What if your child, who was qualified for their "reach" or "stretch" school, chose not to apply?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my kids went to Yale and the other visited and said he wouldn't apply. When I asked him to articulate why he said he did not like the Gothic architecture and he did not like the fact that in a lecture hall of a 150 desks not one was for lefties. Maybe those sound like stupid reasons to you, but they made sense to him as indicators of why he didn't want to be there. He ended up somewhere else and was very happy. It's the kid's decision, and whether the kid can fully articulate the reasons or not, they are there.

And then we could discuss the fact that Harvard undergrads are mostly taught by TAs...

NP here again. But see, PP, you had one child who did apply Yale, and decided to attend. What if that child, clearly one of the best and brightest of her or his generation, and with the intellectual gifts and the additional talents to go anywhere she or he wanted, had refused to apply to Yale out of hand? She or he would have given up an opportunity which they loved. Understandably your other child did not want to attend Yale, but perhaps less because of Gothic architecture and rightie desks, and more likely because of the pressure of sibling rivalry with a "brilliant' older brother or sister. I assume that you are being modest about your younger son, and --given that he had the potential for Yale -- that the "somewhere else" he attended was Princeton, or Stanford, or Harvard? In any case, hearing from parents whose exceptional children applied to and attended the very top schools that OP should "relax" and let her own top student forego a similar opportunity, is hardly reassuring.

But you talk like this is a zero sum game. It's not. If Yale child did not go to Yale, she would have gone somewhere else and likely loved that instead. You also talk like everyone who goes to Yale loves it. But that's not true either. (In fact, I know half a dozen Harvard grads and *none* of them loved it.)

This HYP fetishism is just ridiculous.

Perhaps you are right PP, but your younger son ended up attending Harvard didn't he? It is very easy for a parent whose two children attended Yale and Harvard to dismiss OP's desire for her daughter's achievement as simply a "fetishism".

I'm the PP talking about fetishism. I'm NOT the PP with a kid at Harvard or any other Ivy. My oldest is a junior in his.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my kids went to Yale and the other visited and said he wouldn't apply. When I asked him to articulate why he said he did not like the Gothic architecture and he did not like the fact that in a lecture hall of a 150 desks not one was for lefties. Maybe those sound like stupid reasons to you, but they made sense to him as indicators of why he didn't want to be there. He ended up somewhere else and was very happy. It's the kid's decision, and whether the kid can fully articulate the reasons or not, they are there.

And then we could discuss the fact that Harvard undergrads are mostly taught by TAs...

NP here again. But see, PP, you had one child who did apply Yale, and decided to attend. What if that child, clearly one of the best and brightest of her or his generation, and with the intellectual gifts and the additional talents to go anywhere she or he wanted, had refused to apply to Yale out of hand? She or he would have given up an opportunity which they loved. Understandably your other child did not want to attend Yale, but perhaps less because of Gothic architecture and rightie desks, and more likely because of the pressure of sibling rivalry with a "brilliant' older brother or sister. I assume that you are being modest about your younger son, and --given that he had the potential for Yale -- that the "somewhere else" he attended was Princeton, or Stanford, or Harvard? In any case, hearing from parents whose exceptional children applied to and attended the very top schools that OP should "relax" and let her own top student forego a similar opportunity, is hardly reassuring.

But you talk like this is a zero sum game. It's not. If Yale child did not go to Yale, she would have gone somewhere else and likely loved that instead. You also talk like everyone who goes to Yale loves it. But that's not true either. (In fact, I know half a dozen Harvard grads and *none* of them loved it.)

This HYP fetishism is just ridiculous.

Perhaps you are right PP, but your younger son ended up attending Harvard didn't he? It is very easy for a parent whose two children attended Yale and Harvard to dismiss OP's desire for her daughter's achievement as simply a "fetishism".

I don't really think so. Imagine if someone sees a Rolex as the sign of success, and you point out to them that there are lots of watches out there that tell time just as well, and are less ostentatious. Now we can get hugely sidetracked by all the ways that that analogy doesn't work, but just consider the possibility that treating HYP admission as the prime, or only, measure of "achievement" is a form of fetishism.

