All the guys I like on match do not want potential matches to have kids.

[Anonymous]

I'm a 37 year old never married guy. A kid isn't necessarily a deal breaker in a woman, but she'd have to be really special. Even if the kid is great, it's a huge complication and we all already lead complicated lives.

That's not to say there aren't single men who date/marry single moms. But there are many, many single women without kids in DC and other big cities. All else being equal, the guys with options (and no kids themselves) will choose the childless woman.

Dating her age or even a couple years younger won't help. In fact, it will increase the likelihood the guys will just be into something casual. Many childless guys in their late 20's are looking for relationships, but with childless women in their mid to late 20's. They'd date/have sex with OP but that's it. She is smart to look older, that's where she'll have the most luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 31. One child. Ready for dating but so many men do not want to deal with moms. I am quite attractive and athletic. My child is everything to me. Is this a good place for me to look for a relationship?

Well, let's see. You are damaged goods with a byproduct of unprotected sex with another guy. As you say above, said byproduct is everything to you, so at best a potential mate would be playing second fiddle to it. If you were to have any more kids by him, he would be further downgraded to third fiddle, fourth, etc.

Sign me up for that baggage carrying, "attractive" stretched out post-child vag... said no unchilded 31 year old male, ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 31. One child. Ready for dating but so many men do not want to deal with moms. I am quite attractive and athletic. My child is everything to me. Is this a good place for me to look for a relationship?

Well, let's see. You are damaged goods with a byproduct of unprotected sex with another guy. As you say above, said byproduct is everything to you, so at best a potential mate would be playing second fiddle to it. If you were to have any more kids by him, he would be further downgraded to third fiddle, fourth, etc.

Sign me up for that baggage carrying, "attractive" stretched out post-child vag... said no unchilded 31 year old male, ever.

lol, get a life. The "byproduct" is loved and cared for by a wonderful dad with whom I was not very happy for different reasons. I bet you are very unhappy and unattractive and do not even know what a vagina feels like. Or, are you a woman who never gets dates? I do not have to prove anything to anyone but will tell you - my VG and body are as tight as ever, thanks to good genes and rigorous exercise routine.

We wanted our child and the child is very lucky to have good loving parents. Yes, it sucks that we could not figure things out but it is life and at least I have one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 37 year old never married guy. A kid isn't necessarily a deal breaker in a woman, but she'd have to be really special. Even if the kid is great, it's a huge complication and we all already lead complicated lives.

That's not to say there aren't single men who date/marry single moms. But there are many, many single women without kids in DC and other big cities. All else being equal, the guys with options (and no kids themselves) will choose the childless woman.

Dating her age or even a couple years younger won't help. In fact, it will increase the likelihood the guys will just be into something casual. Many childless guys in their late 20's are looking for relationships, but with childless women in their mid to late 20's. They'd date/have sex with OP but that's it. She is smart to look older, that's where she'll have the most luck.

OP, this is why dating an older guy isn't necessarily going to net you better results. You have to treat guys as individuals. I'm the 31yo single mom and personal experience in the dating world has taught me that. I get asked out regularly and have met guys looking for commitment. Don't play yourself into thinking only an older guy will take you seriously. Sometimes guys our age and a bit younger don't have as many negative dating experiences to judge you against.

Dating can be a crapshoot for all singles, but all you need is one guy to fit with you. Try your best to treat each date as just that! You can sabotage something good if you're going in with too many expectations. Oh, and the first two weeks on any online website, you're the new fish. Take advantage!lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 37 year old never married guy. A kid isn't necessarily a deal breaker in a woman, but she'd have to be really special. Even if the kid is great, it's a huge complication and we all already lead complicated lives.

That's not to say there aren't single men who date/marry single moms. But there are many, many single women without kids in DC and other big cities. All else being equal, the guys with options (and no kids themselves) will choose the childless woman.

Dating her age or even a couple years younger won't help. In fact, it will increase the likelihood the guys will just be into something casual. Many childless guys in their late 20's are looking for relationships, but with childless women in their mid to late 20's. They'd date/have sex with OP but that's it. She is smart to look older, that's where she'll have the most luck.

i'm a PP guy in the first page. The kid isn't the issue (i've dated single mom's in the past with youngish kids) but perhaps its just my luck but the drama that a baby daddy brings is a huge issue. even if it is relatively 'smooth'.

