Why do you call it "spanking" when it is "hitting"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please just make sure to let people you meet know you are spanking your kids so I can tell you how disgusting that is and stay far away from you. Oh yes I know you wouldn't want to be my friend anyway blah blah...then own it. Be open and honest about your "parenting" ways. So middle ages...

it's easier that you start with your tiresome tirade every time you meet anyone (to your credit, you are probably already doing this) so that spankers and non-spankers alike can avoid you. jeez.

I would probably not forge a relationship with people who hit children and wouldn't want my kids going to their house, especially unsupervised. No hitting is a pretty easy concept for small kids to understand, but not when a grown up starts hitting little kids. Discipline without hitting takes a lot of consistency and hard work (which is probably why hitting is so attractive, it's a lazy form of discipline) and I don't want that upended by my kids seeing a grown up hit a child especially without me there.

I have spanked my child. I have spanked my sister's children. I would not spank one of my child's friends visiting on a play date. My child has invited a child on a play date. The kid was never invited back. No need to worry your pretty little head, your unruly, unmanageable children will not be invited on a second visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here, haven't read the whole thread.

Regardless of what you call it, I don't think anyone can dispute that it is purposefully causing pain as a means of behavior modification.

That's scary to me, and not something I'm comfortable with or consider moral as a means of child discipline.

All punishments cause some sort of pain, whether it's physical or emotional (from isolation, banishment, restriction, denial of privileges/pleasure, criticism, disappointment, etc.) What makes physical pain, specifically, immoral?

You wasted your time responding to this poster as she probably won't read it. She did not bother reading the thread. She just wanted to post her worthless two cents.

I thought her two posts were interesting. Certainly didn't have the effect of convincing me not to spank or punish, somewhat the opposite. We discuss, and are understanding about being hungry, overtired, etc., but that's no excuse, especially as they get older.

Anyway, it seemed such an extreme perspective, and different from mine. It's good to hear other viewpoints.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who say that you're spanking in private, how is this carried out? Are you saying "You're getting a spanking when we get home?" What constitutes a spanking? Not flaming, just trying to understand? Are they crying all the way home?

This is such a hard approach to understand... My parents did this and it was horrible. The crying and anticipation for what felt like HOURS. It made me harden against them because it felt so cruel. I would also truly love to understand *why* people choose this approach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those who spank, what do you think when you see someone smack their kid's bottom in public? I see that often...and also see kids getting smacked upside the head regularly. Do you spank in public if your child is misbehaving or keep it something secret in your home?

Swat on the legs, bottom, arm - no problem. A swat to the head would make me cringe. Of course, everything would be relative to the surrounding circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Maybe once or twice we've gone out to the car and I've spanked there. Otherwise, they're mostly pretty good when we're out, or a warning of "Do you want to get in 'big trouble'--that's code--at home?" will stop them in their tracks.

If I spank, it's over my lap. Keeps everything more under control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who say that you're spanking in private, how is this carried out? Are you saying "You're getting a spanking when we get home?" What constitutes a spanking? Not flaming, just trying to understand? Are they crying all the way home?

This is such a hard approach to understand... My parents did this and it was horrible. The crying and anticipation for what felt like HOURS. It made me harden against them because it felt so cruel. I would also truly love to understand *why* people choose this approach.

I don't believe kids should be spanked in public, or yelled at. Generally, my kids behavior isn't that bad when we're out of the house. A threat of leaving is usually enough to keep them in line. Otherwise, we will leave.

[Anonymous]

While I'm sure that all of you spankers are 100% in control of your emotions and use other discipline methods in your home, that has not been true of the vast majority of people I have personally observed punishing their children by striking them. What I have seen, in public and among the people I grew up around, ranged between frustrated parents with few parenting skills hitting a child on the hand, head or bottom because the child was whining/crying/not listening/other infraction unrelated to safety and parents saying things like "When we get home, you'll choose a belt" to children who had committed more serious infractions. In all cases, the public spanking or public threat of private spanking was not immediately followed by the family leaving the public situation. Mostly they just stick around at the BBQ or wherever and the child's behavior does not actually change.

