More Attractive: Asshole Jock or Respectful Chess Nerd?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so glad someone is here to tell me what I want. What would we do without you?

Continue to have little to no sex because we're focused on being courteous and funny and good little chore doers because that's what women mostly say they want in a man. When, what we should be doing is focusing on being buff and wealthy and aggressive, because those are the guys who seem to be having the most sex.

I'm sorry you're having this issue with you're wife. Some of us do have all sorts of sex and a high sex drive with nice men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so glad someone is here to tell me what I want. What would we do without you?

Continue to have little to no sex because we're focused on being courteous and funny and good little chore doers because that's what women mostly say they want in a man. When, what we should be doing is focusing on being buff and wealthy and aggressive, because those are the guys who seem to be having the most sex.

none of these makes guy an asshole. really, for you asshole is every guy who has more sex than you (i.e. almost every guy out there...)

[Anonymous]

OP: "I'm nice because I want sex, not because it's the right thing to do."

Is that what you really mean?

Maybe skim this. And I generally do NOT like Jezebel, but this is spot-on.

http://jezebel.com/5838994/a-field-guide-to-nice-guys

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: "I'm nice because I want sex, not because it's the right thing to do."

Is that what you really mean?

Maybe skim this. And I generally do NOT like Jezebel, but this is spot-on.

http://jezebel.com/5838994/a-field-guide-to-nice-guys

this is very good, especially the first and the last one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: "I'm nice because I want sex, not because it's the right thing to do."

Is that what you really mean?

Maybe skim this. And I generally do NOT like Jezebel, but this is spot-on.

http://jezebel.com/5838994/a-field-guide-to-nice-guys

No, the reverse. Because it's the right thing to do - as a consequence, I believe -- particularly in my younger days - being nice led to having less sex. Marital dynamics are somewhat different.

[Anonymous]

The Jezebel piece explains why Nice Guys aren't having sex. It doesn't really explain why not nice guys are having sex. I think the answer is that being kind, generous, decent and those sorts of things are mostly independent of sexual attractiveness. They probably aren't actually hurting your chances, but those aren't the sorts of qualities that make a girl hot.

[Anonymous]

I know this is a fucking crazy concept: you're not entitled to sex...ever. It's a mutual decision of chemistry, attraction and other, non-tangible things.

How about instead of worrying if the other guy is getting more action, a guy could take the time to flirt, meet women and be real? Get over your rejection issues and play the numbers game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The Jezebel piece explains why Nice Guys aren't having sex. It doesn't really explain why not nice guys are having sex. I think the answer is that being kind, generous, decent and those sorts of things are mostly independent of sexual attractiveness. They probably aren't actually hurting your chances, but those aren't the sorts of qualities that make a girl hot.

but they aren't! unless, of course, they are attractive, wealthy etc.

[Anonymous]

I know plenty of nice guys who are in long-term relationships, married, and had successful dating lives. Maybe you're not so damn nice. You're only nice as a means to an end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know this is a fucking crazy concept: you're not entitled to sex...ever. It's a mutual decision of chemistry, attraction and other, non-tangible things.

How about instead of worrying if the other guy is getting more action, a guy could take the time to flirt, meet women and be real? Get over your rejection issues and play the numbers game.

I don't disagree with any of this. I think, however, that growing up (at least in my generation, child of the 70s/80s) - guys are given some ambiguous information about what women "want in a guy." Probably this is, at least in part, a communication breakdown. But when I'd see these magazine articles and surveys and whatnot, I'd fill in the blank "want in a guy [with whom they'd have sex]." And you'd get all of these responses about a good sense of humor, treats her with respect, etc. Things like nice ass, big muscles, money, aggressive didn't show up on the lists.

I'd tell young me that everyone -- man and woman alike - will like you better if you are respectful and funny, so try to be those things; but that those characteristics are mostly incidental to an active sex life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is a fucking crazy concept: you're not entitled to sex...ever. It's a mutual decision of chemistry, attraction and other, non-tangible things.

How about instead of worrying if the other guy is getting more action, a guy could take the time to flirt, meet women and be real? Get over your rejection issues and play the numbers game.

I don't disagree with any of this. I think, however, that growing up (at least in my generation, child of the 70s/80s) - guys are given some ambiguous information about what women "want in a guy." Probably this is, at least in part, a communication breakdown. But when I'd see these magazine articles and surveys and whatnot, I'd fill in the blank "want in a guy [with whom they'd have sex]." And you'd get all of these responses about a good sense of humor, treats her with respect, etc. Things like nice ass, big muscles, money, aggressive didn't show up on the lists.

I'd tell young me that everyone -- man and woman alike - will like you better if you are respectful and funny, so try to be those things; but that those characteristics are mostly incidental to an active sex life.

i find it strange that you base your view of what women want on surveys etc. i don't recall reading at 12 that guys cared about looks etc. still kind of figured it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is a fucking crazy concept: you're not entitled to sex...ever. It's a mutual decision of chemistry, attraction and other, non-tangible things.

How about instead of worrying if the other guy is getting more action, a guy could take the time to flirt, meet women and be real? Get over your rejection issues and play the numbers game.

I don't disagree with any of this. I think, however, that growing up (at least in my generation, child of the 70s/80s) - guys are given some ambiguous information about what women "want in a guy." Probably this is, at least in part, a communication breakdown. But when I'd see these magazine articles and surveys and whatnot, I'd fill in the blank "want in a guy [with whom they'd have sex]." And you'd get all of these responses about a good sense of humor, treats her with respect, etc. Things like nice ass, big muscles, money, aggressive didn't show up on the lists.

I'd tell young me that everyone -- man and woman alike - will like you better if you are respectful and funny, so try to be those things; but that those characteristics are mostly incidental to an active sex life.

i find it strange that you base your view of what women want on surveys etc. i don't recall reading at 12 that guys cared about looks etc. still kind of figured it out.

I've never heard that looks weren't very important to a man. I hear that frequently about women.

[Anonymous]

We once again almost argue semantics. Who a woman wants for a mate and with whom she wants to mate are not necessarily the same thing.

So, being a cute, smart, funny guy may land you some dates, but it will more likely land you late night phone calls (and not the good ones). After she got done having sex with "that asshole again," you get the later night "shoulder cry."

Sexual chemistry is rarely determined by "nice and funny."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We once again almost argue semantics. Who a woman wants for a mate and with whom she wants to mate are not necessarily the same thing.

So, being a cute, smart, funny guy may land you some dates, but it will more likely land you late night phone calls (and not the good ones). After she got done having sex with "that asshole again," you get the later night "shoulder cry."

Sexual chemistry is rarely determined by "nice and funny."

I don't think that's true. I know it's what you read on reddit, but it's not accurate. Some people even continue to have awesome sex lives 15 years into their marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The Jezebel piece explains why Nice Guys aren't having sex. It doesn't really explain why not nice guys are having sex. I think the answer is that being kind, generous, decent and those sorts of things are mostly independent of sexual attractiveness. They probably aren't actually hurting your chances, but those aren't the sorts of qualities that make a girl hot.

but they aren't! unless, of course, they are attractive, wealthy etc.

Why do you insist nice guys aren't having sex? I'd love to know.