If I date a single mom again, it'll only be a situation where the Baby Daddy is dead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 31. One child. Ready for dating but so many men do not want to deal with moms. I am quite attractive and athletic. My child is everything to me. Is this a good place for me to look for a relationship?

Well, let's see. You are damaged goods with a byproduct of unprotected sex with another guy. As you say above, said byproduct is everything to you, so at best a potential mate would be playing second fiddle to it. If you were to have any more kids by him, he would be further downgraded to third fiddle, fourth, etc.

Sign me up for that baggage carrying, "attractive" stretched out post-child vag... said no unchilded 31 year old male, ever.

lol, get a life. The "byproduct" is loved and cared for by a wonderful dad with whom I was not very happy for different reasons. I bet you are very unhappy and unattractive and do not even know what a vagina feels like. Or, are you a woman who never gets dates? I do not have to prove anything to anyone but will tell you - my VG and body are as tight as ever, thanks to good genes and rigorous exercise routine.

We wanted our child and the child is very lucky to have good loving parents. Yes, it sucks that we could not figure things out but it is life and at least I have one.

Is the dad re-married? If so, how do you feel about his new wife having a part in your child's life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 37 year old never married guy. A kid isn't necessarily a deal breaker in a woman, but she'd have to be really special. Even if the kid is great, it's a huge complication and we all already lead complicated lives.

That's not to say there aren't single men who date/marry single moms. But there are many, many single women without kids in DC and other big cities. All else being equal, the guys with options (and no kids themselves) will choose the childless woman.

Dating her age or even a couple years younger won't help. In fact, it will increase the likelihood the guys will just be into something casual. Many childless guys in their late 20's are looking for relationships, but with childless women in their mid to late 20's. They'd date/have sex with OP but that's it. She is smart to look older, that's where she'll have the most luck.

OP, this is why dating an older guy isn't necessarily going to net you better results. You have to treat guys as individuals. I'm the 31yo single mom and personal experience in the dating world has taught me that. I get asked out regularly and have met guys looking for commitment. Don't play yourself into thinking only an older guy will take you seriously. Sometimes guys our age and a bit younger don't have as many negative dating experiences to judge you against.

Dating can be a crapshoot for all singles, but all you need is one guy to fit with you. Try your best to treat each date as just that! You can sabotage something good if you're going in with too many expectations. Oh, and the first two weeks on any online website, you're the new fish. Take advantage!lol

I think the advice about treating guys as individuals is good, but the first quoted poster speaks the truth, as does OP's own search results - men that she finds attractive in her desired age range who are childless don't want to date women with children. Is this a generality? Of course. I knew a guy who was mid-20s who met and started dating a woman who was at the time pregnant with someone else's child. He gave the child his last name when it was born, married her, and they've gone on to have 3 or 4 more. There are exceptions.

That said, it's smart to fish in the best possible pond, especially if you have limited time to fish (as OP obviously does, given that she's also parenting). Targeting her online searches (and the messages she sends out) to older men, preferably with children of their own, will yield the most results. If a truly exceptional fish should jump into her pond (e.g. younger, childless, messages her first) then by all means, she should consider them as the individual they are, but online, her efforts will be best spent on older men/men with children, using a cost/benefits analysis.

[Anonymous]

I'm a 32 year old single dad.
I'd say that online isn't quite so bad. You're just filtering through the crap right now. You'll eventually come across something worthwhile. I think the "my child is my world" thing will appeal to men with the right attitudinal set of values. Even though we share custody, my daughter is essentially my shadow. I've dated childless women since my divorce, but I found it to be rather perplexing: a lot of them were attracted to me because of my relationship with my daughter, but immediately threatened by it once we started dating.

To their credit, I think some of them had a disconnect between their idea of what it's like to have kids and reality. Understandably, some people can't adapt to being thrust into a ready-made family with time constraints, financial sacrifices, and shared attention with a child they didn't birth. For these reasons, I've changed my filters (OkCupid) to women with kids. At my age, I think they have a better handle on things, plus they'll be able to gauge rather or not they could handle the mental stress of adding another child to their lives.