So while I suppose I can understand what you guys are saying about calm, rational spanks and only doing it in very serious circumstances, that has not been my observation of how this technique is used.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While I'm sure that all of you spankers are 100% in control of your emotions and use other discipline methods in your home, that has not been true of the vast majority of people I have personally observed punishing their children by striking them. What I have seen, in public and among the people I grew up around, ranged between frustrated parents with few parenting skills hitting a child on the hand, head or bottom because the child was whining/crying/not listening/other infraction unrelated to safety and parents saying things like "When we get home, you'll choose a belt" to children who had committed more serious infractions. In all cases, the public spanking or public threat of private spanking was not immediately followed by the family leaving the public situation. Mostly they just stick around at the BBQ or wherever and the child's behavior does not actually change.

So while I suppose I can understand what you guys are saying about calm, rational spanks and only doing it in very serious circumstances, that has not been my observation of how this technique is used.

Those are all fair points. "Choose a belt"??? OMG. But surely you can see where selection bias is at play here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While I'm sure that all of you spankers are 100% in control of your emotions and use other discipline methods in your home, that has not been true of the vast majority of people I have personally observed punishing their children by striking them. What I have seen, in public and among the people I grew up around, ranged between frustrated parents with few parenting skills hitting a child on the hand, head or bottom because the child was whining/crying/not listening/other infraction unrelated to safety and parents saying things like "When we get home, you'll choose a belt" to children who had committed more serious infractions. In all cases, the public spanking or public threat of private spanking was not immediately followed by the family leaving the public situation. Mostly they just stick around at the BBQ or wherever and the child's behavior does not actually change.

So while I suppose I can understand what you guys are saying about calm, rational spanks and only doing it in very serious circumstances, that has not been my observation of how this technique is used.

Are you OP? That would be impressive if we were actually able to convince you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While I'm sure that all of you spankers are 100% in control of your emotions and use other discipline methods in your home, that has not been true of the vast majority of people I have personally observed punishing their children by striking them. What I have seen, in public and a

mong the people I grew up around, ranged between frustrated parents with few parenting skills hitting a child on the hand, head or bottom because the child was whining/crying/not listening/other infraction unrelated to safety and parents saying things like "When we get home, you'll choose a belt" to children who had committed more serious infractions. In all cases, the public spanking or public threat of private spanking was not immediately followed by the family leaving the public situation. Mostly they just stick around at the BBQ or wherever and the child's behavior does not actually change.

So while I suppose I can understand what you guys are saying about calm, rational spanks and only doing it in very serious circumstances, that has not been my observation of how this technique is used.

Where do you live that you see all these people spanking their kids? Your story sounds incredulous to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I'm sure that all of you spankers are 100% in control of your emotions and use other discipline methods in your home, that has not been true of the vast majority of people I have personally observed punishing their children by striking them. What I have seen, in public and among the people I grew up around, ranged between frustrated parents with few parenting skills hitting a child on the hand, head or bottom because the child was whining/crying/not listening/other infraction unrelated to safety and parents saying things like "When we get home, you'll choose a belt" to children who had committed more serious infractions. In all cases, the public spanking or public threat of private spanking was not immediately followed by the family leaving the public situation. Mostly they just stick around at the BBQ or wherever and the child's behavior does not actually change.

So while I suppose I can understand what you guys are saying about calm, rational spanks and only doing it in very serious circumstances, that has not been my observation of how this technique is used.

Those are all fair points. "Choose a belt"??? OMG. But surely you can see where selection bias is at play here.

I absolutely can, but I am also absolutely sure that I am not the only one who has had these experiences, which were common in the part of the country where I grew up. I can tell you from experience that the things many of you are saying about spanking being a punishment of last resort are not true for many people who spank. People who are pro-spanking should absolutely consider that their calm, rational spanks are not the only way that the technique is practiced, and that for some people, a hard line of non-violence is the only answer to that tension.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I'm sure that all of you spankers are 100% in control of your emotions and use other discipline methods in your home, that has not been true of the vast majority of people I have personally observed punishing their children by striking them. What I have seen, in public and a

mong the people I grew up around, ranged between frustrated parents with few parenting skills hitting a child on the hand, head or bottom because the child was whining/crying/not listening/other infraction unrelated to safety and parents saying things like "When we get home, you'll choose a belt" to children who had committed more serious infractions. In all cases, the public spanking or public threat of private spanking was not immediately followed by the family leaving the public situation. Mostly they just stick around at the BBQ or wherever and the child's behavior does not actually change.