PP, I know that you mean well, and that you are giving us good advice that you truly believe in. However, when you tell your lovely story about how your younger son did not want to apply to his older brother/sister's university, Yale, because the Gothic architecture and "rightie" desks did not feel "right" during his visit -- and how you were fine with that, and let him follow his instinct and to instead apply "somewhere else" that he wound up enjoying immensely . . . Well, that helpful and "pertinent" story loses its lovely punch when the "somewhere else" that he applied to, was admitted to, attended, and enjoyed so much is Harvard. How would you have felt if, instead, like the OP's daughter, your younger son had dismissed Harvard, Princeton, and Stanford as well, since (like his older sibling) he is obviously a talented young person capable of any of those schools. You might have felt bad about it, or you might have felt fine with it, but you will never truly know since that was not the choice your children made? OP appears (or claims) to have a similarly talented and intelligent young achiever, and she "worries" about the opportunities left on the table when one does not apply. (And be honest, are you not "proud" that your children attended those schools? Do you perk up when you meet other graduates of those same schools? Have you ever been judgmental when your acquaintance's children have attended other schools? If you answered no to all of these questions, then you are truly a saint.)

Here is my husband's story. DH was from a western state and had already been selected as an "X" scholar (prestigious in-state scholarship to an in-state college), when a drama teacher at his high school encouraged him at the last minute (days before the post-marked application was due by snail mail) so apply to one of the four schools being discussed here. Long story short, DH was admitted and it altered the course of his life. After college he knew that he could accomplish anything that he wanted, and that he was as just good as his peers from wealthier backgrounds, and well-known high schools, and larger metropolitan areas.

Again, you are assuming there us only one poster here. I'm the anti fetishist. I'm not the mom of any Ivy League students. And I'm not the person discussing rolexes either, though I fully support the analogy.

[Anonymous]

I'm likely going to be facing this soon I am not sure I won't turn tiger-mom-ish
The rational part of me knows that I went to a not-so-coveted school because I prefer to be a big fish....but I see my friends on FB posting about their kids' college acceptances and get wistful in a way I don't get when they post pics of their new car or vacation home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my kids went to Yale and the other visited and said he wouldn't apply. When I asked him to articulate why he said he did not like the Gothic architecture and he did not like the fact that in a lecture hall of a 150 desks not one was for lefties. Maybe those sound like stupid reasons to you, but they made sense to him as indicators of why he didn't want to be there. He ended up somewhere else and was very happy. It's the kid's decision, and whether the kid can fully articulate the reasons or not, they are there.

And then we could discuss the fact that Harvard undergrads are mostly taught by TAs...

NP here again. But see, PP, you had one child who did apply Yale, and decided to attend. What if that child, clearly one of the best and brightest of her or his generation, and with the intellectual gifts and the additional talents to go anywhere she or he wanted, had refused to apply to Yale out of hand? She or he would have given up an opportunity which they loved. Understandably your other child did not want to attend Yale, but perhaps less because of Gothic architecture and rightie desks, and more likely because of the pressure of sibling rivalry with a "brilliant' older brother or sister. I assume that you are being modest about your younger son, and --given that he had the potential for Yale -- that the "somewhere else" he attended was Princeton, or Stanford, or Harvard? In any case, hearing from parents whose exceptional children applied to and attended the very top schools that OP should "relax" and let her own top student forego a similar opportunity, is hardly reassuring.

But you talk like this is a zero sum game. It's not. If Yale child did not go to Yale, she would have gone somewhere else and likely loved that instead. You also talk like everyone who goes to Yale loves it. But that's not true either. (In fact, I know half a dozen Harvard grads and *none* of them loved it.)

This HYP fetishism is just ridiculous.

Perhaps you are right PP, but your younger son ended up attending Harvard didn't he? It is very easy for a parent whose two children attended Yale and Harvard to dismiss OP's desire for her daughter's achievement as simply a "fetishism".

I don't really think so. Imagine if someone sees a Rolex as the sign of success, and you point out to them that there are lots of watches out there that tell time just as well, and are less ostentatious. Now we can get hugely sidetracked by all the ways that that analogy doesn't work, but just consider the possibility that treating HYP admission as the prime, or only, measure of "achievement" is a form of fetishism.

PP, I know that you mean well, and that you are giving us good advice that you truly believe in. However, when you tell your lovely story about how your younger son did not want to apply to his older brother/sister's university, Yale, because the Gothic architecture and "rightie" desks did not feel "right" during his visit -- and how you were fine with that, and let him follow his instinct and to instead apply "somewhere else" that he wound up enjoying immensely . . . Well, that helpful and "pertinent" story loses its lovely punch when the "somewhere else" that he applied to, was admitted to, attended, and enjoyed so much is Harvard. How would you have felt if, instead, like the OP's daughter, your younger son had dismissed Harvard, Princeton, and Stanford as well, since (like his older sibling) he is obviously a talented young person capable of any of those schools. You might have felt bad about it, or you might have felt fine with it, but you will never truly know since that was not the choice your children made? OP appears (or claims) to have a similarly talented and intelligent young achiever, and she "worries" about the opportunities left on the table when one does not apply. (And be honest, are you not "proud" that your children attended those schools? Do you perk up when you meet other graduates of those same schools? Have you ever been judgmental when your acquaintance's children have attended other schools? If you answered no to all of these questions, then you are truly a saint.)

