Why do you call it "spanking" when it is "hitting"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here, haven't read the whole thread.

Regardless of what you call it, I don't think anyone can dispute that it is purposefully causing pain as a means of behavior modification.

That's scary to me, and not something I'm comfortable with or consider moral as a means of child discipline.

All punishments cause some sort of pain, whether it's physical or emotional (from isolation, banishment, restriction, denial of privileges/pleasure, criticism, disappointment, etc.) What makes physical pain, specifically, immoral?

I try not to punish, instead focusing on problem-solving. The only classic "punishment" I use is removal from a situation when my child's actions are currently dangerous. All behavior has an underlying reason and motivation, so dealing with that is usually more effective in my experience.

Causing physical pain purposefully like that just feels wrong to me. It seems abusive. The basic dynamic even when I was occasionally spanked as a child was something like "I love you and I want you to improve as a person, so I'm going to hurt you unless you act as I think is best". After watching a dear friend get out of a terribly abusive relationship in our teen years, I cannot see how it is at all loving, moral, or appropriate to involve non-consensual physical contact in a non-emergency interaction with anyone.

[Anonymous]

Well, I'm not looking for reasons to punish and spank, either. I think that goes without saying. And punishment of any type is rarely consensual.

If, as you said, you associate all spanking with abusive relationships, then it's understandable that you can't examine this topic rationally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I'm not looking for reasons to punish and spank, either. I think that goes without saying. And punishment of any type is rarely consensual.

If, as you said, you associate all spanking with abusive relationships, then it's understandable that you can't examine this topic rationally.

That's why I try not to 'punish'... if there's a problem, we solve it, but I don't see the point of punishments/penalties/imposed consequences beyond what follows logically, and I think there's usually a way to arrive at a mutually agreeable solution that everyone is happy with. That's my goal. Consent and safety are the two most important things to me in any interaction with anyone, so I will not violate either unless the two are in direct immediate conflict and I must pick one. I associate all spanking with abuse because I believe it is abusive to purposefully hurt someone in order to force their behavior to conform to your standards.

You're right, I don't think my continued participation in this thread is going to be productive...opinions on this topic are strong on both sides, and mine will never change. Unless a specific question or comment is directed to me that requires a response, I'm done with this thread now. Thanks for an interesting discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After reading through these forums and seeing the pride that so many take from hitting their children, I'm really curious about this.

You are hitting your children. Why not own it?

Oh, good. Another strident asshole.

I oppose spanking, too. But you're being too cute by half.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please just make sure to let people you meet know you are spanking your kids so I can tell you how disgusting that is and stay far away from you. Oh yes I know you wouldn't want to be my friend anyway blah blah...then own it. Be open and honest about your "parenting" ways. So middle ages...

it's easier that you start with your tiresome tirade every time you meet anyone (to your credit, you are probably already doing this) so that spankers and non-spankers alike can avoid you. jeez.

I would probably not forge a relationship with people who hit children and wouldn't want my kids going to their house, especially unsupervised. No hitting is a pretty easy concept for small kids to understand, but not when a grown up starts hitting little kids. Discipline without hitting takes a lot of consistency and hard work (which is probably why hitting is so attractive, it's a lazy form of discipline) and I don't want that upended by my kids seeing a grown up hit a child especially without me there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please just make sure to let people you meet know you are spanking your kids so I can tell you how disgusting that is and stay far away from you. Oh yes I know you wouldn't want to be my friend anyway blah blah...then own it. Be open and honest about your "parenting" ways. So middle ages...

it's easier that you start with your tiresome tirade every time you meet anyone (to your credit, you are probably already doing this) so that spankers and non-spankers alike can avoid you. jeez.

I would probably not forge a relationship with people who hit children and wouldn't want my kids going to their house, especially unsupervised. No hitting is a pretty easy concept for small kids to understand, but not when a grown up starts hitting little kids. Discipline without hitting takes a lot of consistency and hard work (which is probably why hitting is so attractive, it's a lazy form of discipline) and I don't want that upended by my kids seeing a grown up hit a child especially without me there.

Do you also not drink alcohol because it is hard to teach a child not to drink alcohol if an adult does it?

[Anonymous]

It's pretty unlikely that I would ever spank my kids during a playdate. Now, if you just want to hate me because you disagree with our choice for discipline, that's certainly your right. But your justification for your hatred is weak.

