I feel absolutely horrible! Please tell me what you think

[Anonymous]

I really think the only solution now is for you and Leslie to get together and plan some sort of event, whereby you can offer both cupcakes and ice cream free to all breastfeeders and/or African Americans. I don't see any other options at this point.

[Anonymous]

The people who say it is not a big deal love racism. They truly get a perverted kick out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The people who say it is not a big deal love racism. They truly get a perverted kick out of it.

Right.....




Guess the thread and you win an ice cream:

"If you cannot see the point of the OP's ire, then you are the other mom and I think you're a whore."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:God-is this thread still going? I posted way earlier that OP was probably a control freak and would told any kids that she didn't know that it was a private party. I stand that she isn't some kind of racist but think the overly pc crowd needs to relax. Call the diversity people at the firm? What? I remember as a kid being told that I didn't belong a few times when I was at various picnics and it was no big deal. This is no big deal and I am tired of the oh the AA people blah blah blah. The focus on race is what sets AA people back. OP relax and move on from this just know that if you are not organizing an event, you shouldn't be focused on who is supposed to be eating what.

Thank you for the tip on what sets me, as an AA, back. I'll pretend I'm not AA, and insist that others do the same and it will be so much better. Nobel Piss Prize coming your way.

There's a difference between being overly pc, being empathetic, and being practical/realistic. I think that OP has gotten advice from each of these and other quarters, including yours. Just because others have a different point of view to offer OP doesn't mean that they're wrong, or you're wrong, or that any of us is right. None of us know her, correct?

The only thing I would generalize about is what I posted earlier, which is that OP should tell her husband so that he can do whatever damage control is necessary to prevent a ding to his reputation and his firm's. If it's a law firm, as I suspect, these kinds of incidents have a way of lingering and having an effect on recruiting, of both minority and majority candidates, for years to come.

[Anonymous]

Nice, measured reply PP. A rarity on these boards!

[Anonymous]

to 18:00 --how is this going to damage the firm? In some interview will the interviewee say, "by the way, I heard at one of your picnics, one of the wives thought some kids at the party didn't belong there, is that true? Is that really going to come up?

[Anonymous]

I had an incident like this years ago. I took my nephew to a public pool. He was 6 and the age cut off for going through the ladies locker room was 7, he is age appropriate height. The cleaning lady, who was neither black or white, asked me to get him out of there because he was too old to be in the ladies locker room. There were TONS of other boys his age there. I then told her that she should examine why she had a problem with his presence.

Then we went out to the pool. As he was splashing, he was told that a parent had to be in the pool with him since he was not a strong swimmer ( I did not want to get in). The lifeguard was white. The funny thing is that my nephew was swimming since two (that was odd, but another story). I told the lifeguard that unless he could articulate why he felt that my nephew was not a strong swimmer, I would call the police. I had just about had it. They obviously did not want us there.

I was so embarrassed I did not tell my sister. A few years ago, when my nephew was 14, he reminded me of the incident. I really thought the whole thing went over his head at the time.

OP, the kids don't forget. There is a subliminal message: NOT WELCOME.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:to 18:00 --how is this going to damage the firm? In some interview will the interviewee say, "by the way, I heard at one of your picnics, one of the wives thought some kids at the party didn't belong there, is that true? Is that really going to come up?

Not 18:00. There is a grapevine, word just gets around. No one will say anything about the picnic on an interview, but the firms that have no "picnic stories" will be the ones people will want to work for. Some studies have suggested that even whites prefer not to work for the "picnic story" firms.

[Anonymous]

OP are you out there? What did your husband say when you told him? You have told him, right? It's Sunday night.

(Lawyer who strongly prefers to work for a no "picnic story" firm, and who thinks the husband needs to know what happened)

I don't think the message that "this is a private party" is all that subliminal, sadly. To the kids or the mom. Just wish the economy was better so she could find a "no picnic story" job quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Yes, the two kids stood out because they were "the only brown skinned" ones there (their words, I believe OP said). If they had been two white kids at an all AA party, the same thing would have happened. Apologizing twice is just making it worse. It's like saying, "Just wanted to make sure you know I have nothing against blacks."

I don't think the OP meant in her post that she felt terrible that she did something racist. I think she felt terrible that she could be perceived as having done something racist. Big difference.

I strongly doubt that. I'm white, live in amostly black community and my kids go to mostly black schools. They stand out, we stand out. But we are not the recipients of the kind of subtle and not so subtle discrimination that occurs on a regular basis to kids who have dark skin. It's just not the same, and I am well aware of that.

We're talking about standing out at a private party. No kids would crash going to someone else's school....

Sure. My point was, even though we are a minority everywhere we go, we do NOT get the subliminal "NOT WELCOME" vibe from blacks / AA people around us. Not even a little bit.

In this country, and I am not defending it, just saying it like it is, being the only WHITE person in a group of blacks is a very different thing from being the only BLACK person in a group of whites.

It is just a completely different experience, and I do not take for granted that my treatment as a "minority" among a bunch of black people is the same as a black person's treatment among a bunch of white people.

For one thing, if I attended a work or school party that was full of black people, and my two little white kids went up and took some ice cream, I highly doubt some Asian woman would tell them, "Hey, hands off -- this is a private party!" HIGHLY doubt it.

[Anonymous]

Sadly this happens all the time. One the first day of school last year one of my daughters 1st grade classmates asked if I was her nanny when I picked her up. She's the only AA in her class. I didn't get offended just told her no I'm her mom. The teacher heard her and did not make a big deal of it and I didn't expect her to have a mtg to discuss it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Yes, the two kids stood out because they were "the only brown skinned" ones there (their words, I believe OP said). If they had been two white kids at an all AA party, the same thing would have happened. Apologizing twice is just making it worse. It's like saying, "Just wanted to make sure you know I have nothing against blacks."