Here is my husband's story. DH was from a western state and had already been selected as an "X" scholar (prestigious in-state scholarship to an in-state college), when a drama teacher at his high school encouraged him at the last minute (days before the post-marked application was due by snail mail) so apply to one of the four schools being discussed here. Long story short, DH was admitted and it altered the course of his life. After college he knew that he could accomplish anything that he wanted, and that he was as just good as his peers from wealthier backgrounds, and well-known high schools, and larger metropolitan areas.

Did I miss something? Where did the mom say that her Yale hating son went to Harvard?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my kids went to Yale and the other visited and said he wouldn't apply. When I asked him to articulate why he said he did not like the Gothic architecture and he did not like the fact that in a lecture hall of a 150 desks not one was for lefties. Maybe those sound like stupid reasons to you, but they made sense to him as indicators of why he didn't want to be there. He ended up somewhere else and was very happy. It's the kid's decision, and whether the kid can fully articulate the reasons or not, they are there.

And then we could discuss the fact that Harvard undergrads are mostly taught by TAs...

NP here again. But see, PP, you had one child who did apply Yale, and decided to attend. What if that child, clearly one of the best and brightest of her or his generation, and with the intellectual gifts and the additional talents to go anywhere she or he wanted, had refused to apply to Yale out of hand? She or he would have given up an opportunity which they loved. Understandably your other child did not want to attend Yale, but perhaps less because of Gothic architecture and rightie desks, and more likely because of the pressure of sibling rivalry with a "brilliant' older brother or sister. I assume that you are being modest about your younger son, and --given that he had the potential for Yale -- that the "somewhere else" he attended was Princeton, or Stanford, or Harvard? In any case, hearing from parents whose exceptional children applied to and attended the very top schools that OP should "relax" and let her own top student forego a similar opportunity, is hardly reassuring.

But you talk like this is a zero sum game. It's not. If Yale child did not go to Yale, she would have gone somewhere else and likely loved that instead. You also talk like everyone who goes to Yale loves it. But that's not true either. (In fact, I know half a dozen Harvard grads and *none* of them loved it.)

This HYP fetishism is just ridiculous.

Perhaps you are right PP, but your younger son ended up attending Harvard didn't he? It is very easy for a parent whose two children attended Yale and Harvard to dismiss OP's desire for her daughter's achievement as simply a "fetishism".

I don't really think so. Imagine if someone sees a Rolex as the sign of success, and you point out to them that there are lots of watches out there that tell time just as well, and are less ostentatious. Now we can get hugely sidetracked by all the ways that that analogy doesn't work, but just consider the possibility that treating HYP admission as the prime, or only, measure of "achievement" is a form of fetishism.

PP, I know that you mean well, and that you are giving us good advice that you truly believe in. However, when you tell your lovely story about how your younger son did not want to apply to his older brother/sister's university, Yale, because the Gothic architecture and "rightie" desks did not feel "right" during his visit -- and how you were fine with that, and let him follow his instinct and to instead apply "somewhere else" that he wound up enjoying immensely . . . Well, that helpful and "pertinent" story loses its lovely punch when the "somewhere else" that he applied to, was admitted to, attended, and enjoyed so much is Harvard. How would you have felt if, instead, like the OP's daughter, your younger son had dismissed Harvard, Princeton, and Stanford as well, since (like his older sibling) he is obviously a talented young person capable of any of those schools. You might have felt bad about it, or you might have felt fine with it, but you will never truly know since that was not the choice your children made? OP appears (or claims) to have a similarly talented and intelligent young achiever, and she "worries" about the opportunities left on the table when one does not apply. (And be honest, are you not "proud" that your children attended those schools? Do you perk up when you meet other graduates of those same schools? Have you ever been judgmental when your acquaintance's children have attended other schools? If you answered no to all of these questions, then you are truly a saint.)

