Having children say "yes sir" or "yes mam"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can never go wrong teaching your kids to err on the side of being more polite and formal than less so.

Agree. Please teach them SOMETHING, whether it's sir/ ma'am, or Mr/ Mrs... I don't tolerate children calling me by my first name, or Miss _____. My name to children is Mrs Lastname, and if they say sir and ma'am as well, I know the parents have invested in their child's future by teaching them respect.

Respect is earned, dummy.

And you did not earn mine. (NP, BTW)

Fiddle-dee-dee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can never go wrong teaching your kids to err on the side of being more polite and formal than less so.

Agree. Please teach them SOMETHING, whether it's sir/ ma'am, or Mr/ Mrs... I don't tolerate children calling me by my first name, or Miss _____. My name to children is Mrs Lastname, and if they say sir and ma'am as well, I know the parents have invested in their child's future by teaching them respect.

Respect is earned, dummy.

And you did not earn mine. (NP, BTW)

Fiddle-dee-dee.

Not PP, but you sound like an asshole. Stop if you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We come from a military family - and both my husband and I really agreed we did NOT want to use the yes ma'am or sir.

One thing though OP, you and your husband (black or while) need to get on the same page on this.

I am also from a military family (from another country) who married a non-military guy. As a military daughter, I was so used to the chivalrous manners of the military men around me that it was a big adjustment to get used to the 'civilian' way of life. I loved the yes ma'am and sir. I guess I am old fashioned, because I have taught my sons to be polite and considerate to people around them. My son who is 10 years old, consistently gives his seat up for ladies and old people in the metro, holds open doors for people who need help in restaurants, dr. office, school etc - and I am filled with pride.

Really? So you are proud you are teaching him to be sexist? Yikes.
(I'm assuming you wouldn't teach your 10 year old DD to do the same?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We come from a military family - and both my husband and I really agreed we did NOT want to use the yes ma'am or sir.

One thing though OP, you and your husband (black or while) need to get on the same page on this.

I am also from a military family (from another country) who married a non-military guy. As a military daughter, I was so used to the chivalrous manners of the military men around me that it was a big adjustment to get used to the 'civilian' way of life. I loved the yes ma'am and sir. I guess I am old fashioned, because I have taught my sons to be polite and considerate to people around them. My son who is 10 years old, consistently gives his seat up for ladies and old people in the metro, holds open doors for people who need help in restaurants, dr. office, school etc - and I am filled with pride.

Really? So you are proud you are teaching him to be sexist? Yikes.
(I'm assuming you wouldn't teach your 10 year old DD to do the same?)

If you cannot discern the difference between sexism/misogyny and being gentlemanly/having good manners, then what can I do about that? You have been raised ignorant and it is really not my place to parent you and teach you manners, now is it?

However, if you are so insulted and you are a female, post your picture here and I will teach DS to recognize you and not to polite to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We come from a military family - and both my husband and I really agreed we did NOT want to use the yes ma'am or sir.

One thing though OP, you and your husband (black or while) need to get on the same page on this.

I am also from a military family (from another country) who married a non-military guy. As a military daughter, I was so used to the chivalrous manners of the military men around me that it was a big adjustment to get used to the 'civilian' way of life. I loved the yes ma'am and sir. I guess I am old fashioned, because I have taught my sons to be polite and considerate to people around them. My son who is 10 years old, consistently gives his seat up for ladies and old people in the metro, holds open doors for people who need help in restaurants, dr. office, school etc - and I am filled with pride.

Really? So you are proud you are teaching him to be sexist? Yikes.
(I'm assuming you wouldn't teach your 10 year old DD to do the same?)

NP here. I have a DD and have taught her to give up her seat on the Metro to adults and hold doors open for people. And I think it's great that that PP is so proud of her son for doing those things. She did not say at all that she wouldn't have a girl do the same things; she only said she was proud of her son's manners. That doesn't make him, or her, sexist. I bet son would give up a seat to a man too. Good for you, PP with the polite son.

[Anonymous]

I am from rural New England and sir/ma'am would definitely seem weird in my area. I think it would come across as implying that the person is uptight, bossy, or overly concerned with hierarchy and status. Personally, I am not offended or bothered by it, but I think it's important to understand that in some places it carries a meaning that is not very polite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We come from a military family - and both my husband and I really agreed we did NOT want to use the yes ma'am or sir.

One thing though OP, you and your husband (black or while) need to get on the same page on this.

I am also from a military family (from another country) who married a non-military guy. As a military daughter, I was so used to the chivalrous manners of the military men around me that it was a big adjustment to get used to the 'civilian' way of life. I loved the yes ma'am and sir. I guess I am old fashioned, because I have taught my sons to be polite and considerate to people around them. My son who is 10 years old, consistently gives his seat up for ladies and old people in the metro, holds open doors for people who need help in restaurants, dr. office, school etc - and I am filled with pride.