So while I suppose I can understand what you guys are saying about calm, rational spanks and only doing it in very serious circumstances, that has not been my observation of how this technique is used.

Where do you live that you see all these people spanking their kids? Your story sounds incredulous to me.

It doesn't to me. It sounds like Ruralsville, where I lived for a few years. It doesn't sound like here, I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I'm sure that all of you spankers are 100% in control of your emotions and use other discipline methods in your home, that has not been true of the vast majority of people I have personally observed punishing their children by striking them. What I have seen, in public and among the people I grew up around, ranged between frustrated parents with few parenting skills hitting a child on the hand, head or bottom because the child was whining/crying/not listening/other infraction unrelated to safety and parents saying things like "When we get home, you'll choose a belt" to children who had committed more serious infractions. In all cases, the public spanking or public threat of private spanking was not immediately followed by the family leaving the public situation. Mostly they just stick around at the BBQ or wherever and the child's behavior does not actually change.

So while I suppose I can understand what you guys are saying about calm, rational spanks and only doing it in very serious circumstances, that has not been my observation of how this technique is used.

Those are all fair points. "Choose a belt"??? OMG. But surely you can see where selection bias is at play here.

I absolutely can, but I am also absolutely sure that I am not the only one who has had these experiences, which were common in the part of the country where I grew up. I can tell you from experience that the things many of you are saying about spanking being a punishment of last resort are not true for many people who spank. People who are pro-spanking should absolutely consider that their calm, rational spanks are not the only way that the technique is practiced, and that for some people, a hard line of non-violence is the only answer to that tension.

Of course it's not the only way that it's practiced. Nobody suggested that everyone does it the proper way. Why would that mean that nobody should ever spank? That is not a logical conclusion to to reach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I'm sure that all of you spankers are 100% in control of your emotions and use other discipline methods in your home, that has not been true of the vast majority of people I have personally observed punishing their children by striking them. What I have seen, in public and a

mong the people I grew up around, ranged between frustrated parents with few parenting skills hitting a child on the hand, head or bottom because the child was whining/crying/not listening/other infraction unrelated to safety and parents saying things like "When we get home, you'll choose a belt" to children who had committed more serious infractions. In all cases, the public spanking or public threat of private spanking was not immediately followed by the family leaving the public situation. Mostly they just stick around at the BBQ or wherever and the child's behavior does not actually change.

So while I suppose I can understand what you guys are saying about calm, rational spanks and only doing it in very serious circumstances, that has not been my observation of how this technique is used.

Where do you live that you see all these people spanking their kids? Your story sounds incredulous to me.

PP here. I'm not the OP, so sorry that you haven't convinced her. I grew up in the Midwest. The people I'm describing are families that we knew and socialized with when I was kid. Those kids have since gone on to use similar disciplinary techniques with their children, which I have observed pretty much every time I go home. I am also talking about a handful of incidents I've observed in this area: at Target, at the grocery store, etc.

I'm glad it sounds unbelievable to you. Fewer children experiencing those things, the better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I'm sure that all of you spankers are 100% in control of your emotions and use other discipline methods in your home, that has not been true of the vast majority of people I have personally observed punishing their children by striking them. What I have seen, in public and a

mong the people I grew up around, ranged between frustrated parents with few parenting skills hitting a child on the hand, head or bottom because the child was whining/crying/not listening/other infraction unrelated to safety and parents saying things like "When we get home, you'll choose a belt" to children who had committed more serious infractions. In all cases, the public spanking or public threat of private spanking was not immediately followed by the family leaving the public situation. Mostly they just stick around at the BBQ or wherever and the child's behavior does not actually change.

So while I suppose I can understand what you guys are saying about calm, rational spanks and only doing it in very serious circumstances, that has not been my observation of how this technique is used.

Where do you live that you see all these people spanking their kids? Your story sounds incredulous to me.

It doesn't to me. It sounds like Ruralsville, where I lived for a few years. It doesn't sound like here, I agree. [/quote
I live in Ruralsville, and I agree that many of us spank (including me). But I've never seen or observed this type of thing. I think you have to go lower-income to see that, and when you do that, you'll find it just as much in urban environments. Try the NYC subway sometime.