[Anonymous]

For those who spank, what do you think when you see someone smack their kid's bottom in public? I see that often...and also see kids getting smacked upside the head regularly. Do you spank in public if your child is misbehaving or keep it something secret in your home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please just make sure to let people you meet know you are spanking your kids so I can tell you how disgusting that is and stay far away from you. Oh yes I know you wouldn't want to be my friend anyway blah blah...then own it. Be open and honest about your "parenting" ways. So middle ages...

it's easier that you start with your tiresome tirade every time you meet anyone (to your credit, you are probably already doing this) so that spankers and non-spankers alike can avoid you. jeez.

I would probably not forge a relationship with people who hit children and wouldn't want my kids going to their house, especially unsupervised. No hitting is a pretty easy concept for small kids to understand, but not when a grown up starts hitting little kids. Discipline without hitting takes a lot of consistency and hard work (which is probably why hitting is so attractive, it's a lazy form of discipline) and I don't want that upended by my kids seeing a grown up hit a child especially without me there.

Well, let's hope that you don't spend much time in public so that your snowflake is spared the horror of ever watching a kid get a swat on the bum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those who spank, what do you think when you see someone smack their kid's bottom in public? I see that often...and also see kids getting smacked upside the head regularly. Do you spank in public if your child is misbehaving or keep it something secret in your home?

If someone swats a bottom in the store, no big deal. Hitting a kid upside the head with any degree of force is not something of which I approve. (I'm qualifying that because sometimes a parent might do a tap or flick or something.)

When I've spanked, it's not been in public. It's not because I'm trying to keep it secret, but simply because I believe it's something that should be done with a moment or two of deliberation, discussion, and then carried out in private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here, haven't read the whole thread.

Regardless of what you call it, I don't think anyone can dispute that it is purposefully causing pain as a means of behavior modification.

That's scary to me, and not something I'm comfortable with or consider moral as a means of child discipline.

All punishments cause some sort of pain, whether it's physical or emotional (from isolation, banishment, restriction, denial of privileges/pleasure, criticism, disappointment, etc.) What makes physical pain, specifically, immoral?

You wasted your time responding to this poster as she probably won't read it. She did not bother reading the thread. She just wanted to post her worthless two cents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those who spank, what do you think when you see someone smack their kid's bottom in public? I see that often...and also see kids getting smacked upside the head regularly. Do you spank in public if your child is misbehaving or keep it something secret in your home?

No, that's not something I believe is appropriate in public. Nor do I think timeouts are appropriate in public. I've seen both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here, haven't read the whole thread.

Regardless of what you call it, I don't think anyone can dispute that it is purposefully causing pain as a means of behavior modification.

That's scary to me, and not something I'm comfortable with or consider moral as a means of child discipline.

All punishments cause some sort of pain, whether it's physical or emotional (from isolation, banishment, restriction, denial of privileges/pleasure, criticism, disappointment, etc.) What makes physical pain, specifically, immoral?

I try not to punish, instead focusing on problem-solving. The only classic "punishment" I use is removal from a situation when my child's actions are currently dangerous. All behavior has an underlying reason and motivation, so dealing with that is usually more effective in my experience.

Causing physical pain purposefully like that just feels wrong to me. It seems abusive. The basic dynamic even when I was occasionally spanked as a child was something like "I love you and I want you to improve as a person, so I'm going to hurt you unless you act as I think is best". After watching a dear friend get out of a terribly abusive relationship in our teen years, I cannot see how it is at all loving, moral, or appropriate to involve non-consensual physical contact in a non-emergency interaction with anyone.

Just how old are your children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here, haven't read the whole thread.

Regardless of what you call it, I don't think anyone can dispute that it is purposefully causing pain as a means of behavior modification.

That's scary to me, and not something I'm comfortable with or consider moral as a means of child discipline.

All punishments cause some sort of pain, whether it's physical or emotional (from isolation, banishment, restriction, denial of privileges/pleasure, criticism, disappointment, etc.) What makes physical pain, specifically, immoral?

You wasted your time responding to this poster as she probably won't read it. She did not bother reading the thread. She just wanted to post her worthless two cents.

Such has been the case for her throughout the entire thread.

[Anonymous]

For those of you who say that you're spanking in private, how is this carried out? Are you saying "You're getting a spanking when we get home?" What constitutes a spanking? Not flaming, just trying to understand? Are they crying all the way home?