Telling MIL she cannot bring iPad to our house at Christmas?

[Anonymous]

MIL face times a lot with other grandchildren who are not there and obviously enjoys doing so and so must the grandchildren if they are doing it with her. She prefers to do it that versus spending actual time with OP's kids who are also her grandkids.

I think there is a message in that whether it pertains to the kids or OP's interaction with the MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you sound perfectly sane to me.

I agree with PPs that you can't tell her no iPad.

1) You can ask her to not bring it, saying that you are going for a no-electronics Christmas and tell her the Wifi will be turned off.

2) My MIL watches TV (news) all the time, all day; it's horrible. I get it.
The kids don't get why grandma doesn't spend any time with them and all that. My solution--which has worked, is to basically throw grandma under the bus!

In all seriousness, I think it's important to explain to your kids the dynamics of adults, especially when something unhealthy or weird is going on. Otherwise, the explanation that kids insert when things are unexplained is that the adult is normal, so something must be wrong with them (the kid) that grandma is acting that way. For your kids' sakes, you need to lay out that your kids are fine and it's grandma who has the problem.

"That adults are people, that they are not perfect, and that sometimes even ones we love engage in behaviors that we would not. And the problem is that even though they are in my house, since they are adults, and in this situation I cannot tell grandma to shut it off…her behavior is rude and I never want to see you doing this. And I know it's also sad, because you want to spend time with her and you can't, and she's missing out on spending time with you, but that's the choice she's made and we just have to deal with it…it has nothing to do with you, if she were with your cousins she would be ignoring them and face timing you!"

Something like that…


Now, on a different note--OP, get your iPad ready or borrow someone's, and have your kids go to their room and FaceTime grandma in the living room.

Geez -- lady it's just not that deep.

[Anonymous]

Didn't read the whole thread just the first page but do you, OP, tell your guests what to wear, eat, etc. and generally treat them like 3 yr olds when they come over?

You are a terrible hostesss, OP. Amazing you have anyone over the age of three come visit you at all.

[Anonymous]

I think OP is a troll.

I cannot imagine any DIL placing such a limitation on her MIL. I cannot imagine any adult doing so with any guests who are coming to visit.

If she is a troll, my hats off to her because she got eight pages of posts about a pretty unlikely scenario.

[Anonymous]

If my wife tried to tell MY mother some wacked out bullshit like that I'd kindly tell her she can spend the precious holidays by her damn self - me and the toddlers are going to Atlanta.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could the wifi in your house go down while she"s there?

That's what I was thinking!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my wife tried to tell MY mother some wacked out bullshit like that I'd kindly tell her she can spend the precious holidays by her damn self - me and the toddlers are going to Atlanta.

. Good answer.

[Anonymous]

I'm on your side OP. I also have a screen addicted mother in law. But, you can't tell her she can't bring the ipad. What you could do:
1. Right before kids open gifts have your husband (her son, really he is the one who should be communicating with her in difficult situations) kindly request that everyone put phones/iPads away for awhile, so that we can all just enjoy being together. You could do this anytime you are trying to do something together as a family.
2. During meals, have your husband again, make a kind request, "Hey ma, could you put the ipad away while we eat dinner. We are trying to teach the kids that dinner is for family, and at such a young age they don't understand why the rules sometimes apply and not others. Could you put it away while we eat?"

All requests by your husband need to be casual and not done in front of you or the kids, or she will be defensive. Sure she'll be on the screen the rest of the time, but you can't control everything. Baby steps.
FWIW, we both did this last Christmas. I made those requests of my sister and my husband did it with my mother in law. Worked out fine.

[Anonymous]

I've perused the pages so I'm sorry if someone else mentioned this but just because Grandma is on it, doesn't mean your kids need to be. My parents aren't this bad, but they are always all too willing to show DD the newest app or game or music that they downloaded. I can't get my parents off their electronics but I can say "Ok sweetie, no more screen time for you" and if grandma objects just politely restate that your child needs to do something else. It doesn't solve the problem of the grandparents constantly being on line but at least your child isn't sucked into hours per day in front of it.

Otherwise, yes I think it's up to DH to politely or jokingly or seriously or however he best communicates with his mom to ask for no electronics at the table or wherever your red lines are.

[Anonymous]

No kids yet but mil is addicted to her iPad also. Maybe I'll feel differently when we have kids, but I love it for now because it means less interaction with her

[Anonymous]

I'm amazed at how many people on this thread think that iPad is more important then a family's relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm amazed at how many people on this thread think that iPad is more important then a family's relationships.

Yes, exactly. The level of iPad usage by the MIL is too trivial a reason to ruin the relationship by treating MIL like she's a little kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm amazed at how many people on this thread think that iPad is more important then a family's relationships.

You completely misunderstood the issue at hand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my wife tried to tell MY mother some wacked out bullshit like that I'd kindly tell her she can spend the precious holidays by her damn self - me and the toddlers are going to Atlanta.

Absolutely!

I thought MILs' could be difficult but a DIL like the OP is off the wall crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the moment, do you or you husband say something to her? Like, "OK, grams, dinner will be ready in five. Do you think you can wrap up talking with (other relatives) and join us then?" Even just awkwardly waiting for her to get off the phone to start the meal might cue her in to how rude she's being.

If that's totally unworkable for whatever reason, then yes I'd unplug the internet for Christmas day. I was one drama filled Skype call away from pulling the plug when my MIL stayed with us and FIL tried to start WWIII from thousands of miles away.

Nope, don't wait for her. Tell her dinner will be in five minutes, and then start without her if she's still on the iPad. Seriously. And don't let her computer usage hold you guys back--if you want to play a card game, invite her, then play it. Don't make the kids be quiet while she's on the tablet--let them do whatever they would normally do and you do whatever you normally do. If she's choosing to ignore the people in front of her in favor of a device, then she's the one who's missing out.

Otherwise, I think it's fine to ask her to abide by the house rules (no screens at the dinner table, for example), and maybe suffer a wi-fi outage or two on Christmas, but you can't ask her not to bring it with her.