Here is my husband's story. DH was from a western state and had already been selected as an "X" scholar (prestigious in-state scholarship to an in-state college), when a drama teacher at his high school encouraged him at the last minute (days before the post-marked application was due by snail mail) so apply to one of the four schools being discussed here. Long story short, DH was admitted and it altered the course of his life. After college he knew that he could accomplish anything that he wanted, and that he was as just good as his peers from wealthier backgrounds, and well-known high schools, and larger metropolitan areas.

Did I miss something? Where did the mom say that her Yale hating son went to Harvard?

She didn't. This poster is confusing, like 5 different people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

It might be fear of failure. My son had it. If her counselors are encouraging her to apply, she should reconsider. However, it's quite loaded. I know top students were were shut out, despite counselors advising them to apply. It's kind of embarrassing for them, because people eventually tell others where they applied.

Maybe the question is, how would you and the school feel if she were accepted to any of these reach schools and wanted to go somewhere else?

These poor kids are under so much pressure! Maybe she's the smart one.

Again, it is not "fear of failure" if a student prefers Chicago or Middlebury etc to HYP. It might be fear of fetishism, but not failure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Long story short, DH was admitted and it altered the course of his life. After college he knew that he could accomplish anything that he wanted, and that he was as just good as his peers from wealthier backgrounds, and well-known high schools, and larger metropolitan areas.

Yes but...had he attended another college, you'd be singing a different but likely similarly effusive song. Talent, intelligence, and hard work will out.

The people my husband met and studied with affected him deeply, and set into course a chain of events that led him to where he is today. At his core my husband is a good, loving, honest, hard-working, ambitious, and intelligent man, and he would have been all of those things no matter where he went to college -- true. However his opportunities, the ability to distance from the responsibilities of very poor (in many ways) childhood, and the connections and doors his education opened, have definitely placed him somewhere he would not have been without it. Of the students from his town who were awarded the same prestigious scholarship to the in-state option in years before and after, most returned to his mid-size hometown, while some traveled out to the mid-size regional city. This is not to say that these people do not have happy and satisfying professional lives and careers, many of them surely do, but none had the post-graduate and professional opportunities or success (the financial difference, though a small and arguably "unimportant" part of "success", is striking) that he has had. College or university is not only the four years you spend there, but potentially also the knowledge, experiences, ideas, friends, and network that you carry out with you for the rest of your life.

Actually, the research shows that attending an elite school has value precisely for students like your DH--kids from disadvantaged homes, first gen college students, etc. But that's not the OP's DD. Further, do note that HYP aren't the only elite colleges out there. Attending the *type* of college your DH did likely did make a difference in his life, given his background. But surely you aren't arguing that that college was the ONLY college that could have had that kind of impact.

Again, we are not talking about a student who wants to turn her back on HYP to attend East Podunk Technical College. She appears to be interested in some elite colleges, just not these 3 in particular.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my kids went to Yale and the other visited and said he wouldn't apply. When I asked him to articulate why he said he did not like the Gothic architecture and he did not like the fact that in a lecture hall of a 150 desks not one was for lefties. Maybe those sound like stupid reasons to you, but they made sense to him as indicators of why he didn't want to be there. He ended up somewhere else and was very happy. It's the kid's decision, and whether the kid can fully articulate the reasons or not, they are there.

And then we could discuss the fact that Harvard undergrads are mostly taught by TAs...

NP here again. But see, PP, you had one child who did apply Yale, and decided to attend. What if that child, clearly one of the best and brightest of her or his generation, and with the intellectual gifts and the additional talents to go anywhere she or he wanted, had refused to apply to Yale out of hand? She or he would have given up an opportunity which they loved. Understandably your other child did not want to attend Yale, but perhaps less because of Gothic architecture and rightie desks, and more likely because of the pressure of sibling rivalry with a "brilliant' older brother or sister. I assume that you are being modest about your younger son, and --given that he had the potential for Yale -- that the "somewhere else" he attended was Princeton, or Stanford, or Harvard? In any case, hearing from parents whose exceptional children applied to and attended the very top schools that OP should "relax" and let her own top student forego a similar opportunity, is hardly reassuring.

But you talk like this is a zero sum game. It's not. If Yale child did not go to Yale, she would have gone somewhere else and likely loved that instead. You also talk like everyone who goes to Yale loves it. But that's not true either. (In fact, I know half a dozen Harvard grads and *none* of them loved it.)

This HYP fetishism is just ridiculous.

Perhaps you are right PP, but your younger son ended up attending Harvard didn't he? It is very easy for a parent whose two children attended Yale and Harvard to dismiss OP's desire for her daughter's achievement as simply a "fetishism".

