do you ever bend the rules so your kid can just feel cool

[Anonymous]

OP, if your daughter feels great in it, that's all that matters. I remember spending many teenage summer days sobbing (yes, literally sobbing) because I couldn't find a swimsuit that made me feel good about myself. If she loves this, be happy!

FWIW, I teach middle school and have a fairly conservative approach to what I feel is appropriate for school. Based on what the girls wear, I highly doubt this will stand out in any way.

[Anonymous]

I think that suit is totally fine. And I tend to wear modest tankinis myself.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:op here...its this one...
http://www.ae.com/aerie/browse/product.jsp?productId=0752_8749_527&catId=cat6900034&bundleCatId=cat7400013

For her age, no. Your husband knows what the boys will have in mind.

So what? That's the boys' problem, not hers. She shouldn't have to cover up to make the boys (or their parents) more comfortable.

Separately, you should talk to her about her body and appropriate boundaries around it, but that's not a reason not to wear this swim suit.

Thank you. What a girl wears should never be dictated by what boys might "have in mind."

x 1,000

We should teach boys to control themselves. Girls shouldn't be held responsible for "defrauding" them (as the jargon in the fundamentalist whackadoodle female blaming circles goes).

So why not let your daughters walk around naked? Of course boys and men are responsible for controlling themselves but that doesn't mean it's appropriate or safe for girls to wear nothing but lingerie 24/7. When I see some of the suits that young girls wear to our neighborhood pool, I'm horrified for them. It's not a feminist statement to sexualize 13yo girls.

OP, I don't think the suit you posted is wildly over the top, and boy do I remember the horror of swimsuit shopping as an awkward teen. At the same time, I understand your husband's reaction. It's awfully skimpy for girl who is not a child but still not yet a grown woman. I'm just so, so, so glad that I only have boys.

No, I don't let my daughter (only have one) walk around naked. I also teach her, in age-appropriate terms, that lingerie (if you mean the sexy, come-on kind) is a tool of the patriarchy.

That swimsuit, IMO, is not sexy. It's cute and I can't find anything wrong with that.

[Anonymous]

Wow you people are really old and I say that as a 43 yr old soccer mom.

I remember being a young teen and having several bathing suits - one I wore to the pool to get in the water with friends and play around, one for actual lap swimming and several to wear to pool parties where the idea was to hang out, be seen, and maybe get in the water half way to cool off and then go back to hanging out. It's clear that the suit OP's dd bought was for the later case and it's fine. I also remember spending a good amount if time with a towel wrapped around my legs sitting in the chairs.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:
As a European, I confess you prudish Americans amaze me. What's wrong with this swimsuit, for crying out loud?! It's super cute, and not sexy at all.

What does being European have to do with anything?

Because outside of this country, bathingsuits are not something you "earn" by the shape you are in, the age you are or the amount of sex appeal you should or should not have. They simply aren't. They are a top and bottom of varying sizes (based more on style preference than anything else) and you grab them and go to the pool or beach or whatever and don't think about it.

Signed a born and bred American.

I've never felt more comfy in a bathingsuit as when I lived in South East Asia of all places (ironically most locals avoided the sun like the plague) since the majority of the expats I was in contact with were not American and didn't give a damn hoot what I wore and thought it was weird that I had mostly full coverage suits except for very private pools and the like where I wanted a bit of color but not anyone to see me. It was liberating to stop thinking that way after a while and just get in the damn pool

[Anonymous]

OP, love the suit you purchased for your daughter. You should not be so hard on yourself. Teach your daughter good judgment, self respect, and confidence.

Don't listen to the haters on this thread, you did nothing wrong.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:No way is that suit what all the other 13 yo will be wearing! Most of the girls that age at our pool are in one piece suits. It is the high school girls that are in skimpy suits like the one you bought your daughter.

Yeah those are 9 year olds who look 13 to you. Unless it's on swim team, 13 year olds are NOT wearing one pieces especially not to a boy girl pool party. As Garth Algar would say, get the Net!

OP, I stand by my original comment that his was a good move for you. Being a good mom sometimes means bending a little to help your kid out. Kids need that help sometimes, especially the awkward ones. You did her a solid with this and I guarantee she will remember it years down the road when she has her own daughter.

My daughter is 14 and hosted a 50 kid swim party last year and 80% of the kids had on one pieces and tankini's. The rest were either athletic type of bikinis or even a few swim shirts. Sorry to burst your bubble but there was zero string bikinis.

Sorry to burst your bubble but what OP posted isn't a string bikini either. Maybe compared to your Lands End swim dress...

. That was my point. No string bikinis meant a bikini like this was the most revealing at the party. By a long shot. And for you to make a joke about it just shows how uncomfortable and uninformed you are. It is not the norm for a middle schooler to wear a bikini like that. I have two teens and neither of them not their friends wore those types of bathing suits in 7th grade.

Where do you live? It's completely the norm at all the Bethesda pools I've been at to see middle schoolers wearing bikinis like that. I don't think I've seen a girl over 8 wearing a one piece other than at swim practice, and tankinis are considered mom suits.