Really? So you are proud you are teaching him to be sexist? Yikes.
(I'm assuming you wouldn't teach your 10 year old DD to do the same?)

NP here. I have a DD and have taught her to give up her seat on the Metro to adults and hold doors open for people. And I think it's great that that PP is so proud of her son for doing those things. She did not say at all that she wouldn't have a girl do the same things; she only said she was proud of her son's manners. That doesn't make him, or her, sexist. I bet son would give up a seat to a man too. Good for you, PP with the polite son.

It's odd that the PP said "gives his seat up for ladies", then -- just "ladies".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We come from a military family - and both my husband and I really agreed we did NOT want to use the yes ma'am or sir.

One thing though OP, you and your husband (black or while) need to get on the same page on this.

I am also from a military family (from another country) who married a non-military guy. As a military daughter, I was so used to the chivalrous manners of the military men around me that it was a big adjustment to get used to the 'civilian' way of life. I loved the yes ma'am and sir. I guess I am old fashioned, because I have taught my sons to be polite and considerate to people around them. My son who is 10 years old, consistently gives his seat up for ladies and old people in the metro, holds open doors for people who need help in restaurants, dr. office, school etc - and I am filled with pride.

Really? So you are proud you are teaching him to be sexist? Yikes.
(I'm assuming you wouldn't teach your 10 year old DD to do the same?)

NP here. I have a DD and have taught her to give up her seat on the Metro to adults and hold doors open for people. And I think it's great that that PP is so proud of her son for doing those things. She did not say at all that she wouldn't have a girl do the same things; she only said she was proud of her son's manners. That doesn't make him, or her, sexist. I bet son would give up a seat to a man too. Good for you, PP with the polite son.

It's odd that the PP said "gives his seat up for ladies", then -- just "ladies".

LOL. Let me clarify. I am the mom of the DS who gives his seats to people he thinks that needs his help. Usually, it will be people who are older (men and women) and people with kids (usually he sees more moms with kids) etc. I do not prompt him to do these things, but he has modelled a lot of his behaviour from other family members. I have teachers (male and female), who have commented about him being a kid with a large heart.

People should teach their children to have good manners. This means any child you have - male or female. However, if you only have sons, then you cannot possibly teach your daughters.

BTW - do posters here clarify that they are moms of DDs or DSs or DD and DS?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We come from a military family - and both my husband and I really agreed we did NOT want to use the yes ma'am or sir.

One thing though OP, you and your husband (black or while) need to get on the same page on this.

I am also from a military family (from another country) who married a non-military guy. As a military daughter, I was so used to the chivalrous manners of the military men around me that it was a big adjustment to get used to the 'civilian' way of life. I loved the yes ma'am and sir. I guess I am old fashioned, because I have taught my sons to be polite and considerate to people around them. My son who is 10 years old, consistently gives his seat up for ladies and old people in the metro, holds open doors for people who need help in restaurants, dr. office, school etc - and I am filled with pride.

Really? So you are proud you are teaching him to be sexist? Yikes.
(I'm assuming you wouldn't teach your 10 year old DD to do the same?)

NP here. I have a DD and have taught her to give up her seat on the Metro to adults and hold doors open for people. And I think it's great that that PP is so proud of her son for doing those things. She did not say at all that she wouldn't have a girl do the same things; she only said she was proud of her son's manners. That doesn't make him, or her, sexist. I bet son would give up a seat to a man too. Good for you, PP with the polite son.

It's odd that the PP said "gives his seat up for ladies", then -- just "ladies".

LOL. Let me clarify. I am the mom of the DS who gives his seats to people he thinks that needs his help. Usually, it will be people who are older (men and women) and people with kids (usually he sees more moms with kids) etc. I do not prompt him to do these things, but he has modelled a lot of his behaviour from other family members. I have teachers (male and female), who have commented about him being a kid with a large heart.

People should teach their children to have good manners. This means any child you have - male or female. However, if you only have sons, then you cannot possibly teach your daughters.

BTW - do posters here clarify that they are moms of DDs or DSs or DD and DS?

Good for you PP! You are doing it right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We come from a military family - and both my husband and I really agreed we did NOT want to use the yes ma'am or sir.

One thing though OP, you and your husband (black or while) need to get on the same page on this.

I am also from a military family (from another country) who married a non-military guy. As a military daughter, I was so used to the chivalrous manners of the military men around me that it was a big adjustment to get used to the 'civilian' way of life. I loved the yes ma'am and sir. I guess I am old fashioned, because I have taught my sons to be polite and considerate to people around them. My son who is 10 years old, consistently gives his seat up for ladies and old people in the metro, holds open doors for people who need help in restaurants, dr. office, school etc - and I am filled with pride.