I don't really think so. Imagine if someone sees a Rolex as the sign of success, and you point out to them that there are lots of watches out there that tell time just as well, and are less ostentatious. Now we can get hugely sidetracked by all the ways that that analogy doesn't work, but just consider the possibility that treating HYP admission as the prime, or only, measure of "achievement" is a form of fetishism.

PP, I know that you mean well, and that you are giving us good advice that you truly believe in. However, when you tell your lovely story about how your younger son did not want to apply to his older brother/sister's university, Yale, because the Gothic architecture and "rightie" desks did not feel "right" during his visit -- and how you were fine with that, and let him follow his instinct and to instead apply "somewhere else" that he wound up enjoying immensely . . . Well, that helpful and "pertinent" story loses its lovely punch when the "somewhere else" that he applied to, was admitted to, attended, and enjoyed so much is Harvard. How would you have felt if, instead, like the OP's daughter, your younger son had dismissed Harvard, Princeton, and Stanford as well, since (like his older sibling) he is obviously a talented young person capable of any of those schools. You might have felt bad about it, or you might have felt fine with it, but you will never truly know since that was not the choice your children made? OP appears (or claims) to have a similarly talented and intelligent young achiever, and she "worries" about the opportunities left on the table when one does not apply. (And be honest, are you not "proud" that your children attended those schools? Do you perk up when you meet other graduates of those same schools? Have you ever been judgmental when your acquaintance's children have attended other schools? If you answered no to all of these questions, then you are truly a saint.)

Here is my husband's story. DH was from a western state and had already been selected as an "X" scholar (prestigious in-state scholarship to an in-state college), when a drama teacher at his high school encouraged him at the last minute (days before the post-marked application was due by snail mail) so apply to one of the four schools being discussed here. Long story short, DH was admitted and it altered the course of his life. After college he knew that he could accomplish anything that he wanted, and that he was as just good as his peers from wealthier backgrounds, and well-known high schools, and larger metropolitan areas.

Again, you are assuming there us only one poster here. I'm the anti fetishist. I'm not the mom of any Ivy League students. And I'm not the person discussing rolexes either, though I fully support the analogy.

Yes, but if you follow the thread carefully, it does appear that the Yale mother does tacitly acknowledge that her younger son then attended Harvard instead. She has been a very helpful poster, do no grief for her even if this is the case, but I also believe you can read that acknowledgement into her Rolex analogy. In any case, she is not denying it, as she most likely would have by now if it were a mistaken assumption. And she should proudly own it, and then share her child rearing advice with the rest of us!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

PP, I know that you mean well, and that you are giving us good advice that you truly believe in. However, when you tell your lovely story about how your younger son did not want to apply to his older brother/sister's university, Yale, because the Gothic architecture and "rightie" desks did not feel "right" during his visit -- and how you were fine with that, and let him follow his instinct and to instead apply "somewhere else" that he wound up enjoying immensely . . . Well, that helpful and "pertinent" story loses its lovely punch when the "somewhere else" that he applied to, was admitted to, attended, and enjoyed so much is Harvard. How would you have felt if, instead, like the OP's daughter, your younger son had dismissed Harvard, Princeton, and Stanford as well, since (like his older sibling) he is obviously a talented young person capable of any of those schools. You might have felt bad about it, or you might have felt fine with it, but you will never truly know since that was not the choice your children made? OP appears (or claims) to have a similarly talented and intelligent young achiever, and she "worries" about the opportunities left on the table when one does not apply. (And be honest, are you not "proud" that your children attended those schools? Do you perk up when you meet other graduates of those same schools? Have you ever been judgmental when your acquaintance's children have attended other schools? If you answered no to all of these questions, then you are truly a saint.)

Here is my husband's story. DH was from a western state and had already been selected as an "X" scholar (prestigious in-state scholarship to an in-state college), when a drama teacher at his high school encouraged him at the last minute (days before the post-marked application was due by snail mail) so apply to one of the four schools being discussed here. Long story short, DH was admitted and it altered the course of his life. After college he knew that he could accomplish anything that he wanted, and that he was as just good as his peers from wealthier backgrounds, and well-known high schools, and larger metropolitan areas.

Actually my other kid did not go to Harvard (or Stanford or Princeton)-- he did go to an excellent school but probably not the most prestigious school he could have gotten into (we won't know because I didn't "make" him apply to those places). Did I think he should apply to Yale? Sure, but I never said so and I am more proud of him for knowing what was right for him than I would be if he had applied to H/Y/P and gotten in, or even gone there just for the name. You seem so blind to the possible value of any school other than H/Y/P/S that you assume that any other choice is unreasonable and any advice I have is irrelevant.

