Having children say "yes sir" or "yes mam"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's certainly not just a "slave thing." Plenty of parents do this, but it's more concentrated in the South.

I'd let him take the lead on this, because with biracial (black) kids, he knows better than you how to raise them to be respectful in society.

Massive inner eyeroll. In moments like this I pray comments like this are from trolls. I don't even know what this means.- Black blood is innately more respectful? Black blood only learns from black blood? Craziness.

I'm a northerner and I agree it's a little 'perpetuating oppression' for me to address parents in this way (slave master, etc).

It's fine for addressing others but in a family unit, we have no need for our multiracial kids to call us sir or ma'am.

You completely missed the point. OP has biracial kids, and when the world looks at them they will see black kids. They will not benefit from her privilege in this regard. The black parent has a better understanding of how these children will need to be constantly conscious of the image they are portraying. They will have to constantly be better behaved, more polite, and more respectful than the white kids, just to attempt to avoid the stereotypes and prejudice that will come their way.

+1

--White person who does a "massive inner eyeroll" when other white people don't get this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Do your children call their teachers and coaches by their first name. Or, do they put coach or Ms in front of it. Do you allow your children to call your friends by their first name.

That depends on what the teachers, coaches, and friends want my children to call them. If the teachers, coaches, and friends want my children to call them by their first name, then my children call them by their first name. It's polite to call people what they want to be called.

Completely agree. In the absence of that knowledge, do they start by calling them by their first names, or do they address them with a title? I have a sneaking suspicion you'll find more people put off by an 8 year old starting with 'Hello Jane' instead of 'Hello Mrs Smith' and then being told Jane is fine.

They address them as "Um...".

And actually I know plenty of people who positively dislike being called Mr./Mrs./Ms. Smith.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am from rural New England and sir/ma'am would definitely seem weird in my area. I think it would come across as implying that the person is uptight, bossy, or overly concerned with hierarchy and status. Personally, I am not offended or bothered by it, but I think it's important to understand that in some places it carries a meaning that is not very polite.

This. Also from NE, and my mother always assumed "yes ma'am" was being used ironically and thus was a sign of sass (what my mom called "being fresh"). She rarely travelled outside of NE, so wouldn't have heard it used. Uch anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's certainly not just a "slave thing." Plenty of parents do this, but it's more concentrated in the South.

I'd let him take the lead on this, because with biracial (black) kids, he knows better than you how to raise them to be respectful in society.

Massive inner eyeroll. In moments like this I pray comments like this are from trolls. I don't even know what this means.- Black blood is innately more respectful? Black blood only learns from black blood? Craziness.

I'm a northerner and I agree it's a little 'perpetuating oppression' for me to address parents in this way (slave master, etc).

It's fine for addressing others but in a family unit, we have no need for our multiracial kids to call us sir or ma'am.

You completely missed the point. OP has biracial kids, and when the world looks at them they will see black kids. They will not benefit from her privilege in this regard. The black parent has a better understanding of how these children will need to be constantly conscious of the image they are portraying. They will have to constantly be better behaved, more polite, and more respectful than the white kids, just to attempt to avoid the stereotypes and prejudice that will come their way.

+1

--White person who does a "massive inner eyeroll" when other white people don't get this

I'm a white person who does a minor inner eyeroll at the idea that the world will perceive ALL multiracial (black/white) children as black.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I am from the south and am raising my kids here in DC. They are 12 and 10 and ALWAYS say ma'am, sir, etc., along with the standard please and thank you.

I cannot tell you how many times over the course of their conversationally speaking lives (going on 10 years now) DH and I have been complimented on this. It happens so frequently ("your children have SUCH beautiful manners...") that it's becoming a running joke in our family. There is nothing else that they are doing (like holding doors or chairs for adults, for example) that people could be referring to -- it's all strictly based on that simple "sir/ ma'am" that they always now (by habit) use.

It has made them stand out in so many ways. If you want your kids to be noticed in a positive way, do it.

Exactly the same thing with us. We are southerners temporarily in DC. My kids' teachers gush over their manners. Everywhere we go we hear about how great our kids are and how good manners seem to be a thing of the past. My kids are actually just typical teenagers. The yes ma'am, yes sir... stuff makes them appear much better than they actually are.

In the south, no one even notices. In DC, people compliment them on their manners constantly.

But, see, that's why many northerners view it as kind of Eddie Haskill-ish. (If you are old enough to get that reference.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's certainly not just a "slave thing." Plenty of parents do this, but it's more concentrated in the South.

I'd let him take the lead on this, because with biracial (black) kids, he knows better than you how to raise them to be respectful in society.

