "it was going in a bad direction" and we would have ended up having a serious fight in front of the kids, and that I was being melodramatic in my reaction.

We worked through the original fight (didn't resolve it but agreed to both try to work on the issues). But I am still feeling very unsettled by the walking away part. I believe him that he thought he was making the mature decision, but I think that is completely wrong and not how you should conduct yourself if you are a member of a family. I felt he was basically blaming me for his decision, too, by talking about the fight in the passive voice and acting like would have had no choice but to say something terrible to me if he had stayed, as opposed to regulating his own behavior.

So what do you think, DCUM? Was I overreacting or was this a really big deal? (Ducking.)

Men process things differently and walking away to reevaluate the situation is what most men do. Read about it. Men are solvers and like to solve problems and come to conclusions. You're overreacting and it's obvious you don't understand male behavior. Walking away to come up with a different strategy and to approach the issue a different way is what men do.

Get over yourself

OP here. This is the kind of idiocy that makes DCUM less useful than it would otherwise be. I have gotten some helpful feedback on this thread. Most of it was not complimentary to me, but I can deal with that. But the background chorus of sexism and vitriol makes it harder to sort out whether the rest of the comments are making good points or are just reflexively blaming women for everything.

I'm a woman and think your response here is annoying. Some random mra crap has made an appearance but not the comment you're responding to. Makes me wonder what else you think is sexist.

Do your kids a favor and don't interpret the "don't fight in front of your kids advice as sexist. Another person here who's parents fighting in front of them caused anxiety and pain. I am pretty good at conflict management but I'd say that I learned it the hard way. No fight that caused bad enough feelings for constant sniping and one person having to walk away is appropriate.

Op here, confused. The post I called sexist didn't say anything about not fighting in front of the kids. There have been several posts saying that and they have made me think about my views about that and read a couple of articles about it. It seems like there is a consensus that bad fights should not be held in front of kids, but it is important for kids to see their parents have disagreements and become frustrated at each other and then deal with that in a constructive way. That way they know that it's OK to have negative emotions but have good models for how to handle them. I agree we obviously need to work on our "fighting style," which is why we have made an appointment for couples therapy. (Well, I made the appointment, which goes to my underlying issue about our division of labor, but that would be a topic for a different post.)

I do think it's sexist to say "men do X, you obviously don't understand male behavior, get over yourself." People in a relationship should deal with each other as individuals, not archetypes of their gender. I'm sure it's true that some men and some women tend to need to walk away to calm down in an argument. But my DH has not generally been like that in the 10+ years we've been together.

You said there was a background chorus of vitriol and sexism leading me to think that this immediate pp wasn't the only advice you thought was sexist. I said that I hoped the 'stop fighting in front of the kids' advice wasn't being interpreted as sexist or full of vitriol.

My parents hate each other and I feel powerful anxiety whenever I know they're even speaking to each other. Hallmarks from my childhood before they divorced include escalating sniping arguments in public, worse fights that we could hear at home and yes, one of them occasionally storming off.

Take this for whatever it's worth, but your tone sets off my childhood anxiety. That dig you took at the end of your post, the way you not once in this thread mentioned something nice about him, the way you did not at all mention how your five year old reacted to this (they noticed for sure), the fact that you put fighting style in quotes kind of implying you think it's dumb to talk like that and more than anything the fact that you have a regular habit of unresolved sniping all says that you guys are starting to care more about being right and being the good one than solving the problem.

I think you are using one thing, that it is good to show your children good conflict management by example, and conflating it with fighting in front of your kids in order to not have to examine your contribution very closely.

I'm happy you're going to therapy. I'd recommend going into it thinking that your marriage is on the line, because contempt is the number one killer of marriages and you sound like you're drifting that. Multiple posters with histories similar to mine seem to be hearing the same thing, so maybe take that into consideration.

As for the sexism of men needing to walk it off more I would say sure it's a stereotype but hardly one the results in endemic sexism and one that has some resemblance to real life because it is a common (though not universal) difference between men and women. To respond to that saying there is a chorus of sexism and vitriol is extreme.

And to all the posters aghast that were assuming OP was at fault you are being silly. It takes two to tango when you fight and OP openly admitted she was participating in the sniping. We aren't advising her dh were advising her. If her dh was here I'd be saying similar things to him.

I'm sorry you had a terrible childhood and that your parents hate each other but I think your own experience is coloring the way you read my post. Obviously I am concerned about the health of my marriage, hence my question here and the counseling, but we are not constantly at each others' throats, we do not hate each other, and we have a generally good relationship.

I didn't mentioned how my kids reacted to this because I came here to ask a specific question, which was whether I overreacted to his walking away, not to discuss my kids' reactions. As it happens one of the kids asked why Dad was leaving and I said because he was frustrated with me, but that it was OK and we would talk about it later.

I have a really good marriage, im not hung up on my childhood (which was not terrible) and dont read disaster into every post i read here or every argument I have or witness. I gave specific reasons why your posts make me recall my personal experience. Certainly my history influences how I read posts but to be fair you framed this as your DH did something that you felt symbolized how easy it would be to leave your family behind entirely. If there is hyperbole here you introduced it.