I've dated two women over the last year and a half who both had kids. They both seemed to be easier to date due to shared background: school schedules, extracurriculars in the evenings or weekends, and having to split custody with the dads. The dads were a pain in the ass to deal with, but you can't have everything. Ultimately, it didn't work out with either. One was obviously still in love with her ex-husband. The other was going in a different direction in life.

I've forgotten the point of my rambling, but...good luck. It's not hopeless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 37 year old never married guy. A kid isn't necessarily a deal breaker in a woman, but she'd have to be really special. Even if the kid is great, it's a huge complication and we all already lead complicated lives.

That's not to say there aren't single men who date/marry single moms. But there are many, many single women without kids in DC and other big cities. All else being equal, the guys with options (and no kids themselves) will choose the childless woman.

Dating her age or even a couple years younger won't help. In fact, it will increase the likelihood the guys will just be into something casual. Many childless guys in their late 20's are looking for relationships, but with childless women in their mid to late 20's. They'd date/have sex with OP but that's it. She is smart to look older, that's where she'll have the most luck.

OP, this is why dating an older guy isn't necessarily going to net you better results. You have to treat guys as individuals. I'm the 31yo single mom and personal experience in the dating world has taught me that. I get asked out regularly and have met guys looking for commitment. Don't play yourself into thinking only an older guy will take you seriously. Sometimes guys our age and a bit younger don't have as many negative dating experiences to judge you against.

Dating can be a crapshoot for all singles, but all you need is one guy to fit with you. Try your best to treat each date as just that! You can sabotage something good if you're going in with too many expectations. Oh, and the first two weeks on any online website, you're the new fish. Take advantage!lol

I think the advice about treating guys as individuals is good, but the first quoted poster speaks the truth, as does OP's own search results - men that she finds attractive in her desired age range who are childless don't want to date women with children. Is this a generality? Of course. I knew a guy who was mid-20s who met and started dating a woman who was at the time pregnant with someone else's child. He gave the child his last name when it was born, married her, and they've gone on to have 3 or 4 more. There are exceptions.

That said, it's smart to fish in the best possible pond, especially if you have limited time to fish (as OP obviously does, given that she's also parenting). Targeting her online searches (and the messages she sends out) to older men, preferably with children of their own, will yield the most results. If a truly exceptional fish should jump into her pond (e.g. younger, childless, messages her first) then by all means, she should consider them as the individual they are, but online, her efforts will be best spent on older men/men with children, using a cost/benefits analysis.

Your analysis sounds good on paper, but its just not true. A truly exceptional fish = single, childless? Most singles our age will fall into this category. Its by far the biggest pond available. Don't miss out on that wave of guys who settle down between 32-35. OP, please don't sell yourself short here and assume that you don't stand a chance by virtue of having a child. You're still fairly young in this area and if you're still in great shape AND friendly, you will have options. I have married gfs (who were divorced moms) who have never dated older men (or dads) and were asked out regularly. Being attractive is the biggest hurdle. This is why men who claim they want women without kids are pinging you right and left. Sure, some of them will just want to screw. But guys go after childless women solely for sex too.lol As women, we've been weeding out those suckers since puberty hit, so that should be easy to do. Take advantage of the fact that you can still cast a wide age net. There will be plenty of duds online of all ages. Guys who are still quite immature, men who are clearly still single for a reason, men who trash their exes, etc.

OP, whats your custody situation? How strong is your support system?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for this post. It made me smile

We have a joint custody, so DC is with me every other week. No support system - just therapy. But I think I am ready to start dating as I feel better about myself and my life after the split.
The other poster pointed out a very important fact - I do not have a lot of time to "fish". But at the same time, I have no desire to jump into a serious relationship right away. A year ago I thought I would never start dating. Too extreme I know. I was scared and the thought of a new man in DC's life was just unfathomable.

It is amazing how some men manage to ruin it in just one sentence. Many do not even read profiles, I guess!

I am planning to join some meetup groups too.

[Anonymous]

OP, at your age most men are looking for a "clean slate". I'd understand if you were older (like in your 40s) but for a younger man (under 35). dating a woman with a kid is just too complicated. Especially with joint custody. Why bother when there are so many other profiles online.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for this post. It made me smile

We have a joint custody, so DC is with me every other week. No support system - just therapy. But I think I am ready to start dating as I feel better about myself and my life after the split.
The other poster pointed out a very important fact - I do not have a lot of time to "fish". But at the same time, I have no desire to jump into a serious relationship right away. A year ago I thought I would never start dating. Too extreme I know. I was scared and the thought of a new man in DC's life was just unfathomable.