Massive inner eyeroll. In moments like this I pray comments like this are from trolls. I don't even know what this means.- Black blood is innately more respectful? Black blood only learns from black blood? Craziness.

I'm a northerner and I agree it's a little 'perpetuating oppression' for me to address parents in this way (slave master, etc).

It's fine for addressing others but in a family unit, we have no need for our multiracial kids to call us sir or ma'am.

You completely missed the point. OP has biracial kids, and when the world looks at them they will see black kids. They will not benefit from her privilege in this regard. The black parent has a better understanding of how these children will need to be constantly conscious of the image they are portraying. They will have to constantly be better behaved, more polite, and more respectful than the white kids, just to attempt to avoid the stereotypes and prejudice that will come their way.

+1

--White person who does a "massive inner eyeroll" when other white people don't get this

+2

[Anonymous]

I'm a white person who grew up in Texas. Sir and Ma'am were used outside the family as a matter of courtesy to authority figures or to people in anonymous situations. I don't remember being explicitly raught this custom, it's just the way things were. When my parents would give their orders to the teenager wirking at McDonald's they would use Sir and Ma'am as a matter of course. They would have felt they were being offensive if they hadn't. Race was irrelevant. They treated everyone the same way.

It is so ingrained it is automatic to me. I have only come across one person who was offended by it and it really flustered me. If you do have another preference, please just let the person know what you prefer to be called rather than taking offense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husband grew up very old fashioned. He is African American. I grew up in a very laid back household. I am white. Husband wants children to say, "yes sir" and "yes mam." I find it very odd and weird because it's very slave like lingo to me. As if you are saying "yes sir, master." Your take?

Geeze, if teaching children to be polite and respectful is 'slave like lingo, we're really hitting bottom.

OP here. Sorry, just my take on it because I never heard children say this in real life. We are both born and raised in dc

I'm AA and I've seen both. It's manners. Military does this too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's certainly not just a "slave thing." Plenty of parents do this, but it's more concentrated in the South.

I'd let him take the lead on this, because with biracial (black) kids, he knows better than you how to raise them to be respectful in society.

Massive inner eyeroll. In moments like this I pray comments like this are from trolls. I don't even know what this means.- Black blood is innately more respectful? Black blood only learns from black blood? Craziness.

I'm a northerner and I agree it's a little 'perpetuating oppression' for me to address parents in this way (slave master, etc).

It's fine for addressing others but in a family unit, we have no need for our multiracial kids to call us sir or ma'am.

You completely missed the point. OP has biracial kids, and when the world looks at them they will see black kids. They will not benefit from her privilege in this regard. The black parent has a better understanding of how these children will need to be constantly conscious of the image they are portraying. They will have to constantly be better behaved, more polite, and more respectful than the white kids, just to attempt to avoid the stereotypes and prejudice that will come their way.

+1

--White person who does a "massive inner eyeroll" when other white people don't get this

+2

+3

[Anonymous]

My kids use it. It's respectful. They also call adults "Miss/Mr" and would never just use their first name.

Nothing I hate worse than hearing an adult call for a kid or ask a kid a question and the kid responding "YEAH?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids use it. It's respectful. They also call adults "Miss/Mr" and would never just use their first name.

Nothing I hate worse than hearing an adult call for a kid or ask a kid a question and the kid responding "YEAH?"

OP here. Actually, his side of the family corrects children when they are called and the children respond by saying, "what?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids use it. It's respectful. They also call adults "Miss/Mr" and would never just use their first name.

Nothing I hate worse than hearing an adult call for a kid or ask a kid a question and the kid responding "YEAH?"

There's nothing you hate worse than a kid responding "yeah?" to an adult's question? Well. Um.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids use it. It's respectful. They also call adults "Miss/Mr" and would never just use their first name.

Nothing I hate worse than hearing an adult call for a kid or ask a kid a question and the kid responding "YEAH?"

Even when the adults specifically ask your kids to use just the adults' first name?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids use it. It's respectful. They also call adults "Miss/Mr" and would never just use their first name.

Nothing I hate worse than hearing an adult call for a kid or ask a kid a question and the kid responding "YEAH?"

OP here. Actually, his side of the family corrects children when they are called and the children respond by saying, "what?"

This was a huge pet peeve of my mom. Not allowed to respond with a 'what', although that is a reasonable response, in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids use it. It's respectful. They also call adults "Miss/Mr" and would never just use their first name.

Nothing I hate worse than hearing an adult call for a kid or ask a kid a question and the kid responding "YEAH?"

There's nothing you hate worse than a kid responding "yeah?" to an adult's question? Well. Um.

I'm sorry common colloquialisms are above your head.