No, politeness and consideration are not old-fashioned. However, some of your ideas of what constitutes politeness/consideration may be old-fashioned. For example, it is no longer part of polite behavior for somebody to give up their seat on the Metro to somebody else merely because the first person is a male person and the second person is a female person.

I agree with this. We don't base manners on gender in my house. I've taught my son that we all, as able bodied individuals, give up seats to others who may physically need them more than we do. And he's seen me give up my seat (I'm female). He also knows that we all can be courteous by holding open doors for those behind us. Regardless of gender.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like it because I think all humans are equal, regardless of age. All people are deserving of courtesy, again, regardless of age. And using honorifics for only certain people in a social setting sets the tone that we are not all equals. You can be courteous and caring without titles. But would I fall on this sword in an argument with my husand? Probably not. I'd discuss my beliefs about it with the kids as they got older. At some point, They will decide how they want to address others anyway.

Oh wow, I don't even know where to begin. Do you seriously not believe it is good for children to respect authority? Surely kids cannot be given authority over adults so how exactly do you define equality? Of course children deserve respect but that doesn't mean that they are on an equal playing field with adults. In fact, I make it a point to tell my kids they are not equal with adults. It doesn't mean they should be treated more poorly, it means that they do not have the authority to say and act however they want. So whether it's me, their teacher, their friend's parent, their babysitter, they need to respect that authority.

I recently moved to the South from DC and have heard a few kids say 'sir' and 'ma'am.' It's actually surprisingly really nice to hear. It just sounds like someone who has been raised with a lot of class and manners. We have so much of the opposite nowadays with parents treating their kids like friends (or 'equals'), and kids treating adults with zero respect. I say if it reinforces respect and courtesy, why not?

A trillion pluses for you. There are so many parents trying to be their children's friend opposed to parenting, it's sickening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like it because I think all humans are equal, regardless of age. All people are deserving of courtesy, again, regardless of age. And using honorifics for only certain people in a social setting sets the tone that we are not all equals. You can be courteous and caring without titles. But would I fall on this sword in an argument with my husand? Probably not. I'd discuss my beliefs about it with the kids as they got older. At some point, They will decide how they want to address others anyway.

Oh wow, I don't even know where to begin. Do you seriously not believe it is good for children to respect authority? Surely kids cannot be given authority over adults so how exactly do you define equality? Of course children deserve respect but that doesn't mean that they are on an equal playing field with adults. In fact, I make it a point to tell my kids they are not equal with adults. It doesn't mean they should be treated more poorly, it means that they do not have the authority to say and act however they want. So whether it's me, their teacher, their friend's parent, their babysitter, they need to respect that authority.

I recently moved to the South from DC and have heard a few kids say 'sir' and 'ma'am.' It's actually surprisingly really nice to hear. It just sounds like someone who has been raised with a lot of class and manners. We have so much of the opposite nowadays with parents treating their kids like friends (or 'equals'), and kids treating adults with zero respect. I say if it reinforces respect and courtesy, why not?

I want my child to be courteous to all people, Not just those older than they are.

It's not a failure to teach manners. It's just a different approach to manners. It's not a free pass to act inappropriately. It's teaching appropriate behavior within the context that all humans are worthy of kindness and consideration, my child included. From the infant to the elderly. The disabled to the powerful.

Do your children call their teachers and coaches by their first name. Or, do they put coach or Ms in front of it. Do you allow your children to call your friends by their first name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's certainly not just a "slave thing." Plenty of parents do this, but it's more concentrated in the South.

I'd let him take the lead on this, because with biracial (black) kids, he knows better than you how to raise them to be respectful in society.

Agree totally on the race aspect. I'm black and[b] I never grew up to say yes mam/sir to my parents but respect was still a very big part of my childhood. For example I was always taught to call any adult "miss" or "mister"[i]'

This is similar with Asians. They don't necessarily say, yes mam/sir with parents but must use respectful tone. It was considered rude to call parents' friends and other adults by just first name without using Ms/Mr before it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Do your children call their teachers and coaches by their first name. Or, do they put coach or Ms in front of it. Do you allow your children to call your friends by their first name.

That depends on what the teachers, coaches, and friends want my children to call them. If the teachers, coaches, and friends want my children to call them by their first name, then my children call them by their first name. It's polite to call people what they want to be called.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Do your children call their teachers and coaches by their first name. Or, do they put coach or Ms in front of it. Do you allow your children to call your friends by their first name.

That depends on what the teachers, coaches, and friends want my children to call them. If the teachers, coaches, and friends want my children to call them by their first name, then my children call them by their first name. It's polite to call people what they want to be called.

Completely agree. In the absence of that knowledge, do they start by calling them by their first names, or do they address them with a title? I have a sneaking suspicion you'll find more people put off by an 8 year old starting with 'Hello Jane' instead of 'Hello Mrs Smith' and then being told Jane is fine.