DH is being accused of sexual assault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I was accused and my wife kicked me out, there is no way I'm coming back when I'm cleared. You can't fix that.

Eh, but...if my husband has been evading the cops for over a week and hiding it from me, then they show up and he deliberately shuts me out of the conversation...I don't think you can fix that either

OP here:

What makes it worse is that this incident is about a month old.

He had that much time to come clean about it.

And if he's actually innocent and maybe a co-worker said DH went to bed early? Perhaps he thought he wouldn't be contacted. Maybe it was her and 6 male co-workers out for drinks and she doesn't remember how the night ended but woke the next day naked and aware she was raped. The cops got a sample and are checking it against the 6 guys that were with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I was accused and my wife kicked me out, there is no way I'm coming back when I'm cleared. You can't fix that.

Eh, but...if my husband has been evading the cops for over a week and hiding it from me, then they show up and he deliberately shuts me out of the conversation...I don't think you can fix that either

OP here:

What makes it worse is that this incident is about a month old.

He had that much time to come clean about it.

And if he's actually innocent and maybe a co-worker said DH went to bed early? Perhaps he thought he wouldn't be contacted. Maybe it was her and 6 male co-workers out for drinks and she doesn't remember how the night ended but woke the next day naked and aware she was raped. The cops got a sample and are checking it against the 6 guys that were with her.

I'm not going to hypothesize about what may or may not have happened.

The issue is that DH had several opportunities to disclose sexual assault allegations and deliberately chose to not tell me. If he would hide something this serious, what else would he hide? And if he is truly innocent, why did he hide it from me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've never heard of the fake rape movement, but I had a co-worker who was accused of rape. He was immediately fired from his job, then his wife left him. And he spent close to 100k on legal fees to prepare for trial. Just before going to trial, the supposed victim recanted the entire story. To this day he has been unable to recover sure to finances and relationships that were destroyed.

That the victim recanted doesn't mean he's innocent. It's not uncommon at all for sexual assault victims to get cold feet at the prospect of a trial, being grilled and blamed by a defense attorney, their name dragged through the mud, everyone they know hearing the gory details about how they were violated, being called a liar no matter how true their claims. She would be far from the first assault victim to recant her story to get out of all of that exposure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I was accused and my wife kicked me out, there is no way I'm coming back when I'm cleared. You can't fix that.

Eh, but...if my husband has been evading the cops for over a week and hiding it from me, then they show up and he deliberately shuts me out of the conversation...I don't think you can fix that either

OP here:

What makes it worse is that this incident is about a month old.

He had that much time to come clean about it.

And if he's actually innocent and maybe a co-worker said DH went to bed early? Perhaps he thought he wouldn't be contacted. Maybe it was her and 6 male co-workers out for drinks and she doesn't remember how the night ended but woke the next day naked and aware she was raped. The cops got a sample and are checking it against the 6 guys that were with her.

Does not at all change the fact that he's been evading police who have been directly trying to contact him for over a week, and hid that from his wife...then told her to leave the conversation when they showed up. That's pretty serious, and telling - and rather egregious deception in my book

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I was accused and my wife kicked me out, there is no way I'm coming back when I'm cleared. You can't fix that.

Eh, but...if my husband has been evading the cops for over a week and hiding it from me, then they show up and he deliberately shuts me out of the conversation...I don't think you can fix that either

OP here:

What makes it worse is that this incident is about a month old.

He had that much time to come clean about it.

And if he's actually innocent and maybe a co-worker said DH went to bed early? Perhaps he thought he wouldn't be contacted. Maybe it was her and 6 male co-workers out for drinks and she doesn't remember how the night ended but woke the next day naked and aware she was raped. The cops got a sample and are checking it against the 6 guys that were with her.

Maybe you should have asked more questions to make an informed decision rather than having a knee-jerk reaction.

I'm not going to hypothesize about what may or may not have happened.

The issue is that DH had several opportunities to disclose sexual assault allegations and deliberately chose to not tell me. If he would hide something this serious, what else would he hide? And if he is truly innocent, why did he hide it from me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I was accused and my wife kicked me out, there is no way I'm coming back when I'm cleared. You can't fix that.

Eh, but...if my husband has been evading the cops for over a week and hiding it from me, then they show up and he deliberately shuts me out of the conversation...I don't think you can fix that either

OP here:

What makes it worse is that this incident is about a month old.

He had that much time to come clean about it.

And if he's actually innocent and maybe a co-worker said DH went to bed early? Perhaps he thought he wouldn't be contacted. Maybe it was her and 6 male co-workers out for drinks and she doesn't remember how the night ended but woke the next day naked and aware she was raped. The cops got a sample and are checking it against the 6 guys that were with her.

I'm not going to hypothesize about what may or may not have happened.

The issue is that DH had several opportunities to disclose sexual assault allegations and deliberately chose to not tell me. If he would hide something this serious, what else would he hide? And if he is truly innocent, why did he hide it from me?

I think this is a valid question to ask yourself. If my DH had been in a situation where he'd been with a group of people, left early, and then found out someone in the group was assaulted later and the police were investigating, he would absolutely talk to me about it. "Wow, I can't believe what's going down at work right now. I wonder if I'll be questioned as a witness? Will I have to testify? Do I need a lawyer if I'm just a witness and not accused? This is making work hell right now, people are totally divided on it and it's really awkward."