If OP was saying her daughter had a shot at Yale but wanted to go to Sarah Lawrence because they have an excellent double major in music and women's studies then I think we could reasonably discuss how to balance what you think you want to major in with other factors. I can't say that SL would definitely always be the wrong choice but I'd certainly admit that I'd encourage my kid to have multiple options to consider. But OP specifically said her kid was looking at 6-7 excellent top ranked schools, just not H/Y/P/S. To act like applying to Williams and not to Harvard because you don't think Harvard is right for you is a failure to fulfill your potential is (IMO) nuts.

And my third kid and kids' friends went to all kind of schools so no, I am not judgmental about where kids go to schools. It really sounds like you are using the brand name of schools as a proxy for how good a job you did raising your kid and that is all kinds of wrong.

Nope. Yale mom's kid did not go to Harvard or Stanford or Princeton.

[Anonymous]

The Rolex analogy is apt in one sense: anyone who really knows watches knows that Rolex is far from the top of the line. Still, in any discussion among the untutored, Rolex will be bandied about as the standard of excellence.

It follows that here, in this “College Discussion” among the untutored, we will naturally have certain schools emerge as the standard of excellence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Yes, but if you follow the thread carefully, it does appear that the Yale mother does tacitly acknowledge that her younger son then attended Harvard instead. She has been a very helpful poster, do no grief for her even if this is the case, but I also believe you can read that acknowledgement into her Rolex analogy. In any case, she is not denying it, as she most likely would have by now if it were a mistaken assumption. And she should proudly own it, and then share her child rearing advice with the rest of us!

This is exactly what's wrong with this thread, and to some extent this area. Your kid going to H/Y/P is not in and of itself the mark of good parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Yes, but if you follow the thread carefully, it does appear that the Yale mother does tacitly acknowledge that her younger son then attended Harvard instead. She has been a very helpful poster, do no grief for her even if this is the case, but I also believe you can read that acknowledgement into her Rolex analogy. In any case, she is not denying it, as she most likely would have by now if it were a mistaken assumption. And she should proudly own it, and then share her child rearing advice with the rest of us!

This is exactly what's wrong with this thread, and to some extent this area. Your kid going to H/Y/P is not in and of itself the mark of good parenting.

I disagree. There are many factors involved, but sound parenting is one of them.

Child attending HYP is INDICATIVE of sound parenting, but not CONCLUSIVE.

[Anonymous]

I was OP's kid when I was applying to college. Had the credentials but zero interest in Ivies. Knew I didn't want to go there, so didn't bother visiting or applying. Got in everywhere I did apply, and I applied to a huge range of types of schools/settings because I wasn't sure what I wanted. I am grateful that my parents didn't pressure me to do something I wasn't interested in--would have been a waste of everyone's time. I have no regrets either--I loved where I ended up and was heavily recruited for grad school everywhere I applied, so I don't think not going Ivy held me back in the least.

OP-let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Yes, but if you follow the thread carefully, it does appear that the Yale mother does tacitly acknowledge that her younger son then attended Harvard instead. She has been a very helpful poster, do no grief for her even if this is the case, but I also believe you can read that acknowledgement into her Rolex analogy. In any case, she is not denying it, as she most likely would have by now if it were a mistaken assumption. And she should proudly own it, and then share her child rearing advice with the rest of us!

This is exactly what's wrong with this thread, and to some extent this area. Your kid going to H/Y/P is not in and of itself the mark of good parenting.

I disagree. There are many factors involved, but sound parenting is one of them.

Child attending HYP is INDICATIVE of sound parenting, but not CONCLUSIVE.

Seriously? So if a parent pressures a child to do what it takes to get into HYP and wants to live vicariously through her child's college acceptance, thats indicative of sound parenting?

I have a DC with all the credentials to apply to these schools but she knew she would be terribly unhappy there and that she needed something different, choosing a SLAC with an emphasis on an area she is interested in. I'd say the fact that we let her make that decision, that she is NOT attending HYP, in INDICATIVE of sound parenting.

[Anonymous]

I think your DD sounds incredibly self aware. Don't tamper with success! If my kids were any gauge, you can tell within about 10 minutes whether a school "feels" right. If you're that accomplished at that age, the college you attend is only going to matter on the margins.