I don't think the OP meant in her post that she felt terrible that she did something racist. I think she felt terrible that she could be perceived as having done something racist. Big difference.

I strongly doubt that. I'm white, live in amostly black community and my kids go to mostly black schools. They stand out, we stand out. But we are not the recipients of the kind of subtle and not so subtle discrimination that occurs on a regular basis to kids who have dark skin. It's just not the same, and I am well aware of that.

We're talking about standing out at a private party. No kids would crash going to someone else's school....

Sure. My point was, even though we are a minority everywhere we go, we do NOT get the subliminal "NOT WELCOME" vibe from blacks / AA people around us. Not even a little bit.

In this country, and I am not defending it, just saying it like it is, being the only WHITE person in a group of blacks is a very different thing from being the only BLACK person in a group of whites.

It is just a completely different experience, and I do not take for granted that my treatment as a "minority" among a bunch of black people is the same as a black person's treatment among a bunch of white people.

For one thing, if I attended a work or school party that was full of black people, and my two little white kids went up and took some ice cream, I highly doubt some Asian woman would tell them, "Hey, hands off -- this is a private party!" HIGHLY doubt it.

Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Yes, the two kids stood out because they were "the only brown skinned" ones there (their words, I believe OP said). If they had been two white kids at an all AA party, the same thing would have happened. Apologizing twice is just making it worse. It's like saying, "Just wanted to make sure you know I have nothing against blacks."

I don't think the OP meant in her post that she felt terrible that she did something racist. I think she felt terrible that she could be perceived as having done something racist. Big difference.

I strongly doubt that. I'm white, live in amostly black community and my kids go to mostly black schools. They stand out, we stand out. But we are not the recipients of the kind of subtle and not so subtle discrimination that occurs on a regular basis to kids who have dark skin. It's just not the same, and I am well aware of that.

Us too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Yes, the two kids stood out because they were "the only brown skinned" ones there (their words, I believe OP said). If they had been two white kids at an all AA party, the same thing would have happened. Apologizing twice is just making it worse. It's like saying, "Just wanted to make sure you know I have nothing against blacks."

I don't think the OP meant in her post that she felt terrible that she did something racist. I think she felt terrible that she could be perceived as having done something racist. Big difference.

I strongly doubt that. I'm white, live in amostly black community and my kids go to mostly black schools. They stand out, we stand out. But we are not the recipients of the kind of subtle and not so subtle discrimination that occurs on a regular basis to kids who have dark skin. It's just not the same, and I am well aware of that.

We're talking about standing out at a private party. No kids would crash going to someone else's school....

Sure. My point was, even though we are a minority everywhere we go, we do NOT get the subliminal "NOT WELCOME" vibe from blacks / AA people around us. Not even a little bit.

In this country, and I am not defending it, just saying it like it is, being the only WHITE person in a group of blacks is a very different thing from being the only BLACK person in a group of whites.

It is just a completely different experience, and I do not take for granted that my treatment as a "minority" among a bunch of black people is the same as a black person's treatment among a bunch of white people.

For one thing, if I attended a work or school party that was full of black people, and my two little white kids went up and took some ice cream, I highly doubt some Asian woman would tell them, "Hey, hands off -- this is a private party!" HIGHLY doubt it.

Of course you don't notice a difference. Your smug, white self wouldn't be big enough to actually pay attention to what's going on around you.

The black people in your neighborhood ARE NOT in awe of your whiteness nor are they impressed by it or think that it makes you "ok". They are likely snickering behind your back and blatantly making comments you are just too caught up in your own smugness to get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Yes, the two kids stood out because they were "the only brown skinned" ones there (their words, I believe OP said). If they had been two white kids at an all AA party, the same thing would have happened. Apologizing twice is just making it worse. It's like saying, "Just wanted to make sure you know I have nothing against blacks."

I don't think the OP meant in her post that she felt terrible that she did something racist. I think she felt terrible that she could be perceived as having done something racist. Big difference.

I strongly doubt that. I'm white, live in amostly black community and my kids go to mostly black schools. They stand out, we stand out. But we are not the recipients of the kind of subtle and not so subtle discrimination that occurs on a regular basis to kids who have dark skin. It's just not the same, and I am well aware of that.

We're talking about standing out at a private party. No kids would crash going to someone else's school....

Sure. My point was, even though we are a minority everywhere we go, we do NOT get the subliminal "NOT WELCOME" vibe from blacks / AA people around us. Not even a little bit.

In this country, and I am not defending it, just saying it like it is, being the only WHITE person in a group of blacks is a very different thing from being the only BLACK person in a group of whites.

It is just a completely different experience, and I do not take for granted that my treatment as a "minority" among a bunch of black people is the same as a black person's treatment among a bunch of white people.

For one thing, if I attended a work or school party that was full of black people, and my two little white kids went up and took some ice cream, I highly doubt some Asian woman would tell them, "Hey, hands off -- this is a private party!" HIGHLY doubt it.

Of course you don't notice a difference. Your smug, white self wouldn't be big enough to actually pay attention to what's going on around you.

The black people in your neighborhood ARE NOT in awe of your whiteness nor are they impressed by it or think that it makes you "ok". They are likely snickering behind your back and blatantly making comments you are just too caught up in your own smugness to get it.

Huh? Where on earth did that come from? What did she say that made you want to attack her? She didn't indicate anything that you're accusing her of. Not to mention your statement that people were snickering behind her back? Your post makes no sense.