What if your child, who was qualified for their "reach" or "stretch" school, chose not to apply?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP and yes I went to Princeton. If you truly believe there is no difference in chances of getting into HYP between the wealthy, child of alum and big donor and someone with none of these things, you're nuts.

Did we go that far off the actual topic?

Or do you just excel in making straw man arguments?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP and yes I went to Princeton. If you truly believe there is no difference in chances of getting into HYP between the wealthy, child of alum and big donor and someone with none of these things, you're nuts.

Did we go that far off the actual topic?

Or do you just excel in making straw man arguments?

In other words, you missed/skewed the point of the 'good parenting' comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP and yes I went to Princeton. If you truly believe there is no difference in chances of getting into HYP between the wealthy, child of alum and big donor and someone with none of these things, you're nuts.

Did we go that far off the actual topic?

Or do you just excel in making straw man arguments?

Go away, faux hiring manager.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The thread devolved a little bit there at the end, into different arguments about parenting and outcomes, (though you can see how others "emphasize" the Ivy League), but generally I found many of the posts interesting, well-thought out, and quite helpful. I will come back one day to tell you what happened.

NP here. Will be curious to hear what happens. It's funny because I think back to why I didn't apply to certain schools and I probably couldn't describe why. I was in a situation that we couldn't travel to visit a ton of colleges, we didn't have money to apply to 12 different colleges and those were the days before the common application. I had to pick 5-6 colleges, 2 safety, 2 probably, 1 reach. My guidance counselor didn't even think I could get into one of my probable colleges. I had worked with another guidance counselor before my parents moved my junior year of high school, and I had an idea of the types of colleges I could get into based on her list. I did get into my reach school (not HYP but top 15 school) and while it wasn't the perfect college experience, the my career choice, my best friends, meeting my husband post college via our respective college friends all trace back to a connection/relationship made at college. I agree with the PP that there are many paths to success. Going to a certain college usually doesn't close all options, it just may mean you have to work harder to break into a certain field or get into a certain school for grad school. You also can transfer if you realize you aren't happy at your college.

I think as kids get to the point they should be making certain decisions and advocating for themselves, as a parent I try to make sure DC is aware of the consequences of the choice so they make an informed decision. What is really the consequence of not applying to a particular reach school? Does this school have strong alumni connections in the field and geographic region your child wants to pursue post college and the other schools don't? Does DC shy away from anything where she may possibly not get chosen and if that is the case can you come up with a reach school that has the feel she wants?

[Anonymous]

NP (and I'm not going back to read the whole thread because it seems to have gone off topic). Personally, I don't see a problem with a kid who has visited a bunch of schools and decided she is more of an Amherst or UChicago student than a Harvard/Princeton/Yale student. All of those schools are excellent, and the advantages conferred by going Ivy, vs. going to one of the other excellent school you mentioned, aren't significant enough to push a kid to go to a school where she isn't into the school culture. If she was a very strong student who wanted to go to a non-selective school because, say, her boyfriend was going to that school and she didn't want to be separated from him-I would say push her hard to apply to selective schools. But in this case, I think it should be her choice to apply to the excellent schools she likes best.

(My partner when to Princeton, and, although it is an excellent school academically, I would hate to see my own kid go there because I think the social environment is horrible.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP (and I'm not going back to read the whole thread because it seems to have gone off topic). Personally, I don't see a problem with a kid who has visited a bunch of schools and decided she is more of an Amherst or UChicago student than a Harvard/Princeton/Yale student. All of those schools are excellent, and the advantages conferred by going Ivy, vs. going to one of the other excellent school you mentioned, aren't significant enough to push a kid to go to a school where she isn't into the school culture. If she was a very strong student who wanted to go to a non-selective school because, say, her boyfriend was going to that school and she didn't want to be separated from him-I would say push her hard to apply to selective schools. But in this case, I think it should be her choice to apply to the excellent schools she likes best.

(My partner when to Princeton, and, although it is an excellent school academically, I would hate to see my own kid go there because I think the social environment is horrible.)

I agree with you. Although, Amherst and UChicago are "reach" and "stretch" schools these days, too.

[Anonymous]

How would you answer the question for a student who is down a notch from Ivy contention? Eg, the "match" or "reach" schools would be in the 15-25 range (such as Emory, Georgetown, UVA) and the safeties might be in the 25-50 range (such as Kenyon, Sewanee, Rhodes). At that level does it make sense to attend a more selective school (assuming it is a reasonably good fit) or let him go to a less selective school because he likes the size, location, or "feel" better?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How would you answer the question for a student who is down a notch from Ivy contention? Eg, the "match" or "reach" schools would be in the 15-25 range (such as Emory, Georgetown, UVA) and the safeties might be in the 25-50 range (such as Kenyon, Sewanee, Rhodes). At that level does it make sense to attend a more selective school (assuming it is a reasonably good fit) or let him go to a less selective school because he likes the size, location, or "feel" better?

You pose an interesting question. I think that match, stretch, safety is a solid formula, and most students should be able to find at least one stretch school that they would consider as a possibility. I think it is different to say, "I don't want to go Ivy" (which is a very small pool of schools) vs. saying "I don't want to go highly selective" (which is a huge pool of schools). However, for a student who was highly resistant to applying, I think my key qualifier would be the school's graduation rate. Highly selective schools tend to also have very high grad rates. If a student wanted to apply to lower profile schools that also had very high grad rates, I would okay with that.

[Anonymous]

college teacher here: In my 20 years of experience, 16 year olds -- no matter how smart-- have a very tough time at college. Barely turned 17 is tough also. If she wants to go to an Ivy-like school, it should be a very supportive one.

[Anonymous]

Multiple generation Ivy here. While the degree is certainly a help in getting jobs and a nice credential to have, it seems like it gave the family a permanent sense of inferiority being surrounded by so many richer and smarter kids. We are Hufflepuffs -- academics who lack the brilliance. members of the younger generations are doing potted ivies instead and saving the top ivies for grad school -- or not.

[Anonymous]

No amount of great parenting is going to make a child academically competitive at HYP. That has to be a combination of high academic intelligence and motivation that comes from the student.