It is amazing how some men manage to ruin it in just one sentence. Many do not even read profiles, I guess!

I am planning to join some meetup groups too.

Every other week? You're fine. You'll be FINE. You're definitely one of the fortunate ones. If you and your ex have a decent co-parenting relationship, even better. I totally understand the intimidation with getting back out there. My mom is the one who was adamant that I needed to date and hang with my friends. She started taking DC every weekend and insisting that I go out with friends and to date. I was probably better off taking a year off like you, but everyone (from colleagues to friends) had a friend for me. I met a few guys during that time that I seriously clicked with, were ready to settle down, great catches. But I was scared shitless about failing again so I got busy with work, even took an overseas assignment when I realized the younger guy was the real deal and I really liked him. I started therapy last year to deal with it all, because I realized that I was the common denominator.

Hopefully you're also going out with (single) friend or two regularly. My friend just got married last month to the hot guy she'd crushed on for a year at her gym. She worked up the courage to invite him out for drinks and the rest is history. The two guys I've clicked with the most and dated the longest were guys I met at nightclubs (killed my rule about never taking guys in clubs seriously). As I've suggested on DCUM, go grocery shopping on weeknights. Families and women hit the supermarket on weekends, single men are out during the week. If your type of guy lives in Clarendon, or would frequent a bar on U st, consider making your way to those places. Last year, we kept a friend's dog for 6 months. That dog got me sooooo much play, omg.lol Such a natural conversation starter. Practically daily, I would end up talking to a new guy (we live in a high traffic area). I'm an attractive woman, but I'm not that fine!lol But yea, best wing man ever!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for this post. It made me smile

We have a joint custody, so DC is with me every other week. No support system - just therapy. But I think I am ready to start dating as I feel better about myself and my life after the split.
The other poster pointed out a very important fact - I do not have a lot of time to "fish". But at the same time, I have no desire to jump into a serious relationship right away. A year ago I thought I would never start dating. Too extreme I know. I was scared and the thought of a new man in DC's life was just unfathomable.

It is amazing how some men manage to ruin it in just one sentence. Many do not even read profiles, I guess!

I am planning to join some meetup groups too.

Every other week? You're fine. You'll be FINE. You're definitely one of the fortunate ones. If you and your ex have a decent co-parenting relationship, even better. I totally understand the intimidation with getting back out there. My mom is the one who was adamant that I needed to date and hang with my friends. She started taking DC every weekend and insisting that I go out with friends and to date. I was probably better off taking a year off like you, [b]but everyone (from colleagues to friends) had a friend for me. I met a few guys during that time that I seriously clicked with, were ready to settle down, great catches. But I was scared shitless about failing again so I got busy with work, even took an overseas assignment when I realized the younger guy was the real deal and I really liked him. I started therapy last year to deal with it all, because I realized that I was the common denominator.

Hopefully you're also going out with (single) friend or two regularly. My friend just got married last month to the hot guy she'd crushed on for a year at her gym. She worked up the courage to invite him out for drinks and the rest is history. The two guys I've clicked with the most and dated the longest were guys I met at nightclubs (killed my rule about never taking guys in clubs seriously). As I've suggested on DCUM, go grocery shopping on weeknights. Families and women hit the supermarket on weekends, single men are out during the week. If your type of guy lives in Clarendon, or would frequent a bar on U st, consider making your way to those places. Last year, we kept a friend's dog for 6 months. That dog got me sooooo much play, omg.lol Such a natural conversation starter. Practically daily, I would end up talking to a new guy (we live in a high traffic area). I'm an attractive woman, but I'm not that fine!lol But yea, best wing man ever!

There it is. Absolute proof that any woman can find dozens of men to date at a moment's notice. Any woman who says she cannot find a ton of dates is lying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for this post. It made me smile

We have a joint custody, so DC is with me every other week. No support system - just therapy. But I think I am ready to start dating as I feel better about myself and my life after the split.
The other poster pointed out a very important fact - I do not have a lot of time to "fish". But at the same time, I have no desire to jump into a serious relationship right away. A year ago I thought I would never start dating. Too extreme I know. I was scared and the thought of a new man in DC's life was just unfathomable.

