Playdate ettiquette (esp. re lateness)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So the medical condition is bullshit and OP's kid just has SSS?

Special Snowflake Syndrome?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are the special snacks, OP? I'm dying to know what's so critical to your daughter's health yet you don't keep plenty of extra in-stock, ubiquitous enough to be at the front of the grocery store but rare enough that you couldn't ask the other mom to bring one, and that you couldn't possibly replicate quickly with something you had available? Why won't you just identify this elusive magical snack????

Bottom line-- I thing people would be a lot more sympathetic if you weren't so vague. It makes it sound like you're making up excuses. I have a feeling the other mom probably felt that too, and thus lost interest in the play date.

I'm with you...what are these snacks! For the love of god!

It's like a murder mystery. Here are the clues:
(1) it is a "balanced snack"
(2) it is located at the front of the grocery store
(3) b/c OP specifically said she had to go to a grocery store, we can presume CVS, 7-Eleven, etc. do not sell it
(4) it is kept in a drawer
(5) it is healthy enough that the OP's DC can have constant access to it
(6) other mom's don't keep it readily available
(7) a doctor recommends constant access to this snack
(8) it is not a beverage

and... GO... Guess away!

[Anonymous]

I'd guess Z Bars but they are kept near the pharmacy everywhere. And they are high calorie so constant access is a no go.

[Anonymous]

I keep a stash of shelf stable snacks in the car which prevents this from happening.

[Anonymous]

How long were you both planning to spend at the playground?? I don't get it. When we make play dates st the playground we are usually there for a good 90 min so o mere 15 min late shouldn't be a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Slim Jims?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I keep a stash of shelf stable snacks in the car which prevents this from happening.

Same here. We have mini boxes of raises and granola bars stashed in either in my purse and car.

Agree with other poster...why does the play date get cancelled if you are running behind 15 min.? Aren't play dates way linger than thst?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the friend has a medical condition that doesn't allow her to be late to play dates? And what "balanced snack" is right beside the door of a grocery store that isn't candy, chips, donuts, etc.?

You mean like fruit? Yep, way in the back.

If you were buying fruit, you would have said. You intentionally said several times, "snack." You said that your child needed constant access to a balanced "snack," not fruit. If you needed a piece of fruit, why wouldn't you have asked the mom if she could throw an apple, pear, banana, mango, in her bag? Why would you internationally take up the mom's time to buy a kiwi?

And where were you going to wash said "fruit." In the grocery store's nasty bathroom. If so, that's longer than running in and out.

I would have ditched you, too.

Ha! If a mom I barely knew called me and said "oh by the way, could you please bring some fruit for my child?" to a playdate, I think I might just have to come to DCUM to vent about what an entitled and clueless mom she is. Halfway joking. But no, I'd never ask another mom to bring my kid a snack, unless it was one of my very closest friends.

Really? I totally would if I was in a bind and I'd be more than happy to do the same if someone asked. Most moms I know are carrying extra snacks all the time anyway. I guess it would be a good thing to ask because if the person acted anything but completely gracious and fully understanding in response, I would know we would never end up being friends. I couldn't enjoy spending time with someone who has her shit so together in every way that she couldn't relate to my running out of snacks, or worse, someone who would begrudge a child a piece of fruit.

You're twisting the situation. If you and I were at the playground with our kids and you saw some fruit in my bag, and you asked me for it, I'd say yes. I'd probably have already offered it to you. That would be the case regardless how well I know you. Nobody's begrudging anybody a piece of fruit here. But if we barely know each other (like OP and this woman), and you called me to request I bring your child a snack, I'd do it, but I'd think you were weird.

Also, no, I can't really relate to your running out of snacks...not because I am always 100% prepared but because I don't usually make special arrangements just because I forgot my kid's snack. If he truly will be hungry, I'll get some pretzels or cheeze-itz from a vending machine or ask you for some of yours. But I wouldn't call you from my car and ask you to go out of your way to dig through your fridge for just the right snack for my son (remember, OP's kid has to have a specific snack). I'd not bat an eye for a friend or family member. So while I am not the type of mom who always has my shit together, a person's snack-preparedness situation is not on my list of things to look for in a friend.

[Anonymous]

I guess organic fruit leathers

[Anonymous]

Usually if I'm trying to coordinate a meet up, I usually say let's text when you are ready to head out in case someone is running 10 minutes late. I think if OP called before the person had left for the park, I don't think it is a big deal. If that person had literally one hour only, I think she should have responded as such. The fact OP was willing to do the drive to her neighborhood, I think she should get some slack. Assuming the other person is reasonable, the only reason I could see her getting ticked off is if she thought OP was being flaky.

[Anonymous]

Op played the special needs card one too many times and it bit her in the ass.

[Anonymous]

If your child has that level of need, why would you let it run out? I think you were just looking for drama. I always bring 2-3 times as much as my child can eat for the other child or later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I keep a stash of shelf stable snacks in the car which prevents this from happening.

Same here. We have mini boxes of raises and granola bars stashed in either in my purse and car.

Agree with other poster...why does the play date get cancelled if you are running behind 15 min.? Aren't play dates way linger than thst?

One of the guesses was that OP was already running late and then called her friend to say she'd be 15 minutes later (to do some grocery shopping in a new neighborhood) on top of that. I wouldn't want to sit and wait at the park for someone to show up whenever they felt like it, basically, for a (first!) one-two hour playdate at the park.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I keep a stash of shelf stable snacks in the car which prevents this from happening.

Same here. We have mini boxes of raises and granola bars stashed in either in my purse and car.

Agree with other poster...why does the play date get cancelled if you are running behind 15 min.? Aren't play dates way linger than thst?

One of the guesses was that OP was already running late and then called her friend to say she'd be 15 minutes later (to do some grocery shopping in a new neighborhood) on top of that. I wouldn't want to sit and wait at the park for someone to show up whenever they felt like it, basically, for a (first!) one-two hour playdate at the park.

Why would you think that? Say they were supposed to meet at the park at 11 am, and OP Knew it was a 30 minutes drive. So she gets ready to walk out the door, gets the kid dressed and shoes on.... so it's 10:30, and she goes to the kitchen to grab a couple high protein snack packs (or whatever it is her kid likes to eat) -- knowing that her kid does better with these fruit/nut snacks, whatever... and sees she's all out. It's 10:30. She's supposed to be there at 11:00. She can stop off at the grocery store and pick something up but realizes that means she's be a few minutes late, maybe 15 -- so she picks up her phone and calls her friend to give her warning, she'll be about 15 minutes late.

Why is this such a big deal? Even if it wasn't to pick up some snack for her kid. What if she was just running a bit late? What if it was 10:30 and her kid had to use the bathroom and that took a while? These things happen. Maybe she went out to start the car, and the battery was dead so she had to get a jump from a neighbor. Whoops -- a little late. Maybe she got caught in unexpected traffic and calls at 10:45 from the Beltway to say "Hey, there's a jam here... must be an accident... I'll bet here at 11:15 instead of 11:00 I hope!"

No big deal. Give a call, let the other parent know you are running a bit late. Why all the anger over it?

[Anonymous]

OP made the playdate that day, just an hour ahead. The other mom probably had to juggle some things on her end to make it happen, but did it for her daughter. Then OP calls right back to say she'll be late because she has to stop by a store.

If I had put any additional effort into making it to the playdate myself, I'd also be annoyed, and wonder if OP is going to make it.

I also suspect that OP is one of those people who always. always has one little thing she has to do before she can get to the pre-arranged event, or frequently "has" to cancel due a variety of things most people just call "life," and the other mom had experienced this in some fashion before.