I don't know you or your marriage. You could be right. But when numerous posters read this into your tone then I dunno, maybe you need to work on your tone.

OP again. I do appreciate the point that we need to work on how we interact in front of the kids, and have definitely taken that to heart. So I am not dismissing your point about that. I'm just saying that my DH and I don't hate each other.

I do think it's a little inconsistent that you and others are both saying that I'm being hyperbolic and overreacting to my DH walking away, and also that it's clear my marriage is in trouble because otherwise he wouldn't have walked away. That is exactly what I was concerned about.

People are saying you're overreacting about the wrong thing.

Your OP (to my interpretation) said that you felt his walking away said something about his character and that it meant he was the kind of person who could leave his family behind. A personal attack on him.

That is hyperbolic because you are making judgements about his character and seem to be missing the fact that what it is really is is a red flag about the state of your relationship.

Imo you should be very concerned about your RELATIONSHIP but that doesn't mean you or your DH are bad people.

And fwiw I wrote that tale about my childhood more as a warning. My parents didn't always hate each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
People are saying you're overreacting about the wrong thing.

Your OP (to my interpretation) said that you felt his walking away said something about his character and that it meant he was the kind of person who could leave his family behind. A personal attack on him.

That is hyperbolic because you are making judgements about his character and seem to be missing the fact that what it is really is is a red flag about the state of your relationship.

Imo you should be very concerned about your RELATIONSHIP but that doesn't mean you or your DH are bad people.

And fwiw I wrote that tale about my childhood more as a warning. My parents didn't always hate each other.

Ok, that makes some sense. Re-reading my original post, I can see how it seemed like I was saying he was a bad person. What I meant was more like that when he walked away it struck me that he could/might walk away from our family more generally if he was mad enough at me, which was something that I had never really thought was possible before. I don't think that's too far from what you're saying about it being a red flag about the state of our relationship.

[Anonymous]

You are making a huge leap with your last post which still seems very over dramatic. Dude, just because he doesn't want to deal with your household chore BS over a kiddie lunch and walks away doesn't mean he's going to walk away for good. Please get a grip!! (And before you go off on your rant about misogyny, I am a woman.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are making a huge leap with your last post which still seems very over dramatic. Dude, just because he doesn't want to deal with your household chore BS over a kiddie lunch and walks away doesn't mean he's going to walk away for good. Please get a grip!! (And before you go off on your rant about misogyny, I am a woman.)

You're excusing his behavior. Adults "deal" with things in an adult manner, which this was not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are making a huge leap with your last post which still seems very over dramatic. Dude, just because he doesn't want to deal with your household chore BS over a kiddie lunch and walks away doesn't mean he's going to walk away for good. Please get a grip!! (And before you go off on your rant about misogyny, I am a woman.)

OP again. Presumably then you disagree with the PP who said the whole situation was a red flag about the state of my marriage, and who compared my marriage to that of her parents who fought in front of their kids and then got divorced?

Or are you saying something super logical like "Yes, your marriage is a disaster since you're such a bitch about household chores and you're overdramatic, but you're being overdramatic by saying you felt your marriage might be in trouble, get a grip"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are making a huge leap with your last post which still seems very over dramatic. Dude, just because he doesn't want to deal with your household chore BS over a kiddie lunch and walks away doesn't mean he's going to walk away for good. Please get a grip!! (And before you go off on your rant about misogyny, I am a woman.)

OP again. Presumably then you disagree with the PP who said the whole situation was a red flag about the state of my marriage, and who compared my marriage to that of her parents who fought in front of their kids and then got divorced?

Or are you saying something super logical like "Yes, your marriage is a disaster since you're such a bitch about household chores and you're overdramatic, but you're being overdramatic by saying you felt your marriage might be in trouble, get a grip"?

All I'm saying is that you seem like a dramatic person in general. Just because someone walks away from lunch because they're sick of the BS doesn't mean they're going to walk away from the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are making a huge leap with your last post which still seems very over dramatic. Dude, just because he doesn't want to deal with your household chore BS over a kiddie lunch and walks away doesn't mean he's going to walk away for good. Please get a grip!! (And before you go off on your rant about misogyny, I am a woman.)

You're excusing his behavior. Adults "deal" with things in an adult manner, which this was not.

Adults don't bring up topics that are known to cause a fight, at lunch, in front of the kids, because "it's good for kids to see their parents fight and move on."

[Anonymous]

Husband is right. Although next time he might be a bit more thoughtful as to offer to take the kids home, if you prefer. But his point of staying away from you at that moment is a good approach.

Sound like your marriage is not sustaining well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are making a huge leap with your last post which still seems very over dramatic. Dude, just because he doesn't want to deal with your household chore BS over a kiddie lunch and walks away doesn't mean he's going to walk away for good. Please get a grip!! (And before you go off on your rant about misogyny, I am a woman.)

You're excusing his behavior. Adults "deal" with things in an adult manner, which this was not.

Actually, I know plenty of adults who walk away to cool off in the midst of an intense argument before their emotions get the best of them. I am one of those adults. I understand that many of you will always side against a DH, but come on. OP wanted to fight in public while her DH did not. Who was more "adult" in this particular situation?