It is amazing how some men manage to ruin it in just one sentence. Many do not even read profiles, I guess!

I am planning to join some meetup groups too.

Every other week? You're fine. You'll be FINE. You're definitely one of the fortunate ones. If you and your ex have a decent co-parenting relationship, even better. I totally understand the intimidation with getting back out there. My mom is the one who was adamant that I needed to date and hang with my friends. She started taking DC every weekend and insisting that I go out with friends and to date. I was probably better off taking a year off like you, [b]but everyone (from colleagues to friends) had a friend for me. I met a few guys during that time that I seriously clicked with, were ready to settle down, great catches. But I was scared shitless about failing again so I got busy with work, even took an overseas assignment when I realized the younger guy was the real deal and I really liked him. I started therapy last year to deal with it all, because I realized that I was the common denominator.

Hopefully you're also going out with (single) friend or two regularly. My friend just got married last month to the hot guy she'd crushed on for a year at her gym. She worked up the courage to invite him out for drinks and the rest is history. The two guys I've clicked with the most and dated the longest were guys I met at nightclubs (killed my rule about never taking guys in clubs seriously). As I've suggested on DCUM, go grocery shopping on weeknights. Families and women hit the supermarket on weekends, single men are out during the week. If your type of guy lives in Clarendon, or would frequent a bar on U st, consider making your way to those places. Last year, we kept a friend's dog for 6 months. That dog got me sooooo much play, omg.lol Such a natural conversation starter. Practically daily, I would end up talking to a new guy (we live in a high traffic area). I'm an attractive woman, but I'm not that fine!lol But yea, best wing man ever!

There it is. Absolute proof that any woman can find dozens of men to date at a moment's notice. Any woman who says she cannot find a ton of dates is lying.

Not necessarily lying. They just filter-out the "working class schlubs."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for this post. It made me smile

We have a joint custody, so DC is with me every other week. No support system - just therapy. But I think I am ready to start dating as I feel better about myself and my life after the split.
The other poster pointed out a very important fact - I do not have a lot of time to "fish". But at the same time, I have no desire to jump into a serious relationship right away. A year ago I thought I would never start dating. Too extreme I know. I was scared and the thought of a new man in DC's life was just unfathomable.

It is amazing how some men manage to ruin it in just one sentence. Many do not even read profiles, I guess!

I am planning to join some meetup groups too.

Every other week? You're fine. You'll be FINE. You're definitely one of the fortunate ones. If you and your ex have a decent co-parenting relationship, even better. I totally understand the intimidation with getting back out there. My mom is the one who was adamant that I needed to date and hang with my friends. She started taking DC every weekend and insisting that I go out with friends and to date. I was probably better off taking a year off like you, [b]but everyone (from colleagues to friends) had a friend for me. I met a few guys during that time that I seriously clicked with, were ready to settle down, great catches. But I was scared shitless about failing again so I got busy with work, even took an overseas assignment when I realized the younger guy was the real deal and I really liked him. I started therapy last year to deal with it all, because I realized that I was the common denominator.

Hopefully you're also going out with (single) friend or two regularly. My friend just got married last month to the hot guy she'd crushed on for a year at her gym. She worked up the courage to invite him out for drinks and the rest is history. The two guys I've clicked with the most and dated the longest were guys I met at nightclubs (killed my rule about never taking guys in clubs seriously). As I've suggested on DCUM, go grocery shopping on weeknights. Families and women hit the supermarket on weekends, single men are out during the week. If your type of guy lives in Clarendon, or would frequent a bar on U st, consider making your way to those places. Last year, we kept a friend's dog for 6 months. That dog got me sooooo much play, omg.lol Such a natural conversation starter. Practically daily, I would end up talking to a new guy (we live in a high traffic area). I'm an attractive woman, but I'm not that fine!lol But yea, best wing man ever!

OP here. Did you even read my post?
There it is. Absolute proof that any woman can find dozens of men to date at a moment's notice. Any woman who says she cannot find a ton of dates is lying.