[Anonymous]

innocent or not, this marriage is over. Either from the way the Husband acted (not coming clean for a month) or the way the Wife acted 9kicking him out).

I'm not convinced this is even a real post, but if it is, time to move one, it's over

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've never heard of the fake rape movement, but I had a co-worker who was accused of rape. He was immediately fired from his job, then his wife left him. And he spent close to 100k on legal fees to prepare for trial. Just before going to trial, the supposed victim recanted the entire story. To this day he has been unable to recover sure to finances and relationships that were destroyed.

That's an anecdote, not a movement. False accusations of rape are inline with all other crimes -- right around 2%.

2% is not only false it is materially misleading.

False rape allegations occur at a rate of 2 to 10 percent. That does in no way mean the other claims were in fact rape, it only means in 2% to 10% the accuser was actually proven to be lying. For example, the accused wasn't even at the location of the alleged rape.

No, that's what it's supposed to mean, but that's not how law enforcement or prosecution departments actually report it.

This definition is consistent with guidance provided by the FBI Uniform Crime Report (UCR) on methods for clearing cases. Specifically, the UCR Handbook states that a case can only be unfounded if it is “determined through investigation to be false or baseless. In other words, no crime occurred” (p. 77). This seems clear, because a case cannot be “determined through investigation to be false or baseless” if no investigation was conducted or if it yielded insufficient evidence.4
While this is the actual definition of a false report for law enforcement purposes, it does not typically reflect the way investigators, prosecutors (and their supervisors) tend to think of sexual assault investigations.5 In fact, at virtually every training we offer on this topic, we hear from law enforcement professionals who unfound cases—and prosecutors who reject them— either because they do not believe the victim’s account or they failed to prove it conclusively. This practice fails to meet the needs of both victims and the larger society.
So, although the actual definition of a false report should be the same for all criminal justice professionals, it is clear that the practices that are really used vary dramatically. This is why the percentage of sexual assault reports that are unfounded by various law enforcement agencies are so different; many are labeling sexual assault reports false without any evidence to establish that they did not occur.

source: http://ndaa.org/pdf/the_voice_vol_3_no_1_2009.pdf

No 2%-10% specifically relates to cases provably false – meaning, for example, that the accused has a bulletproof alibi or the accuser eventually recants. You really made no point, other than quoting the opinion of an organization that has lumped "false" and"baseless" into one pile conveniently implying baseless allegations meaning ones where there is no supporting evidence and false are the same. Not so subtle attempt, the only official citation is " determined through investigation to be false or baseless. In other words, no crime occurred" . Meaning both false and baseless claims are unfounded, it in no way states or implies false and baseless are the same.

[Anonymous]

This happened to my stepsisters DH at work. He was cleared completely and they are very happy . She never doubted him for a minute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to my stepsisters DH at work. He was cleared completely and they are very happy . She never doubted him for a minute.

Well, clearly OP's husband isn't 100% guilt-free.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he didn't tell you because he knows you are high strung.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he didn't tell you because he knows you are high strung.

People who keep making this point: "maybe he thought you'd freak out!" ... are you seriously saying you'd keep something like this from your spouse? My spouse would absolutely freak out if the police were looking at me for a sexual assault, as would I, but that doesn't mean it can be my little secret! What kind of marriage is that? You're not hiding pot from your mom, this is kind of a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he didn't tell you because he knows you are high strung.

People who keep making this point: "maybe he thought you'd freak out!" ... are you seriously saying you'd keep something like this from your spouse? My spouse would absolutely freak out if the police were looking at me for a sexual assault, as would I, but that doesn't mean it can be my little secret! What kind of marriage is that? You're not hiding pot from your mom, this is kind of a big deal.

Yes. Exactly. Thank you.

When is it ever ok to withhold information because you think your spouse would get mad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women accuse everyone, this is common due to the Fake rape movement.

There's no fake rape movement. There are, however, men who so hate women that they want to believe that women get some glory out of claiming they were raped.

While I agree with your first sentence, your 2nd sentence makes no sense. However, there have been woman that made up rape allegations and there have been many women that misidentified their assailant(s).

Women misidentifying their assailants isn't a fake rape movement either. People misidentify suspects all the time. Doesn't make a movement.

[Anonymous]

There is no way to know with these sketchy details what happened.

Maybe he didn't know the police were trying to get a hold of him? I assume if they really wanted to, they could have found him pretty easily through his home or job.

He may have kept it form Op given her reaction. She immediately calls him a rapist and kicks him out of the house. If I had a spouse like that, I would keep things pretty close to my chest too. If I knew I wouldn't have my spouse's support and would have to deal with them accusing me as well, I wouldn't say much.

Maybe he is guilty, maybe he isn't. Hard to tell from the details here. Either way, the marriage is over.

As for fake reports of rape...it happens, however that 2-10% is false reports of reported rapes. The majority of sexual assaults never get reported to police so that 2-10% isn't 2-10% of women assulated, it is 2-10% of women who went to police.