Telling MIL she cannot bring iPad to our house at Christmas?

[Anonymous]

My MIL carries her kindle and a book everywhere she goes. Every free second she has, her nose is stuck in one or another. Good for her!!!!! She spent her youth and middle age raising her kids and she did a hell of a job. She is almost 70, retired and I hope she spends the rest of her life doing whatever the F*** she wants!!!!
(as long as it does not require bail money from us)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL carries her kindle and a book everywhere she goes. Every free second she has, her nose is stuck in one or another. Good for her!!!!! She spent her youth and middle age raising her kids and she did a hell of a job. She is almost 70, retired and I hope she spends the rest of her life doing whatever the F*** she wants!!!!
(as long as it does not require bail money from us)

P.S. she has still managed to form a good relationship with her grand kids without any orchestration from her adult kids and kids in law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There was a thread awhile back about a grandmother who wasn't allowing screens at her house when she was hosting. Everyone was supporting her. It's interesting that this thread is the opposite.

OP, I get it. That kind of thing bothers me, too. And it sets a bad example for kids.

This thread isn't the opposite. It's not about screen time; it's about control. People aren't pro-screen time, they want the OP to realize she's a control freak.

Asking someone not to bring their iPad is controlling. She could be a grown up and ask her MIL nicely to put it away while the kids are in the room or not having it at the table. That is was what an adult would do. The passive aggressive adult can switch off the Wi Fi too. But really the OP is have a big hissy over nothing.

[Anonymous]

I'd do it. "We're having an old-fashioned holiday with no electronics, so please leave them at home! Can't wait to see you!" If they don't like it, they don't have to come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd do it. "We're having an old-fashioned holiday with no electronics, so please leave them at home! Can't wait to see you!" If they don't like it, they don't have to come.

She can come to my house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Holiday stress has officially started...my in-laws have decided to spend Christmas with my kids for the first time and, while I'm thrilled that my kids will finally get some holiday time with that set of grandparents, I'm trying to figure out whether or not I can tell my MIL she cannot bring her iPad to our house.

The last time they stayed with us, it became quite clear to me that MIL has a screen-time addiction, which resulted in my girls being ignored for the duration of the visit while she FaceTimed with grandkids in other states multiple times per day or played computer games once other grandkids' parents stopped picking up their phones. My kids have always been treated as the 'second rate' grandkids by my MIL (which is why this sudden holiday visit is such a shock to me) and I have accepted the fact that they'll always be ignored by her at family get-togethers where her other grandkids are present, but I'm having trouble swallowing the fact that she's now found a way to ignore them in favor of the other grandkids even when the others aren't physically present. When staying at our house, she literally cannot go more than a couple hours without contacting other grandkids to FaceTime, and wasn't able to participate in activities with my children without iPad in hand so that another grandkid or two could also be a participant.

I should mention that in-laws drive all the way from Atlanta to visit us, so I find it strange that she puts herself through such a long drive only to spend the majority of her visit talking into a 4-inch screen instead of making an effort to spend quality time with the children she only sees a few times a year.

This is not how I want to spend Christmas, and I really don't want my daughters (both are toddlers) to be taught that Christmas should revolve around an electronic device. My older daughter is very inquisitive and demands an excessive amount of screen time for herself when under MIL's influence, and I really don't want our holidays to become consumed by screen time. Last time my in-laws were here, there were times when my 3-year-old was literally putting toys in her grandma's lap, only to have my MIL shoo her away because the game of Solitaire she was playing was more important.

Probably worth mentioning that my MIL has an extreme lack of self control, so telling her she can bring the iPad but must limit the use of it won't work. If the device is in the house, she'll need it to be in her possession at all time--it will be joining us at the dinner table for holiday meals, present opening time will need to be scheduled around when other grandkids are available, and any other holiday activities will take a backseat to FaceTime. I had planned to tell her the iPad needed to be left at home on her next visit because it created such a problem last time she was here, but now that the next visit is taking place on a major holiday makes me feel like it's unfair to cut her off from her precious FaceTime app...

This a lesson your daughter will need to learn sooner or later so your MIL might be doing you a favor here. The the lesson is - your daughter is not the centre of the universe. Other people - even those closest to her - have their own interests, and those will not always take the back seat.

[Anonymous]

Wow. Control freak much, op?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd do it. "We're having an old-fashioned holiday with no electronics, so please leave them at home! Can't wait to see you!" If they don't like it, they don't have to come.

Gawd you sound like my MIL, only her good old fashioned holiday doesn't include alcohol. Vacation without wine only makes me want it more and I normally only have a few drinks a month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, you can't do that. That is crazy.

+1

[Anonymous]

I get it, OP, I really do. It's an illness and one that (as a frequent DCUM user) I suffer from. But you can't tell her not to bring it. The only thing you can do is have your husband tell her to get off it when you're trying to spend time together. If you're having downtime, you can't be upset she's on it.

Seriously, are there therapists that specialize in Internet/screen time addictions and re-engaging? I need one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG!!!!!
People need to get a life!!!
Let the old ladies be!
They have to come take care of you cause you are having baby #683
They must psychically divine that your baby announcement you plastered all over a tee shirt and tokd 2/3 of the damn family, is not ready for prime time Facebook.
They must buy exactly what's on your damn Amazon wish list.
They cannot be closer to your sister with kids or your almost SIL with no kids.
Now they cannot even enjoy playing Candy Crush in their Golden Years.
I swear by everything that is holy, that if I was the mother or MIL of half of you crazy heffas, I would have jumped off a bridge by now!!!!

+1!

. +1. Best post in a long time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd do it. "We're having an old-fashioned holiday with no electronics, so please leave them at home! Can't wait to see you!" If they don't like it, they don't have to come.

So you would really say this to a guest? What if she wants to read on her iPad at bed? Are you really not going to allow a guest to FaceTime with other family members on a holiday? All this bc she doesn't interact with your kids the way you think a grandma should interact?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd do it. "We're having an old-fashioned holiday with no electronics, so please leave them at home! Can't wait to see you!" If they don't like it, they don't have to come.

So you would really say this to a guest? What if she wants to read on her iPad at bed? Are you really not going to allow a guest to FaceTime with other family members on a holiday? All this bc she doesn't interact with your kids the way you think a grandma should interact?

I would, and I have- "Please leave your phones outside." They did.

[Anonymous]

This thread is making me really thankful for my sweet daughter-in-law. Think I'll call her in the morning and remind her of how much I love her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is making me really thankful for my sweet daughter-in-law. Think I'll call her in the morning and remind her of how much I love her.

Love ya, too, Mimi! But this year, leave the iPad at home. xoxo